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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Natasha Kizmet: The Movie

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[jazzy snare drum music]

♪ ♪

[Latin jazzy music]

♪ ♪

[religious chanting music]

♪ ♪

- PASTOR ZEUS?

PASTOR ZEUS?

GOOD MORNING.

- WELL, HELLO THERE, NATASHA.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

- I'M DOING GREAT, THANK YOU.

- MY, MY, MY, AM I SURPRISED TO SEE YOU.

AND BLESSED.

- YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SURPRISED I AM

THAT I CAME HERE FINALLY.

AND I'M SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

[sighing]

I THINK IT'S A GOOD THING FOR ME.

- SO YOU THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT I HAD TO SAY?

- YEAH.

AND I REALLY WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THAT.

I FEEL THE ENERGY JUST GOES THROUGH ME.

IT'S SUCH A GOOD FEELING.

- SO TELL YOU WHAT, WHY DON'T WE SIT DOWN

AND HAVE A LITTLE TALK?

- YEAH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

- SOUNDS GOOD TO YOU?

- YES. - ALL RIGHT.

- DO YOU HAVE ANY WATER, BY CHANCE?

I'M KIND OF THIRSTY.

[clears throat]

- WELL, I DON'T HAVE ANY WATER AROUND, NATASHA,

BUT HAVE YOU EVER HAPPENED TO TRY THE BLOOD OF CHRIST?

- NO...

- WELL, HERE YOU GO.

NOW, IT'S JUST A 2007 MERLOT,

BUT IT'LL GET YOU WHERE I NEED YOU TO BE.

SO TELL ME, NATASHA, HOW OFTEN ARE YOU STRIPPING

DOWN THERE AT THAT SHOTGUN WILLIE'S?

- PRETTY OFTEN.

- PRETTY OFTEN? - MM-HMM.

- SO TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL INSIDE.

WHAT'S RUNNING THROUGH YOUR MIND?

WHY'D YOU COME HERE TODAY TO TALK TO ME?

- WELL, I FEEL THAT IT'S TOTALLY WRONG, WHAT I'M DOING.

AND ALL THESE MEN AROUND, THEY JUST, YOU KNOW...

JUST GOING AFTER ME, AND I JUST--

I AM JUST TIRED TO DEAL WITH THAT, AND--

I JUST NEED MONEY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE WHERE I CAN WORK,

BECAUSE OF MY, YOU KNOW,

I HAVE PROBLEMS WITH ENGLISH SOMETIMES, AND...

IT'S--IT'S NOT MY COUNTRY, AND, YEAH, I'M STILL LEARNING

HOW TO LIVE IN THE UNITED STATES.

AND HONESTLY, IT'S NOT THAT EASY.

- I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, NATASHA.

I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO FEEL LIKE YOU'RE

AN OUTSIDER IN THE WORLD.

- YEAH.

- BUT I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING.

GOD'S TALKING THROUGH ME RIGHT NOW.

AND HE SAYS TO ME

THAT YOU'RE A SPECIAL WOMAN.

NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE THE FACE OF AN ANGEL,

THE BODY OF AN ANGEL,

BUT YOU'RE ALSO A ONE-WOMAN MAN, BABY.

- [suppressed laugh]

- AND I THINK YOU CAME HERE TODAY

FOR SOME SPECIAL REASON.

- I REALLY NEED HELP FROM GOD.

I NEED TO FIND MYSELF.

YOU KNOW, I'M-- IT'S REALLY DIFFICULT

TO BE IN THE UNITED STATES AND...

JUST--I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, AND...

[sighing] THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

AND I FEEL-- FEEL VERY BLESSED

THAT FINALLY I DID IT, AND...

[sighing] I NEED SOME HELP FROM GOD.

AND OF COURSE, YOU REPRESENT GOD.

YOU HAVE TO HELP ME.

YOU HAVE TO HELP ME

TO FIND MYSELF IN UNITED STATES,

TO BECOME SOMEBODY.

- RIGHT.

EXACTLY.

GOD, NATASHA-- GOD TALKS THROUGH ME.

HE'S SHOWING ME ALL OF YOUR INSECURITIES...

THE WAY YOU HURT INSIDE AT NIGHT...

THE WAY YOU CRY--

I KNOW YOU CRY.

I CRY TOO.

'CAUSE SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I DON'T MEET GOD'S STANDARDS,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

AND I GOT TO PREACH TO ALL THESE PEOPLE

ABOUT HOW THEY MIGHT BE GOING TO HELL,

BUT I HURT TOO, NATASHA.

I'M GONNA BRING YOU TO THE LIGHT, NATASHA.

- [voice breaking] YOU'RE GOING TO HELP ME?

- I'M GONNA HELP YOU.

- [sobbing]

- YEAH.

- WAIT A SECOND.

WHAT ARE YOU--

- NO, NO, NO. THAT'S JUST A RITUAL THAT WE PERFORM

HERE IN THE EVANGELICAL CHURCH.

- I CAN'T--

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.

YOU JUST--YOU JUST LICKED ME?

- NO. NO, NATASHA.

I SAW A COUPLE HAIRS OUT OF PLACE

AND YOU'RE SUCH A BEAUT-- NO, DRINK UP, DRINK UP.

- HOLD ON. HOLD ON. - IT'S GONNA BE OKAY--

- HOLD ON.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.

- NATASHA, HONEY, WHAT'S WRONG?

- [sighing] DON'T TOUCH ME.

- NO, I THINK YOU'RE CONFUSED.

I THINK YOU GOT A FEW THINGS HERE CONFUSED.

DAMN, YOU'RE SEXY, BABY.

NO, I NEED TO TELL YOU, NATASHA.

YOU'RE--LOOK HERE, IT'S THE DEVIL.

IT'S THE DEVIL THAT'S TRYING TO GET YOU

TO LEAVE HERE TODAY, NATASHA.

I CAN SEE HIM IN YOUR EYES.

I CAN SEE HIM TRYING TO GRAB A HOLD OF YOUR SOUL

AND DRAG YOU DOWN TO HELL.

- PASTOR--PASTOR.

I'M SORRY, I THINK I HAVE TO LEAVE.

I FIGURED OUT, YOU KNOW?

- WHAT DID YOU FIGURE OUT?

- I FIGURED OUT EVERYTHING.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- YOU GONNA BE OKAY, BABY?

- I AM TOTALLY FINE NOW.

GREAT.

- HERE, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR WINE WITH YOU?

- THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. I'M FINE.

- I'M NOT THIRSTY. - ALL RIGHT, BABY.

- [laughing] OOH!

- NATASHA, YOU COME BACK, BABY, ANYTIME YOU NEED.

- BYE, BABY. - I'LL JUST DRINK THIS WINE...

- ARE YOU KIDDING?

PERVERTS LIKE THIS

SHOULD GET FREE CONDOMS IN THE STORE.

OR EVEN BETTER, A FREE VASECTOMY.

BUT I'M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF.

LET'S START FROM THE VERY BEGINNING.

[Eastern string music]

♪ ♪

HERE IS THE AIRPLANE

THAT BROUGHT NAIVE NATASHA KIZMET--

THAT'S ME--

TO UNITED STATES 18 MONTHS AGO

FROM TASHKENT, UZBEKISTAN.

AND HERE IS AUTHENTIC UZBEK MUSIC.

♪ ♪

GOD, IT DRIVES ME CRAZY...

AND DROVE ME OUT OF MY COUNTRY, ACTUALLY.

- [singing in native language]

- [squeals]

NIKOLAI!

- WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

OH, MY--

OH, OH.

THAT'S...

WAIT, WHAT IS THIS?

- MY MELONS.

- [sighs]

- [laughing]

- OH, THESE ARE NOT MY TYPE.

- MY FATHER SAID YOU REALLY LIKE THEM.

HE SEND IT TO YOU.

- SMART MAN, BUT--

THEY LOOK BETTER ON YOU, I THINK, NATASHA, YOU KNOW?

WE GOT TO GET GOING.

♪ ♪

COME ON, LET'S GO. HURRY.

- [grunts]

- NATASHA.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO IN AMERICA?

IT'S NOT EASY.

- I THINK I'M GOING TO BE FINE.

I BROUGHT MY FAMILY ENTIRE INHERITANCE.

IT'S $30,000. - OH, MY GOD.

- LOOK AT THAT. LOOK AT THAT!

- PUT THAT AWAY.

- NO, I'M GOING TO SPEND IT

ON MY BELLY DANCING SHOW

WHICH I'M GOING TO PRODUCE HERE.

AND IT'S GOING TO BE HUGE.

IT'S GOING TO BE VERY BIG.

I'M GOING TO BE FAMOUS.

I'M GOING TO BE A STAR.

- YOU'RE FUNNY.

YOU ARE REALLY FUNNY.

OH, LET'S GO.

- WHOO-HOO!

[laughing] AMERICA, WATCH OUT.

I'M COMING! YAY!

ANSWER THIS.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE IN THE PANTS OF THIS GIRL

FROM UZBEKISTAN WHO IS ALL ALONE IN THE USA?

WELL, I FOUND OUT A LOT OF GUYS WOULD LOVE TO GET IN MY PANTS--

NOT WHAT I WAS COMING FOR.

- NOW GET YOUR BAGS.

- [singing in native language]

♪ ♪

- HERE WE GO.

♪ ♪

COME ON, HURRY.

WHAT'S WITH YOU?

- THANK YOU.

SO WHAT MEANS "NOTEL MOTEL"?

- IT'S LIKE I DON'T TELL.

DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL.

- DON'T TELL WHAT?

- NO TIME TO EXPLAIN.

IT'S TOO COMPLICATED.

HURRY, COME ON.

- OKAY, OKAY. - LET'S GO.

- OH, HURRY.

- [sighs]

OOH...

NOW I UNDERSTAND.

THEY DON'T TELL HOW NICE IS THAT INSIDE.

BECAUSE IT'S PRETTY DUMPY OUTSIDE, ACTUALLY.

[gasps]

- YOU'RE IN AMERICA NOW.

SPEAK ENGLISH.

- OH...

THEY-- THEY GOT WATER FOUNTAIN

RIGHT IN THE BATHROOM.

IT'S A LUXURY, NIKOLAI. [laughs]

- I TOLD YOU.

ONLY FIRST CLASS FOR NATASHA.

- NIKOLAI SEEMS TO BE

A SELFISH RUSSIAN GUY WITH TOUPEE.

NO SURPRISE FOR ME,

AS I GOT USED TO THAT KIND OF ASSHOLES BACK HOME.

ANYWAY, TIME TO GET MY BELLY DANCE SHOW

OFF THE GROUND.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

IN A COUPLE DAYS,

THE ORIENTAL THEATER IS GOING TO BE MINE.

FINALLY, IT CAME TRUE.

WE WERE REHEARSING.

IT WAS SO EXCITING.

I GOT DANCERS-- FIVE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS,

INCLUDING ME, OF COURSE.

[laughs]

SO CAMERAS, LIGHTING, MUSIC, MUSICIANS, DANCERS, EVERYTHING.

EVERYTHING IS READY.

IT'S GOING TO BE SO BEAUTIFUL.

I'M SO EXCITED.

I COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT IT WOULD BE EVEN BETTER

THAN I WOULD DO IN TASHKENT.

IT'S JUST GREAT.

AND THERE WAS AN ARTICLE ABOUT ME AND SADIE.

I'M SO EXCITED!

IT'S HAPPENING.

[cheers and applause]

[rhythmic music]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

I'M SO EXHAUSTED.

BUT HAPPY.

MY LITTLE BABY, TEMPTATION OF BELLY DANCE,

IS ALIVE RIGHT NOW.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE DVD.

AND I HAVE GOOD NEWS.

THE MANAGER OF THIS HOTEL,

HE KNOWS, ACTUALLY, BIG EXEC FROM CABLE NETWORK.

SO HE'S GOING TO HOOK ME UP WITH HIM.

SO EVERYTHING'S GOING PRETTY GOOD.

I'M SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

IT'S GETTING PRETTY GOOD BEING IN UNITED STATES.

COOL.

[sighs]

NOW I'M READY TO SLEEP.

SO FINALLY I GOT MY MEETING WITH BIG CABLE TV EXECUTIVE.

AS I WENT UP TO HIS SUITE, I HAD A FEELING

LIKE I WAS GOING FOR A GYNECOLOGICAL EXAMINATION.

- HI, HAVE A SEAT.

I'M JOSH MALONE.

- NATASHA KIZMET.

- NICE TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.

- WHAT DOES IT MEAN, "ACQUAINTANCE"?

NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.

- SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR ME THERE?

- OH, IT'S IN MY HANDS.

IT'S BEST LIVE BELLY DANCE VIDEO EVER.

IT'S MY BABY. IT'S MY DREAM.

AND IT CAME THROUGH VERY WELL.

IT'S VERY BEAUTIFUL.

I WANT PEOPLE TO SEE THAT ON TV.

- WELL, SO FAR, WHAT I CAN SEE IS THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

I RECOMMEND WE HAVE DINNER,

AND YOU CAN TELL ME ABOUT YOUR SHOW,

YOUR DREAMS...

AND YOUR LIFE...

AND SO ON.

- OKAY.

- OKAY, GREAT.

- WOW.

THAT WAS EASY.

- SO WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DRINK?

VODKA?

- OH, YOU'D BE SURPRISED, BUT I CAN'T DRINK VODKA.

IT MAKES ME PUKE.

- OKAY.

WELL, HOW ABOUT ABSINTHE?

- YOU WANT ME TO BE ABSENT?

- NO-- - WANT ME TO LEAVE?

- NO!

THAT'S THE LAST THING I WANT YOU TO DO.

OKAY, HOW ABOUT SOME WINE?

- I LIKE RED WINE.

MERLOT?

- OKAY.

I'LL LET THE WAITER KNOW.

SO TELL ME, DO YOU DREAM AT NIGHT?

- YEAH, I SLEEP PRETTY WELL.

- OKAY.

WELL, WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR DREAMS?

HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANY SEXUAL DREAMS,

ANYTHING LIKE THAT?

- WELL, YOU KNOW, I SAW THAT MOVIE ONE DAY,

LAST TANGO IN PARIS,

WITH MARLON BRANDO.

AND...

HE WAS PUTTING BUTTER ON HER BUTT.

AND I'M LIKE, "WHAT A WASTE OF FOOD."

IN MY COUNTRY, YOU DON'T PUT FOOD

ON ANY KIND OF PART OF BODY, YOU KNOW?

SO--AND I'M LIKE,

I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE THIS BIG CHUNK OF BUTTER

ON MY PIECE OF BREAD AND JUST EAT IT.

THIS--IT WAS MY ACTUAL DREAM, ACTUALLY, YEAH.

WE DON'T WASTE FOOD ON ASS.

- YEAH.

- WHAT ABOUT YOU?

- WELL, I'VE HAD THIS DREAM

MANY, MANY TIMES, ACTUALLY,

WHERE I'M MAKING LOVE TO THIS BEAUTIFUL BRUNETTE

WITH BIG BOOBS

AND--AND AN ACCENT, ACTUALLY.

AND IT'S JUST WILD.

AND WHEN I FINALLY COME, IT IS LIKE AN EXPLOSION.

AND THEN I DRINK MY OWN COME.

AND IT'S JUST LIKE NECTAR FLOWING FROM HER PUSSY.

AND THEN I COME AGAIN.

AND AGAIN.

AND AGAIN.

- YOU WOULD BE PRETTY FAMOUS IN MY COUNTRY, AMONG WOMEN.

SOMETIMES WE DON'T HAVE HOT WATER

FOR DAYS AND DAYS.

WHAT ABOUT MY DVD AND YOUR TV AUDIENCE?

- YEAH...

YEAH, WELL, SEE, I WATCHED IT--

AND YOU DID A GREAT JOB, BY THE WAY.

I MEAN, THAT WAS AMAZING WORK.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE AN INCREDIBLE DANCER.

AND YOUR STOMACH ISOLATION IS AMAZING.

THE WAY YOU MOVE THOSE HIPS...

BUT YOU SEE, I'M THE GATEKEEPER OF OUR NETWORK.

AND UNFORTUNATELY, I JUST-- I'M JUST NOT SO SURE

THAT THERE'S ROOM ON OUR SCHEDULE

FOR A BELLY DANCING SHOW.

BUT...

ARE YOU SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED?

- NO.

WHY?

- WELL, IT'S A SCIENTIFIC FACT

THAT PEOPLE WHO CHEW ICE ARE SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED.

SO THAT'S-- THAT'S WHY I ASKED.

- NO, I'M--I'M NOT.

NO.

- I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU MY PENTHOUSE.

- YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, IN MY COUNTRY,

PENTHOUSE IS UNDERGROUND.

YOU CAN GET IN TROUBLE BY HAVING IT IN YOUR HOUSE,

AND YOU WOULD GO TO JAIL FOR FIVE YEARS

IF SOMEBODY WOULD FIND IT.

WHAT ISSUE-- MAYBE I'VE SEEN IT.

- UH...

THANK YOU.

RIGHT...LET'S SEE...

DO YOU MIND IF I START WITHOUT YOU?

- UH...

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO EAT YOUR FOOD RIGHT NOW, RIGHT?

MY FOOD IS COMING PRETTY SOON TOO,

SO WE COULD START TOGETHER.

- WELL, YOU DON'T WANT IT TO GET COLD, DO YOU?

I JUST--I WANTED TO GO AHEAD AND, YOU KNOW, THAT--

- NO, I WOULD MIND. IT'S JUST A SALAD.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

SALAD CANNOT GET COLDER.

IT'S ALREADY COLD.

- WELL, I'M JUST GONNA GO AHEAD AND START.

YOUR FOOD IS GONNA BE HERE IN JUST--JUST A SECOND.

IT'S OKAY, YOU KNOW... - NO.

- I'LL JUST START, AND...

- I WOULD MIND.

I WOULD MIND YOU--

YOU CANNOT--YOU CAN'T EAT.

- WHAT--I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM.

I JUST WAS GONNA GO AHEAD AND EAT.

- WELL, IT WAS NICE WINE AND IT WAS GREAT RESTAURANT.

IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU.

BUT I'M GOING TO LEAVE BECAUSE-- - WHY?

- IT'S SUCH A DISRESPECT.

YOU'RE GOING TO EAT YOUR FOOD WITHOUT WOMAN?

OUR MEN, IN MY COUNTRY, WOULD NEVER DO THAT.

I'M SORRY.

I HAVE TO LEAVE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. - BUT WHAT ABOUT MY PENTHOUSE?

- BYE.

- MMM.

- MAYBE IF I HAD LET HIM COME

OVER AND OVER AGAIN IN MY VAGINA,

THE BELLY DANCE SHOW WOULD BE NOW OSCAR WINNER.

AND I WOULD ALSO BE CLEAN AS A WHISTLE.

YEAH, YOU LOOK MUCH BETTER TODAY.

- I TAKE BIG DRUGS.

- NO. - A LITTLE.

- SO, NIKOLAI, WHO IS YOUR FRIEND?

YOU'RE ALWAYS BRINGING THESE BABES IN.

- OH-HO, THIS IS THE DAUGHTER OF A FRIEND OF MINE FROM RUSSIA.

NATASHA. - NICE TO MEET YOU.

- I KNOW EVERYBODY HERE IN DENVER.

I'M A BIG-- - OH, YEAH, YEAH.

- WELL--OH, WOW.

- GOOD COFFEE.

- YEAH, IT IS GOOD COFFEE.

LOOKS GOOD.

- BEAUTIFUL DAY.

- SO NIKOLAI, I'M IN BIG TROUBLE RIGHT NOW.

I SPENT ALL MY MONEY...

- WAIT.

I MEAN, YOU LOST EVERYTHING?

YOU HAVE NO MONEY?

- YEAH, AND THE STUPID SHOW

DOESN'T WORK AT ALL.

I AM IN BIG, BIG, BIG TROUBLE.

I NEED SOME JOB.

- WELL, MAYBE THEY HAVE SOMETHING HERE.

YOU KNOW, THESE COOL GUYS FROM RUSSIA OWN THIS PLACE.

- YEAH, I FIGURED IT OUT.

[reading Russian] IT'S ALL IN RUSSIAN.

- GRISCHA, GRISCHA!

ARE YOU TAKING APPLICATIONS?

- AH? - APPLICATION?

- APPLICATION-- OH, ARE WE HIRING?

ABSOLUTELY.

- COOL.

- WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE, HON?

- HI, CAN I GET A TRIPLE SHOT-IN-THE-DARK

BRAVE MACCHIATO FRAPPACINO

WITH CARAMEL, VANILLA, AND SPRINKLES?

- OH, YOU GOT IT.

- OKAY, THIS IS A GOOD TEST FOR YOU,

BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN

REALLY STRUGGLING WITH THE ORDERS LATELY.

SO WE NEED YOU TO ACE THIS ONE.

- OKAY. AS YOU SAID.

- GOOD.

WAIT--WAIT--WHOA-WHOA-WHOA.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THAT'S--THAT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE.

WHAT IS THAT?

- YOU JUST SAID TO "ICE IT."

- [sighing] I SAID,

"YOU. NEED. TO. ACE. THIS. ONE."

THAT'S "ACE," A-C-E.

NOT "ICE," I-C-E.

"ACE."

- SO?

- SO...YOU'RE FIRED.

UGH.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR FAMOUS DAZBOG,

THEY JUST FIRED ME, AND HE WAS LIKE,

"YOU ARE FIRED."

I WAS LIKE, "WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?"

I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING BAD.

IT'S LIKE, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.

IT'S LIKE, WHAT ABOUT THE RUSSIAN COMMUNITY?

NOBODY SUPPORTS YOU AT ALL.

AND YOU STILL DIDN'T GET IT

THAT I'M A DANCER, I'M AN ARTIST.

I CANNOT DO COFFEE.

- [sighing] OKAY...

- CAN YOU HOOK ME UP WITH SOME BELLY DANCE

OR BALLET OR WHATEVER...

- BALLET? - YEAH.

- I KNOW PEOPLE WHO RUN BALLET.

- AND YOU NEVER EVEN TOLD ME THAT?

- WELL, COME ON, COME ON.

LET'S GO.

- WE ARE GOING RIGHT NOW? - YES.

- OKAY, JUST LET ME GET MY JACKET.

- OKAY. - I'LL BE BACK.

- HURRY, HURRY.

[speaks Russian]

HURRY. COME ON.

[speaking Russian] HURRY!

COME ON. COME ON!

THERE IT IS. THERE IT IS.

COME ON.

I HAVE BROUGHT YOU A NEW DANCER.

SHE IS RUSSIAN.

- THANKS, NIKOLAI.

- HI.

- OOH, TRES BIEN.

WHAT OTHER SKILLS YOU GOT?

- I'M PROFESSIONAL BELLY DANCER,

GYPSY, FLAMENCO, ETHNIC UZBEK, AND ALSO I TOOK BALLET CLASSES.

I LOVE BALLET.

- WELL, YOU CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.

- OOH.

THAT'S COOL.

- WHAT COUNTRY ARE YOU FROM?

- TASHKENT, UZBEKISTAN.

- TRESKEN--K--WHAT?

- NO, NO, NO. TASHKENT, UZBEKISTAN.

- WHATEVER.

IT'S ONE OF THOSE KGB COUNTRIES.

CAN YOU START TONIGHT?

- AM I HIRED?

I JUST BROUGHT MY BELLY DANCING OUTFIT.

I DON'T HAVE ANY SHOES WITH ME.

AND BY THE WAY, WHAT ABOUT SALARY?

WHAT ABOUT MONEY?

- SALARY--THAT'S UP TO YOU.

WHAT SIZE ARE YOUR SHOES?

- SEVEN.

DO YOU HAVE BALLET SHOES?

- WE GOT EVERYTHING.

GET ME SOME SIZE SEVEN BALLET SHOES.

- ARE THOSE TRAINING SHOES?

I DON'T NEED TRAINING SHOES.

I'M PROFESSIONAL.

CAN WE JUST CUT IT?

NO, I'M SERIOUS.

DO YOU HAVE DIFFERENT PAIR OF SHOES?

- HEY, MATT, WE GOT A DRUNK DUDE BY STAGE TWO.

- IT'S SHOWTIME, NATALYA.

GOT TO GET CHANGED AND GET OUT THERE.

[strident electric guitar notes]

♪ ♪

[grinding blues guitar music]

♪ ♪

- HEY, BABE, COME HERE.

IT'S THE SECOND SONG.

IT'S TIME TO TAKE YOUR TOP OFF.

COME ON, I WANT TO SEE THOSE MELONS.

- WAIT A MINUTE.

I HAVE TO TAKE MY TOP OFF?

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.

I AM A BELLY DANCER.

IT'S ALL ABOUT MY STOMACH AND ISOLATION.

- BELLY DANCING?

THIS IS A STRIP CLUB.

WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE WORD "STRIP"?

- STOP INSULTING ME AND WATCH THE SHOW, DUDE.

- I'M HERE FOR THE STRIPPERS.

AND THAT MEANS YOU, HONEY-PIE.

COME ON. LET ME SEE THE MELONS.

COME ON.

- I'M NOT A STRIPPER.

MY BOOBIES?

I'M NOT A STRIP--

OH, MY GOD.

I'M NOT A STRIPPER!

I'M NOT A STRIPPER!

FUCK YOU.

I'M NOT A STRIPPER.

I'M NOT A STRIPPER!

I'M NOT A STRIPPER! I'M NOT A STRIPPER!

I NEVER HEARD ABOUT TOPLESS BALLET.

PROBABLY EXIST ONLY IN AMERICA.

- NATASHA...

NATASHA.

I NEED TO GO OVER SOMETHING WITH YOU AGAIN.

- WHAT'S UP?

- REMEMBER LAST TIME?

THIS IS THE SAME THING.

YOU WROTE UP THIS ORDER FOR $5,000,

BUT ALL WE SHOW IS A $50 CREDIT CARD RUN.

- THAT IS THREE ZEROS.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? EVERYTHING IS FINE.

- COME ON, NATASHA, SEE THE DECIMAL POINT?

THAT'S $50 AND ZERO CENTS, NOT $5,000.

- ARE YOU SURE?

- I'M AS SURE AS SURE CAN BE.

WE HAVE A REAL PROBLEM HERE, NATASHA.

[sighing]

I CAN'T HAVE YOU WORKING HERE IN MY STORE.

THE DISTRICT MANAGER IS GONNA FIRE ME

WITH THESE KIND OF MISTAKES.

- WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

AM I FIRED AGAIN?

CAN I JUST CLEAN UP THE STORE

OR DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING?

- THIS CLEARLY ISN'T THE JOB FOR YOU.

[sighs]

I DO HAVE A NEED FOR A LIVE-IN NANNY AT HOME.

- COOL!

I LOVE KIDS.

HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU HAVE?

GIRLS? BOYS? HUH?

- I DON'T HAVE ANY KIDS.

- MEANWHILE, NO JOB, NO MONEY, HONEY.

IN DESPAIR, I GAVE NIKOLAI ANOTHER CHANCE.

HE BROUGHT ME TO A LADY HE CALLED "MADAM."

[knocking]

I GUESSED SHE WAS FRENCH.

- COME IN.

- HELLO.

I HAVE A NEW FRIEND.

SHE IS A DAUGHTER OF FRIEND FROM UZBEKISTAN.

NATASHA.

SHE REALLY NEED JOB.

I KNOW YOU'RE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW GIRLS.

- WELL, SHE LOOKS MUCH BETTER

THAN THOSE LAST FEW GIRLS YOU DRAGGED IN HERE.

I NEVER DID TELL YOU,

BUT THAT LAST ONE, FROM THE CZECH REPUBLIC,

THE ONE WITH THE BIG BOOBS?

SHE WAS COMPLETELY OUT OF HER MIND.

SHOW ME YOUR TECHNIQUE.

I WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH THIS.

- WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT IS THIS?

WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH THAT?

- YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS?

- NO.

- ARE YOU A VIRGIN OR WHAT?

- I'M NOT A VIRGIN.

I JUST-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S THAT?

- IT'S A DILDO.

A DICK, A COCK, A PENIS,

WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT.

AND IN THIS BUSINESS,

YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

- OH...

THIS IS HOW IT LOOKS.

[laughs] IN MY COUNTRY,

WE USUALLY MAKE LOVE DURING THE NIGHT,

AND WE WEAR SOME CLOTHES.

NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE.

- WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU BRING ME THIS TIME?

SHE'S BELOW AMATEUR.

I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DEAL WITH THIS.

GET HER THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

- TURNED OUT SHE WASN'T FRENCH.

SHE WAS A WHORE.

I GUESS I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TRY TOPLESS BALLET.

- OKAY, WITH YOUR KIND OF LOOK,

WE'RE GOING TO RE-HIRE YOU.

BUT YOU GOT TO MAKE A FEW CHANGES.

GET AN ALL-OVER BODY TAN.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY OF THESE BRA STRAP LINES.

- OKAY.

- GET BLONDE.

- OKAY.

- AND GET RID OF THAT BELLY DANCING OUTFIT.

AND YOU EASTERN EUROPEAN GIRLS, YOU'RE WAY TOO HAIRY.

GET A BRAZILIAN WAX JOB.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY OF THAT GEORGE W. BUSH,

ALL RIGHT?

- I CAN'T GO TO BRAZIL RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T HAVE MONEY.

I'M BROKE.

- WELL, WHEN YOU GET THESE THINGS DONE,

COME BACK AND SEE ME.

- OKAY.

THANK YOU.

- ALL RIGHT.

- NO WAY I WAS GOING TO BRAZIL.

I JUST SHAVED IT.

ALSO GOT MY HAIR WHITE AND STARTED WORKING ON MY TAN.

- EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.

EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.

I DON'T MEAN TO BE INTERRUPTING ANYTHING,

BUT THIS IS A CITY PARK.

- OH.

- WE HAVE ORDINANCES AGAINST PUBLIC NUDITY.

- I JUST GOT MY JOB BACK, AND...

MY BOSS TOLD ME THAT I HAVE TO BE TAN,

SO NO STRIPES.

AND I THOUGHT IT'S THE PERFECT PLACE

BECAUSE THERE IS NOT ANYBODY.

I GUESS IT'S NOT.

- I REMEMBER YOU.

BUT YOUR HAIR WAS A DIFFERENT COLOR.

AND THOSE...

- DUDE.

- FOR FUTURE REFERENCE,

IF YOU NEED A TAN, CHECK OUT A TANNING SALON.

- EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME, WAS HE HASSLING YOU?

WAS THAT COP BUGGING YOU?

- NO, HE DIDN'T HASSLE ME.

HE WAS PRETTY NICE, ACTUALLY.

- WAS HE? - OH, YOU HAVE NICE DOG.

- THANKS. - TAKE A SEAT.

- OH, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. YEAH...

SAY "HI," SPIKE. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- MY NAME IS NATASHA. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- OH, HI, NATASHA.

I'M DOCTOR DAN.

both: NICE TO MEET YOU.

- SAY "HI," SPIKE.

- HEY, SPIKY.

- SO NATASHA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- SO, YEAH, I GOT IN TROUBLE BECAUSE I--

I TRIED TO GET MY JOB BACK.

IT'S A CLUB, AND MY BOSS TOLD ME THAT I HAVE TO BE TAN.

SO I--I GUESS IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA TO DO IT HERE.

- WELL, IT IS KIND OF-- KIND OF OUT, OUT AND ABOUT.

SO YOUR BOSS-- WHERE DO YOU WORK?

- SHOTGUN WILLIE'S.

- OH, SHOTGUN'S. SURE.

YEAH, I KNOW SHOTGUN'S REAL WELL.

I SHOOT ALL THE GIRLS,

ALL THE GLAMOUR PHOTOGRAPHY AND THINGS LIKE THAT.

- OH, WOW. THAT'S COOL.

- BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU BEFORE.

ARE YOU NEW THERE?

- I'M NEW. I STILL TRY TO FIGURE IT OUT.

- SO WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO WORK AT SHOTGUN'S?

- BECAUSE I NEED MONEY.

AND MY FRIEND NIKOLAI,

HE TOLD ME THAT I CAN MAKE SOME VERY GOOD MONEY THERE.

IS IT TRUE?

- SOMEONE WITH YOUR LOOK?

YEAH, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO REAL WELL.

THEY LOVE THE BLONDE...

- WELL, I WOULD LIKE TO BECOME A STAR ONE DAY,

YEAH, TO ESTABLISH MYSELF.

- YOU KNOW, THE GIRLS THERE, I SHOOT THEIR PORTFOLIOS.

DO YOU HAVE A BOOK?

- NO, I DON'T HAVE PORTFOLIO.

- WELL, I CAN HELP YOU.

I'LL SHOOT YOUR PORTFOLIO. - OKAY...

- THE IMAGES WE CAN SHARE, OKAY?

YOU CAN USE THEM FOR YOUR PORTFOLIO,

AND I CAN PUT THEM, LIKE, ON MY WEBSITE, THINGS LIKE THAT.

HOW DOES THAT SOUND? - THAT WOULD BE NICE.

- YEAH, WOULD YOU LIKE THAT? - OH, YEAH.

- WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT.

LET ME GIVE YOU MY CARD.

AND...THERE YOU GO THERE.

GIVE ME A CALL, AND WHAT WE'LL DO IS,

WE'LL SET SOMETHING UP IN ONE OF MY STUDIOS.

- OKAY.

- AND WE'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME.

I HAVE A REALLY GOOD IDEA.

IN FACT, I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR A GIRL WITH YOUR LOOK.

- OKAY. - OKAY.

- COOL.

SO BACK AT CLUB,

MY NEW LOOK HAD CHANGED NOTHING.

WHAT'S THAT?

I NEVER SEEM TO-- IT'S FAKE MONEY.

LOOK, THAT BASTARD GAVE ME FAKE MONEY.

CAN YOU IMAGINE? WHAT IS THAT?

- THIS IS REAL.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT. - THIS IS REAL.

- IS IT? WHAT-- - IT'S REAL.

- I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE.

- WE HAVE $2 BILLS HERE.

- OH, I SEE.

WELL, ANYWAY, I MADE ONLY $2 SINCE MIDNIGHT.

I WAS DANCING AND DANCING LIKE CRAZY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

- NATASHA, IT'S NOT ABOUT THE STAGE.

IT'S ABOUT THE PRIVATE DANCES.

THAT'S WHERE YOU MAKE ALL THE MONEY.

- PRIVATE DANCES?

I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH CUSTOMERS.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- THERE'S NO SEX.

THEY'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH YOU.

- OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.

I LIKE THAT.

SO AND IT'S LIKE, YOU JUST DANCE IN FRONT OF THEM

AND JUST-- HOW MUCH YOU CHARGE FOR THAT?

- THEY'RE $20 A SONG.

- THAT'S GOOD--IT'S LIKE TEN TIMES MORE THAN I USUALLY DO.

- YEAH. - THAT'S GOOD.

- YOU CAN MAKE A LOT OF MONEY THAT WAY.

- ♪ MILE-HIGH CITY SPRAYED PLATINUM, BABY

I CAN MAKE YOU FIZZ, BABY

- UPSTAIRS, I WAS WATCHING GIRLS

AND FOUND OUT IT'S ALL ABOUT HUMPING,

NOT DANCING.

♪ ♪

- BALLET, SHMALLET.

- ♪ COME ON, PRETTY MAMA, LET'S DO THE TWIST

PUT A WIGGLE IN THE HIPS

♪ ♪

PUT THAT BOOTY IN THE FLOOR, BABY GET IT MOVING

WORK IT

FLIRT AND DO SOME DIRT WITH IT

SKIRTS TO THE DIRT

AND RAISE UP THE SHIRTS WITH IT

DO YOU THINK I'M GONNA DO IT TILL YOU HURT WITH IT

DO THE DAMN TWIST WITH A LITTLE BIT OF JERK IN IT

AND CAN'T STOP, MAN

MADE IT ON TOP OF THE WORLD

I'M GOING BACK TO WHEN YOU WAS A LITTLE GIRL

- I ALSO FIGURED OUT

THAT MY ACCENT MADE GUYS REALLY HORNY.

- SO WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- MY NAME IS NATASHA.

- NATASHA?

ARE YOU RUSSIAN?

- YES, I AM.

- MY WIFE'S FROM UKRAINE.

- OH, THAT'S COOL.

HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR WIFE-- THROUGH INTERNET?

- NO, I WENT THROUGH THIS

MEETARUSSIANBRIDE.COM AGENCY THING.

- THAT'S COOL.

- I SAW HER PICTURES, AND SHE WAS SO SEXY,

SO BEAUTIFUL.

GOD, SHE WAS A DREAM FOR A MAN.

I FELL IN LUST.

OH, I MEAN, LOVE.

INSTANTLY.

GOD, BABY, YOU ARE SO HOT.

- [laughs]

SO WHAT HAPPENED?

- WELL, WE HAD TWO WEDDINGS.

A HUGE ONE IN THE UKRAINE-- MAYBE 200 FAMILY MEMBERS THERE.

AND YOU CANNOT BELIEVE HOW MUCH VODKA THEY WENT THROUGH.

- OH, DARLING, I BELIEVE.

- YEAH, TOO BAD MY FATHER'S BUSINESS WASN'T THERE.

- [laughs]

AND WHAT ABOUT SECOND WEDDING?

- THAT WAS VERY SMALL.

JUST THE TWO OF US IN AN ELVIS WEDDING CHAPEL

IN VEGAS.

- OH, THAT WAS PROBABLY A LOT OF FUN.

SO TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR WIFE.

IS SHE BEAUTIFUL?

- OH, GOD, SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

SHE'S LIKE A BALLERINA.

- OH...

- GOD, BABY, YOU ARE SO HOT.

I WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU.

- WHAT HAPPENED TO BALLERINA?

- WELL, AS SOON AS SHE GOT HER GREEN CARD,

SHE DUMPED ME.

- OH, SWEETIE, I'M SORRY.

- THAT'S WHY I NEED SOME TLC.

- I THINK WE CAN HELP YOU.

MARY.

HEY, SWEETIE.

DO WE HAVE SOME TEA?

- NO. WE ONLY HAVE COFFEE.

- AS IT TURNED OUT,

I HAVE A TALENT IN PRIVATE DANCES.

HOW DO YOU SAY-- "MAKE A DEAD MAN COME"?

- HEY, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

YOU CAN'T TOUCH THE CUSTOMERS.

WATCH IT, OR YOU'LL BE SUSPENDED.

- WHERE DO THEY HANG PEOPLE FROM THE CEILING?

STALIN?

SO MUCH SO, I GOT STICKY FINGERS.

UGH.

- NATASHA, WHAT'S WRONG?

- MOTHERFUCKER JUST CAME ON ME.

- WHAT?

- HE CAME ON ME.

AND MATT--MATT--

MATT SAID HE WAS GOING TO HANG ME FROM THE CEILING.

- HANG YOU FROM THE CEILING?

WHAT?

DID YOU AT LEAST GET YOUR TIP?

- GOD...

YEAH.

$10.

YEAH, HE GAVE ME FUCKING $10.

- $100?

IF I GOT $100 FOR EVERY GUY THAT CAME IN HIS PANTS

WHEN I'M DOING A DANCE, I'D BE RETIRED BY NOW.

THEY DO IT ALL THE TIME.

YOU MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY GOOD.

[laughs]

- OKAY.

OKAY.

- IT WASHES OFF.

- GO TO WORK.

WHEN I DANCE IN MY SCHOOLGIRL OUTFIT,

I CAN BRING OUT THE PEDOPHILE IN ANY GUY.

EVEN A PREACHER.

- HEY THERE, NATASHA.

HOW ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?

- I'M DOING GREAT.

HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?

- I KNOW YOUR NAME.

I ASKED THE BOUNCER AT THE DOOR.

I SAID, "WHAT IS THAT LOVELY WOMAN'S NAME?"

WHAT ARE YOU, MIDDLE EASTERN OR RUSSIAN?

RUSSIAN, HUH. - I'M RUSSIAN, YEAH.

HE SAID, "HER NAME IS NATASHA."

AND I--I DON'T NORMALLY DO THIS, NATASHA.

BUT I JUST--I FELL-- - WHO ARE YOU?

- MY NAME IS CARL ZEUS.

AND I AM AN EVANGELICAL PASTOR

AT THE CHURCH OF THE RISEN CHRIST

RIGHT DOWN THE STREET.

- OKAY.

- AND I NOTICED SOMETHING IN YOUR EYES,

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

A SORT OF--

- NOT REALLY.

WHAT DID YOU NOTICE IN MY EYES?

- WELL, ASIDE FROM YOUR CHARM AND BEAUTY,

I NOTICED A LOT OF EMPTINESS INSIDE OF THERE, NATASHA.

- MY EYES ARE EMPTY?

- THEY'RE EMPTY.

GOD MADE YOU A SPECIAL PERSON.

AND HE WANTS YOU TO BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE.

HE DOESN'T WANT YOU WORKING IN THIS DEBAUCHERY,

THIS TERRIBLE, AWFUL LIFESTYLE

THAT YOU HAVE GOING ON HERE FOR YOURSELF, NATASHA.

- I FEEL BAD.

- I KNOW YOU DO, NATASHA.

BUT HE SEES YOU.

HE REALLY DOES, HE SEES WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

- IS IT THAT BAD?

- IT IS, HONEY.

IT'S A MATTER OF YOUR SOUL.

IT'S A MATTER OF WHERE YOU WANT TO SPEND--

ARE YOU ATTENDING CHURCH RIGHT NOW?

- UH...

- OUR CHURCH ACCEPTS ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE, NATASHA.

SO PERHAPS IF YOU COME IN A LITTLE EARLY,

ON SUNDAY MORNING, AROUND 9:00,

SO I COULD COMFORT YOU WITH MY ROD AND MY STAFF

AND WE COULD SHARE THE BLOOD OF CHRIST,

HAVE SOME WINE...

YOU GOT REALLY PRETTY EYES.

YOU GOT A PRETTY MOUTH TOO.

I'D LIKE TO GET TO KNOW YOU A LITTLE BETTER, NATASHA.

WHAT YOU THINK? - I'M KIND OF CONFUSED--

- WHAT YOU THINK, YOU LIKE ME?

- JUST A SECOND.

YOU JUST MENTIONED YOU LIKE MY MOUTH TOO?

- I DO.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL--

WHAT YOU SAY, A VOLUPTUOUS MOUTH.

- I'M CONFUSED RIGHT NOW.

- AND LOOK, YOU KNOW, WHEN I CAME IN HERE TODAY,

I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS THE DEVIL WHO WAS BRINGING ME IN HERE

TO FULFILL MY FLESHLY DESIRES.

I KNOW THAT IT WAS GOD.

IT WAS JESUS.

IT WAS GOD WHO BROUGHT ME HERE TODAY,

TO SAVE YOUR SOUL.

- UP NEXT ON STAGE NUMBER FOUR,

IT'S RUSSIAN LOVE NATASHA.

- YOU GOT TO GO, DON'T YOU?

- YEAH, I DO. I'M SORRY.

- YOU MIND IF I GET A LITTLE KISS ON THE CHEEK

BEFORE YOU GO?

- LET'S SKIP THAT, OKAY?

IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU, SWEETIE-PIE.

- IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU TOO, NATASHA.

AND YOU JUST THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAID, BABY.

- OKAY, LET ME JUST-- JUST GO, OKAY?

BYE!

- ♪ I'M MIKE D CHILL

D-A DUBB

AND PHILLY BLUNT

LET'S GET THIS MOTHERFUCKER CRANKIN' ♪

SHINE, WHASSUP

GET NASTY WITH IT

LET'S GO

PUT IT ON ME

PUT IT ON ME, GIRL

PUT IT ON ME

PUT IT ON ME, GIRL

PUT IT ON ME

PUT IT ON ME, GIRL

- WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- WHAT?

YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM?

- NOT REALLY.

WHO ARE YOU?

- BABY, I'M THE CHILL.

- OOH.

THANK YOU, BABE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY ME OFF THE LIST?

- BABY, OFF THE LIST?

WHY DON'T YOU LET ME BUY YOU UP OUT OF HERE.

- WELL, LET'S START WITH AN HOUR.

AND THEN WE'LL SEE.

CAN YOU BUY ME A DRINK?

- LET'S GO.

- HI, YOU TWO.

CAN I OFFER YOU SOMETHING TO DRINK?

- YEAH. TEQUILA.

CHILL.

- DITTO FOR YOU?

- UH, DILDO? - NO--

- DILDO?

BABE, WHAT YOU NEED A DILDO FOR?

YOU GOT ME HERE.

- [laughs]

- WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS, THE SAME AS HIM?

- [laughing] OH, I'M SORRY.

YEAH, SURE.

I WOULD LIKE TO.

- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, THEN.

- SO TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOURSELF.

ARE YOU FAMOUS?

- ARE YOU SERIOUS?

YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE CHILL?

- NO.

- LOOK, MY LAST SINGLE JUST HIT 8 MILLION DOWNLOADS.

I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A NATIONWIDE TOUR.

I GOT EMINEM OPENING UP FOR ME.

ALL RIGHT, WE DID 9,000 AT RED ROCKS.

BABY, WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS

GET UP OUT OF HERE AND COME WITH ME.

I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO BE DANCING UP IN HERE

FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, DO YOU?

- HELL, NO, I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT ALL MY LIFE.

I'M GOING TO BE FAMOUS.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT DAISY DOLL TYSON?

SHE WAS ACTUALLY DANCING IN THIS CLUB.

AND WHO IS SHE RIGHT NOW?

SHE'S A BIG DEAL.

I HAVE THE SAME BOOBS.

I'M BLONDE.

AND I THINK I CAN DO THAT.

- OH, BABY, YOU LOOK WAY BETTER THAN TAYLOR TYSON.

LOOK, BABY, YOU KNOW THE STORY ABOUT HOW SHE MADE IT FAMOUS,

DON'T YOU?

- NOT REALLY. - SHE DONE DID EVERYBODY.

THAT GIRL DID DAVE NAVARRO, NIKKI SIXX,

TOMMY LEE, DAVID LEE ROTH,

BRETT MICHAELS, BILLY JOEL,

WAYNE NEWTON-- SHE EVEN DID WILLIE NELSON.

FUCK.

- I HAVE TO DO WILLIE NELSON?

- BABE, YOU NEED TO DO ME.

LOOK. I'M HERE.

I'M THE REAL DEAL.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?

- NATASHA. - NATASHA.

WHY DON'T YOU LET ME BE YOUR BORIS?

SAY, "MOOSE AND SQUIRREL" FOR ME.

- MOOSE AND SQUIRREL.

- DAMN, BABY, THAT'S JUST HOT.

LISTEN, ME AND YOU, WE'RE GONNA DO A DUET TOGETHER.

YOU GONNA BLOW UP.

CHECK THIS OUT. - WOW.

- ♪ I'LL BE YOUR BORIS, BE NATASHA

BABY, YOU KNOW I GOT YA

COME AND GIVE IT TO ME, BABY

LET ME DO IT RASTA

COME GIVE IT TO ME

GIVE IT TO ME, MY LITTLE NATASHA

I LOVE-A THE WAY YOU SAY "MOOSE AND SQUIRREL" ♪

BABY, YOU'RE HOT STUFF

SO COME AND GET ON THE BUS

GET ON THE BUS, WE GOING TO L.A. ♪

THE LAND OF THE MOVIE STAR

MOOSE AND SQUIRREL, THAT'S WHERE THEY STAY

SAY MOOSE ♪ - ♪ SQUIRREL

- ♪ MOOSE ♪ - ♪ SQUIRREL

- ♪ MOOSE AND SQUIRREL ♪ - ♪ MOOSE AND SQUIRREL

- ♪ MOOSE ♪ - ♪ SQUIRREL

- ♪ MOOSE ♪ - ♪ SQUIRREL

- ♪ MOOSE AND SQUIRREL ♪ - ♪ MOOSE AND SQUIRREL

- YEAH, BABY.

THAT SHIT WAS OFF THE HOOK.

LOVE THAT.

- SO MUCH FUN. I REALLY LIKE IT. - YEAH.

SO I--I'M ACTUALLY--YEAH.

I WOULD LIKE TO DO THAT.

SO, BUT I HAVE A QUESTION.

WHAT DOES MEAN "TO DO YOU"?

I'M KIND OF CONFUSED.

- "DO ME," BABY, THAT MEANS HAVE SEX WITH ME.

- OH...

IN L.A.?

- NO, BABY, WE CAN GET UP ON THE BUS

AND HAVE SEX TONIGHT.

- MM.

[laughs]

OH, YOU KNOW, CHILL...

YOU'RE JUST CHILL.

- LOOK.

NO CHILL, NO L.A., NO HONEY, NO MONEY.

I'M OUT OF HERE.

SIX FOR THE CHICKS TO THE STICKS

WITH A BIG DICK

BABY, COME AND GET A BIG LICK

♪ 'CAUSE MIKE D CHILL 'BOUT TO HIT YOU WITH A BIG STICK

- HAS ANYONE EVER DONE A PAINTING OF YOU?

- DONE ME?

IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW?

- NO, NO.

YOU MISUNDERSTAND.

I'M AN ARTIST.

I WANT TO DO A PAINTING OF YOU.

- ARE YOU GOOD?

WHAT'S YOUR STYLE?

- YOU KNOW REMBRANDT?

PICASSO?

SALVADOR DALI?

- YEAH, I KNOW THEM.

BUT I'M KIND OF CONFUSED.

WHAT'S THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THEM?

THEY'RE ALL DIFFERENT.

- THOSE GUYS DON'T HOLD A CANDLE TO ME.

- SO YOU'RE THAT GOOD.

COOL.

I WOULD LIKE TO DO THAT.

I'M INTERESTED.

DEFINITELY.

- SO ORGANIC.

SO NATURAL.

SO BEAUTIFUL.

- CAN I SEE IT, DARLING?

- NO, NO. BE PATIENT.

I HAVE TO CAPTURE YOUR FULL ESSENCE.

YES.

I HAVE IT.

IT'S READY.

- FINALLY.

UH...THAT'S IT?

WHERE IS THE REST OF MY BODY?

- NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THIS IS YOU.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT THIS IS ME?

THEY'RE JUST BOOBS.

WHAT, I'M JUST WALKING BOOBS?

SO ANYWAYS,

I GUESS GUYS WERE NEVER BREAST-FED.

SO THEY CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH IN BOOBS.

- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER

HERE AT SHOTGUN WILLIE'S,

LET'S HAVE A HUGE WELCOME FOR DENISE BOLOGNA.

[engine revving]

- ♪ HEY

[driving rock and roll music]

♪ ♪

SCRATCHING MY BACK AND I'M PULLING YOUR HAIR

CALLING ME NAMES AND YOU'RE STARTING TO SWEAR

WELL, DON'T LET IT STOP, DON'T LET IT STOP

OH, NO

DON'T LET IT STOP, DON'T LET IT STOP

THE FEELING'S GOT YOU FEEL SO GOOD

I KNOW IT'S GETTING YOU OFF

GETTING YOU OFF

HEY

GETTING YOU OFF

I DO MY THING WHEN YOU'RE CLOSE TO ME

THE CLOSER YOU GET, THE HOTTER THE FLAME

WELL, DON'T LET IT STOP, DON'T LET IT STOP

- DO YOU LIKE HER?

- WOW.

YES.

- ♪ I KNOW IT'S GETTING YOU OFF

GETTING YOU OFF

- YOU CAN BE JUST LIKE HER.

- ♪ GETTING YOU OFF

- YOU'LL BE A STAR.

[guitar solo]

- I WILL TEAM YOU TWO UP.

IT WILL BE HUGE.

HERE, YOUR WEBSITE WILL GET MILLIONS OF HITS.

HERE. HERE'S MY BUSINESS CARD.

TAKE THIS.

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO TALK ABOUT THIS NOW, OKAY?

BUT WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS LATER ON,

IN MY HOTEL ROOM, RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.

ROOM 6669.

- FUCK.

- YOU GOT IT, BABE.

THANK YOU.

- COME BY.

[all chanting] BOLOGNA, BOLOGNA, BOLOGNA.

- YEAH.

- WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT BITCH?

- OH, SHE WAS TRYING TO HUSTLE ME FOR A LAP DANCE.

I BLEW HER OFF.

- YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW YOU WERE JUST TRYING

TO HAVE HER GIVE YOU A BLOW JOB.

- ME?

- DENISE! DENISE!

WILL YOU SIGN MY PENIS?

- HONEY, HONEY, I DON'T THINK THERE'S ENOUGH ROOM

DOWN THERE FOR MY AUTOGRAPH.

- NO, SCREW IT-- JUST SIGN MY ASS.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. - JUST SIGN MY ASS.

[all chanting] BOLOGNA, BOLOGNA, BOLOGNA.

- GETTING SLAPPED IN THE FACE BY DENISE'S FLOWERS

WAS ACTUALLY GOOD LUCK.

I HAD A GREAT NIGHT.

AND HER WEBMEISTER CAUGHT MY ATTENTION

WITH HIS OFFERS--

THE FIRST ONE ABOUT WEBSITE,

NOT HIS FAMOUS HOTEL ROOM 6669 OFFER.

INTO THE TRASH YOU GO, KEY.

[grinding rock and roll music]

♪ ♪

ONE OF MY CUSTOMERS-- I REFER TO HIM AS FINGERMAN,

AKA DICKHEAD--

HE MUST HAVE FLUNKED OUT OF GYNECOLOGY MEDICAL SCHOOL.

HE WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO GIVE ME AN EXAM.

DID YOU JUST TRY TO FINGER ME, BASTARD?

MOTHERFUCKER!

I'LL KILL HIM!

I'LL KILL HIM!

I'LL KILL THE BASTARD!

- YEAH, THE PROFIT'S WAY UP, MAN.

WE'RE DOING REALLY WELL.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

I GOT TO GO.

- WHAT'S UP, BOSS?

- YOU CAN'T GO HITTING CUSTOMERS.

- HE JUST TRIED TO FINGER ME.

IT'S TOTAL SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- I KNOW IT WASN'T COOL, WHAT HE DID.

BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU GOT TO FIGURE OUT

ANOTHER WAY TO DEAL WITH THESE GUYS.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO SUSPEND YOU.

- I HAVE TO WORK.

I NEED SOME MONEY.

YOU CAN'T SUSPEND ME.

- YES, I CAN.

NOW, GET OUT OF HERE.

- MOTHERFUCKER.

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS BULLSHIT.

I NEED TO DO SOMETHING FOR THE MONEY.

I NEED TO FIND SOME JOB OR DO SOMETHING ELSE.

I CANNOT JUST BE DEPENDENT ON THE CLUB

AND THOSE GUYS, THEY ALWAYS WANT ME.

THEY DON'T CARE WHAT I HAVE HERE.

THEY JUST WANT TO HAVE ME RIGHT NOW AND RIGHT THERE.

AND THEY DON'T EVEN CARE IF I HAVE TAMPON IN MY VAGINA.

THEY JUST WANT TO HAVE ME.

THEY DON'T CARE WHAT I HAVE IN MY SOUL, IN MY HEART.

PROBABLY I SHOULD DO MY WEBSITE.

WHERE IS THAT CARD?

OH, HERE YOU GO.

I THOUGHT IT WAS MORE BULLSHIT.

BUT PROBABLY I SHOULD HAVE MY WEBSITE.

YEAH, I HAVE TO MAKE MY WEBSITE,

BECOME A STAR;

BECOME LIKE DENISE BOLOGNA OR WHATEVER.

JUST BE SOMEBODY, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

I NEED TO DO THAT.

I CALLED WEBMEISTER, AND AGAIN HE SEEMED SO EXCITED

ABOUT MEETING ME, MAYBE TOO EXCITED.

- HEY.

- HI.

THEY DON'T KNOCK IN RUSSIA?

UH-UH.

- SO DO YOU REALLY THINK

MY WEBSITE IS GOING TO BE VERY POPULAR

AND MAKE SOME MONEY?

- WELL, THE SECRET WEAPON IS,

I'LL PUT YOU ON DENISE'S SITE.

WITH ALL HER TRAFFIC,

YOU'LL BE AN INSTANT INTERNET SENSATION.

I GUARANTEE IT.

- SHE WASN'T NICE TO ME IN THE CLUB.

- SHE WAS ON HER PERIOD.

SHE WILL DO IT.

- SO WHERE DO WE START?

- I WILL BUILD THE WEBSITE,

YOU HAVE TO CONCENTRATE ON THE CONTENT, OKAY?

THE SEXIER, THE BETTER.

- WELL, EVERYBODY TELLS ME THAT I'M SEXY.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I CAN'T SHOW COOCHIE-COOCHIE STYLE.

I AM FROM MUSLIM COUNTRY.

MY FATHER WOULD KILL ME FOR THAT.

- WELL, THAT WILL CUT YOUR TRAFFIC.

BUT BEING ASSOCIATED WITH DENISE WILL STILL MAKE IT BIG.

MAIN THING IS FOR YOU TO TRUST ME.

THAT MAY EVOLVE INTO ONE THING OR ANOTHER OVER TIME, OKAY?

LET'S START DOING SOME PHOTO AND VIDEO SHOOTS,

AND THEN WE'LL LAUNCH IN ABOUT THREE MONTHS.

DO YOU HAVE A PHOTOGRAPHER?

- OH, I MET THAT VERY NICE GUY

AT THE PARK A COUPLE MONTHS AGO.

HIS NAME IS DOCTOR DAN.

HE IS ABSOLUTELY PRO.

I'LL SCHEDULE THE PHOTO SHOOT WITH HIM

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

- ALL RIGHT. THEN WE'RE PARTNERS.

LET'S SHAKE ON IT.

- BYE.

- BYE-BYE.

- SOMETHING TELLS ME WEBMEISTER HAS A--

WHAT DO YOU CALL IT--

AN OBSESSION WITH BOPPING THE BOLOGNA.

IT'S SO GAY.

ANYWAY, I WAS READY FOR MY FIRST-EVER

PROFESSIONAL PHOTO SHOOT

WITH THAT MILD-MANNERED DOCTOR DAN.

- WELL, THIS IS IT.

- IS THIS YOUR STUDIO?

- WELL, YES.

THIS IS WHERE WE SHOOT OUR SEXIER PRODUCTIONS.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE STYLING,

THE INTIMACY, THE COLORS, EVERYTHING.

- [indistinct]

- EXACTLY.

[abrupt squeaking noise]

- THAT'S NOT ME.

IT'S THE BED.

- [giggles]

SURE.

- IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A STUDIO.

- OH, BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THIS IS ALL ABOUT AUTHENTICITY.

MY ART, IT DEMANDS REALITY.

IT--IT'S ALL ABOUT THE...

SEE, YOU'LL SEE WHEN IT'S ON FILM.

IT'LL JUST COME RIGHT OUT.

I'VE GOT JUST THE THING HERE YOU NEED TO RELAX.

OKAY?

YOU LIKE RED WINE, DON'T YOU?

- RED WINE ACTUALLY MAKES ME BLUSH.

IS IT GOOD FOR PHOTO SHOOT?

- OH, YOU'RE KIDDING.

IT'S REALLY ABOUT RELAXING.

HERE...

HERE.

[cork pops] GIVE ME YOUR GLASS.

THERE WE GO.

IN FACT, I'LL HAVE SOME WITH YOU.

THERE WE GO.

CHEERS.

MMM.

AHHH.

THAT'S REALLY GOOD. MMM.

OH, YEAH.

THAT'S REALLY GOOD.

BLUSH IS ONE THING,

BUT THE ONE THING THAT REALLY HELPS YOU RELAX,

TRUST ME--

TRUST DOCTOR DAN--

I HAVE...

OH--[muttering]

HA-HA.

OH, YEAH.

QUAALUDE.

- "LUDE"?

- OH, HERE.

- NO.

- NO? OH.

OKAY.

MMM.

OH!

X.

OH.

THAT'S PERFECT.

REALLY? OH.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I'LL HAVE ONE MYSELF.

VALIUM.

- DOESN'T IT MAKE YOU SLEEP?

- WELL, IT RELAXES.

I MEAN...

DILAUDID.

OXYCONTIN.

NO?

HMM.

MORE FOR ME. OOH.

LET'S SEE HERE.

WHAT ELSE WE GOT HERE?

THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING HERE FOR YOU.

COKE?

COCAINA.

COKE.

- DO YOU HAVE PEPSI?

- NO PEPSI.

COKE.

OH, YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.

OH, YEAH. OH.

OH, YEAH.

DIP YOUR BOOBS IN THE WATER.

OH, DO THAT-- UP AND DOWN.

THIS IS SO GOOD. [shutter clicks]

OH, THOSE TITS.

LOOK AT THOSE.

OH, MY GOD. THAT'S SO GOOD.

OH, THOSE TOES...

SO GOOD. OH, MY GOD.

OH, YEAH.

[sighing]

I JUST WANT TO--OH, YEAH.

NO, IT'S OKAY.

[growls]

OH, GOD, THAT FEELS SO GOOD.

OH, TAKE THAT TOP OFF.

OH, YEAH, THAT LOOKS SO GOOD.

OH-OH-OH-OH-OH.

OH. [shutter clicks]

OH, YEAH.

[chuckling]

THAT'S GOOD.

GET ALL THOSE DRUGS YOU CAN.

OH, YEAH--

[giggling]

[distorted voice] I JUST WANT TO PUT MY DIL--

OH, NO, NO. I JUST--

YEAH, RIGHT THERE.

[breathing hard]

[giggling]

[distorted voice] YEAH, I LIKE THAT.

OH, SHOW ME THAT BUTT.

TITS.

OH, YEAH.

[laughing crazily]

[voice distorted by face mask]

[making squeaking noises]

- AH!

- [distorted groaning]

- IT'S NATASHA.

I KEEP WAITING FOR YOU TO CALL

TO SCHEDULE MY SHOOT WITH DENISE.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?

- TRUST ME.

IT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

SHE'S JUST BEEN REAL DISTRACTED LATELY.

SHE'S BECOMING A DIVA, BABE.

BUT I KNOW WE CAN GET A SHOOT IN VEGAS NEXT MONTH.

HANG IN THERE.

IT WILL HAPPEN.

- WELL, I'M BUYING UP THE CONTENT.

I HAVE BEEN WORKING WITH DOCTOR DAN.

HE IS A LITTLE BIT INSANE.

BUT HE CAME UP WITH VERY INTERESTING PICTURES.

YEAH.

SOME OF THEM HAVE WATER SPOTS AND BUBBLES.

BUT IT'S KIND OF ARTY.

- SOUNDS GOOD.

I'VE GOT ANOTHER LINE RINGING.

I'LL CALL YOU AS SOON AS I HAVE

A DATE WITH DENISE CONFIRMED.

- MANY WEEKS WENT BY WITH NO CALL

FROM FUCKING WEBMEISTER ABOUT THE DENISE SHOOT.

[phone ringing]

HELLO?

- HEY, BABY.

DENISE HAS COMPLETELY FLAKED OUT, ALL RIGHT?

I CAN'T EVEN GET HER ON THE PHONE.

THIS DUO THING JUST AIN'T GONNA FLY.

BUT DON'T WORRY-- I'M YOUR DADDY.

I'VE GOT A GREAT NEW DIRECTION FOR YOUR WEBSITE, OKAY?

MM-HMM, I JUST NEED YOU TO GO TO THIS CONVENTION--

EXXXOTICA, IN MIAMI BEACH.

- EXXXOTICA?

YOU THINK I'M EXOTIC ENOUGH?

- ABSO-FUCKIN'-LUTELY.

I'MA HOOK YOU UP WITH TONY BATMAN.

THAT'S MY HOMEBOY.

HE HAS THE KEY TO GREAT, SUCCESSFUL CONTENT.

THIS WILL PAY OFF BIG-TIME, TRUST ME.

AND YOU WILL BE INFAMOUS.

- I'M GOING TO BE FAMOUS?

FINALLY.

- YEAH--SURE, BABY.

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

- OKAY.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

- BUY YOUR TICKETS TODAY.

IT'S THIS WEEKEND.

- THIS WE--OH, OKAY.

OKAY, I'LL DO THAT.

OKAY.

I RUN TO MY CAR, AND I FOUND--

I DON'T HAVE MY KEYS.

I RACE BACK AND REALIZE

I HAD THROWN THEM INTO THE GARBAGE.

AND THEY HAD ALREADY EMPTIED IT.

HOLY SHIT!

I WAS ALREADY LATE FOR WORK.

TIME FOR NATASHA TO DO A DUMPSTER-DIVING FOR KEYS.

FUCK.

I HAVE TO FIND MY FUCKING KEYS

IN THIS FUCKING TRASH CAN.

[groaning]

[phone ringing]

FUCK THAT.

HELLO?

- WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, NATASHA?

IT'S SHOWTIME.

- I'M IN TRASH CAN, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

- YOU MOVED BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY?

WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

- NO, I'M NOT IN TASHKENT.

I AM IN TRASH CAN.

I TRY TO FIND MY FUCKING KEYS.

OKAY.

FOR GOD'S SAKE.

HERE YOU GO.

IT WAS OFF TO MIAMI TO SHOOT MORE CONTENT

FOR MY SITE.

AND SINCE DENISE WAS A DEAD-END,

WHAT ROAD WOULD THIS SO-CALLED "NEW DIRECTION"

TAKE ME IN?

I HAD NO IDEA.

I JUST KNEW I LIKED THE NAME, EXXXOTICA.

[speaking Russian]

I AM SORRY.

I START SPEAKING RUSSIAN.

I AM IN MIAMI RIGHT NOW.

AND I AM AT EXXXOTICA CONVENTION

TO SHOOT MORE CONTENT FOR MY WEBSITE

BECAUSE WEBMASTER SAID SO.

AND I'M GOING TO MEET TONY.

HOPEFULLY IT WILL TURN OUT VERY WELL.

AND RIGHT NOW I'M HERE,

AND I SEE ALL THESE WEIRD PEOPLE,

AND THEY'RE LIKE, "FEAR GOD.

THIS IS THE ETERNAL GOSPEL."

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT MEANS "GOSPEL."

AND I WANT TO ASK THEM, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

WHY THEY ARE SO UPSET.

BECAUSE IT'S EXXXOTICA.

ISN'T IT A GOOD NAME?

AND I SAW A LOT OF NICE PEOPLE, AND I'M GOING TO BE THERE.

SO--WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

- DON'T TOUCH PORN.

STAY AWAY FROM THAT.

- AND WHAT IS GOING ON?

I JUST CAME HERE TO EXXXOTICA, MIAMI BEACH.

AND I ACTUALLY-- MY WEBMASTER TOLD ME

THAT I HAVE TO COME HERE AND SHOOT SOME CONTENT.

AND WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

I'M CONFUSED.

BECAUSE I AM A CHRISTIAN.

I'M ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN, AND I FEEL BAD RIGHT NOW.

SHOULD I GO THERE AT LEAST?

- ARE YOU INVOLVED IN THIS INDUSTRY?

- NO...

- YOU'RE NOT INVOLVED IN THIS INDUSTRY AT ALL?

- WHAT KIND OF INDUSTRY?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- THE SEX INDUSTRY.

- NO.

- OKAY. WELL, THEN...

- WELL, HONESTLY, I AM A STRIPPER.

- HUH? - I AM A STRIPPER.

- OKAY, WELL, I WOULD JUST-- I WOULD JUST--

THE FIRST THING I WOULD SAY IS, WHEN JESUS WAS ON EARTH,

HE SAID--

EXCUSE ME. COUGH DROP.

IF YOU LOOK ON A WOMAN TO LUST AFTER HER,

YOU'VE COMMITTED ADULTERY.

AND NO ADULTERER WILL ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD.

OKAY? - OKAY.

- THE REASON WE'RE OUT HERE IS 'CAUSE WE'RE CONCERNED

FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU,

OKAY, THAT WE BELIEVE ARE GOING TO HELL.

GOD DOES NOT TWIST YOUR ARM.

HE ALLOWS YOU TO MAKE A CHOICE. - RIGHT.

- RIGHT?

YOU CHOOSE HIM,

OR YOU CHOOSE TO REJECT HIM.

GOD'S NOT GONNA ALLOW SIN INTO HEAVEN.

YOU'RE A MORAL SINNER. - OKAY.

- YOU ARE.

YOU'RE CLOSE TO THE KINGDOM OF GOD.

YOU DON'T HAVE SEX LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS.

- NO.

- BUT WHAT PEOPLE DO,

PEOPLE, THEY SAY, "WELL, I'M NOT AS BAD AS HITLER.

"I'M NOT AS BAD AS STALIN, OKAY?

"I'M NOT AS BAD AS JEFFREY DAHMER

OR A REALLY BAD PERSON."

BUT THEY DON'T CONSIDER THEIR OWN SIN, OKAY?

GOD CONSIDERS YOUR SIN.

ASK HIM TO TAKE YOU OUT OF THIS. - OKAY...

- AND HE WILL TAKE YOU OUT OF IT.

- I'LL ASK HIM ABOUT THAT. - YEAH, THAT'S--

- BUT IS IT OKAY TO BE A STAR?

- THOSE TYPES OF THINGS DRAW YOU AWAY FROM JESUS.

- OKAY...

- BECAUSE EVERYTHING'S CENTERED AROUND YOU.

YOU'RE THE CENTER, RIGHT?

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- NATASHA. BUT-- - SEE...

- I HAVE ONE MORE QUESTION.

- "OH, NATASHA-- LOOK AT NATASHA.

LOOK AT NATASHA, RIGHT?"

- RIGHT. YEAH, IT'S...

- AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU GO, "I'M NATASHA.

I'M LIKE GOD, YOU KNOW?"

GOD WANTS YOU TO-- - SO I'M--I'M--

- GOD WANTS YOU TO FOCUS ON HIM.

- SO THERE IS LIKE, THERE IS PORN STAR?

I MEAN, THERE IS-- I DIDN'T GET IN YET.

AND SO IS-- - I WOULD NOT GO IN THERE.

- REALLY?

ACTUALLY MY WEBMASTER TOLD ME TO COME HERE

AND...I CAN'T BELIEVE HE COULD DO IT TO ME.

- WELL, YOUR WEBMASTER PROBABLY WANTS YOU TO GET

INVOLVED IN ALL OF THIS SO YOU'LL MAKE MONEY FOR HIM.

- YEAH. YOU'RE RIGHT.

- HMM.

- MAYBE I SHOULDN'T GO IN THERE...

OR I SHOULD...

OR I SHOULDN'T.

EH, I'LL GO.

- HELLO?

- TONY? - HELLO? YES?

- NATASHA KIZMET.

I'M HERE.

I'M ACTUALLY AT CONVENTION.

I'M WAITING FOR YOU BY-- BY ATM.

SO I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU.

- YOU'RE AT THE CONVENTION? WHAT CONVENTION?

- WHERE ARE YOU? - WHAT CONVENTION?

- THIS, MIAMI.

EXXXOTICA.

- YOU'RE AT THE EXXXOTICA MIAMI?

- UH-HUH.

- YOU'RE OUT FRONT-- OUT FRONT BY THE ATM?

- YEAH, I'M RIGHT BY ATM.

- HERE, HOLD ON.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

HEY, HANG THE PHONE UP.

- HELLO. - HEY.

- HOW ARE YOU DOING? - HOW ARE YOU?

- GREAT. - OH, GOOD, GOOD.

- SO THIS IS FAMOUS TONY.

- WHAT ARE YOU-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- JUST DECIDED TO COME HERE BECAUSE MY WEBMASTER

TOLD ME TO DO SOME MORE CONTENT FOR MY WEBSITE, AND...

- YOUR WEBMASTER TOLD YOU TO COME HERE?

- YEAH.

- FOR--YOU KNOW THIS IS A PORN AWARDS.

- REALLY?

- IT'S PORN. PORN.

- IS IT PORN?

- PORN IN THERE.

- WELL, I SAW THIS--

- AND ALL THE GIRLS HAVE TO TAKE OFF THEIR...

- PANTIES?

- YEAH, AND THEN THEY SHOW THEIR PUSSIES TO EVERYBODY.

YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT, WOULD YOU?

- NO, YOU KNOW THAT I DON'T DO THAT.

- THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO DO IN THERE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR WEBMASTER IS SAYING.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING TO YOU.

BUT SINCE YOU'RE HERE-- - OKAY...

- WHY DON'T YOU COME AND HANG OUT WITH ME INSIDE?

AND WE'LL SEE, AH, IF WE CAN...

- YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME, DO YOU?

- UM...

DON'T--NO, NO, NO, IT'S OKAY.

IT'S OKAY.

MAYBE--MAYBE. - MAYBE?

- MAYBE.

MAYBE. UM... - TONY!

- NO, NO, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.

YEAH. - I KNOW.

- YEAH, YEAH. - I KNOW.

- BUT LET'S GO GET SOME DRINKS. - OKAY.

- WE'LL GET SOME DRINKS INSIDE,

AND I'LL SHOW YOU AROUND TO THE PORN PEOPLE.

- SO YOU'LL HELP ME?

- AND I'LL HELP YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT.

- OKAY. - COME WITH ME.

COME ON.

- SO TONY, WHAT IS THAT?

- THESE ARE MY FRIENDS.

THEY DO THIS COFFEE, RIGHT?

AND IT MAKES YOU HORNY WHEN YOU DRINK IT.

- YOU KNOW, I HAVE BAD EXPERIENCE--

- IT'S MAGIC. IT'S MAGIC!

- I HAVE BAD EXPERIENCE WITH COFFEE!

I WAS FIRED FROM COFFEE SHOP. - WHY?

- THAT'S WHY I BECOME A STRIPPER.

- YOU'RE A STRIPPER NOW?

JESUS CHRIST.

WE'RE GONNA DRINK THIS.

- "MAGIC." IT'S "MAGIC"!

- THAT'S PART OF MY--

WE'RE GONNA GO OUTSIDE,

AND YOU'RE GONNA BE HORNY FOR ME.

- REALLY?

- I THINK SO.

WE'RE GONNA TRY IT.

- OKAY, BUT WAIT A SECOND.

- POUR IT UP. POUR IT UP. LET'S GO.

- COULD YOU GET HER TO HANG OUT WITH US?

THAT GIRL WITH THAT PINK ON?

- YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH HER AND ME?

- TOGETHER. - HERE.

- I KNOW THAT IN YOUR COUNTRY-- - SHE WANTS COFFEE?

- YEAH, SHE WANTS SOME COFFEE, ALL RIGHT.

- SHE NEEDS SOME COFFEE.

- DO YOU LIKE THE GIRLS?

DO YOU DO THE GIRLS TOO?

- I HAVE FRIENDS.

- DO YOU--YEAH? - YEAH.

- DO YOU TAKE THE TONGUE AND LICK THE PUSSY?

- NO. - NO?

- YOU DO THAT TO GIRLS?

- I THOUGHT ALL STRIPPERS DID THAT.

- NO! WE DON'T DO THAT.

I AM VERY CLASSY STRIPPER, ACTUALLY.

- WHERE DO YOU STRIP?

- WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU HAD SEX?

- OH, IT WAS LONG TIME...

IT'S ACTUALLY NOT YOUR BUSINESS.

- I'M MAKING IT MY BUSINESS TODAY.

- LOOK AT THAT GIRL RIGHT THERE.

LOOK AT THAT GIRL RIGHT THERE. - SHE'S HOT.

- SHE'S HOT.

THINK YOU COULD GET HER TO COME AND GET IN BETWEEN US?

- I THINK SHE CAN BE MY FRIEND TOO.

- I THINK SHE COULD BE YOUR FRIEND TOO.

SKYLAR, THIS IS NATASHA.

- NICE TO MEET YOU, SKYLAR.

- COME OVER HERE. - HOW ARE YOU DOING?

- NATASHA, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT FROM HERE.

SHE LIKES THE GIRLS--

LIKES TO, YOU KNOW, DO THINGS WITH THE GIRLS.

UH... - REALLY?

- I'LL EXPLAIN IT ALL WHEN WE GET BACK TO THE ROOM.

- YOU'RE NOT A PORN, RIGHT? ARE YOU?

ARE YOU PORN?

- I DO PORN. YES.

- SHE DOES THE PORN.

WE'RE AT A PORN CONVENTION.

DIDN'T YOU KNOW THAT?

- OH...

- WHY DO YOU THINK THEY HAVE THE SEX COFFEE HERE?

FOR THE PORN STARS. - IT'S A SET.

- BUT THEY SELL IT TO EVERYBODY NOW.

- I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST MAGIC.

"SEX" AND "MAGIC," IT'S TWO DIFFERENT WORDS.

WHAT DO--WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

IT'S LIKE--IT'S SEX--AH!

I'M NOT GOING TO DRINK THAT.

- OH, NO. IT'S GOOD, AND YOU'RE GONNA DRINK IT.

NOW HERE'S YOUR COFFEE. DRINK IT. DRINK IT.

DRINK IT. - OKAY.

- DON'T MAKE ME CALL YOUR WEBMASTER.

- HE'S A BASTARD, ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW?

HOW HE COULD EVEN SEND ME HERE, I CANNOT IMAGINE.

- MAYBE HE WANTS YOU TO DO THE PORN.

- MAYBE. - MAYBE.

- YOU THINK SHE COULD DO THE PORN?

- I'D DO PORN WITH HER.

- SEE?

SHE WANTS TO LICK YOUR UH... THING.

- WHAT, MY THING?

- YOUR COOKIE.

- NO, NO, NO. DOWN FURTHER. FURTHER.

DOWN THERE.

DOWN THERE.

- YOU WOULD LICK THERE?

- SURE.

- HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HER.

YOU JUST MET HER HERE.

- I JUST TOLD HIM.

- IN PORN, WE ALL KNOW EACH OTHER.

HI, GUYS. - HI.

- LOOK, LOOK, NATASHA. LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.

- WHAT IS IT, ICE CREAM?

- LOOK AT THIS. - IT'S A FLESHLIGHT.

- LICK IT.

- NO, IT'S ICE CREAM.

- IT'S A FAKE VAGINA.

- WHAT IS THIS THING?

- IT'S A MALE SEX TOY. - WHAT?

- IT'S THE FLESHLIGHT.

IT'S THE NUMBER ONE-SELLING MALE SEX TOY IN THE WORLD.

- IT'S LIKE A FLASHLIGHT?

- IT'S BASICALLY A FAKE VAGINA

IN A FLASHLIGHT CONTAINER FOR DISCRETION,

SO YOU CAN PUT THE LID ON AND IT LOOKS LIKE A FLASHLIGHT.

SO NO ONE KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE DOING YOUR BUSINESS IN.

- SEE? - I CAN'T BELIEVE...

- THIS IS FOR GUYS THAT DON'T GET ANY SEX.

- OR IT'S FOR GUYS THAT DO GET SEX,

BUT THEY'RE TRAVELING, OR...

- YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN AROUND.

WHY YOU NEED THIS ONE?

- WELL, EVERYONE MASTURBATES.

- LOOK, SHE'S HERE. - EVERYBODY MASTURBATES.

- IT JUST BEATS YOUR HAND.

- SO SHE'S SELLING THIS THING OR WHATEVER.

I MEAN, OR WHATEVER. - OKAY.

- HEY, DO ME A FAVOR.

ASK HER IF SHE'LL GO BACK TO THE ROOM WITH US.

- [laughs]

- CAN YOU?

WHY WOULD YOU--

JUST A SECOND. I'M CONFUSED AGAIN.

WHY WE NEED TO GO WITH HER?

- WE JUST HAD THE SEX COFFEE. - OKAY.

- AND NOW WE'RE, YOU KNOW, PLAYING WITH SEX TOYS.

- YOU GOT A SEX COFFEE, HUH?

YOU SHOULD USE THIS TOGETHER.

IT'S GREAT FOR FOREPLAY.

- I THOUGHT YOU JUST BRING ME TO HAVE SOME DESSERT, ACTUALLY.

I THOUGHT THIS LIKE, MILKSHAKE--

- YOU THOUGHT I WAS GETTING YOU A SNACK, HUH?

- YEAH.

- NO, NO, NO, IT'S A SEX TOY.

IT'S 'CAUSE WE'RE AT THE PORN CONVENTION,

I KEEP TELLING YOU THAT.

- WHO WAS THE MODEL?

WHO WAS THE MODEL FOR THIS? WHOSE VAGINA WAS THAT?

- THIS IS A GENERIC MOLD, BUT WE DO MOLD THEM

OFF THE PORN STARS.

WE HAVE TARA PATRICK, RAVEN RILEY...

- THEY JUST POSES? OR YOU JUST...

- THEY MOLD WITH LIKE, A PLASTER MOLD ON THEIR VAGINA,

AND WE TURN IT INTO A FLESHLIGHT.

- HERE, HOLD ON A SECOND. JUST RIGHT HERE--

PUT THAT RIGHT--

- NO, I DON'T HAVE SUCH A HUGE VAGINA.

- STOP, I WANT TO SHOW YOU HOW TO DO PORN.

- YEAH--OH, YEAH.

THAT'S HOT.

THAT'S THE BEST USE FOR IT.

- OH, GOD!

YEAH--YES!

- OKAY, OKAY!

- YES, I LOVE MY FLESHLIGHT!

I MEAN, NATASHA!

HEY, ASHLEY, ASHLEY!

- HI. - HEY, BABY.

- HI.

THIS IS NATASHA.

- HEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

- GOOD. HI.

HOW ARE YOU?

- SEE, I TOLD YOU.

HEY, LET'S SIT DOWN FOR A MINUTE.

I WANT TO TALK.

I WANT TO TALK. I WANT TO TALK.

- OKAY.

- SO NATASHA ACTUALLY IS A BIG PORN STAR.

- OH... - [laughs]

- AND BECAUSE WE'RE AT THE PORN CONVENTION,

THAT'S WHERE YOU MEET ALL THE BIG PORN STARS.

SHE HASN'T DONE ANYTHING YET.

- HOW OLD ARE YOU? YOU ARE NOT EVEN 18.

- SHE REALLY WANTS TO.

- NO, I AM. I'M OVER 18.

- OKAY...

- YOU WANT TO DO PORN?

YOU SHOULD DO IT.

WITH TITS LIKE THIS, YOU'D BE GREAT AT IT.

YOU SHOULD DO PORN.

YOU'RE SEXY.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU DO PORN ALREADY.

LOOK AT YOUR BODY.

- OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

ACTUALLY, I'VE BECOME A STRIPPER,

AND I STILL DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH THAT.

AND...I WOULD LIKE TO BE A STAR,

BUT I DON'T THINK THAT I WOULD LIKE

TO BE A PORN STAR, ACTUALLY.

- [laughing] WELL, DO YOU LIKE SEX?

- YEAH, I LIKE SEX.

- DO YOU LIKE ANAL SEX?

NO?

YOU'LL LEARN TO LOVE IT.

- YOU THINK I'LL LIKE ANAL SEX? - YES.

- JUST A SECOND--ANAL?

YOU SAID "ANAL SEX"?

- YES.

- YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO...

- I'M GONNA PUT IT IN YOUR BUTT LATER ON.

- YEAH. DO YOU LIKE WOMEN?

- I DON'T KNOW.

- YOU DON'T KNOW?

WELL, YOU BETTER FIND OUT,

BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA BE IN A MOVIE WITH ME SOON.

- AM I GOING TO BE IN A MOVIE WITH HER?

- WE'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.

YOU JUST DO WHAT SHE SAYS.

AND WE'RE HERE TO HELP YOU.

- YOU HAVE BETTER ORGASMS ON CAMERA.

- REALLY? - YEAH.

- OOH. - HI. HOW ARE YOU?

- SHE DOES PORN TOO.

- WAIT A SECOND, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY--

OOH, IT'S JUST PAINT ON YOUR BODY?

- YES.

- YOU SILLY GIRL.

- SO LADIES, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HELP ME

TALK HER INTO DOING A LITTLE MOVIE WITH ME?

- DEFINITELY.

WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO DO--

- UH... - A MOVIE?

- YEAH, WE'RE TRYING TO GET HER TO DO PORN.

- WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO DO PORN?

- BECAUSE I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE.

- THE MONEY'S GOOD.

- YES, IT'S JUST LIKE RIDING A BICYCLE.

- WITHOUT A SEAT. - EXACTLY.

- BICYCLE? OKAY, THAT'S--

- EXACTLY.

ARE YOU BLUSHING?

- LOOK AT, SHE'S BLUSHING. - OH, THIS IS SWEET.

- YOU SHOULD REALLY DO IT. - NATASHA...

- YOU SHOULD DO SOME PORN, NATASHA.

- THESE ARE THE KIND OF FRIENDS YOU'RE GONNA HAVE

WHEN YOU DO THE PORN.

- GOOD FRIENDS. - ALL THROUGHOUT.

- THE FRIENDS YOU FUCK ARE YOUR FRIENDS FOR LIFE.

- IN MY COUNTRY, WE DON'T HAVE SEX WITH WOMEN.

I'M CONFUSED.

- NOT TO WORRY.

WE'LL SHOW YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW.

- WELL, HERE IN AMERICA...

- IT'S SWEET.

- WE LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH WOMEN.

- NO, I'M SERIOUS.

I CANNOT DO THAT.

- GOT TO GO NOW, BABY.

I KNOW YOU'RE EXCITED.

- AH! - [laughter]

- WE GOT TO GO.

- ALL RIGHT. BYE, SWEETHEART.

- MY TURN.

- OH, THOSE LOOK SO GREAT.

- ALL RIGHT, WE'LL SEE YOU LATER TONIGHT.

- AS SOON AS TONY RAN TO THE BATHROOM,

FOR WHO-KNOWS-WHAT, RON JEREMY,

THE MAN WITH THE WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS PENIS,

FOUND ALMOST ALL OF ME.

- AH!

WE DON'T HAVE PORN IN MY COUNTRY.

- WHAT? - DON'T HAVE PORN IN MY COUNTRY.

- RUSSIA?

- UZBEKISTAN. - UZBEKISTAN.

- YES.

HOW WE GONNA--I MEAN--

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S LIKE--

- WELL, IT'S MUSLIM.

- YEAH.

- MUSLIMS HAVE A PROBLEM WITH PORN.

- RIGHT.

- COMMUNISTS HAVE A PROBLEM,

BUT THERE'S A LITTLE BIT OF TRAFFIC UNDERGROUND.

IN SOME MUSLIM COUNTRIES-- YOU CAN GET PORN IN UZBEKISTAN,

BUT ONLY LIKE, REALLY HUSH-HUSH, LIKE, "SHH."

THAT'S WHY.

SHE OPENED UP HER MOUTH.

EITHER I KISS IT OR I PUT A DICK IN IT.

ONE OR THE OTHER.

- SO AND I ALSO-- - ARE YOU A PORN STAR?

- NO, I'M NOT.

- OH, GOD.

YOU KNOW HOW I SAID "PUT MY DICK IN IT?"

I'M SORRY. I'M BEING VERY RUDE.

- [laughs]

BY THE WAY, THEY SAY THAT YOU HAVE

THE BIGGEST PENIS IN THE WORLD.

- NAH, IT'S JUST-- GIVE IT A GOOD SQUEEZE.

FEEL THE MUSCLES?

- YEAH, I FEEL THE MUSCLES.

AND I ALSO FEEL YOUR BALLS.

[laughs]

- WANT TO SEE MY FAVORITE MOVE? - YEAH.

- I'LL GIVE YOU GOOSE BUMPS. WATCH THIS.

- [laughing]

- CAN I KISS ONE?

- AH!

- WATCH.

I THINK SHE'S SO SPECIAL, I'M GONNA PLAY A SONG CALLED

YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE, MY ONLY SUNSHINE.

[harmonica chord]

- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- YOU'RE TALENTED.

- YOU KNOW THAT SONG? - NO.

- YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE, MY ONLY SUN--

OKAY.

IT'S OUR ANTHEM.

- HEY, HOLD ON, HOLD ON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- I JUST CAME TO GET-- - I WAS SINGING TO HER.

- YEAH, TO GET THAT.

- YOU KNOW RON JEREMY?

- WELL, NOW I KNOW HIM.

- YOU STAND NEXT TO HIM TOO LONG,

YOU'LL BE A PORN STAR IN A DAY.

- I'M ALREADY BECOMING--

- SAY IT STARTS WITH A LITTLE KISS,

A LITTLE FONDLE, A LITTLE SQUEEZE.

AND IN FIVE MINUTES, YOU HAVE AN EIGHT-MAN,

INTERRACIAL, ANAL, DWARF, BUKAKI, CREAM PIE GANG-BANG.

BUT IT STARTS WITH A LITTLE KISS.

- I DON'T CARE WHAT HE SAYS.

YOU'RE GOING TO THE ROOM WITH ME TONIGHT.

- REALLY?

- COME ON. COME ON, LET'S GO.

COME ON. COME ON. COME ON. COME ON.

I LIKE THOSE GIRLS TOO.

- [laughing] YOU WANT TO DO THEM.

- I WANT 'EM ALL. I WANT 'EM--

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

[laughing]

- THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN.

- REALLY? - YEAH.

- ME TOO, ACTUALLY. - DID YOU HAVE FUN IN THERE?

- YEAH, I GOT A LITTLE BIT BUZZED.

- THAT WAS MY PLAN.

WE'RE GONNA GO... - WHAT?

- IN MY HOTEL NOW. - WHY?

- 'CAUSE-- - WHAT?

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHY?

- WHAT--

- LOOK--THAT'S WHY.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE GOING.

- OH, UM...

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

- [laughing] I'M SORRY!

- YOU'RE NOT SORRY YET.

I'M GONNA MAKE YOU SORRY.

- [laughing] JUST A SECOND. - NO.

- JUST A SECOND.

- I HAVE COUPLE OF FANS.

THEY WANT ME TO SIGN MY PICTURE. - FANS?

- YEAH, CAN YOU IMAGINE?

I GOT TWO FANS FROM MY WEBSITE.

- I GOT ONE BIG FAN FOR YOU RIGHT HERE.

- NO, NO, NO.

I'M SERIOUS, TONY. - COME ON.

- SERIOUS. I CAN'T.

I CAN'T.

I HAVE TO SIGN THEIR PICTURES, OKAY?

I'M SORRY. - WHAT?

- OKAY? - WHAT?

- I HAVE TO SIGN THEIR PICTURES.

THANK YOU.

BYE!

TONY, TONY, TONY.

MAYBE I'M NAIVE, BUT I AM NOT STUPID.

SO NOW YOU KNOW WHY I WENT TO CHURCH.

AFTER BEING VIOLATED BY RON JEREMY,

IT WAS TIME TO SET THINGS RIGHT WITH GOD.

AND THEN, OUT OF THE BLUE,

GOD AND MY WEBSITE, NOT PASTOR ZEUS,

PRESENTED ME WITH AN AMAZING OPPORTUNITY.

AS I LEFT THE CHURCH, I GOT AN EMAIL

FROM THIS RAZVAN DRAGOMIR.

HE'S A ROMANIAN FILM PRODUCER IN HOLLYWOOD.

SO I CALLED HIM IMMEDIATELY.

AND HE WANTS TO CAST ME

AS THE LEAD OF HIS NEW VAMPIRE SERIES, DRACOLICHE.

HE FLEW ME IN HIS PRIVATE JET

TO HOLLYWOOD TO WORK OUT THE DETAILS.

SO NO MORE STRIPPING,

NO MORE WEBMEISTER,

NO MORE RON JEREMYS.

TIME TO STAR IN MY OWN MOVIE.

HOLLYWOOD, WATCH OUT.

I'M COMING.

SQUIRREL, SQUIRREL

MOOSE AND SQUIRREL

- ♪ I'M LOVIN' THE WAY YOU LOOKIN' AT ME, GIRL

I WANT TO LAY YOU DOWN ON A MATTRESS, GIRL

I WANT TO RUB YOU DOWN WITH SOME KAMA SUTRA

YOU AND ME, BABY, COME ON, LET ME SUIT YA

I'M GONNA TAKE YOU TO SOME PLACES YOU AIN'T NEVER SEEN

MAKIN' LOVE IN THE BACK OF A LIMOUSINE

WE COULD TAKE IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL

LIKE BORIS AND NATASHA, KIZMET MOVIE DEMO

COME GIVE IT TO ME, GIVE IT TO ME, NATASHA

LOVE THE WAY YOU WORK THE POLE

BABY, YOU'RE HOT STUFF

COME GET ON THE BUS, GET ON THE BUS

WE GOIN' TO L.A., MOVIE STARS, MAGAZINES

ALL OVER THE FRONT PAGE

- ♪ CHILL, JUST CHILL

YOU'RE MOVING WAY TOO FAST FOR ME

YOU NEED TO SLOW YOUR ROLL IF YOU WANT SEX FROM ME

YOU NEED TO CHILL

YOU'RE COMING ON TOO STRONG TO ME

YOU NEED TO CHILL

YOU NEED TO CHILL

- ♪ I AIN'T NEVER SEEN A GIRL LIKE YOU BEFORE

YOU LOOKIN' SO FINE, DAMN, BABY, LET'S GO

LET ME TAKE YOU ON THE ROAD WITH ME

BABY, LET ME TAKE YOU HOME WITH ME

PRETTY MAMA, LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT

LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT

TRUST ME, BABY, ALL WORK OUT

♪ 'CAUSE I GOT YOU 100% ♪

GIRL, YOU AND ME, BABY

JUST LIKE THE MOOSE AND SQUIRREL

GIVE IT TO ME, GIVE IT TO ME, NATASHA

LOVE THE WAY YOU WORK THE POLE

BABY, YOU'RE HOT STUFF

COME GET ON THE BUS, GET ON THE BUS, WE GO TO L.A. ♪

MOVIE STARS, MAGAZINES, ALL OVER FRONT PAGE

- ♪ YOU JUST CHILL

YOU'RE TOO FAST FOR ME

YOU NEED TO SLOW YOUR ROLL IF YOU WANT SEX FROM ME

YOU NEED TO CHILL

YOU'RE COMING ON TOO STRONG

BABY, YOU NEED TO CHILL, YOU NEED TO CHILL

- ♪ SAY, "MOOSE," "MOOSE" ♪ - ♪ SQUIRREL

both: ♪ SAY MOOSE AND SQUIRREL

- ♪ SAY MOOSE ♪ - ♪ SQUIRREL

- ♪ MOOSE ♪ - ♪ SQUIRREL

both: ♪ SAY MOOSE AND SQUIRREL

[Latin jazzy music]

♪ ♪

[Eastern string music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ WAITING AWAY

FOR A NEVER, NEVER DAY

I'M WAITING AWAY

[driving rock music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ PUT IT ON ME

PUT IT ON ME, GIRL

PUT IT ON ME

PUT IT ON ME, GIRL

PUT IT ON ME

- ♪ I CAN MAKE 'EM TWIST, BABY

MAKE 'EM TWIST, BABY

I'LL MAKE 'EM DIP DOWN

DIP DOWN

ON THE GROUND NOW

THE DANCE FLOOR IS PACKED

IT'S GETTING HOT UP IN THE CLUB

[pulsing dance music]

♪ ♪

The Description of Natasha Kizmet: The Movie