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In this video you will learn 8 tips to make your long-distance relationship

great and they're all based on psychological science so if you're

currently in a long-distance relationship or if you're thinking about

that possibility then this is the video for you don't go anywhere because we're

starting right now

hi everyone I'm dr. Antonio burello and I'm a psychologist and a relationship

coach this channel is all about helping you build great relationships so you can

grow happy with the people you love so if you're interested in making your love

life the best part of your life start now by clicking the subscribe button and

hit the bell notification so you aren't missing anything

ok on to our topic tips for an amazing long-distance relationship there are two

types of long-distance relationships first there are relationships that start

traditionally and then one partner has to relocate temporarily and the

relationship has a period of time where it becomes long-distance but the second

type is a relationship that starts off as a long-distance relationship from the

beginning now the first one is easy to understand but what about the

long-distance relationship that starts off that way

why do couples do it well simply put when you meet someone whose presence

changes your life someone you feel so connected to physically and emotionally

and spiritually you won't even consider not trying to make it work somehow

the feeling is so rare and urgent you're willing to do whatever it takes to make

it work so if you're in either of these

situations here are the tips to make that relationship amazing number 1

believe in your relationship unlike with traditional relationships couple in

long-distance relationships aren't going to deal with family and friends who

believe that trying long-distance is crazy or that it's not sustainable or

it's even heart wrenching and in some ways they're they have a point

relationships are hard enough even without dealing with all the

disadvantages of long distance such as missing the other person or lack of

physical contact and expensive traveling to see one another but when couples

believe in their relationship they report that the advantages far outweigh

the disadvantages for example a study from Cornell University published in

2013 found that couples and long distance relationships feel more

intimate with their partners than those who live in the same area they value

what little time they have together during visits and even over the phone so

greatly that they optimize those moments emotionally also long-distance lovers

were more accepting over there behavior and felt more committed to each

other in that sense being in a long-distance relationship can create

feelings of relationship security because it's obvious that you are both

willing to make it work so you have to believe in your relationship and believe

that you are so fortunate to have found such an amazing connection with your

partner and when you have greater belief in your relationship and more certainty

about the future you'll also have something more concrete to look forward

to and to take solace in when times are tough

number two focus on the quality of communication over quantity many couples

think that they need to compensate for the distance by doing more communicating

so they engage in moment to moment texting all day long but when you do

that it makes it more difficult to enjoy your days because you're constantly

wishing you could be together plus your conversations will start to get a little

boring and that will make things worse instead focus on intentional quality

communications where you really invest in the conversation and this will create

stronger bonds between you both so if you have daily bedtime conversations for

instance give a little thought beforehand to the most important parts

of your day to talk about that can help you make sure that the most important

intimacy building conversations are still being had no matter how far apart

you are and of course research on long distance relationships

backs this up according to a 2013 study published in the Journal of

communication people in long-distance relationships were more likely to share

meaningful thoughts and feelings with their partners than those who are not

the study also found that people in long-distance relationships often have

stronger bonds from deeper communication than normal relationships so if you try

harder to stay connected and communicating your affection and

intimacy your efforts will certainly pay off in the form of stronger bonds number

three have a long-term plan long-distance relationships are much

more satisfying and less stressful when they are understood to be temporary in

other words having a goal of living together at some point in the future

makes it much easier to keep your eyes on the prize and easier to work together

to get through the tough times so if you're going to do a long-distance

relationship you have an end in mind because without a

plan there's no end in sight if neither of you could see yourself living

together in the future then the relationship has an expiration date from

the start so yeah both you and your partner should have an end in mind like

what do we want to achieve at the end of the day how long are we going to be

apart what about the future these are

questions that you two need to ask yourselves so talk about it make sure

you're on the same page and make a plan for it

that's what university students do I mean these relationships work because

there's an end date in mind upon graduating they know that they will be

together and if for whatever reason you can't ever be living together what's the

point of the relationship anyway if there isn't a foreseeable date when the

two of you could be living together or close together you're going to have huge

problems in the relationship with no end in sight

number four know each other schedule different time zones and work or school

schedules and sleep preferences can make communicating and staying connected much

more challenging that's why knowing each other's schedule

is important it's helpful to know when the other person is busy and when he is

free so that you can drop a text or make a call at the right time you don't want

to disturb your partner when he or she is in the middle of class or halfway

through a business meeting so know the small and big events that are taking

place in each other's life such as important meetings or school exams and

job interviews this also gives you another opportunity to support and

encourage each other number five always have the next visit planned visits are

the highlight of every long-distance relationship after all the waiting and

yearning and abstinence you finally get to meet each other to fulfill all the

little things like kissing and holding hands these are things that other

couples often take for granted but they can be very special and extra intimate

for people in long-distance relationships it'll be like fireworks

and don't worry about trying to over plan your time together many people

worry that they must always be doing something extra special and try to make

every moment count but also make sure that you allow yourself some downtime

and breathing room because these are the times

our best to build intimacy so visit as often as possible and make visiting

plans as soon as possible that gives you something concrete to look forward to

number six have patience and trust when you are wrapped up in your long-distance

relationship it's hard to remember that your partner has a whole other life that

you don't quite understand especially in the beginning they have a job social

life and family needs that take up their time and as much as you'd like to spend

hours on the phone with each other they've got to be on time to work and so

do you so patience is key in these situations of course you miss your

partner and eight to see them and to talk to them but that ache is exactly

what fuels a desire and passion in the relationship sometimes that may mean not

talking for a day but when you do you'll find it's worth the wait besides

patience you have to trust each other one of the biggest challenges for any

couple is trust and that can be an even bigger challenge when you're living far

apart when you're in a long-distance relationship you are not going to be

able to verify what the other person is doing that simply isn't an option so

you've got to take a leap of faith and trust your partner so set rules and

boundaries and discuss everything that might come up and have a plan to deal

with it talk about situations that could come up and discuss them and agree upon

how you should handle them in advance doing this strengthens trust and helps

both partners feel more secure number 7 embrace your independence and

focus on you being in a long-distance relationship

forces couples to have their own lives because you can't spend 24/7 facetiming

and Skype calling and yes it can be lonely but you can use that loneliness

to motivate you to get stuff done and to focus on your goals and while you're

doing that you're becoming a stronger and more confident person again focus on

the big picture and do things that will be beneficial to you and the

relationship in the long run so pick up some hobbies make and keep plans with

your friends and family fill up your social calendar appreciate and nurture

your relationship with yourself and get to know yourself on a deep level many

people have a tendency to lose themselves in relationships they start

doing everything their partner does or they change

themselves in order for their partner to like them now is your chance to truly

get to know yourself the real you and develop the self-love that will ensure

that your relationship is healthy number eight do things together when you're

apart one of the best ways to stay close in the long-distance relationship is to

have an activity that you both do together while you're apart and modern

technologies such as FaceTime in whatsapp and video chat allow people to

stay connected in ways that we're never possible before so take advantage of

these amazing technologies and do things together when you're apart for example

you could stream and watch a TV show together while you're separate or you

can play online or mobile games together or against one another this may require

some creativity but it's so worth it it creates shared experiences even though

you're apart and you're going to feel a lot more connected than if you just call

everyday whatever it is the most important thing is that you're doing it

together and you do it consistently by the way I'd love to know some of the

creative things that you've done to stay connected in your long-distance

relationship please leave a comment and let us know I'm sure there are some

great ideas out there look if your relationship has to go long-distance for

a while don't despair while it's hard to be away from each other your

relationship really can't take it in fact past research has shown that

long-distance couples are no more likely to break up than geographically close

couples and remember relationships are not made in heaven

they take work whether they are long distance or close distance it takes both

parties working together and sometimes it's 50/50 sometimes it's 60/40 and

other times it's 40 60 but it's all about balancing each other and

supporting one another when needed and speaking of support I'd love it if you

joined our conversations in the comments below it's awesome to see viewers

sharing stories and offering support to one another it's what makes YouTube

great so please subscribe and let's chat oh and click here to see my latest video

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