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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: He's ignoring me. What should I do? [SPEECH]

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hi everyone I want to talk about types

of ignoring in dating and relationships

this can be casual dating relationships

committed relationships marriages all

these kinds of ignoring behaviors can

apply to any kind of relationship also I

want to add that I'm not a perfect

person when it comes to either engaging

in these kinds of behaviors or accepting

them from other people but I always

strive to improve upon my ability to

express my own needs and to avoid

falling into these kinds of

passive-aggressive behaviors which

nearly all kinds of ignoring are apart

from one exception that we'll get to so

let's start by going through the

different types of ignoring first one

straight up ignoring you ask a question

you reach out maybe you want to call in

arrange a meeting or something and you

get no response it feels like ignoring

you're not a hundred percent sure

especially when you're dating someone

whether it is ignoring or not because

you don't have the full picture of that

person's life perhaps haven't told you

that much about their schedule and

things like that you may not know if

they're particularly busy at that time

or they've got personal stuff going on

you might not know it so sometimes it

feels like ignoring when in some cases

it might not be you can't always tell

right at the beginning so moving on the

next kind of ignoring is ambivalent

ignoring this is when there's a person

who seems really interested in you and

it's definitely not ignoring you but

it's only for very very short windows

and then you start to feel hopeful you

get you get like happy feelings about

this it feels good that person is there

it's present with you in terms of

attention but it only lasts a short time

it could be one evening it could be a

weekend could be one hour before it

changes someone who's Rivlin has

basically ambivalent feelings about you

and

whether they want to know you more

because they're constantly coming and

going and this isn't to do with them

well they might say it's because they're

busy at work or they've got some problem

going on but with the ambivalent ignorer

it's a full-time pattern of coming and

going you never really know where you

are with that person it's like walking

on eggshells and there will be moments

of connection that seem good to you like

oh everything's changed now I'm not

being ignored but then flips back to

distance disappeared and what the

ambivalent ignorer might do as well is

be in touch with you in those moments

when nothing else is going on or in

those moments where no one else is going

on if there isn't someone else giving

attention and they're a bit bored that's

when they are in contact with you next

example is not listening sometimes

people have the appearance of actually

listening to you in a conversation maybe

head nodding or could be even a

interested looking face when actually

your words go in one ear and out the

other and you don't always notice that

at the beginning especially when you're

dating because they appear like they're

actually just listening to you but you

only realize later that those things you

told them about yourself haven't

registered you know fair enough some

people have got short-term memories and

others and nobody has to remember a

hundred percent of all the details of

everything you say but you will notice

if someone isn't really paying attention

because when you do open up and tell

them things that are important to you

you recognize and see later that that

person didn't actually hear you perhaps

they were nodding their head but the

content of what you're saying didn't go

in it didn't go in because they didn't

really care enough to listen in the

first place harsh but true next example

is speaking over someone or changing the

subject these are behaviors where

someone doesn't really like where you're

taking the

conversation perhaps you've got too

personal it's a topic they don't want to

go to so instead of letting you finish

your point it's like did a little let's

go over that we'll say oh I have to say

this I have to say this and then you

know the opportunities being gone and

you can't talk about that thing anymore

and this is ignoring in the sense that

when you're opening up and when you want

to share something with that person they

are just trampling over that and they're

shutting you down and when it does

happen and if it happens regularly it

gives you the feeling of like whoa am i

boring or something or did I do

something wrong

why aren't they interested in hearing

what I've got to say so it's just a

habit that some people have a being I

don't want to go there this is not

comfortable I'm going to trample over

that finish this is related to stone

walling stone walling is a higher level

of toxicity and it's more noticeable

Stone morning is when you shut someone

does it I don't want to speak to you

tonight but it would be shouting instead

of being like I'm really sorry I'm

feeling tired tonight can we chat about

this more tomorrow not toxic this is I

don't want I'm out with my friends I'm

not going to talk to you tonight or this

is putting the phone down on you just

like I'm not gonna talk stowe morning is

when you have the need to be heard or

there's something you really want to say

and the other person just won't listen

it's like talk to the hand talk to the

hand

very very toxic this is the way some

people react in arguments when they're a

bit angry they're just don't know how to

deal with those intense feelings and

anger so they just decide to like look

you booked you gone can't deal with you

right now

next behavior is ghosting ghosting is

when you've been dating someone casual

dating or dating or even a relationship

and in your mind you think that

everything's going fine he's saying that

more or less we're getting on quite well

in this for

and then that's it the other person

disappears they disappear from your life

forever

you send message to them no response

you callin on the phone no response it's

like this person could have disappeared

off the face of the earth you have no

idea what happened to them and why now

what but you feel awful like you did

something so awfully wrong and you feel

abandoned or rejected and confused by

this person disappearing on you now the

reason this happens can be many many

reasons maybe that other person has met

someone else maybe they feel bad about

dumping you or saying they don't want to

see you anymore it could be many many

reasons but the key point is it's really

disrespectful for the other person just

to leave completely leave them without

giving them any explanation and it's

such a toxic behavior that if you're

ever ghosted and somebody does it to you

they disappear if they ever decide to

walk back into your life a few weeks

later a few months later you should

remember what they did to you that first

time because once I've done it they're

probably likely to do it again at some

other time which brings me to the last

behavior which depending on when it's

done because of a particular person this

is not a passive aggressive behavior

sometimes this last kind of ignoring is

actually required dealing with certain

kinds of people so ghosting is when you

cannot think of a particular reason why

that person has disappeared from your

life there wasn't like a big fight or

didn't seem to be anything going wrong

they're just gone the last example is

when I'm in a very toxic relationship

with someone or interaction and even if

it's not a relationship and you realize

and you know that this is very unhealthy

your emotions are all over the place you

don't feel good and whenever you do

communicate

your needs to that person or you draw

boundaries as in to give another example

I don't want to see you this weekend or

I don't want to be I just need a fear I

need a few days for myself to see how

I'm feeling that's drawing a boundary

and giving a timeframe for that person

to wait in some cases people who really

abuse boundaries do not ever listen to

you whenever you try to establish the

communication boundaries so they will

show up at your house they'll call you

on your phone like 50 times because you

didn't answer with these kinds of people

and if the relationship is very very

toxic going no contact is the kind of

ignoring that you do sometimes have to

do to break up with someone because what

no contact means is very much similar to

in an hour colic gives up alcohol or

drug addict gives up drugs going no

contact is when you give up your

obsession or addiction to a relationship

with a person and it's so toxic and so

bad that you cannot get away from that

person or they won't let you get away so

that's what the reason of no contact is

for but no contact is should be a final

solution not I'm going to ignore you for

a few weeks and then I'm going to talk

to you again because I've got some power

back no it shouldn't be like that it

should be the final straw when you just

tried everything else and you couldn't

get this person to respect your

boundaries or leave you alone that's

what no contact is for but it is

different to all the other examples I

gave because the other examples are

generally used in emotionally

manipulative ways and for people to get

power in dating or relationships when we

can really solve a lot of this by

speaking our needs out more clearly to

the other person for example if you get

the feeling when you're communicating

with someone that you've you feel

slightly ignored by them but you're not

100% sure you

could all always voice that out and say

oh I just wanted to ask you is it okay

that I'm in touch with you this much now

to some people that's gonna sound mega

mega mega needy but isn't it better to

find out straight from them how much

contact they would like and then it's up

to you to either agree to that or just

say okay I know now he's not that

interested by and what I will end by

saying with all these kinds of ignoring

behaviors I think that people show you

very early on from the beginning how

much they're interested in you so if

they do do a lot of this ignoring

disappearing ambivalent ignoring not

listening to you not hearing what you're

saying they're showing you from the

beginning that they're probably not that

interested in you you can hang around

you can try and get the power you can

try and ignore them to get it back a bit

to bring the attention back but they are

communicating in their own way and very

poorly that they're maybe don't mind you

being around a bit but they're not going

to meet your needs for attention

affection and care because they're

ignoring you so it can be quite a hard

thing to accept about a person that

maybe they're ignoring is just showing

you that they're not very interested but

once you see that then you do have a

choice in the situation whether you can

be cool with that and you'll accept this

person anyway or whether you can just

say alright I realized now although they

didn't say it that they're just not

interested in me I'd rather wait for

someone who is more interested in me

okay Cheers for watching and I'll see

you again soon bye

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