*Evil Gus Laugh*
Burnie: Hello everyone and welcome to a very special episode of million dollars, but
This is the animated holiday version of MDB brought to you by million dollars, but, the card game
Burnie: Joining us are Mr. Gus Sorola.
Gus: That's me!
Burnie: And Mr. Geoff Ramsay coming up for the second time.
Geoff: It's my sequel.
Burnie: This is it.
Geoff: And i'm animated
Burnie: We need one more theme Gus, what can we do?
Gus: and we're underwater Aquaman style with terribly computer-generated fish all around us.
Geoff: And I'm wearing Christmas shorts and somebody finally animated my tattooed legs
Burnie: And it's holiday themed too.
Burnie: All right Gus since you've been on the episodes why don't you lead us off?
Gus: Okay million dollars, but
every Christmas you have to set out to try to foil
Christmas for whatever town you're living in.
Geoff: Like what does foil mean?
Gus: You just have to ruin Christmas for as many people as possible when they wake up Christmas morning
So you're going in you're taking people's presents from under the tree taking the tree taking all their lights down
Burnie: Here's what I'm thinking. Million bucks, day one, just buy a flame thrower. Those Christmas trees are just such a fire hazard
By the time you get to Christmas Eve and they're all dried out, go to the town square with the big Christmas tree there.
Just torch that. Everything's burning
*Geoff's Evil Laughter*
Burnie: Well, you know you could do Christmas is a holiday that celebrates the birth of Jesus. Just take like half a million bucks and run
A smear campaign on local television talking about why Jesus is bad, you know not good
Christmas sucks straight up smear campaign
Where was he between three years old and 33? You know with the big red stamp
Geoff: Don't go with Santa Claus, go with Burnie Claus
Burnie: Exactly right, you know
Geoff: I'm not saying Santa Claus is a pedophile but, I'm not saying he's not
Gus: So million dollars, but every Christmas you have to try to ruin Christmas for the town you are in
Geoff, Would you take the money?
Geoff: Sure, it'd be a Christmas everyone remembered
Burnie: I would absolutely take the money just because ruining them sounds like a lot of fun
Gus: It sounds like a big hassle to me. There's no way I would do that
Geoff: Okay, so mine might sound a little convoluted, but you have to bear with me. Okay?
All right, so I'm gonna pay I'm gonna paint a picture
The investigative journalist. Yeah, everybody loves Ronan Farrow for all the work he's done taking down monsters like Harvey Weinstein, etc
But now he's on this high and he doesn't know what to do
So the only thing he can think of is to prove that Santa Claus is real. So it takes him seven years of
Investigative journalism, and he's like trouncing around the North Pole. Everybody calls him a kook
All of his credibility is shot
He's running out of money because he's had to self-fund this thing because the newspaper pulled out a long time ago
Burnie: Sure, right and by the way, this is the first MDB scenario that needs an intermission, but go ahead.
Gus: The painting is vivid
Geoff: is this supposed to be a fast show?
His family is starting to abandon him and just when he's on his last excursion he stumbles on an Elf
And he's like, "oh my god, I was proven correct"
And the elf is like, "oh, thank god. We've been hiding from you for years but there's something wrong with Santa
and we have to expose- we have to- we have to let the world know that Santa exists because
We've kept the secret for millennia, but now Santa's not right. He can't get out of bed and
We need your help Ronan Farrow"
and so Ronan Farrow goes in to meet Santa Claus and they determined that Santa's kidneys are failing
They've sustained for hundreds of years but he needs now a kidney transplant
Okay, and so they search the world for a donor for Santa Claus
So Ronan's reporting on all this and then
the Doctors are like "We've tested seven and a half billion people and there's no matching donor
The last person on earth to test is, wait a minute,
It's you Ronan Farrow, we never tested you because you've been so busy reporting on it." Ronan Farrow goes, "Absolutely test me
I have two wonderful kidneys"
They test and he's the only match. Ronan Farrow is presented with the decision
"You get a million dollars but, you have to give you have to give Santa Claus your kidney to save Christmas. But if you do you lose the million dollars
You're Ronan Farrow,
Gus: Okay, okay, what a twist?!
Geoff: Oh and I forgot to tell you, you're Ronan Farrow.
but everyone would know you're you let Christmas die
Gus: that's a hell of a setup
I think I would do it and I would keep the million dollars.
Geoff: I'm not gonna do it.
Burnie: You're not gonna do it
Burnie: The only thing I understand the scenario is that I get a million dollars
So I'm just gonna do whatever it takes to get that
Plus, Santa never gave anybody the MDB card game so fuck him that's how I feel
Gus: All he has to do is go to MDBgame.com. It's so easy
Burnie: Let's bring this back to center a little bit. It's a million dollars.
Burnie: but Everything you use for the rest of your life is gift-wrapped.
Gus: Oh, that sounds fun
Geoff: Like gift wrapped like a toothbrush is wrapped like you want to brush your teeth. That's gift wrapped
Burnie: You got to unwrap it and you come to work. You got to unwrap your mouse. Got to unwrap the keyboard
Gus: It's like a prank people play on each other right like gift wrapping stuff in an office except
This is the hell that is your life. even everything like getting into your car
Geoff: It wouldn't be wrapped for very long if you put it in first gear and started rolling right?
Burnie: Right, everything would just tear off.
Geoff: It would take care of itself
I think the worst would be like wouldn't it stuck in traffic and you really have to go to the bathroom?
And that you know when you're like you're scared
You're not gonna make it and hop in the elevator that stops on every floor and finally you get to your floor
You're racing down the hall your pants are already around your knees by the time you get to toilet and then you realize you have
To unwrap the toilet
Gus: Not only unwrap the toilet then unbox it as well. What about even stuff like going to the airport?
Burnie: You go to put your bag down and get all your electronics out and they're all wrapped
It's like so you have to unwrap everything at the security checkpoint. Otherwise - TSA will just make you do it again
Gus: Well then then you get to the plane and that's wrapped
And then you unwrap it then you get in and then your seat is wrapped
Geoff: If you go into a giant building you can't wrap a building
Do you just have to do a ribbon-cutting ceremony every time you walk in?
Burnie: It's wrapped. It's wrapped. Buildings are wrapped.
Geoff: Oh goodness.
Burnie: All right, so guys million dollars, but the moment you take the money
Everything you use from that point on is gift-wrapped like a holiday gift. I would do it.
Gus: No this seems
Incredibly complicated the more we think about it
Geoff: It would annoy the rest of the world
So much more than it would annoy me which would sustain me. I would I would do it just for that.
Burnie: All right, Thank you for joining us on this very special animated holiday underwater themed episode of million dollars, but
We want to thank my guest Jeff and Gus
If you want to find out what scenarios your friends and family can come up with on the holidays
Why not get million dollars, but the card game just go to MDB game.com to find out where you can get it
Happy holidays, everyone
Geoff: season's greetings
*Cheery Christmas Music*
Gus: You know you want to click that dirty link do it now