Give me the dice. Come on, let's go.
Good evening, Dwight. What is this?
Good evening, Angela. This is craps. I need to roll an eight. If I do, everyone wins.
Then roll an eight.
Thank you, Angela.
Good luck, Dwight.
Dwight, let's keep it going.
Give me the knife!
So I broke up with Katy and I haven't been dating anybody else, so this year I don't have to worry about Valentine's Day.
It's gonna be good. I invited a couple friends over, we're gonna play some cards and I'll end up winning a lot of money because they're idiots.
It's gonna be great.
What's this? What is this?
I don't know, it's on *your* desk.
But who put it there? And for what purpose?
It was there when I sat down.
Happy Valentine's Day.
It's me, I'm the bobblehead!
I've been doing some very interesting reading
Good stuff. Mm-hmm.
I was thinking tonight we could read it together.
I...I...will never say a word. And now, we're even.
Hello, Angela. Did you here that somebody totally rocked the house and got me the best present I've ever gotten?
Really? I wouldn't know anything about that, but I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Oh, I did. I did.
I didn't get anything for Valentine's Day.
Oh, I bet you will before the day is over.
Really? Well, I hope I do.
Pam, hi. How are you doing? Good. Listen, may I ask you a quick question, privately?
You can't fire me, Dwight, just 'cause Michael's not here.
No, Pam, just--I'm--just--
You need to get something for your...girlfriend?
Yeah. And the reason I didn't get anything is because this particular person-- who shall remain nameless--is, she's not really the kind of person you'd think would be into Valentine's Day.
She's kind of...
Okay, well, sometimes the gift is really about the gesture, you know, like, what it means instead of what it is.
You mean...Like a ham?
No. Not like a ham.
It's about doing something. So that the person knows that you really care about them.
Right. Okay. Shut up. I know exactly what to do.
Is it fine? Be honest.
No. It's awful. I couldn't hear anything.
I've had the worst day here.
Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it. Keep it happy. Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves to be loved.
And my animal deserves a lot of loving.
Are you enjoying your vegetarian noodles?
How's your meat?
I heard a joke today.
Oh! That's funny!
Yes. It was.
Are you enjoying your mineral water?
I can't do this. I can't be with you. Everytime I look into your eyes I see Sprinkle's stiff, lifeless body.
Then don't look in my eyes. Look right here. It's an old sale's trick.
I'm sorry. I gave this everything I could.
No. Please don't do this, Monkey.
I'm leaving your toothbrush on top of your tire tomorrow morning.
Excuse me, Angela. Michael asked me to turn in these receipts for these gift basket items.
Is that all?
Dwight. You have to listen to me. We are not seeing each other anymore. Can you except that?
Then I just want to be friends.
Also a little extra.
Also, I love you.
Are you warmed up?
Why is that always my responsibility?
What did you do to yourself?
Well, it better work.
Oh, it'll work.
Stop kissing me.
It's not in the contract.
I feel so stupid. I sit next to him every day.
You're not stupid.
Jazz is stupid.
Jazz is stupid!
I mean, just play the right notes!
It'll be okay, Monkey.
Pull to the side of the road!
I said pull over!
What are you...Dwight!
Dwight! What the f**k is your problem?
Shut up, woman!
Who drives like that?
I love you!
And I don't care that Philip's not my son.
I will raise one hundred children with one hundred of your lovers if it means that I can be with you.
Can you put that down?
This expresses how loudly love you!
It's too loud.
This is a ring taken from the buttocks of my grandmother, put there by the gangster patriarch of the Coors dynasty, melting in a foudrey run by menonites.
Okay! Yes! Yes, I will!
I love you!
I love you!
And I lied to you.
Philip's your son.
What? Why would you say that?
I just needed you to want to marry me because you wanted to marry me.
I'm a dad!
You're a dad!
I now pronounce you man and wife.
Release the doves!
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for coming! Now, please take your hay bales to the reception, they'll be used for seating. Complimentary hay hooks are placed along the aisles.
Just stab 'em on in there.