Practice English Speaking&Listening with: EAT ALL THE DINOSAURS | Tasty Planet #2

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Hello everybody my name is Markiplier

and welcome back to Tasty Planet.

Now you may all think of me as the incredibly handsome, undeniably intelligent,

and all around cool guy

that is Markiplier, but even I, make stupid mistakes.

Because apparently, this game was on Steam, and I didn't even know it.

I had like a goat hooked up with an auxiliary cord up it's ass and then tied to my el gato

and then all swirled up in a mix of bullshit. I, I didn't need it, it was just motivating me as a Let's Player,

and then I didn't need that, 'cause it's here.

So I'm gonna play and I'm gonna pick up right where I last left off, which is eating dinosaurs.

Because if there is a way, to go back in time and be a douchbag to dinosaurs, this guy's gonna find it.

And, where the hell am I supposed to do it, there's no one here; they're already dead.

Oh God, I've gotta pick their bones? I thought I already went back to the part where they were all alive?

I thought I was going to have a fun ol' time in the prehistoric era where they were going to be---

Dinosaurs are not going to eat. I mean, it's kinda a dick thing to do, but that's kinda my primary objective

for being out here, is to be the biggest douchbag possible, and destroy the entire world.

Yum, I guess, munching on old bones. Always a good delightful meal for me.

I mean if I had known that this was what I was supposed to do on the get go, I would've had a better start about it

because I actually did play through this game again just to be able to get where I am on the Steam version of it.

Am I speaking too fast for you guys to understand?

I just got back from Pax and holy hell, am I tired. I am unbelievably, unquestionably, astonishingly tired.


Holy shit, what the fuck happened?

I mean, there's no one alive, so I guess we're doing generally okay, being the horrible time terrorist that we are.

Let me take that hip bone. Hip bone connected to my stomach.

Ok, well, anyways.

So I just got back from PAX, and it was a great time. I got to spend a lot of time with my friends again

and hang out with you guys, and I'm really grateful for that, because it's always a humbling experience

to be able to meet so many of you guys, and we did a great job at the, the panel, and then the takeover, the Polaris booth.

All the videos are up on YouTube somewhere. If I find them I'll put the links in the description below,

but then again, I'm very tired. It's currently 3 in the, 3:43 in the fucking morning,

and whooh, just Whooh. Why am I playing a video game at 3 in the morning

where I am having maniacal thoughts? I have a feeling that this, this game is going to leave an imprint on

my brain and I'm going to secretly start eating my pillow, and then growing bigger and bigger, and

not so sensual-sual ways, excuse me, sorry.

So we ate up some not---What the f---, goo---, sorry, excuse me, I'm losing my Goddamn mind.

Oh, okay, this makes sense. I don't think the level distribution is entirely intelligent on this,

and I don't think these grubs appreciate me being a Goddamn fucking asshole to them and eating them.

You think they assimilate into me? Do you think they know?

Do you think it's a horrible, painful experience when I consume them into my gullet?

Probably is.

Hey shrew, back off, he's mine. Get outta the way. I need to eat more--- Noo!! God damn it!!

Fucking hater. I need more grasshoppers to mmmm-block out the haters.

My, uh, the reason it's so late, and the reason why I'm playing this is because

I timed this exactly so I would run out of videos exactly when I came back,

but My Flight Got Delayed!! And I Didn't Get Here Soon Enough!!!

So the pr-ahahah, eh, see you later, hater. You ain't gonna get me, shr-AHAHAH FUCK ME

What was that?? Oh My God! It's Dinos! That is the stupidest run I've ever seen. What are you??

What Are You???

You know what, frankly, I'm glad that I'm eating you--- Oh God, get away! Hater shields at maximum!

Oh Fuck! They want me bad! I mean, I don't blame them, I am incredibly handsome, and astonishingly smart,

and good talker-ness too, that I have.

Bye shrew, screw you. Turtle, you were all right, but you do better in my belly.

Ahh! Haters! Hater. Ah God! My, my hater shields can't withstand hate of this magnitude!


It's such happy music. It's soo happy. God, it's so happy.

Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you. Dinos, you gonna get it. You gonna get it eventually. You gonna get it in like 2---

OHH You Better Run!! Ohh, too late for you, you couldn't run fast enough.

Mhmhmhmhmh eheheheh

It's very late.

I am very tired, but I had a great time at Pax, you know. I didn't get to see much of the show floor,

but I did get to see the preview for--- OHH GOD!!!

Holy Shit!! Everybody hold onto your hats because things got crazy!

Oh my God, it's like the dinosaur bone that I ate before. Is that a continuation of it?

Is this all like a, continuous stream of the same thing? Oh God, those poor bird dinos.

I hate it when they squawk right before I swallow them whole.

And then mush their bodies into more gray goo to--- Raaaahhh!!! Uh oh.

We got a Level 99 Hater coming in. He's gonna get us. Get outta the way!

Get outta the way!

Ehh block me! Save me! I don't know the names of dinosaurs, it's been a while-looong time since I, I've even thought about that.

Excuse me. Ohh, that was a squishy rock. Why was that rock so squosh? I don't wanna know.

Excuse me. Pardon me. Ouch. Don't mind me boo-boo-ing myself while I'm eating everybody. Yummy. Yummy dinos.

Ohh God.

Did I mention that my brain's not exactly working right now? So don't expect any high quality commentary this late into the day.

And I'm gonna record more after this because why the fuck not?

Ho-ly crap.

[Gray Goo says "Oppa!"] Oppa! Apparently this Gray Goo is Jewish!

Hey, I don't know what, I don't know, I'm gonna be offensive no matter what I do,

so I'm gonna stop right there and just carry on. I'm not gonna stop playing the game,

But I'ma stop right there.

Ohh, a day at the beach! Oh how lovely! I can't go anywhere!

God damn I'm waterpho--- Oohh, that's clever. Not really, I mean I'm just walking on lilies.

I'm not calling myself clever, I'm calling the game clever.

This is a different way of having an environment so that it stays nice and diverse so I don't get too bored

with the environ-ahbahbahbereeehhehe

It's not--- It's too late to talk about game design here.


Okay. Hi, what, opossums? I, I'm kinda confused as to what time period that I keep jumping around into,

because before, I was under the understanding that turtles were prehistoric and stuff

but things, these seem to be awfully modern. I mean, not that I'm complaining about anything

but, because I'm a fricking gray goo that's gonna cause the apocalypse, I mean, what do I

to complain about. I'm fricking awesome. Look at me.

Whatever. What was I talking about?

There we go. We made progress! We've moved onto sticks! Which means we'll eventually move onto turts.

They're coming later. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

They just came on the beach to breed and have love and meet their wives, and husbands, out on a nice beachfront date.

Well, too bad! Death for you.

Whup, okay, whup. I'll just--- that, that one turtle was loaded up with crack. Here we go!

Holy shit. Why are there dinosaur bones? It still doesn't make any God damn sense that there are dinosaur

bones just laying about.

Uh huh. Uh huh. Okay, alright.

F--- I blacked out for a second there. I seriously, like, my brain went somewhere else.

I'm pretty sure I just fell asleep halfway through this let's play.

I, I have no idea what just happened. I zoned out completely as I was watching that crocodile

and my brain was like "AAAAHHHHH". My brain wasn't like "Ahh, I just went fast again," and every time I go fast it just throws me for a loop.

But my brain was like looking at the crocodile and being like "That's a dopey ass crocodile. I should say something about that.


And then I blanked out for too long and then forgot about what I was--- What am I talking about?



Wha--- Okay.

Ahh--- Too late for you crocodiles it's your time. Oh you thought you were at the top of the food chain.

Little did you know that I was at the top of the food chain. [Chuckling]

[Gray Goo - "Oppa"] Oppa! Okay there we go. Got it!

Woo I am so--- I'm not, I'm not holdin' it together everybody. I am Losing It!!

I'm Losing--- And the reason why I don't have to be quiet this late in the morning is 'cause

No One Else Is Here. I'm All Alone. Unless I'm not alone which would be very creepy, all things considered.

But maybe not. Okay let's just assume that it's not that way that it is.

So let's keep going. 'Eat 110 eggs'? What, I have an objective now?

I don't like objectives. Don't tell me what to do.

I don't even know what eggs look like--- Those weren't rocks! Oh God! I thought I was eating rocks

the whole time. I didn't know I was eating actual eggs! And by the way this is a little hard to control.

I'm actually--- See I tried a whole bunch of different things, because on the phone, it had tilt controls,

but now on the computer, it had both the mouse and keyboard, and then I said fuck it to both of those,

I went with the Goddamn Game pad, which isn't any better. It's actually quite imprecise, if I had to say so.

The mouse is very precise and I mean--- Here, I'll show ya.

Look at what the mouse--- OH GOD BAD TIMING FOR THE MOUSE

But look at what the mouse can do, right? Am I right? Sorry momma, I just ate all your babies.

Don't worry about a thing, you just go be sad in a corner. But it's Goddamn infuriating because I have to keep

fucking picking it up and scrolling it around, so I might as well play keep-away with these dinos as they try to

stop me from eating their young. Which of course I'm not going to do, I'm going to keep doing it as long as I

can keep breathing, which I don't even know if I breathe. I'm kinda a mechanical monstrosity that---

That one disappeared in front of me. But, I'm kind of, like, you know, just, not really here, not really anyway.

Maybe I could just ignore the eggs and eat the adults; would that be the more humane thing to do?

I mean, besides the emotional trauma that I'm inflicting on these poor--- I mean the,

look at them! They're just trying to defend their own! This game is horrible!

This game makes you do terrible, terrible things. Why are these things being done?

Uhh. I mean, seriously, they probably just love their family so much, oh God.

Ohh, that was it. Well, my reign of terror is over, and I did what I came to do, which is ruin everything.

This Guy. Ohh.

All right, lets do one more. Lets do one more.

Oh, 'Bigger Than Dinos'. What can be bigger than--- Ohh I'm going to be bigger than dinos.

Well, I should've evaluated my thoughts better before I actually opened my Goddamn mouth, which is not something that I'm good at doing right now.

I mean not opening my Goddamn mouth, but evaluating what my brain is dripping out through my nose, my mouth.

And everywhere else.

Ahh get away! Get away! Goddamn hater patrol here. You think you can stop me?

Huh? I'm 2 bites away from eatin' your butt.

Specifically the butt.

I don't like anything else but the butt.


I like to think that all these dinosaurs are just trying to check up on their friends that didn't get back to them,

like they all went into this valley and they're like 'Huh. Jeffery's gone. Well I better go over there to make sure that he's okay---

OHH SHIT. Oh God It's A Horrible Gray Goo From The Future And

We Have The Mental Capacity To Understand That Threat.'

Oh God. I'm gonna eventually eat the mastadons? The, ma-, the, the mast-uau-a-u, I don't know the name of that

so I'm going to talk in gibberish until it come, the klepti-momomo, the flem-i-di-bobo-mo,

the ram-ishram-bro.

Sorry were you eating those leaves? Well, shit, were you eating the you? I'm sorry.

Were you using that body? I apologize. Not really.

Oh this is getting bad. Oh this is getting real bad. Oh, this is getting, Oh God. Oh God. Oh God!

Oh I just realized--- It just like dawned on me what I was doing. I'm destroying the entire planet. At this rate---

Oh God!! Let me just circle that tree for a few laps of shame. What is this?? Ohh can I eat that?? Am I going to eat a volcano?

I mean eventually this is just going to me eating land masses, and not actually creatures.

Ahh God damn it, you learned my one weakness: small holes.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Can I eat these yet?

Can I--- Oh, God, if I can't eat the Goddamn trees, what am I gonna be doing?

Give, give, give, give, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Slay. Yes, slay the entire population. Yes, no survivors. Yes. Slay! Yes!

Even the, even the ecology of the--- even the flora of the planet gets eaten. The fun---

[Gray Goo "Oppa"] Oppa! Okay. Well, that's a lot of species that got done did extinct.

So, that's all the time that I got for Tasty Planet right now. I'm gonna record more of this!

'Cause I'm a masochist, and I don't need sleep. No one needs sleep.

No one needs to do anything but play video games for the rest of their life.

So you heard it first, frieght from Markiplier. Freight, freight from Markiplier.

Don't do your homework.

Stay in school.

Drink your milk.

Eat your, parents. Oh my God. [Chuckling]


Ignore everything I just said. I'm a bad role model to kids.

So thank you everybody so much for watching. And always - I will see you. In the next video. Ba Bye!

The Description of EAT ALL THE DINOSAURS | Tasty Planet #2