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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Religulous

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♪♪

( chalk scratching )

( blowing )

( bird chirping )

Maher: THIS IS IT.

I'M STANDING ON THE VERY SPOT

WHERE MANY CHRISTIANS BELIEVE

THE WORLD WILL COME TO AN END.

IT'S CALLED "MEGIDDO"

AND IT'S THE PLACE THAT THE BOOK OF REVELATIONS SAYS

JESUS CHRIST WILL COME DOWN TO, END THE WORLD,

AND SAVE THE PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN HIM.

NOW, WHEN REVELATIONS WAS WRITTEN,

ONLY GOD HAD THE CAPACITY TO END THE WORLD,

BUT NOW MAN DOES, TOO,

BECAUSE UNFORTUNATELY,

BEFORE MAN FIGURED OUT HOW TO BE RATIONAL

OR PEACEFUL, HE FIGURED OUT NUCLEAR WEAPONS

AND HOW TO POLLUTE ON A CATASTROPHIC SCALE.

AND IF IT'S ONE THING I HATE MORE THAN PROPHECY,

IT'S SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY.

( organ music playing )

Man: SOMETIMES IN YOUR SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS,

YOU PONDER THE MEANING OF YOUR LIFE.

WHO AM I? HOW DID I COME TO BE?

DEATH...AND THEN WHAT?

Maher: I CERTAINLY HONESTLY BELIEVE

RELIGION IS DETRIMENTAL TO THE PROGRESS OF HUMANITY.

YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST SOMETHING OF AN INVISIBLE PRODUCT.

IT'S TOO EASY.

THESE QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIE

AND...THEY'RE SO--

THEY SO FREAK PEOPLE OUT

THAT THEY WILL JUST MAKE UP ANY STORY

AND--AND CLING TO IT,

THINGS THAT THEY KNOW CAN'T BE TRUE.

PEOPLE WHO ARE OTHERWISE SO RATIONAL

ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE, AND THEN...

THEY BELIEVE THAT, UH, ON SUNDAY,

THEY'RE DRINKING THE BLOOD OF THE 2,000-YEAR OLD GOD.

I--I CAN'T--

THAT'S A DISSONANCE IN MY HEAD.

I CAN'T...I HAVE TO FIND OUT,

I JUST HAVE TO FIND OUT. I HAVE TO TRY.

♪♪

I'VE LOOKED UNDER CHAIRS

I'VE LOOKED UNDER TABLES

I'VE TRIED TO FIND THE KEY

TO FIFTY MILLION FABLES

THEY CALL ME THE SEEKER

I'VE BEEN SEARCHING LOW AND HIGH

THIS IS THE MOUNT OF OLIVES.

THIS IS JESUS' FOOTPRINT.

YOU WORK HERE, FREEZING YOUR ASS OFF.

I WON'T GET TO GET WHAT I'M AFTER

TILL THE DAY I DIE

Man: IS THERE ANYBODY ON THE STAGE

THAT DOES NOT BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION?

Man: YEAH.

I LEARNED HOW TO RAISE MY VOICE IN ANGER

( chanting )

LOOK AT MY FACE, AIN'T THIS A SMILE? ♪

I LIKE MY HAT.

YOU LOOK GOOD, TOO.

FOCUSING ON NOWHERE

WELCOME TO BIBLE COUNTRY!

BIRTHPLACE OF THE VIRGIN MARY?

I'M A REALLY DESPERATE MAN

I BELIEVE THAT GOD WANTS EVERYBODY TO BE FREE.

THAT'S WHAT I BELIEVE,

AND THAT'S ONE-- PART OF MY--

FOREIGN POLICY.

I KNOW YOU BELIEVE

( train bell rings )

WE'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER

OH, BOY, DO I FEEL CHEAP.

THEY CALL ME THE SEEKER

I'VE BEEN SEARCHING

I WANT TO THANK GOD FOR JUST BLESSING ME SO MUCH.

MUSIC HAS BEEN A BLESSING FROM GOD.

Man: THANK YOU, JESUS!

YOU NEED A HOLY GHOST ENEMA

RIGHT UP YOUR REAR END!

( yelling )

( screaming )

I WON'T GET TO GET WHAT I'M AFTER

TILL THE DAY I DIE

( indistinct )

PUT THAT AWAY, NOW.

IF YOU LOOK AT MY STAND-UP

FROM THE, LIKE, '80s, THAT ERA,

EARLY '90s,

UM...I TALK ABOUT RELIGION,

BUT I'M NOT EVER, LIKE, QUESTIONING GOD.

I'M JUST MAKING FUN ABOUT THINGS IN THE RELIGIONS.

CIRCUMCISION--

CIRCUMCISION!

I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE BEEN THERE

FOR THE FIRST PEOPLE TO HEAR ABOUT THIS.

YOU KNOW? I MEAN...

WE'RE USED TO IT NOW,

BUT, YOU KNOW, I MEAN,

I'M SURE WHEN MOSES CAME OUT WITH THIS IDEA,

THERE HAD TO BE ONE GUY GOING,

"LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT."

( audience laughing )

IT WAS JUST A GENTLE POKING FUN AT 'EM.

IT'S ALMOST LIKE I'M ROASTING THEM.

MY MOTHER IS JEWISH, AND MY FATHER IS CATHOLIC.

THAT IS THE TRUTH. I WAS RAISED CATHOLIC FORMALLY,

ALTHOUGH I MUST SAY, THE JEWISH MIND COMES OUT

EVEN IN THE CATHOLIC SYSTEM.

UH, GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE.

WE USED TO GO INTO CONFESSION,

AND I WOULD BRING A LAWYER IN WITH ME.

( audience laughing )

YOU KNOW.

"BLESS ME FATHER, FOR I HAVE SINNED.

"I THINK YOU KNOW MR. COHEN."

( audience laughing )

Maher: SO LET ME GET OUT SOME PICTURES.

THERE'S ME.

WE WEREN'T BROUGHT UP JEWISH,

AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WE HAD THAT SIDE,

SO IT WAS VERY CATHOLIC.

WE WENT TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY,

BUT I WOULDN'T TAKE OFF THE GUN.

AND REALLY, WHEN I THINK BACK,

IT WASN'T RELEVANT TO MY LIFE.

SUPERMAN WAS RELEVANT, AND BASEBALL.

WE HAD THIS... ( chuckling )

FAMILY WHERE ONE PERSON WAS JEWISH

AND THE OTHER THREE WERE CATHOLIC.

NOW THERE'S-- IT SAYS "A SUNDAY NOON

"FALL '66", SO WE MUST HAVE

JUST GOTTEN BACK FROM CHURCH,

'CAUSE I'M IN A-- I'M IN A RED SUIT,

AND YOU'RE CHOKING THE DOG,

AND I GUESS YOU--

( chuckling )

WE GOT HOME FROM CHURCH AND TOOK A PICTURE WITH YOU.

NEVER OCCURRED TO ME TO SAY,

"WHY DIDN'T YOU GO TO CHURCH?"

MOM, WHAT CHURCH DO WE BELONG TO?

I DON'T REMEMBER THIS EVER COMING UP.

OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T GO TO CHURCH WITH US.

BUT I NEVER--

WE NEVER HAD A FAMILY DISCUSSION.

WE NEVER HAD A FAMILY DISCUSSION ABOUT THAT.

NEVER.

EVERY FAMILY IS DYSFUNCTIONAL.

( chuckling )

SO YOU THOUGHT EVEN THIS,

WHICH WASN'T YOUR RELIGION,

WAS BETTER THAN NO RELIGION?

WELL, EVEN THIS ONLY TOLD YOU GOOD THINGS.

I THOUGHT.

BUT IT'S JUST SO SHAMELESSLY INVENTED

AS THEY GO ALONG.

WELL, WE CAN SAY THAT NOW.

WAS ANYONE-- ( laughing )

WHEN WE QUIT THE CHURCH,

I WAS 13, AND I WAS THRILLED,

BUT NOT FOR ANY IDEOLOGICAL REASON.

I WAS JUST THRILLED 'CAUSE I HATED CHURCH.

IT SCARED ME, IT WAS BORING,

YOU HAD TO GET UP ON SUNDAY.

YOU KNOW, AT THAT-- I WAS 13.

I WOULD'VE WORSHIPPED ANYTHING

THAT COULD'VE ALLOWED ME TO MASTURBATE EVEN MORE

THAN I WAS MASTURBATING OR GET A GIRL.

THAT-- THAT GOD I WOULD'VE DEFINITELY WORSHIPPED.

WHY DO YOU REMEMBER DAD STOPPED GOING TO CHURCH?

WE USED BIRTH CONTROL,

AND THE CHURCH FROWNED ON BIRTH CONTROL.

THAT WAS THE BIGGEST SIN YOU COULD EVER COMMIT.

I THINK THAT WAS POSSIBLY.

HE NEVER SAID IT TO ME.

AND WE NEVER-- HE NEVER WENT BACK.

NO.

NONE OF US EVER DID.

SO NOW THAT WE DON'T BELIEVE,

WHERE DID...?

NOBODY SAID WE DON'T BELIEVE.

WE DON'T BELIEVE IN CATHOLICISM.

( laughing )

RIGHT, BUT WHAT DO WE BELIEVE IN NOW?

COME, YOU'RE MY MOTHER. INSTRUCT ME.

( laughing )

I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT.

THAT'S MY ANSWER.

Man: WE'LL TAKE SOME BACK ROADS.

JUST TO SEE SOME INTERESTING STUFF.

"TAKE SOME BACK ROADS."

WE ARE HEADING TOWARD RALEIGH, RIGHT?

OH, YEAH, MAN. CAN'T YOU FEEL IT?

( laughing )

( man singing ) ♪ BLESSED ASSURANCE

JESUS IS MINE

THIS IS MY STORY

THIS IS MY SONG

( over P.A. ) ♪ PRAISING MY SAVIOR

ALL THE DAY LONG

MAY I STAND UP HERE?

Maher: SO, AS I WAS LISTENING TO YOU,

I JUST JOTTED DOWN A FEW QUESTIONS

THAT CAME TO MY MIND.

ARE YOU EVER BOTHERED

BY MANY THINGS THAT ARE IN CHRISTIANITY

THAT ARE NOT IN THE BIBLE?

LIKE ORIGINAL SIN,

IMMACULATE CONCEPTION,

THE VIRGIN BIRTH IS ONLY IN TWO OF THE GOSPELS,

POPES.

ARE YOU WORRIED THAT THESE THINGS

CAME NOT FROM THE FOUNDERS,

THE PEOPLE WHO WROTE THIS BOOK,

BUT FROM--AND THIS IS INDISPUTABLE--

BUT FROM MEN, FROM HUMAN BEINGS WHO CAME AFTER 'EM?

WHEN I SAY "MEN", I MEAN PEOPLE WITH PENISES.

( muttering )

IF YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO SCIENTIFIC PROOF,

I THINK IT WAS THE TURBAN OF SHROUD

OR WHATEVER THAT WAS WENT AROUND A WHILE BACK,

I DIDN'T EVEN GET INVOLVED IN THAT--

SHROUD OF TURIN?

THEY TOOK BLOOD SAMPLES FROM IT,

AND IT WAS A FEMALE BLOOD WITH A MALE FIGURE.

OKAY, THE ONLY POSSIBLE WAY THAT COULD HAPPEN

WAS THAT THE HOLY GHOST IMPREGNATED MARY,

BECAUSE IT WOULD'VE BEEN FEMALE BLOOD,

BECAUSE THAT WOULD'VE BEEN THE ONLY BLOOD FLOWING THROUGH HER.

IT'S A FAITH THING.

BUT WHY IS FAITH GOOD?

WHY IS BELIEVING SOMETHING WITHOUT EVIDENCE GOOD?

Man: I DON'T LIKE THE WAY THIS THING'S GOING.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS DOCUMENTARY'S SUPPOSED TO BE,

BUT I DON'T LIKE WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

YOU START DISPUTIN' MY GOD,

AND--AND YOU GOT A PROBLEM.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO-- I'M OUT OF HERE.

YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO,

BUT I'M OUTTA HERE.

I'M JUST ASKING QUESTIONS.

OKAY. NO PROBLEM.

WHEN--WHEN I'VE SEEN WHAT I'VE SEEN,

I KNOW THERE'S A GOD. YOU CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND.

NOBODY CAN CHANGE MY MIND.

I WALKED FOR 30 YEARS AS A SATANIST PRIEST.

FROM THE TIME I GREW UP, I WAS IN SATANISM.

FOR THE LAST SIX YEARS THAT I WAS IN THE SATANISM,

I WAS A SATANIST PRIEST.

TRUE--REAL SATANISM?

YES, REAL SATANISM.

BEING ADDICTED TO DRUGS

AND RUNNING PROSTITUTES,

AND THE WOMEN, AND EVERYTHING THAT GOES WITH THAT.

I WALKED AROUND WITH ROLLS OF MONEY IN MY POCKET.

I GAVE ALL THAT UP WHEN I GOT SAVED.

WHEN THE GUY SAID, "YEAH, I USED TO DO DRUGS,

"I USED TO HAVE WOMEN,"

AND...I'M THINKING,

"AND YOUR PROBLEM WAS?"

Driver: RIGHT.

LET ME ASK YOU THE QUESTION.

WHAT IF WE RIGHT AND YOU WRONG?

WHERE YOU GONNA MAKE IT, AND YOU AIN'T?

IF YOU'RE DOING-- IF YOU'RE BEING GOOD

JUST TO SAVE YOUR ASS JUST BECAUSE,

"OOH, THEY MIGHT BE RIGHT

"AND I JUST WANT TO DOUBLE DOWN HERE

"AND MAKE SURE THAT WHEN I GET UP TO THE PEARLY GATES,

"THAT SAINT PETER DOESN'T SAY TO ME, 'SORRY, ASSHOLE,

"'YOU HAD THE WRONG RELIGION. ENJOY HELL. BUH-BYE.'"

ONE THING I WANT TO SAY--

THAT'S NOT A GOOD REASON.

YOU KNOW THAT.

Man: COME ON, BELIEVE IN JESUS. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE?

IT'S LIKE THE LOTTO.

YOU CAN'T GET SAVED IF YOU DON'T PLAY.

YEAH, YOU COULD BE RIGHT.

I DON'T THINK IT'S VERY LIKELY,

BUT YES, YOU COULD BE RIGHT,

BECAUSE MY BIG THING IS, I DON'T KNOW.

THAT'S WHAT I PREACH.

I PREACH THE GOSPEL OF I DON'T KNOW!

THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE PROMOTING,

DOUBT. THAT'S MY PRODUCT.

THE OTHER GUYS ARE SELLING CERTAINTY.

NOT ME. ( laughing )

I'M ON THE CORNER WITH DOUBT.

SO, UM, DR. COLLINS,

YOU ARE A BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT SCIENTIST,

THE HEAD OF THE HUMAN GENOME PROJECT.

NOW, HERE'S WHAT SO PUZZLING,

IS THAT YOU ARE THE ONE SCIENTIST,

THE ONE FAMOUS SCIENTIST, ANYWAY, WHO'S ALSO RELIGIOUS.

EXPLAIN THAT TO ME.

I WOULD ARGUE THAT IF YOU LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE,

THE HISTORICAL EVIDENCE OF CHRIST'S EXISTENCE

IS OVERWHELMING.

WHAT EVIDENCE?

I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD ANYONE PROPOSE THAT THERE'S EVIDENCE.

THERE'S BEEN PROOF THAT THERE IS A JESUS.

THAT'S--THAT'S BEEN PROVEN.

THAT HASN'T BEEN PROVEN.

HOW YOU FIGURE THAT ONE?

WHEN I READ THE NEW TESTAMENT,

IT READS TO ME AS THE RECORD OF EYEWITNESSES

WHO PUT DOWN WHAT THEY SAW.

THEY--THEY--YOU KNOW THEY WEREN'T EYEWITNESSES.

THEY WERE CLOSE TO THAT.

NO.

WITHIN A COUPLE OF DECADES OF EYEWITNESSES.

OKAY.

WOULD THAT STAND UP IN A LABORATORY

AS--AS ABSOLUTE FOOL-PROOF EVIDENCE

THAT SOMETHING HAPPENED?

YOU ARE SETTING UP A STANDARD FOR PROOF

THAT I THINK WOULD REALLY BE AN IMPOSSIBLE STANDARD TO MEET.

NO GOSPEL TELLS US WHAT HE WAS DOING WHEN HE WAS A YOUNG MAN.

WE SEE JESUS AS AN INFANT,

AND THEN WE KIND OF PICK UP THE STORY

WHEN HE'S 30.

I THINK JESUS WAS PROBABLY AN AWKWARD TEENAGER.

BIG JEW 'FRO, BAD AT SPORTS.

HERE I AM.

THE RECORDS WE HAVE ARE ALL GOSPELS.

GOSPELS ARE NOT HISTORY.

GOSPEL WRITERS NEVER MET JESUS,

NEITHER DID SAINT PAUL.

NO ONE WHO WROTE ABOUT JESUS EVER MET HIM.

HOW CAN YOU GO BACK INTO THE PROPHETS

AND THE PROPHET SPECIFICALLY SPECIFIES

THAT CERTAIN THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN?

THE NEW TESTAMENT CAME AFTER THE OLD TESTAMENT.

WE AGREE TO THAT?

I AGREE WITH THAT,

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

ALL IT MEANS IS THE PEOPLE THAT WROTE

THE NEW TESTAMENT READ THE OLD TESTAMENT

AND THEN MADE THE PROPHECIES FIT.

YOU CAN'T MAKE IT FIT IF SOMETHING DIDN'T HAPPEN.

OF COURSE THEY CAN.

THEY PLACED JESUS--

YOU'RE SAYING THE BIBLE IS FICTITIOUS?

I AM.

CAN'T BE.

I AM.

WE DO ALL KNOW THAT THOSE TEXTS DON'T MATCH.

YEAH, SURE. WOULD YOU EXPECT THEM TO?

I'M SURPRISED THAT THINGS THAT ARE VERY IMPORTANT

TO THE STORY, LIKE THE VIRGIN BIRTH,

ISN'T IN ALL FOUR OF THEM.

WOULDN'T YOU REALLY EXPECT THAT KIND OF DISCORDANCE

WHEN YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT THE WAY IN WHICH

THESE DOCUMENTS CAME INTO BEING?

BUT YOU'D THINK IF YOU WERE ONE OF CHRIST'S BIOGRAPHERS,

THAT WOULD BE SORT OF AN IMPORTANT THING NOT TO LEAVE OUT.

"OH! HE WAS ALSO BORN OF A VIRGIN."

THEY DON'T NOTICE THE VIRGIN BIRTH.

YOU KNOW? THEY--I THINK THAT IS SOMETHING THAT,

IF YOU WERE ANY SORT OF A REPORTER,

YOU PUT INTO THE STORY.

WHAT EDITOR LOOKS AT THE FACTS AND GOES,

"UH...YEAH, BUT TAKE OUT THE THING

"ABOUT THE VIRGIN BIRTH. THAT'S NOT INTERESTING."

I THINK BEING WITHOUT FAITH

IS SOMETHING THAT'S A LUXURY

FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE FORTUNATE ENOUGH

TO HAVE A FORTUNATE LIFE.

YOU KNOW, YOU GO TO PRISON,

AND YOU HEAR A GUY SAY, "YOU KNOW WHAT, BUDDY,

"I GOT NOTHIN' BUT JESUS IN HERE."

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT.

I THINK NOT HAVING FAITH IS A LUXURY SOMETIMES.

IF YOU WERE IN A FOXHOLE, YOU PROBABLY HAVE A LOT OF FAITH.

RIGHT?

Man: MM-HMM.

SO I GET THAT,

BUT YOU GUYS AREN'T DUMB.

YOU'RE SMART PEOPLE. HOW CAN SMART PEOPLE...

HOW CAN THEY BELIEVE IN THE TALKING SNAKE

AND PEOPLE LIVE TO 900 YEARS OLD AND THE VIRGIN BIRTH

AND...YOU KNOW, THAT'S MY QUESTION.

YOU GUYS HAVE YOUR OWN QUESTION.

PRAY FOR ME.

FATHER, IN THE NAME OF JESUS

AND BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT,

WE ASK RIGHT NOW, LORD, AS WE LIFT UP BILL TO YOU,

FATHER, THAT YOU CAN ANSWER HIS QUESTIONS

THAT WE CAN'T ANSWER.

FATHER, WE THANK YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY

THAT HAS COME TODAY

THAT WE MAY VOICE OUR OPINIONS AND HEAR OTHERS,

AND WE ASK YOU, LORD, TO TOUCH

AND FEEL WISDOM RIGHT NOW IN THE NAME OF JESUS,

AND WE THANK YOU FOR IT IN JESUS' NAME. AMEN.

THANK YOU FOR BEING CHRIST-LIKE AND NOT JUST CHRISTIAN.

THANK YOU.

OKAY.

( muttering )

HEY, MY WALLET!

( laughing ) NO, I'M JUST KIDDING.

( all laughing )

YOU SEE SO MANY NICE PEOPLE TRYING TO MAKE IT

ABOUT SOMETHING GOOD,

AND YET IT TURNS INTO NOT JUST CORRUPT,

BUT, LIKE, FUCKING LITTLE KIDS CORRUPT

AND BURNING PEOPLE ALIVE COR--

I MEAN, REALLY EVIL SHIT.

I'D LIKE TO SEE 10,000 PEOPLE

GIVE $10,000.

WRITE YOUR BIGGEST CHECK AND SEND IT IN.

WE GOT PEOPLE ON WELFARE'S GOT ENOUGH FAITH

TO MAKE $1,000 VOW-- AND PAYING IT!

I WANT TO BE IN THE GREEN, LORD!

( people cheering )

WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY IS REVELATION.

I GOT IT ON DVD.

AND I HAVE IT ON DVD.

AND YOU NEED TO GET THIS.

HALLELUJAH.

( people cheering )

Man: HALLELUJAH!

♪♪

Maher: REVEREND? IS THAT WHAT THEY CALL YOU?

NO, JUST CALL ME, UH...

PASTOR?

DOCTOR. DOCTOR.

DOCTOR?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT, DOC.

FIRST OF ALL, I HAVE TO TELL YOU,

WHEN I HEARD THAT YOU WERE IN

HAROLD MELVIN AND THE BLUE NOTES,

I WAS LIKE, "THAT'S MY MAN."

IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME BY NOW

AND IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE THAT LYRIC

COULD BE INTERPRETED RELIGIOUSLY.

"IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME BY NOW."

( laughing )

RIGHT?

I MEAN, YOU MUST'VE THOUGHT OF THAT.

THE SONG DID GO PLATINUM.

TEDDY PENDERGRASS, WHO LED THE SONG,

HE WAS ORDAINED A MINISTER WHEN HE WAS TEN YEARS OLD.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IT SAYS ABOUT RELIGION

AND HOW SERIOUS IT IS

IF YOU CAN BE A MINISTER WHEN YOU'RE TEN?

( slap )

BUT THERE IS A COMPARISON TO BE MADE

BETWEEN MUSICAL STARS,

ROCK STARS, AND RELIGIOUS FIGURES.

THEY VERY OFTEN BOTH DRESS IN ELABORATE COSTUMES.

MM-HMM.

THAT GET PEOPLE'S ATTENTION.

737 COMIN' OUT OF THE SKY

WON'T YOU TAKE ME DOWN TO MEMPHIS ON A MIDNIGHT RIDE? ♪

I WON'T LOSE

PLAYIN' IN A TRAVELIN' BAND

YEAH

( crowds cheering )

Maher: PEOPLE IN A CONGREGATION

MUST KNOW THAT THE OUTFIT WAS FINANCED

BY THEIR DONATIONS, AND IT DOESN'T SEEM TO BOTHER THEM.

I ALWAYS DRESS WELL.

I SEE.

SO IT'S NOT THAT I--

THOSE GATORS?

HUH? THOSE ARE LIZARDS.

LIZARDS?

YES.

WHAT DO THEY RUN?

THEY DON'T RUN. THEY CRAWL.

( laughing )

AND I SEE YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF BLING.

I LIKE GOLD. THE PEOPLE WANT YOU TO LOOK WELL.

THAT'S WHAT PIMPS SAY ABOUT THEIR WOMEN.

I WAS TOLD BY ONE OF THE GREATEST PIMPS THAT EVER LIVED...

HIS NAME IS CALLED GOD...

THAT IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GOT, THEN YOU AIN'T GOT MUCH.

JESUS--JESUS DRESSED VERY WELL.

( laughing )

OH, COME ON, NOW.

WHERE IS THE BIBLICAL EVIDENCE--

THEY BROUGHT--WAIT A MINUTE.

WHEN HE WAS BORN, THEY BROUGHT HIM GOLD.

THEY BROUGHT HIM GOLD. HE WAS NOT POOR.

SO MY IMAGE OF JESUS

AS A MAN WHO CHAMPIONED THE POOR

AND WALKED AROUND IN SIMPLE GARB,

THAT'S WRONG?

IT WAS LINEN. IT WAS FINE LINEN.

REALLY?

YEAH.

BUT JESUS CONSTANTLY PREACHES AGAINST RICH PEOPLE.

THE BIBLE DOES NOT SPEAK AGAINST BEING RICH.

JESUS DOES.

NO. NO.

VERY PLAINLY.

NO.

JESUS WAS VERY, VERY AGAINST THE RICH.

HE NEVER PREACHED AGAINST BEING POOR.

"BLESSED ARE THE POOR IN SPIRIT, FOR--"

NO, HE PREACHED AGAINST BEING RICH.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

HE SAID THAT IT'S BETTER FOR A RICH MAN

TO--THAN, UH, THE RICH MAN TO ENTER INTO, UH...

IT IS EASIER FOR A CAMEL

TO GO THROUGH THE EYE OF A NEEDLE

THAN FOR A RICH MAN TO ENTER THE KINGDOM.

OKAY, BUT NOW, BUT NOW,

THINGS LIKE HOUSES AND CARS AND CLOTHES

AND MONEY, THEY COME AS A RESULT

OF MY SEEKING GOD FIRST.

I DON'T REMEMBER THAT IN THE NEW TESTAMENT SPECIFICALLY.

BUT IT'S THERE.

A PASSAGE ABOUT...

I REMEMBER IT.

THE HOUSES AND THE CARS AND THE CLOTHES, THEY'LL COME.

YEAH.

MONEY COMES. MONEY HAPPENS.

WELL, MONEY HAPPENS FOR YOU

BECAUSE THEY'RE GIVING IT UP TO YOU.

YOU'RE NOT GIVING IT UP TO THEM.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, LET ME SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT.

I DO NOT RECEIVE A SALARY FROM THE CHURCH.

I DO NOT TAKE A SALARY FROM THE CHURCH.

YOU TAKE IT RIGHT OUT OF THE POCKET.

NO, NO, NO.

IT'S SUCH A POWERFUL POSITION. I MEAN,

YOU HOLD PEOPLE'S GREATEST HOPES AND DREAMS

IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND, REALLY.

CERTAINLY, SOME OF THE WOMEN MUST GET A CRUSH ON YOU.

UM...PROBABLY.

I WOULD, TOO, IF I WAS OUT THERE.

I'D PROBABLY SAY-- IF I WAS A WOMAN,

I'D PROBABLY HAVE A CRUSH ON ME, TOO.

THAT'S KEEPIN' IT REAL.

NOW I CAN ADVISE OTHER YOUNG MEN ABOUT WOMEN,

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THERE.

I HAD A YOUNG MAN THAT WAS ABOUT TO GO CRAZY

OVER A WOMAN. HE WAS ABOUT TO KILL HISSELF.

I SAID, "THAT KIND OF PASSION YOU SHOULD HAVE FOR GOD."

I SAID, "TURN THAT TO GOD AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS."

( explosion )

SAINT PAUL, FOR EXAMPLE,

WHO I KNOW YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO--

PEOPLE DO.

PEOPLE DO, OKAY.

BUT HE FAMOUSLY ONLY WORE ON HIS BACK

THE CLOTHES THAT HE OWNED.

MM-HMM.

SHOULD I ASSUME--

HE WAS ALWAYS ON THE RUN.

THIS IS YOUR ONLY $2,000 SUIT?

( laughing )

UM...

THE GENTLEMAN WHO MADE THIS SUIT FOR ME

OWNS A CLOTHING STORE.

HEY, MR. K, YOU IN THE HOUSE?

THE PRICES THAT I GET MY CLOTHES FOR...

YOU KNOW...I'M BLESSED IN THAT AREA.

YES, YOU ARE.

I'M MORE BLESSED THAN I'VE EVER BEEN

ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE.

AND THE OWNER IS A MUSLIM,

WHICH I CAME OUT OF ISLAM.

I KNOW, AND I THINK IT'S VERY INTERESTING

THAT YOU'RE A CHRISTIAN NOW, YOU WERE A MUSLIM,

AND WHEN YOU GET YOUR CLOTHES, YOU BUY THEM LIKE A JEW.

Man: AND ACTION.

THAT'S RIGHT. BEHIND ME AND ABOVE ME

IS THE ORIGINAL TWIN CITIES, SODOM AND GOMORRAH.

APPARENTLY, IT WAS A PRETTY WICKED PLACE.

HOW WICKED?

LET'S JUST SAY THAT WHAT HAPPENED IN GOMORRAH

STAYED IN GOMORRAH.

♪♪

THAT IS, UNTIL GOD GOT WIND OF IT,

SO HE SENT TWO ANGELS TO INVESTIGATE.

NOW, THE ANGELS WENT TO THE HOUSE

OF THE ONE GODLY MAN IN TOWN, LOT,

AND THE TOWNSPEOPLE TRIED TO RAPE THEM.

NOW LOT, NOT WANTING HIS TOWN TO GET THE REPUTATION

AS THE KIND OF PLACE THAT WOULD RAPE ANGELS,

OFFERED UP TO THE MOB

HIS OWN DAUGHTERS TO RAPE...

AND HE WAS THE GOOD GUY IN TOWN.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THIS QUESTION--

IF I EVER HAD TO SWEAR AN OATH...

WHY WOULD I WANT TO PUT MY HAND

ON THE KING JAMES BIBLE?

I THINK I COULD FIND MORE MORALITY

IN THE RICK JAMES BIBLE.

LET ME TELL YOU 'BOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES

GOD HATES FAGS.

AND THE FLOWERS IN THE TREES

Man: THE CONSTITUTION DOES NOT GRANT TO HOMOSEXUALS

THE RIGHT TO PERFORM SODOMY.

I'M A MONK.

A MONK?

I'M A FRANCISCAN.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF HOMOSEXUALITY?

DO YOU THINK THAT'S-- THE BIBLE IS AGAINST IT.

YOU'RE--NO, THE BIBLE IS NOT AGAINST IT.

THE BIBLE IS NOT AGAINST HOMOSEXUALITY?

IF YOU ARE BORN HOMOSEXUAL,

YOU ARE TO STAY THERE. YOU HAVE TO BE HAPPY.

WH--BUT THAT'S WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS?

UH, WHAT THE BIBLE MEANS TO SAY, YEAH.

( laughing ) OH, WHAT THE BIBLE MEANS TO SAY.

NOW THAT'S A GOOD BOOK.

Man: IT PREACHES A ROCK-SOLID TRUTH.

YOU ARE FAGGOTS.

I DON'T HATE THEM. GOD HATES THEM.

Man: HEY, BILL.

Maher: HOW ARE YOU? NICE TO MEET YOU.

OKAY.

OKAY.

SO, OF COURSE, THE REASON WHY WE'RE HERE

IS BECAUSE YOU'RE, I GUESS WE WOULD SAY, "EX-GAY."

YOU USED TO BE GAY, AND THEN YOU MARRIED

SOMEONE WHO USED TO BE A LESBIAN,

AND YOU HAVE THREE CHILDREN

AND I GUESS THE JURY'S OUT ON THEM.

OKAY...AND WOULD YOU SAY

IT'S JUST LIKE ANY OTHER MARRIAGE OF 14 YEARS?

YOU NEVER HAVE SEX?

OH, FUNNY. HA HA! GOT THAT.

I DON'T CLASSIFY MYSELF AS "EX-GAY".

I'M A HETEROSEXUAL GUY WHO DEALT WITH SOME HOMOSEXUALITY.

OKAY, SO THE PEOPLE WHO COME HERE

ARE WHO PEOPLE WHO ARE WANTING TO DO WHAT YOU DID.

THEY WANT TO REFORM THEIR LIFE AND LEAD A HETEROSEXUAL LIFE?

MM-HMM, BUT I WILL BE HONEST WITH YOU.

THE REALITY IS, A LOT OF PEOPLE COME HERE

AND GO RIGHT BACK INTO WHATEVER THEY CAME FROM.

AND WE DON'T JUST DEAL--

YEAH, BECAUSE THEY'RE GAY.

I BELIEVE THAT IT'S SIN.

EXCUSE ME, BUT DON'T YOU HAVE IT--

NO PUN INTENDED-- ASS-BACKWARDS?

MEANING?

MEANING...HOMOSEXUALITY IS SOMETHING

THAT OCCURS IN NATURE.

I WAS OUT BIRD-WATCHING,

BUT I REALLY WATCHED YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND GET SOME?

MAN IS WHO WROTE THE BIBLE.

NATURE MADE GAY PEOPLE.

NOBODY'S BORN GAY. THERE'S NO SCIENTIFIC--

REALLY? HAVE YOU EVER MET LITTLE RICHARD?

YOU KNOW, WE CAN LOOK AT CREATION

AND SAY, "WHAT'S THE NORMAL ORDER?"

A MAN HAS A PENIS, A WOMAN HAS A VAGINA.

LET'S JUST BE BLUNT.

THERE'S NO SCIENTIFIC DATA THAT PROVES

THAT ANYONE IS BORN-- THERE'S NO GAY GENE.

AND YOU ALSO DISCOVERED THE GAY GENE?

YES.

THIS IS ALL COMING FROM THE BIBLE.

RIGHT.

WHICH YOU BELIEVE TO BE THE WORD OF GOD.

I DO.

ALL OF THE PROSCRIPTIONS AGAINST HOMOSEXUALITY

COME FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT.

JESUS NEVER SAID A WORD ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY,

AND IF IT'S SO IMPORTANT, WHY DIDN'T HE BRING IT UP?

THERE'S--YOU KNOW, WE COULD PICK

LOTS OF LITTLE THINGS THAT HE DIDN'T SPECIFICALLY TALK ABOUT.

BUT THIS IS A BIG THING.

LET ME--LET ME STOP THIS WHOLE THING.

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOUR DOCUMENTARY IS ABOUT,

BUT IF IT'S TO BASICALLY REFUTE THE WORD OF GOD,

THEN I'M NOT INTERESTED IN DOING YOUR INTERVIEW, OKAY?

WELL, I--I--

I THINK THAT OBVIOUSLY,

YOU DON'T HAVE THE SAME RELATIONSHIP

WITH JESUS CHRIST THAT I DO.

BUT WHAT IS YOUR EXPLANATION

FOR THE MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF PEOPLE

AROUND THE WORLD WHO ARE--

WELL, IT'S NOT MILLIONS.

--LEADING HOMOSEXUAL LIVES,

HAVE NO INTEREST IN ANYONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?

ARE THEY ALL FAKING JUST TO PISS OFF JESUS?

THEY DIDN'T CHOOSE THIS, THEY DIDN'T DESIRE IT.

RIGHT. THEY WERE BORN GAY.

NO. THEY WEREN'T BORN THAT WAY.

IT'S BECAUSE OF THE INSECURITY WITHIN THEIRSELVES.

IT TAKES A LOT OF SECURITY TO WALK OUT OF THE HOUSE

WITH ASSLESS CHAPS.

THEY'RE NOT HAPPY.

THEY'RE CALLED GAY.

I KNOW THEY--

THEY TOOK THE WORD.

SOME OF THEM LOOK POSITIVELY THRILLED.

( upbeat techno music )

NO, THEY'RE PEOPLE WHO ARE REALLY NOT

COMPLETE IN WHO THEY ARE AS MEN OR WOMEN.

THAT'S A PRETTY BIG JUDGMENT FOR A CHRISTIAN.

IT'S NOT A JUDGMENT.

THAT'S NOT A JUDGMENT THAT YOU ARE SITTING HERE

TELLING THESE PEOPLE, WHO YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW,

THAT THEY'RE INCOMPLETE BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT LIKE YOU?

IT'S--TODAY, IT'S NOT THE PEOPLE

YOU SUSPECT THAT ARE GAY THAT ARE GAY.

PEOPLE LIKE THE REVEREND TED HAGGARD?

MORAL PURITY IS BETTER THAN IMMORALITY.

WHO KEPT MEETING HOMOSEXUAL PROSTITUTE

IN A HOTEL ROOM AND HAVING GAY SEX

WITH SPEED.

EVANGELICALS HAVE THE BEST SEX LIFE

OF ANY OTHER GROUP.

( upbeat techno music )

GOOD MORNING, DUANE!

BUT HE WASN'T GAY?

I ALREADY ANSWERED THAT.

I DON'T BELIEVE THAT ANYBODY IS "GAY".

I KNOW, BUT HONESTLY, IF I SAW YOU...

IN A BAR OR SOMETHING, I WOULD SAY--

AND DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY--

I WOULD SAY, "YEAH, I THINK THAT GUY'S GAY."

YOU'RE GOOD-LOOKING. YOU'RE NEAT.

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE ME.

MEANING?

( laughing ) MEANING...

( laughing )

( laughing )

( romantic music plays )

ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.

CAN I COME OVER THERE AND GIVE YOU A HUG?

YES!

I HUG EVERYBODY,

SO CAN I GIVE YOU A HUG?

THANKS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HEY, YOU DIDN'T HAVE A HARD-ON THERE, DID YOU?

NOPE, SORRY. CAN'T DO THAT.

( laughing ) THAT WAS GOOD, THOUGH.

WHEN I WAS 17, MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND DUMPED ME,

AND I WAS, LIKE, SAD IN A WAY I'D NEVER BEEN SAD.

YOU KNOW, YOUR FIRST DUMPING IS THE WORST...

AND THAT POINT, YOU'RE VERY VULNERABLE

TO ANY SORT OF CONNECTION WITH...YOU KNOW, A MA--

I DIDN'T GET, LIKE, JESUS RELIGIOUS,

BUT I DID THINK THERE WAS A FORCE OUT THERE

WAS COMMUNICATING TO ME THROUGH SONG LYRICS

OR NUMEROLOGY, I WAS VERY INTERESTED IN FOR A WHILE.

Man: SO WAIT, YOU'RE SAYING YOU WERE GROPING

FOR SOMETHING AT THAT TIME.

YOU KNOW, YOU MAKE UP AN IMAGINARY FRIEND

WHO LOVES YOU AND IS SYMPATHETIC TO YOU

AND HAS A PLAN FOR YOU.

IT'S MUCH MORE IMPORTANT...

HE DIDN'T HAVE TO LOVE ME--GOD--

HE JUST HAD TO BE WORKING FOR ME, YOU KNOW?

HE'S LIKE AN AGENT.

SO, YOU ARE AN EX-JEW FOR JESUS.

THAT IS CORRECT.

WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE TO BE A FOLLOWER OF CHRIST?

WHAT BROUGHT CHRIST INTO YOUR LIFE?

BACK IN '75--

OOH.

I WENT TO MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY.

2700?

YEAH, IT'S PRICEY.

I WONDER WHAT MADONNA WITHOUT THE CHILD RUNS YOU.

SO GETTING BACK TO MY STORY,

I COULD ASK GOD TO DO THINGS IN THE NAME OF JESUS,

AND THEY WOULD HAPPEN.

I CAN'T EVEN RECALL ALL THE LITTLE MIRACLES HE DID,

BUT HE PROVED TO ME THAT HE WAS REAL

AND HE WAS THERE.

THEY WERE SO MIRACULOUS

AND YOU CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT THEY WERE?

THERE WERE SO MANY OF THEM, AND THEY WERE--

GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE.

ONE EXAMPLE I CAN REMEMBER

WAS I WAS AT A PARTY.

THERE WAS A GUY WHO WAS WORKING WITH JEWS FOR JESUS,

AND I ASKED HIM, "CAN I GET A DRINK OF WATER?"

AND HE SAYS, "YOU KNOW WHAT? HERE'S A GLASS.

"STICK YOUR HAND OUT THE WINDOW AND PRAY FOR RAIN."

I DIDN'T LIKE THE ATTITUDE.

I SAID, "OKAY."

AND I STUCK MY HAND OUT THE WINDOW,

AND IT STARTED POURING RAIN.

POURING SO BAD THAT PEOPLE COULDN'T LEAVE THE PARTY.

TO ME, THAT'S A MIRACLE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BELIEVE IT.

IT IS--IT IS PRETTY LAME.

BUT YOU ASKED.

I ASKED. I'M JUST SAYING,

THAT'S MY REACTION TO YOUR ANSWER.

BUT THAT'S JUST ONE OF MANY THINGS.

I LIVE A LIFE OF MIRACLES.

BUT--

NO, YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE

WITH THE SAME SORT OF MUNDANE COINCIDENCES

THAT HAPPEN TO EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD.

IT'S NOT LIKE--YOU KNOW, IF IT RAINED FROGS,

UH-HUH.

I WOULD SAY YOU HAD A POINT,

BUT IT RAINS, AND IT STOPS RAINING.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU ASKED FOR RAIN

AND IT STARTED RAINING WITHIN TEN SECONDS?

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T EVER ASK FOR RAIN,

BUT IF I ASKED FOR IT REALLY BAD AND IT STARTED TO RAIN,

I WOULDN'T THINK IT WAS BECAUSE I ASKED FOR IT,

I WOULD THINK BECAUSE IT SOMETIMES RAINS.

Steve: GOD IS NOT THAT BUSY

WHERE HE CAN'T SPEND TIME LISTENING TO YOU

WHEN YOU REALLY WANT TO TALK TO HIM. ANYTIME.

IF SANTA CLAUS CAN HIT EVERY HOUSE IN THE WORLD--

NOW, I DON'T BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS.

OF COURSE NOT. THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

THAT'S ONE MAN FLYING ALL AROUND THE WORLD

AND DROPPING PRESENTS DOWN A CHIMNEY.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

ONE MAN HEARING EVERYBODY

MURMUR TO HIM AT THE SAME TIME, THAT I GET.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WAS VERY CONFUSING TO ME?

I REMEMBER VIVIDLY,

WAS SANTA CLAUS AND JESUS.

OH, YOU WERE SO MAD AT US.

OH, YES. OH.

SO MAD AT YOU WHY?

Both: WHEN YOU FOUND OUT THERE WAS NO SANTA CLAUS.

AND THEN WHEN I FOUND OUT THERE WAS NO JESUS...

BOY, WAS I PISSED.

YOU SPOKE BEFORE IN CERTITUDE.

YOU'RE 100% SURE THAT AFTER YOU DIE,

YOU'LL GO TO A BETTER PLACE.

I KNOW I'LL BE WITH GOD.

I'LL BE WITH JESUS.

AND THAT'S A BETTER PLACE.

EVEN IF IT WAS--

( laughing ) IN A GARBAGE CAN,

WHICH I KNOW IT WON'T BE, BUT EVEN IF IT WAS,

JUST THE FACT THAT I'M WITH JESUS, TO ME,

IS GOOD.

IT'S A BETTER PLACE.

IT'S A BETTER PLACE.

THEN WHY DON'T YOU KILL YOURSELF?

BECAUSE GOD STILL HAS A MISSION FOR ME HERE.

OH, I SEE.

I'M THINKING OF JONAH.

GOD SENT JONAH ON A MISSION.

WHEN DID THE PART OF THE STORY COME

WHEN JONAH LIVED IN THE WHALE?

UM, IT WAS A GREAT FISH.

IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE NONSENSE STORIES,

JONAH LIVING INSIDE OF THE WHALE,

AND THEIR ANSWER, UNFAILINGLY, IS

"THE BIBLE DOESN'T SAY 'WHALE.' IT SAYS 'BIG FISH.'"

OH, YEAH, BIG FISH. RIGHT.

THAT MAKES SENSE. I'M SORRY.

I WAS OBSESSING ON THAT IT WAS A WHALE.

IT'S A BIG FISH.

OF COURSE YOU CAN LIVE FOR THREE DAYS IN A BIG FISH.

A TUNA. A TUNA.

THEY DO IT ALL THE TIME IN JAPAN.

THEY HAVE TUNA SPAS.

YOU GO FOR THREE DAYS, THEY PAMPER YOU,

OILS--YOU COME OUT OF THAT TUNA

FEELING FANTASTIC.

YOU SMELL LIKE PUSSY, BUT YOU FEEL FANTASTIC.

THIS MAN LIVED INSIDE OF A FISH FOR THREE DAYS?

UM...MIRACULOUSLY, YES.

STEVE, STEVE, STEVE.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!

THAT DOESN'T MEAN THEY DON'T EXIST.

OF COURSE NOT!

( Cameraman indistinct )

I'M NOT TEN. HE LIVED-- HE LIVED IN A FISH.

AHH.

COME ON!

YOUR BAR ON MIRACLE IS PRETTY LOW,

I GOTTA TELL YOU, BRO.

WELL, WHATEVER.

Maher: TWO THINGS THAT ARE COMPLETELY INCOMPATIBLE

ARE CHRISTIANITY AS JESUS TAUGHT IT

AND--AND NATIONALISM,

AND YET, PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY "GOD AND COUNTRY."

JESUS WOULD NEVER...

YOU KNOW, PEOPLE WHO ARE SUCH GOOD CHRISTIANS,

AND IN ONE BREATH, YOU'LL HEAR THEM SAY

SOMETHING LIKE, "WELL, YOU GOTTA TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN FIRST."

"I KNOW PEOPLE OVERSEAS HAVE TROUBLE,

"BUT YOU GOTTA TAKE--"

THAT IS NOT A MESSAGE I CAN EVER SEE

THE JESUS IN THE BIBLE,

EVEN WHEN HE WAS IN A BAD MOOD, WOULD SAY.

♪♪

I'M GONNA VOTE BIBLE.

Man: IT'S TIME FOR GOD'S PEOPLE

TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET, OUT OF THE CHURCHES,

AND CHANGE AMERICA!

UNLESS YOU AND I DO WHAT GOD WANTS US TO DO,

HE'LL GO TO SOME OTHER COUNTRY.

Men: GOD FORGIVE AMERICA!

McCain: I WOULD PROBABLY HAVE TO SAY YES,

THAT THE CONSTITUTION ESTABLISHED

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AS A CHRISTIAN NATION.

WE HAVE--WE'RE SAYING "GOD WE TRUST" ON OUR MONEY.

SENATE WILL COME TO ORDER.

THE CHAPLAIN WILL LEAD THE SENATE IN PRAYER.

OH, IT'S JESUS CHRIST, OUR PRESIDENT

Maher: HOW DID THIS COUNTRY GET TO BE

A CHRISTIAN NATION?

I'VE READ A LOT OF QUOTES FROM ALL THE FOUNDING FATHERS.

THERE ARE A LOT OF QUOTES THAT EXPLICITLY SAY,

"WE'RE NOT A CHRISTIAN NATION."

( Star-Spangled Banner plays )

WELL, AND JEFFERSON'S A PARTICULARLY INTERESTING CASE.

DIDN'T HE WRITE HIS OWN BIBLE,

WHICH DIVORCED THE NEW TESTAMENT

FROM WHAT HE CONSIDERED THE UNNECESSARY

MAGIC AND BELLS AND WHISTLES?

HE TOOK THE GOSPELS,

TOOK OUT ALL OF JESUS' MIRACLES,

AND TOOK OUT ALL OF JESUS' STATEMENTS

THAT CLAIMED DIVINITY

AND PUT OUT A NEW BOOK CALLED

THE FAITH AND MORAL TEACHINGS OF JESUS OF NAZARETH.

WE TEND TO LIONIZE THESE GUYS

AND THINK OF THEM ALL AS, LIKE,

THE 12 APOSTLES PLUS THE FOUNDING FATHERS

LIKE THEY'RE IN THE SAME CLUB OR SOMETHING,

WHEN IN FACT THESE MEN UNDERSTOOD VERY WELL

THAT THERE WAS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING CHRISTIAN

AND BEING AMERICAN.

RIGHT!

IN JEFFERSON'S AGE,

FEWER PEOPLE WENT TO CHURCH LESS OFTEN.

Cameraman: DO YOU THINK THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE

WHO FEEL THE WAY THAT YOU DO BUT ARE AFRAID TO SPEAK OUT?

ABSOLU--ARE YOU KIDDING?

YES. I THINK IT IS THE GREAT UNTAPPED

MINORITY IN THIS COUNTRY.

IN THE LAST SURVEY, I THINK IT WAS 16% OF AMERICANS

WHO NOW SAY THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY UNAFFILIATED

WITH ANY RELIGION, DON'T WANT TO BE IN A RELIGION,

DON'T GO NEAR ME WITH RELIGION.

16% OF THE POPULATION IS A HUGE MINORITY.

IT'S BIGGER THAN JEWS, BLACKS,

HOMOSEXUALS, N.R.A. MEMBERS,

LOTS OF PEOPLE YOU COULD NAME WHO HAVE LOBBIES

THAT GET EVERYTHING THEY WANT.

OR AT LEAST ARE IN THE DEBATE.

Y'ALL WANT ME TO KIND OF ANGLE LIKE THIS

OR STRAIGHT AHEAD OR--?

Cameraman: JUST AS NATURAL AS POSSIBLE. BE YOURSELF.

SO, YOU'VE DESCRIBED YOURSELF AS AN EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN.

YOU DID CAMPAIGN AD WHERE YOU SAID

THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSONS IN LIFE

ARE IN THIS BOOK RIGHT HERE, MEANING THE BIBLE.

EVERYONE IN POLITICS LIKES TO BRAG

THAT THEY'RE A PERSON OF FAITH.

WHY IS FAITH GOOD?

FAITH HAS A WAY OF SOFTENING PEOPLE.

FOR EXAMPLE, IF YOU LOOK AT THE TEACHINGS OF JESUS,

HE'S VERY FORGIVING.

HE ALSO SAID, "IF A MAN DOESN'T ABIDE IN ME,

"HE IS CAST FORTH AS A BRANCH AND WITHERS,

"AND THE BRANCHES ARE GATHERED, THROWN INTO THE FIRE,

"AND BURNED."

RIGHT. SO?

WELL...

I DO THINK, BECAUSE I'M A CHRISTIAN,

THAT JESUS IS THE WAY TO BE RECONCILED,

AND I DO BELIEVE THE ACTUAL...

LITERACY OF THAT STORY.

WE'LL LET GOD SORT OUT

ALL THE DETAILS OF THAT AT JUDGMENT DAY.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TEN COMMANDMENTS?

I MEAN, SO MANY POLITICIANS

TALK ABOUT THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

ARE THEY REALLY THE TEN MOST--

SUGGESTIONS?

IMPORTANT MORAL--

( laughing )

"THE TEN RECOMMENDATIONS."

BUT IT'S NOT REALLY A WISE LIST OF TEN.

YOU KNOW, THE FIRST FOUR ARE ALL ABOUT

JUST WORSHIPPING GOD

AND BASICALLY THAT HE'S A JEALOUS GOD

AND HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO HAVE ANY OTHER GODS.

THE ONLY TWO THAT ARE REALLY LAWS

ARE "DON'T STEAL" AND "DON'T KILL."

WHY IS THIS THE WISEST GROUP OF TEN?

IT DOESN'T INCLUDE CHILD ABUSE,

IT DOESN'T INCLUDE "DON'T TORTURE",

DOESN'T INCLUDE A LOT OF THINGS--RAPE--

THAT I THINK, IF WE WERE MAKING A LIST TODAY,

WE WOULD PROBABLY INCLUDE.

SOCIETY IS SO DIFFERENT TODAY,

AND OUR CULTURE IS SO RADICALLY DIFFERENT.

AND THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING. WE'RE IN A DIFFERENT CULTURE.

CAN YOU THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE THAT WE STILL CLEAVE TO

FROM THE BRONZE AGE?

WELL...

AIN'T SUPERSTITIOUS

BLACK CAT CROSSED MY TRAIL

I AIN'T SUPERSTITIOUS

BUT A BLACK CAT CROSSED MY TRAIL

BASICALLY, MURDER IS AGAINST THE LAW

IN EVERY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD.

BUT WOULDN'T WE HAVE COME TO THAT

EVEN WITHOUT RELIGION?

I MEAN, DON'T YOU THINK PEOPLE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN TOGETHER

AND SAID, "YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S NOT SLAUGHTER EACH OTHER,

"AND LET'S NOT TAKE EACH OTHERS' STUFF."

I DON'T KNOW.

THERE'S BEEN MORE KILLING IN THE NAME OF MY GOD.

YOU THINK MAYBE SORT OF INDIGOUSLY

OR--OR JUST BY OUR DNA,

WE SOMEHOW KNOW THAT KILLING ANOTHER PERSON IS WRONG.

I'M NOT SURE THAT THAT'S THE CASE.

REALLY? YOU NEED GOD TO DECIDE NOT TO KILL EACH OTHER?

YOU CAN LOOK BACK AT MORE PRIMITIVE CULTURES.

UM...AND THEY WERE CONSTANTLY AT WAR.

WE ARE NOW, AMONG INDUSTRIALIZED MODERN NATIONS,

THE MOST RELIGIOUS NATION.

A RECENT STUDY FOUND THAT, AMONG 32 COUNTRIES,

MORE PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY DOUBTED EVOLUTION

THAN ANY OTHER COUNTRY ON THAT LIST,

EXCEPT I THINK IT WAS TURKEY.

IN THE U.S., WE HAVE FREEDOM OF RELIGION.

Maher: I THINK MOST OF THE COUNTRIES ON THAT LIST

DO HAVE FREEDOM OF RELIGION.

WELL, THAT'S INTERESTING.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION?

( sigh )

YOU KNOW, MY-- FIRST, I DON'T KNOW.

CLEARLY, THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY'S A LITTLE DIVIDED

ON SOME OF THE SPECIFICS OF THAT,

AND I UNDERSTAND--

I DON'T THINK THEY ARE.

NO, NO, I--WELL.

I THINK THEY PRETTY MUCH AGREE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW IT ALL HAPPENED.

I MEAN, I'M CERTAINLY WILLING TO--

BUT IT COULDN'T POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN

ADAM AND EVE 5,000 YEARS AGO

WITH A TALKING SNAKE IN THE GARDEN, COULD IT?

WELL, IT COULD'VE POSSIBLY BEEN THAT.

COME ON. SEE, THIS IS MY PROBLEM,

IS I'M TRY--I MEAN, YOU'RE A SENATOR.

YOU ARE ONE OF THE VERY FEW PEOPLE

WHO ARE REALLY RUNNING THIS COUNTRY.

IT WORRIES ME THAT PEOPLE ARE RUNNING MY COUNTRY

WHO THINK, WHO BELIEVE IN A TALKING SNAKE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO PASS AN I.Q.TEST

TO BE IN THE SENATE, THOUGH.

( chuckling )

♪♪

Man: AS YOU FIRST COME INTO THE CREATION MUSEUM,

THERE'S THE SENSE OF THIS IS--

THIS IS SOMETHING REALLY BIG.

THIS IS SOMETHING AWE-INSPIRING,

AND THERE'S SOMETHING GREAT HERE.

WE CAN ANSWER THE QUESTIONS OF THE SKEPTICS

THAT ATTACK THE BIBLE'S HISTORY.

WE ADMIT THAT WE START FROM THE BIBLE HERE

TO TEACH THEM HOW TO THINK.

REALLY, IN A NUTSHELL WE'RE SAYING,

THE BIBLE IS TRUE.

RIGHT.

FROM GENESIS TO REVELATION.

WOOLLY BULLY

WOOLLY BULLY

WE'RE BUILDING THE WHOLE PLACE FOR ABOUT 27 MILLION.

( snap )

I HAVE MANY PEOPLE SAY TO ME,

AS A CHRISTIAN, CAN'T YOU BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION?

I SAY, "YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM."

GOD MADE A MAN AND A WOMAN.

IF YOU BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION,

THE WOMAN HAD TO COME FROM AN APE WOMAN.

ALL RIGHT, BUT...

YOU'RE SO DAMNED UGLY.

WOOLLY BULLY

THIS IS WHAT WE CALL THE MAIN HALL HERE.

IMMEDIATELY, PEOPLE SEE DINOSAURS AND PEOPLE TOGETHER,

WHICH IS VERY DIFFERENT TO THE IDEA

OF THE EVOLUTIONISTS WHO SAY DINOSAURS DIED OUT

YOU KNOW, 70 MILLION YEARS AGO OR SO,

AND SO THEY DIDN'T LIVE WITH HUMANS.

THEY SEE AN ANIMATRONIC DINOSAUR OVER HERE,

TWO ANIMATRONIC BABY T-REXES

AND TWO ANIMATRONIC CHILDREN.

IT'S BASICALLY JUST TO GIVE PEOPLE A "WOW" FACTOR

AS THEY COME IN HERE.

YOU GOT IT, YOU GOT IT

( dinosaur roaring )

HOW TO SHARE YOUR FAITH EFFECTIVELY

AND BIBLICALLY,

TO BE ABLE TO REASON WITH PEOPLE.

LEARN TO CIRCUMNAVIGATE OR GO AROUND

THE PERSON'S INTELLECT.

THERE'S PLENTY OF PEOPLE WHO WOULD SAY,

"WELL, IT'S JUST MY FAITH."

BUT THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

YOU SAY, "NO, WE CAN BASICALLY RECONCILE

"THE SCIENCE WITH WHAT'S IN GENESIS."

WE'RE AN ORGANIZATION THAT, TO PUT IT IN A NUTSHELL,

IS TELLING PEOPLE THAT THE BIBLE'S HISTORY IS TRUE,

ITS HISTORY BEGINNING IN GENESIS.

SCIENTISTS LINE UP OVERWHELMINGLY

ON ONE SIDE OF THIS ISSUE.

IT WOULD HAVE TO BE AN ENORMOUS CONSPIRACY

GOING ON BETWEEN SCIENTISTS OF ALL DIFFERENT DISCIPLINES

IN ALL DIFFERENT COUNTRIES

TO HAVE SUCH A CONSENSUS.

THAT DOESN'T MOVE YOU?

NO, NOT AT ALL, BECAUSE

FROM A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE,

I UNDERSTAND WHY THE MAJORITY WOULD NOT AGREE WITH THE TRUTH.

MAN IS A SINNER. MAN IS IN REBELLION AGAINST HIS CREATOR.

ALL THESE SCIENTISTS ARE SINNERS?

WELL...

WE HAVE BEEN TALKING TO SO MANY RELIGIOUS PEOPLE,

AND MANY OF THEM BELIEVE THE EARTH IS 5,000 YEARS OLD.

IF YOU'RE A SCIENTIST, YOU CAN'T ACCEPT THAT.

YOU RECENTLY WERE THE DIRECTOR

OF THE VATICAN OBSERVATORY.

A VATICAN ASTRONOMER...

IT'S ONE OF THOSE TERMS LIKE "GAY REPUBLICAN."

HA!

YOU JUST DON'T EXPECT IT.

I'M NOT GETTING INTO THAT.

NO, NO, I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO.

IT'S NOT THAT THE CHURCH HAS THE IDEA

THEY'RE GONNA TRAIN US UP

SO WE CAN BE THE FIRST ONES OUT THERE

TO BAPTIZE THOSE EXTRATERRESTRIALS

BEFORE THE MORMONS GET AT 'EM.

THE REASON IS SIMPLY HISTORICAL FACTS.

I MEAN, JOHN PAUL II, FOR INSTANCE SAID,

"EVOLUTION IN THE NEO-DARWINIAN SENSE

"IS NO LONGER A MERE HYPOTHESIS."

FROM THE--I MEAN, HE SAID THAT.

IT'S IN WRITING.

I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHY IT'S IMPORTANT FOR THERE

TO HAVE TO HAVE BEEN A SITUATION ON EARTH

WHERE MAN COEXISTED WITH DINOSAURS.

ONLY REALLY IN THE FLINTSTONES

IS SOMEONE TALKING ABOUT ME?

AND THAT RAQUEL WELCH MOVIE

DOES MAN EVER COEXIST WITH DINOSAURS.

WHY IS THAT IMPORTANT FOR YOUR SALVATION

OR YOUR MORALITY?

IF YOU'RE SAYING THIS PART OVER HERE

THAT SAYS GOD MADE LAND ANIMALS AND MAN ON THE SAME DAY

IS NOT TRUE, THEN ULTIMATELY,

WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE THIS BIT OVER HERE?

THE CHRISTIAN SCRIPTURES WERE WRITTEN

BETWEEN ABOUT 2,000 YEARS BEFORE CHRIST

TO ABOUT 200 YEARS AFTER CHRIST.

RIGHT.

THAT'S IT.

MODERN SCIENCE CAME TO BE WITH GALILEO

UP THROUGH NEWTON, UP THROUGH EINSTEIN,

WHAT WE KNOW AS MODERN SCIENCE, OKAY,

IS IN THAT PERIOD.

HOW IN THE WORLD

COULD THERE BE ANY SCIENCE IN SCRIPTURE?

THERE CANNOT BE.

JUST THE TWO HISTORICAL PERIODS

ARE SEPARATED BY SO MUCH.

THE SCRIPTURES ARE NOT TEACHING SCIENCE.

IT'S VERY HARD FOR ME TO ACCEPT

NOT JUST A LITERAL INTERPRETATION OF SCRIPTURE,

BUT A FUNDAMENTALIST APPROACH TO RELIGIOUS BELIEF.

IT'S KIND OF A PLAGUE.

IT PRESENTS ITSELF AS SCIENCE, AND IT'S NOT.

GOD IS AN INFINITE GOD

WHO IS WORKING IN WAYS WE DON'T ALWAYS UNDERSTAND.

YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S A COP-OUT?

HE IS GOD.

ARE YOU GOD?

NO.

Maher: WE WENT TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY,

AND MY SISTER AND I WENT TO CATECHISM,

WHICH IS CATHOLIC...

YOU KNOW, LIKE HEBREW SCHOOL FOR PAPISTS.

IT WAS LIKE WAR.

IT WAS...VAST STRETCHES OF BOREDOM

PUNCTUATED BY MOMENTS OF SHEER TERROR.

( choir singing in Latin )

I'M IN THE VATICAN!

( men giggling )

( yelling, scuffling )

Man: ANYTIME, BILL.

BUONGIORNO!

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

I'M STANDING IN FRONT OF A GREEN SCREEN IN A STUDIO

IN BURBANK, CALIFORNIA, AND THEY DIGITALIZED

THE VATICAN IN BEHIND ME.

NO, NO. THAT'S REALLY THE VATICAN.

I OUGHT TO KNOW. I JUST GOT THROWN OUT OF IT.

SEE, I WANTED TO INTERVIEW THE POPE,

BUT I WAS WILLING TO SETTLE FOR A CARDINAL OR A...

MONSEIGNEUR OR... THE FLYING NUN.

REALLY ANYBODY, BUT, UH...

APPARENTLY I'VE BEEN ON THE CATHOLIC SHIT LIST

FOR QUITE A WHILE.

BUT THAT'S THEIR LOSS,

'CAUSE NOW I'M GONNA SAY WHAT I REALLY THINK,

WHICH IS MAINLY, DOES THAT LOOK ANYTHING

LIKE ANYTHING JESUS CHRIST HAD IN MIND?

WHEN YOU LOOK AT A BUILDING LIKE THAT,

A GIANT PALACE,

DOES IT SEEM AT ODDS WITH THE MESSAGE OF THE FOUNDER?

WELL, CERTAINLY.

( laughing )

I MEAN, THAT'S OBVIOUS!

IT REALLY IS OBVIOUS, ISN'T IT?

I MEAN--

BUT DOES IT BOTHER YOU?

WELL, I MEAN, YOU CAN'T-- BOTH--WELL, YES, IT DOES.

I MEAN, I WOULDN'T, IF I WERE THE BOSS,

I WOULDN'T BE LIVING THERE.

JESUS WOULD BE PROBABLY OUT IN SOME BARRACKS HERE

UH...IN A SUBURB OF ROME. GOT IT?

DO YOU EVER GET SO FED UP

YOU WANT TO TAKE THE COLLAR OFF AND GO--

I DON'T WEAR A COLLAR ANYWAY.

THAT'S IT, CAPTAIN. TAKE MY BADGE AND MY COLLAR.

NO, I READ ABOUT TEN BOOKS RECENTLY

ABOUT THE RATIONALITY OF RELIGION,

AND EVERYONE'S SAYING IT'S STUPID.

BAH BEH BEE BAH BOO BAH.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO THEM.

KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN--

THEY'RE GONNA BE ROASTING IN HELL.

COME ON, "ROASTING".

THAT'S THE OLD CATHOLIC THING.

THAT'S WHAT THEY TAUGHT ME.

YEAH, I KNOW IT HAD HELL BUSINESS.

WELL, COME ON. THE STANDARD DOCTRINE I WAS TAUGHT--

YEAH, THAT'S ALL GONE.

THAT'S ALL FINISHED.

BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR!

YEAH. ( blows raspberry )

THE DATE OF JESUS' BIRTH

REALLY WASN'T ESTABLISHED UNTIL 349 A.D.

OH, YEAH, YEAH. THAT'S JUST--YEAH,

BECAUSE HE MIGHT'VE BEEN BORN ON JULY 3rd.

THESE ARE ALL NICE STORIES.

AND THAT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU EITHER?

WELL, THAT BOTHERS ME, TOO,

WHEN EVERYBODY'S ALL, "OOH, WE HAVE TO HAVE

"MIDNIGHT MASS BECAUSE JESUS WAS BORN ON MIDNIGHT

"ON THE 25th OF--"

THIS IS ALL NONSENSE.

YOU'RE A MAVERICK, AREN'T YOU?

I'M NOT A MAVERICK.

YOU'RE FATHER MAVERICK. YOU DO THINGS YOUR OWN WAY.

( lively music playing )

WALKIN' TALL AND PROUD IN HELL TOWN

WHEN YOU ADD UP ALL THE SAINTS

AND ALL THE ANGELS AND ARCHANGELS

AND SUPER DUPER ANGELS,

THERE'S GOD THE FATHER, GOD THE SON, THE HOLY GHOST,

MOTHER MARY.

IT DOES START TO LOOK LIKE IT'S NOT QUITE

THE MONOTHEISTIC RELIGION.

OH, I UNDERSTAND.

LIKE WE HAVE MANY GODS.

YEAH, WELL IT DOES SEEM LIKE THAT.

I MEAN, IF PEOPLE PRAY TO--

WELL, YEAH! I MEAN, DUH.

SOME PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS.

YOU PROBABLY ARE-- YOU DON'T FOLLOW THINGS,

BUT THEY HAD A SURVEY HERE IN ITALY,

YOU KNOW, AND THEY SAID, "IN A CRISIS, TO WHO--

"WHAT KIND OF SAINTS DO YOU PRAY TO?" GOT IT?

YOU KNOW WHO'S THE SIXTH ON THE LIST?

JESUS CHRIST.

THE SIXTH?

HE'S THE SIXTH MAN THAT THE ITALIANS CALL UPON

WHEN THEY HAVE PROBLEMS. ISN'T THAT NEAT?

THAT'S, UH...

TALK ABOUT CAFETERIA CATHOLICS, WHAT?

( blows raspberry )

SO HOW DO YOU CONVINCE PEOPLE

OF WHAT'S THE TRUTH?

YOU DON'T. FORGET IT.

THEY JUST HAVE TO LIVE AND DIE

WITH THEIR STUPID IDEAS.

( laughing ) I'M SORRY. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

Man: IF THIS WERE A PITCH MEETING IN A MOVIE STUDIO,

THEY'D GO, "OKAY, THERE'S A SPACE MAN

"WHO ZAPS A VIRGIN, AND HE GIVES BIRTH TO A SON

"WHO'S ALSO HIM, WHO THEN GOES ON A SUICIDE MISSION."

I WONDER WHAT PEOPLE'D SAY ABOUT THAT.

THAT IS A GREAT--

THAT IS ACTUALLY A GREAT PITCH.

IT HAS SO MANY ELEMENTS THAT THEY LIKE,

BECAUSE THEY LOVE SUICIDE MISSIONS,

THEY LOVE VIOLENCE,

AND HOLLYWOOD LOVES SOMETHING IT'S NEVER SEEN BEFORE.

A VIRGIN.

( harmonious vocalizing )

TAKE A WALK

OUT THE GATE YOU GO AND NEVER STOP

PAST DOLLAR STORES AND WIG SHOPS

HEY, SHALOM!

( wailing )

WE'RE SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU HERE.

JUST COME AND... AND GET BLESSED.

JESUS LAND

Man: WE DESIRE HERE TO TEACH GOD'S WORD.

WE'RE IN A SPIRITUAL WARFARE.

Man: WE DON'T PUSH OUR BELIEFS ON PEOPLE,

BUT WE DO MAKE THEM AVAILABLE.

Cameraman: YOU EVER HAD A MUSLIM PERSON?

YES! OH, DEFINITELY.

PEOPLE FROM GAZA STRIP COME.

( artillery bursts )

( people yelling )

MANY PEOPLE WHO COME HERE SAY,

"WE COME EVERY YEAR TO FLORIDA,

"AND WE'VE DONE THE TOURIST THINGS AND ALL,

"AND WE ENJOY THOSE.

"WE WISH WE HAD SEEN THIS FIRST."

( woman screaming )

BECAUSE THEIR EXPERIENCE HERE WAS SO MEANINGFUL.

DO YOU THINK IF, WHEN YOU WERE A KID,

THEY TRANSPOSED THE BIBLE STORIES

WITH THE FAIRY TALES, YOU'D KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

AS AN ADULT?

MY NAME IS EVE.

I'M ADAM. THIS PLACE IS AMAZING!

IF THEY TOLD YOU JACK AND THE BEANSTALK WAS RELIGION,

AND THAT A MAN WHO LIVED IN A WHALE

WAS IN A FAIRY TALE BOOK--

( screaming )

YOU THINK, WHEN YOU GOT TO BE AN ADULT,

YOU'D BE DEFENDING THE ONE INSTEAD OF THE OTHER?

SO, YOU'RE SAYING THAT THE BIBLE'S A FAIRY TALE?

GOD TOOK MY RIB, LIKE THIS,

AND BEGAN TO WHITTLE IT, LIKE THIS,

AND BLOW ON IT, AND THEN...

"SAVED" MEANS BELIEVING IN JESUS CHRIST

AS THE ONLY SON OF GOD.

NOT FOR ME, IT DON'T!

JUST AS ADAM WAS--

Cameraman: WHAT ABOUT MUSLIMS?

MANY MUSLIMS ARE SAVED RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T GET IT.

I PRAY IN YOUR LIFETIME YOU DO.

JESUS CAME THROUGH A JEW.

HE WAS NOT THE SEED OF MEN.

HE CAME THROUGH A JEWISH WOMAN,

BUT HE--NO MAN HAD EVER TOUCHED HER.

NO FLESH HAD EVER TOUCHED HER.

HE WAS THE SEED OF GOD.

(The Doobie Brothers singing The Byrds' Jesus is Just Alright )

DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO

DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO

JESUS IS JUST ALL RIGHT WITH ME

JESUS IS JUST ALL RIGHT, OH YEAH

YOU WANT ME TO LEAN UP AGAINST THE TOMB OR SOMETHING,

OR DO YOU WANT TO BE, LIKE, CASUAL OR...? OKAY.

DID I GIVE YOU MY CELL PHONE?

OH, I LEFT MY CELL PHONE, RIGHT?

OKAY. JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE.

TESTING, ONE, TWO.

CHECK. TESTING.

ALL RIGHT. HOW YOU DOIN', BILL?

GOD BLESS YOU.

HI.

SEEN YOU AROUND.

WELCOME TO OUR WORLD.

I'VE SEEN YOU AROUND.

NOW, IS THIS YOUR TOMB?

IS THIS A REAL ROCK?

UH, IT'S JUST ALL CEMENT.

THEY JUST KIND OF PUT IT IN THERE MORE AS A VISUAL.

SO, WHEN YOU GO OUT TO DINNER,

DO PEOPLE RECOGNIZE YOU?

ALL THE TIME, YEAH.

I THINK YOU GET A LITTLE BIT OF THAT, TOO.

YEAH, BUT THEY DON'T THINK I'M--

THEY DON'T THINK I'M THE LORD!

YOU MUST REALLY BE...

WHY DO YOU THINK PEOPLE COME HERE?

'CAUSE DISNEYLAND'S TOO SMUTTY?

I PERSONALLY HAVEN'T BEEN TO THE HOLY LAND,

SO THIS WAS AN AWESOME EXPERIENCE FOR ME WHEN I WALKED ON PROPERTY.

I WAS LIKE, "WOW! THIS IS COOL."

ALL RIGHT, THEN LET ME ASK YOU

SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

YES.

REALLY, THE JESUS BUSINESS.

GOD IS SUPER-POWERFUL.

HE CAN DO ANYTHING.

SURE.

WHY DOESN'T HE JUST OBLITERATE THE DEVIL

AND THEREFORE GET RID OF EVIL IN THE WORLD?

HE WILL.

HE WILL? WHAT'S HE WAITING FOR?

END TIMES.

BUT WHY PLAY IT OUT LIKE THAT?

WHY MAKE IT A GAME?

THE SECOND COMING.

IT'S NOT NECESSARILY A GAME.

A DAY IS LIKE 1,000 YEARS IN GOD'S EYES.

IT SAYS IN THE BIBLE. WE CAN ALL LOOK AT IT

LIKE, TWO DAYS AGO, CHRIST DIED.

BUT I KNOW THAT HE IS SO FAR AND BEYOND

ANY OF OUR WAYS THAT HE CAN WORK

THE WORST SITUATION FOR HIS GOOD.

WHAT WAS THE HOLOCAUST? WHY WAS THAT GOOD?

GOD HAS A PLAN FOR THAT.

MAYBE IT'S TO CAUSE--

I WONDER IF YOU WOULD'VE THOUGHT THAT

IF YOU WERE ONE OF THE PEOPLE BEING PUSHED INTO AN OVEN.

IT'S LIKE TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO AN ANT HOW A TV WORKS.

GOD'S WAYS ARE SO MUCH HIGHER THAN OURS.

THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THEM.

( witch cackling )

WE NEED TO STOP THE INTERVIEW FOR A MOMENT, PLEASE.

SENIOR MANAGER OF PUBLIC RELATIONS.

HI, LES. I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

WHO'S THE PRODUCER?

Woman: HERE, YOU LOOKING FOR ME?

I'M NOT AFRAID OF THE PIRANHA WOMEN.

HE SAYS, "I'VE COME NOT TO ABOLISH THE LAW,

"BUT TO FULFILL IT."

YOU BOIL ALL THOSE LEVITICAL LAWS

DOWN TO TWO THINGS.

NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME, BILL.

BUT JESUS--

AND LOVE THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART.

HAVING NO OTHER GODS BEFORE YOU,

THAT'S NOT MORAL.

THERE'S NOTHING MORAL ABOUT THAT,

IT'S JUST--IT'S JUST SOMETHING A JEALOUS GOD WOULD DO.

AND IT DOES SAY THAT OUR GOD IS A JEALOUS GOD.

BUT YOUR GOD IS JEALOUS? THAT SEEMS SO UN-GODLIKE,

THAT GOD WOULD HAVE SUCH A PETTY HUMAN EMOTION.

I KNOW PEOPLE WHO HAVE GOTTEN OVER JEALOUSY.

LET ALONE GOD.

THERE'S TWO SIDES OF THE COIN.

HE'S A JUST GOD, AND HE'S ALSO A MERCIFUL GOD.

NO, HE SPENDS THE FIRST FIVE BOOKS OF THE BIBLE

WIPING OUT PEOPLE.

THAT'S WHAT HE CHOSE TO DO.

HIS WAYS ARE HIGHER THAN OURS, BILL!

MAYBE OUR THINKING SHOULD BE HIGHER.

THAT'S A GOOD POINT.

GOD HAS GOT THIS GOD-SIZED HOLE IN YOUR LIFE.

YOU CAN FIT THAT WITH ANY POSITION.

DRUGS, SEX, WHATEVER YOU WANT.

IT IS NOT GONNA FILL IT.

CAN I TRY?

YOU CAN TRY ALL YOU WANT.

YOU'RE GONNA END UP HURTING YOURSELF

OR DAMAGING YOURSELF AND BURNING YOURSELF UP.

I THOUGHT CHRIST WAS ABOUT NOT JUDGING PEOPLE.

THAT'S TRUE.

ISN'T THAT A JUDGMENT?

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME

I NEED TO FILL A HOLE IN MY HEART WITH DRUGS AND SEX?

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU,

I'M JUST SAYING ANYONE IN GENERAL.

SEE, IF I WAS GOD, I WOULD CREATE PEOPLE

WITHOUT THE HOLE TO BEGIN WITH.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A LITTLE VOICE

IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND SAY SOMETHING?

WE'VE ALL HAD THAT.

IT'S CALLED THE HOLY SPIRIT.

THAT'S YOU.

THAT'S CALLED THE HOLY SPIRIT.

OH, THE HOLY SPIRIT.

FEEL THIS WIND RIGHT NOW?

YEAH...

OKAY, WHERE IS IT?

YOU DON'T KNOW, RIGHT?

IT'S CALLED "WIND".

OKAY, THAT'S LIKE THE HOLY SPIRIT.

IT'S A MONOTHEISTIC RELIGION,

BUT THERE'S THREE OF 'EM.

JUST LIKE WATER CAN BE ICE,

STEAM, AND WATER.

I SEE.

IT'S DIFFERENT FORMS, DIFFERENT SHAPES,

FOR DIFFERENT PERSONS.

THE ANALOGY THAT JESUS AT THE AMUSEMENT PARK

SAID YESTERDAY WAS BRILLIANT,

ABOUT THE TRINITY IS LIKE WATER.

IT CAN BE STEAM, IT CAN BE ICE, IT CAN BE LIQUID.

WOW. THAT IS--

BOY, THAT STOPPED ME IN MY TRACKS FOR A SECOND.

THAT'S JUST A BRILLIANT ANALOGY.

I MEAN, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT FOR TWO MINUTES,

IT'S STILL COMPLETE BULLSHIT

THAT, YOU KNOW, THERE'S A SPACE GOD

AND HE'S HIMSELF AND HE SENT HIMSELF

ON A SUICIDE MISSION AND HE'S A GOD

BUT HE HAS A KID AND HE'S A SINGLE PARENT.

IT'S JUST SILLY, BUT WHEN YOU PUT IT

IN THE WATER ANALOGY, I CAN SEE THAT, YOU KNOW,

THOSE LADIES THERE, WHEN THEY HEARD THAT THE FIRST TIME,

THEY WERE LIKE, "DONE. SOLD.

OH, YOU HAD ME AT 'ICE CUBE.'"

MOVING ON, UM, DOES IT EVER BOTHER YOU

THAT THE STORY OF A MAN

WHO WAS BORN OF A VIRGIN

WAS RESURRECTED?

YOUR BIO WAS SOMETHING

THAT WAS GOING AROUND THE MEDITERRANEAN

FOR AT LEAST 1,000 YEARS.

WE'VE GOT KRISHNA, WHO WAS IN INDIA

1,000 YEARS BEFORE CHRIST.

KRISHNA WAS A CARPENTER,

BORN OF A VIRGIN,

BAPTIZED IN A RIVER.

ARE YOU SAYING THAT WAS WRITTEN IN HISTORY?

THAT WAS WRITTEN DOWN IN HISTORY IS WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

ABSOLUTELY. THERE'S THE PERSIAN GOD, MITHRA,

600 YEARS BEFORE CHRIST.

BORN DECEMBER 25th,

PERFORMED MIRACLES,

RESURRECTED ON THE THIRD DAY,

KNOWN AS THE LAMB, THE WAY, THE TRUTH, THE LIGHT,

THE SAVIOR, MESSIAH.

STOP! BLASPHEMER.

ALL I KNOW IS I DON'T GO BY THAT HEARSAY.

I GO BY THE WORD OF GOD.

I KNOW THAT'S WHAT I BELIEVE.

I BELIEVE IT BECAUSE IT'S TRUTH,

OKAY? IT'S NOT JUST--

THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TRUTH AND WHAT YOU BELIEVE.

IN THE BIBLE, IT TELLS US

ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD.

OKAY?

STUDY THE RELIGIONS OF THE MEDITERRANEAN REGION

FOR 1,000 YEARS BEFORE.

MANY OF THE GODS WERE BORN ON DECEMBER 25th,

NO, IT'S NOT-- BUT IT'S NOT.

IT'S FUNNY YOU SHOULD BRING THAT UP, BECAUSE OF COURSE

IN STAR WARS EPISODE I: PHANTOM MENACE,

ANAKIN IS BORN TO A VIRGIN,

AND PEOPLE SEE THAT AND THEY SAY,

"WAIT, WHERE HAVE WE HEARD THAT BEFORE?"

THAT'S NOT ORIGINAL.

BUT THE JESUS STORY WASN'T ORIGINAL.

HOW SO?

( Walk Like an Egyptian by The Bangles playing )

ALL THE OLD PAINTINGS ON THE TOMB

THEY DO THE SAND DANCE, DON'T YOU KNOW

IF THEY MOVE TOO QUICK

OH, WAY-OH

THEY'RE FALLING DOWN LIKE A DOMINO

( whistling )

( whistling continues )

WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN

WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN

LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

LET'S SAY IF YOU TAKE THE SIDE

THAT THIS IS ALL MADE UP...

I DO.

WHAT IF YOU'RE WRONG?

( laughing ) WHAT IF YOU'RE WRONG?

( Via Dolorosa playing )

( cheering )

DOWN THE VIA DOLOROSA

IN JERUSALEM THAT DAY

THE SOLDIERS TRIED TO CLEAR THE NARROW STREET

( applause )

BUT THE CROWD PRESSED IN TO SEE

THE MAN CONDEMNED TO DIE ON CALVARY

DOWN THE VIA DOLOROSA

CALLED THE WAY OF SUFFERING

LIKE A LAMB CAME THE MESSIAH

CHRIST THE KING

AND HE CHOSE TO WALK THAT ROAD

OUT OF HIS LOVE FOR YOU AND ME

( airplane engine roaring )

( shutter clicking )

( people clamoring )

I REMEMBER WHEN, I REMEMBER

I REMEMBER WHEN I LOST MY MIND

WAS JESUS A SINNER?

ONE MASTER! ONE WORD!

I AM YOUR MASTER!

( singing )

WHO DO WE PUT AWAY IN THE ASYLUM?

NO, YOU'RE THE IDIOT! GO!

WELL

I THINK YOU'RE CRAZY

XENU BROUGHT US HERE 75 MILLION YEARS AGO,

STACKED US AROUND VOLCANOES,

AND BLEW THEM UP WITH AN H-BOMB.

WE ARE OLDER THAN THE UNIVERSE!

YOU HAVE TO RID YOURSELF

OF THE IMPLANTS

FROM THE EXTRATERRESTRIAL DICTATORS!

DOES THAT MAKE ME CRAZY? ♪

GET AN E-METER.

YES! GET AN E-METER.

DOES THAT MAKE ME CRAZY? ♪

AUDIT YOURSELF.

PROBABLY

HOW DO YOU PEOPLE EXPECT TO GET TO THE NEXT LEVEL?

BUT THINK TWICE

I'M NOT MAKING THE RULES!

People: AWW.

YOU KNOW, SCIENTOLOGISTS--

( people murmuring )

AND RIGHT, YEAH,

YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, THAT'S SOME CRAZY SHIT."

OKAY. JESUS WITH THE VIRGIN BIRTH

AND THE DOVE AND THE SNAKE WHO TALKS

IN THE GARDEN, THAT'S COOL.

( people laughing )

BUT THE SCIENTOLOGISTS, THEY'RE THE CRAZY ONES.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

THAT--I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA

OF WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

BUT IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH MAKING SURE

THAT WE'RE BORN WITH A DEFECT

SO THAT THE SOULS OF OURS

ARE INFECTED WITH ALIENS.

( laughing )

BECAUSE THE CURE-- SCIENTOLOGY.

( laughter )

THEY'RE ALL CRAZY.

YES, THE RELIGIONS DO GET EVEN CRAZIER.

THEY HAVE TO TO KEEP UP.

THEY KEEP RAISING THE BAR.

AFTER YOU'VE DONE THE VIRGIN BIRTH, WHERE DO YOU GO?

I AM BOUND FOR THE PROMISED LAND

I'M BOUND FOR THE PROMISED LAND

BOUND FOR THE PROMISED, BOUND FOR THE PROMISED

BOUND FOR THE PROMISED, BOUND FOR THE PROMISED

BOUND FOR THE PROMISED, BOUND FOR THE PROMISED LAND

( clears throat ) WE'RE NOT GETTING THE TOP?

Man: WE GOT THE TOP.

OH, OKAY.

THAT'S THE MORMON TEMPLE BEHIND ME.

TO BE A MORMON IS TO BELIEVE SOME REALLY CRAZY STUFF,

CRAZY EVEN BY THE STANDARDS OF THE BIG RELIGIONS.

WHEN YOU'RE THE NEW KID ON THE BLOCK--

( man speaking )

THANK YOU. THAT WAS HELPFUL.

YOU'RE THE NEW KID ON THE BLOCK,

AND ALL THE GOOD CRAZY HAS ALREADY BEEN PICKED OVER,

SO YOU KIND OF HAVE TO UP THE ANTE.

OH.

GOD DAMN IT.

NOT WHILE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF IT.

( man speaks )

WELL, WE DO HAVE IT, I MEAN...

Maher: BOY, A LOT OF PEOPLE CAME OUT OF THE WOODWORK.

YEAH.

( Bill continuing )

( man speaks )

Man: SO DID YOU GUYS GET ANYBODY FROM THE CHURCH TO TALK TO?

Maher: WELL, IF YOU COUNT "TALK TO."ROWN OFF THE PROPERTY

THAT'S PROBABLY BETTER.

Man: WE'D LIKE YOU TO MEET THE MORMONS.

IN THE FOUNDING SCRIPTURE--

YOU OPEN UP THE DOCTRINE OF COVENANTS,

YOU READ THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOSEPH SMITH--

HE QUOTES JESUS CHRIST AS TELLING HIM

THAT EVERY OTHER CREED ON EARTH

IS, QUOTE, AN ABOMINATION.

MM-HMM.

AN ABOMINATION.

I MEAN, THAT'S NOT A VERY ECUMENICAL STATEMENT.

I MEAN, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT,

I THINK AT SOME LEVEL YOU SENSE,

JUST DO NOT MAKE SENSE.

GLAD YOU SAID THAT

BECAUSE I READ SOME OF THE TENETS OF MORMONISM,

IKE GOD LIVES ON A PLANET NEAR THE STAR OF "KAYLOB."

KOLAB.

KOLAB.

GOD THE FATHER, WHO'S A PHYSICAL MAN

WITH A BODY OF FLESH AND BONES,

PROBABLY ABOUT SIX FEET TALL,

LIVES ON A PLACE CALLED KOLAB,

HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH MARY.

REMEMBER, HE'S A MAN.

JESUS CHRIST WAS CONCEIVED BY GOD THE FATHER

HAVING ACTUAL SEX WITH MARY.

Woman: MARY SAID, "IF THIS IS WHAT GOD WANTS,

I'LL BE GLAD TO DO HIS WILL."

DARK SKIN IS A CURSE FROM GOD,

BUT IF YOU'RE SUFFICIENTLY RIGHTEOUS,

A DARK-SKINNED PERSON CAN BECOME LIGHT-SKINNED.

Man: ACCORDING TO THE BOOK OF MORMON,

AFTER HIS RESURRECTION,

JESUS CAME TO THE AMERICAS TO PREACH TO THE INDIANS.

THAT AMERICAN INDIANS ARE ACTUALLY

A LOST TRIBE OF ISRAEL.

THEY'RE LOST JEWS.

NO, NO, ZEIT MESHUGGAH.

AND ALSO THE IDEA

THAT CHRISTIANITY IS AMERICAN,

I THINK, IS AN AMAZING ENTITLEMENT

TO A PEOPLE WHO ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO MELD GOD AND COUNTRY.

THE GARDEN OF EDEN WAS IN MISSOURI,

ACCORDING TO MORMONISM.

THE NEW JERUSALEM WILL BE THERE.

MM-HMM. BRANSON, I'M HOPING.

I'VE ALSO HEARD THAT THE MORMON CHURCH

BAPTIZES DEAD PEOPLE.

YOU CAN BE BAPTIZED FOR ABOUT 50 PEOPLE,

100 PEOPLE THAT HAVE DIED,

AND SO YOU JUST GET DUNKED

ABOUT 50, 100 TIMES.

THAT'S BAPTISM FOR THE DEAD.

CAFFEINE IS EVIL,

THAT MAGIC UNDERWEAR CAN PROTECT YOU.

THERE'S A PARTY IN MY PANTS

AND EVERYBODY'S COMING

THERE'S A PARTY IN MY PANTS

AND EVERYBODY'S COMING

AND THEN YOU NEED A SECRET PASSWORD

TO GET INTO HEAVEN.

EVERYONE MUST STAND AT THE FINAL JUDGMENT

BEFORE JOSEPH SMITH, JESUS, AND ELOHIM.

THIS ISN'T AN EASY RELIGION.

WHY DO YOU THINK IT IS THAT SO FEW PEOPLE

DO WHAT YOU HAVE DONE AND LEAVE THE CHURCH?

THE MOMENT YOU ACKNOWLEDGE TO YOURSELF

THAT JOSEPH SMITH DID NOT TELL THE TRUTH

ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCES AND HIS ACHIEVEMENTS,

YOU JUST COMMITTED SOCIAL SUICIDE.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

WILL--YOU'RE OFF THE DEEP END.

Maher: DR. ANDREW NEWBERG,

NICE TO MEET YOU.

I HAVE FINALLY MET SOMEONE

WHO'S STUDIED... NEUROTHEOLOGY?

THIS IS GETTING CLOSE TO SOMETHING I ALWAYS SAY,

WHICH IS THAT RELIGION IS A NEUROLOGICAL DISORDER.

WHAT DOES A BRAIN LOOK LIKE WHEN IT'S HOPPED UP ON GOD?

IT LOOKS--WE SEE A LOT OF DIFFERENT COLORS,

WHICH HELP TO TELL US WHAT THE ACTIVITY IS IN THE BRAIN,

AND WHAT WE HAVE FOUND IS THAT

THERE ARE SOME VERY SPECIFIC CHANGES

WHEN PEOPLE ARE MEDITATING OR PRAYING

OR EVEN SPEAKING IN TONGUES, WHICH WAS OUR LAST STUDY.

( yelling nonsense )

IN THE NAME OF JESUS!

YOU BE MADE WHOLE BY THE POWER OF GOD!

SPEAKING IN TONGUES?

YEAH, WE STUDIED PEOPLE SPEAKING IN TONGUES.

THEY'RE JUST BABBLING, THOUGH, RIGHT?

( speaking gibberish )

THEY'RE NOT REALLY SPEAKING IN A LANGUAGE THEY DON'T KNOW?

IT'S NOT AN ACTUAL LANGUAGE,

BUT WHAT'S--

IT'S JUST BULLSHIT, DOC, COME ON.

ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?

( speaking gibberish )

I LOVE YOU.

SO YOU WOULD AGREE THAT

EVEN IF A BILLION PEOPLE BELIEVE SOMETHING,

IT CAN STILL BE RIDICULOUS?

ABSOLUTELY.

BUT THE JEWS, I MEAN,

THEY'RE--EXCUSE ME, JEWISH FRIENDS,

BUT THEY'RE AS CUCKOO AS ANYBODY,

ESPECIALLY THE REALLY ORTHODOX ONES.

Maher: YOU ARE ONE OF THE FEW JEWISH PEOPLE IN THE WORLD

WHO DOES NOT BELIEVE IN THE STATE OF ISRAEL.

YOU DO NOT THINK THE STATE OF ISRAEL

SHOULD EXIST.

CORRECT.

OKAY.

GOD GAVE US THE LAND OF ISRAEL

WHEN WE--ON MOUNT SINAI

WHEN WE MADE THIS BOND WITH GOD.

HE SAID, "I'M GIVING YOU THE LAND,

"BUT I'M STIPULATING, VERY CLEARLY STIPULATING,

"THAT YOU MUST BE ON A CERTAIN LEVEL OF HOLINESS."

YOU WILL SEE IT CLEARLY THAT WE WERE SENT OUT OF THE LAND--

BASICALLY, YOU'RE SAYING THAT

THE JEWISH PEOPLE HAVE NOT BEEN HOLY ENOUGH

TO DESERVE THE LAND OF ISRAEL.

GOD UNDERSTANDS WHAT IS GOOD FOR US

AND WHAT IS BAD FOR US-- WHAT WILL BRING US

SAFETY OR NOT. LET ME JUST FINISH.

GOD TOLD US, "IF YOU WILL GO AGAINST GOD,

"GOD MANIPULATES THE WORLD"--

OKAY, I--

WAIT A SECOND. LET ME FINISH THIS.

GOD SAID IF YOU'RE GOING TO TRY TO MAKE THE STATE,

YOU WILL BE UNSUCCESSFUL.

YOU ARE LOOKING THROUGH-- YOU'RE TRYING THROUGH--

AT THIS WORLD THROUGH A KEYHOLE.

IT'S LIKE A DOG--

OH, I'M LOOKING--

EXCUSE ME. LET--LET ME FINISH.

GOD IS COMPASSIONATE.

EVERYTHING IS DIRECTLY FROM GOD, WE BELIEVE.

BUT IT SEEMS TO ME--

WAIT, I'LL NOW EXPLAIN

THAT POINT THAT YOU'RE ASKING.

THE CONCEPT OF SAYING THAT WE'VE SUFFERED ENOUGH

UH...ANTI-SEMITISM--

NEVER AGAIN?

SO YOU DON'T SAY "NEVER AGAIN."

YOU SAY, "AGAIN!"

YEAH.

LET US UNDERSTAND THAT THE JEWISH PEOPLE

WERE LIVING IN EXILE FOR 2,000 YEARS

UNDER GOD'S PROTECTION,

AND WE WERE LIVING IN WESTERN CIVILIZATION.

GERMANY, POLAND--

LET ME FINISH.

OF COURSE, NOT ANYMORE.

WE WERE LIVING AMONGST

ALL THE NATIONS THROUGHOUT THE YEARS--

THEY'RE ALL DEAD.

HOW MANY PEOPLE DIED IN THE HOLOCAUST?

OH, NOW YOU WANT TO JUMP TO THE HOLOCAUST?

YOU'RE JUMPING! BUT LET'S JUMP TO THE HOLOCAUST.

"JUMPING"? I THOUGHT THE ISSUE WAS JEWISH SAFETY.

I THOUGHT THE ISSUE WAS HOW MANY JEWS ARE DYING.

LET'S TALK ABOUT JEWISH SAFETY.

OKAY. OKAY. OKAY.

OKAY?

I'M SURE THERE WAS A--

A COUPLE OF MILLION JEWS DIED, THAT'S OKAY?

THAT'S THE WORD YOU'RE USING?

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WENT TO IRAN

IN DECEMBER 2006

FOR THE PRESIDENT OF THAT COUNTRY'S

HOLOCAUST DENIAL.

WHOA, WHOA, DON'T JUST THROW WORDS.

( folk music playing )

WHY DOES AHMADINEJAD SAY

THAT HE WANTS ISRAEL TO BE WIPED FROM THE FACE--

WHEN DID HE SAY THAT? HE NEVER SAID THAT.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

HE SAID--

WHAT WAS THE EXACT QUOTE?

HE SAID IT SHOULD DISAPPEAR. HE QUOTED--

"SHOULD DISAPPEAR."

LET ME FINISH!

WHAT, IS HE DAVID COPPERFIELD?

THAT'S CHUTZPAH.

NEVER AGAIN, RABBI, NEVER AGAIN.

Cameraman: WAIT, WAIT, ONE MORE THING.

NO. I'M OUT.

WE HAVE CONSERVATIVES, WE HAVE REFORMS,

WE HAVE THE ORTHODOX.

YOU ARE A "OBSERVING JEW."

IT SAYS IT RIGHT THERE IN THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT.

"HONOR THE SABBATH DAY TO KEEP IT HOLY."

FRIDAY NIGHT TO SATURDAY NIGHT,

YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING.

YEAH, THE RABBIS OVER THE CENTURIES

HAVE CREATED THESE PROHIBITIONS

AS A WAY TO TRY TO PROTECT THE DAY OF REST.

YOU CAN'T USE ELECTRICITY, YOU CAN'T DRIVE.

Maher: LET'S TALK A LITTLE BIT ABOUT

KEEPING THE SABBATH HOLY.

I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED IF IT CAME ABOUT

BECAUSE GOD RESTED ON THE SABBATH,

AND THAT'S WHY MAN HAS TO.

THAT'S RIGHT, AND THAT WAS THE CREATION OF THE SEVENTH DAY,

THAT THERE SHOULD BE REST.

THERE ARE 39 TYPES OF SPECIFIC ACTIONS

THAT CANNOT BE DONE ON THE SABBATH.

ONE OF THEM IS LIGHTING A FIRE.

PLANTING. ANOTHER ONE IS PLOWING.

ANOTHER ONE IS TYING A KNOT, UNTYING A KNOT,

ONE IS BUILDING, AND ONE IS DESTROYING

SO AS TO BUILD.

SO MUCH MORE KOSHER IS TO DEVELOP THESE GADGETS

THAT FIGURE OUT A WAY AROUND IT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

IT DOES SEEM THAT YOU ARE, TO A DEGREE,

TRYING TO OUTSMART GOD.

( chuckling ) IF THE LAWMAKER NEVER MAKES A MISTAKE,

AND STILL THERE'S A LOOPHOLE THERE,

WHY IS THAT LOOPHOLE THERE?

TO BE USED IN A SITUATION OF NEED.

BUT HOW DID THIS GET UPDATED?

FOR A 4,000-YEAR OLD RULE,

IT SEEMS THERE'S AN AWFUL LOT

THAT HAS TO DO WITH ELECTRICITY.

HALPERIN'S WORK HERE

IS TRANSLATING IT INTO SOMETHING MORE MODERN.

( crash, glass shattering )

LET'S LOOK AT SOME OF THE GADGETS YOU HAVE.

I'M PARTICULARLY INTERESTED IN THE PHONE.

IS THERE NOT A CELL PHONE?

UM, IT'S NOT A CELL PHONE.

OKAY. WOW.

THAT--I HAVE TO SAY,

THAT LOOKS MODERN.

EACH NUMBER IS TRYING TO DIAL ITSELF ALL THE TIME.

( phone ringing )

HELLO?

( squeaking )

HELLO?

WHEN I TAKE THE STICK

AND I PUT IT INTO THE HOLE...

HELLO?

I'M INHIBITING THAT,

WHICH IS INHIBITING THE NUMBER FROM DIALING ITSELF.

( busy tone )

LET ME ASK ABOUT THIS. IT'S OBVIOUSLY A WHEELCHAIR.

CAN IT--MAY I?

SURE.

UM...OH, IT'S, UH...OH.

( air hissing )

WOW. AND THIS IS NOT THE NEW MODEL, I'M GUESSING.

THIS IS THE EXPERIMENTAL PROTOTYPE.

Rabbi: SCHMUCK.

THIS RUNS ON AIR PRESSURE?

CORRECT.

BASICALLY, WE'VE GOT 150 ATMOSPHERES OF PRESSURE HERE.

WE'VE GOT THE TURNING IT ON, TURNING IT OFF HERE.

SO AIR IS OKAY.

AIR GOOD, FIRE BAD.

FIRE BAD.

FIRE...BAD!

WE'VE TAKEN AN OLD BICYCLE...

UH...UM...

I FORGOT WHAT IT'S CALLED.

OKAY. AIR GOES IN, AIR GOES OUT.

IF I WAS A PERSON IN THAT WHEELCHAIR,

I MIGHT SAY TO MYSELF,

"WHY AM I GOING TO THESE LENGTHS

"TO PLEASE GOD,

"WHO'S TAKEN AWAY MY LEGS TO BEGIN WITH?"

OKAY. UM, THAT WOULD BE FASCINATING.

IT'S AN ELEVATOR.

OH, IT'S A SHABBAT-O-VATOR.

LET ME GUESS. YOU CAN'T PUSH A BUTTON.

CORRECT.

ON THE SABBATH.

THE ISSUES BEHIND THE SCENES THAT PEOPLE DON'T SEE

ARE THE REAL PROBLEMS.

AN EVEN BIGGER PROBLEM MIGHT BE

HOW DO YOU GET SOMEONE TO PUT THIS IN THEIR BUILDING

IF THEY'RE NOT COMPLETELY NUTS?

WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT REALLY DOESN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

HMM.

HOW WE DEFINE WHAT IS CRAZY

OR NOT CRAZY ABOUT RELIGIONS

IS ULTIMATELY UP TO HOW WE DEFINE "CRAZY".

IF YOU DEFINE MENTAL ILLNESS

AS ANYONE WHO HEARS A VOICE TALKING TO THEM,

THEN ANYONE WHO HAS HEARD THE VOICE OF GOD IS CRAZY.

WELL, GOD SAID TO ABRAHAM, "KILL ME A SON" ♪

ABE SAID, "MAN, YOU MUST BE PUTTIN' ME ON" ♪

GOD SAY, "NO" ♪

ABE SAY, "WHAT?"

GOD SAY, "YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT, ABE, BUT..."

THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME COMIN', YOU BETTER RUN

SHE TALKS ABOUT A PROPHECY,

THAT THESE CHILDREN NEEDED TO DIE.

( woman speaking )

Man: THE DISPATCHER ASKED,

"WHY DID YOU DO THIS?" "I WAS TOLD TO."

"WHO TOLD YOU?" "GOD."

( man speaks )

( woman speaks )

THERE IS NOTHING HE MAY NOT ASK OF THEE.

Maher: PUT IT IN LAYMEN'S TERMS. JESUS WAS NUTS.

MOSES, YOU KNOW-- "STAY HERE,

I'M GOING UP AND GETTING THE 10 COMMANDMENTS RIGHT FROM GOD."

RIGHT.

'CAUSE ONE THING I'VE ALSO--

WE DIDN'T HAVE THIS BRAIN-SCAN TECHNOLOGY BACK THEN,

SO IT'S A LITTLE HARD TO TELL.

I KNOW, BUT IF A GUY SAYS HE WENT UP ON A MOUNTAIN

AND TALKED TO GOD AND TALKED TO HIM THROUGH A BURNING BUSH--

RIGHT.

THAT GUY'S A CUCKOO.

( audience cheering )

( speaking Spanish )

ALL THOSE BASTARD

WHO REFER AS ME FALSE PROPHET,IST,

IT BECAUSE THEY'RE MISERABLE.

( audience laughing, applauding )

ANYONE WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE IN ME IS MISERABLE.

MY MIC IS ON?

Man: YEAH. YOU'RE ON.

OKAY, WHO ARE YOU BIBLICALLY?

I'M JESUS CHRIST-- MAN--

THE SECOND COMING OF CHRIST, I AM.

THE OLD TESTAMENT SPEAK ABOUT ME CLEARLY,

AND THE NEW TESTAMENT ALSO.

ABOUT YOU PERSONALLY?

YES.

NOT JUST BECAUSE YOU SHARE THE NAME JESUS?

NO, NO, NOT BECAUSE OF--

'CAUSE YOU ALSO SHARE THE NAME MIRANDA.

MAYBE YOU'RE CARMEN MIRANDA.

YEAH, RIGHT.

MAYBE THE SECOND COMING OF HER.

YOU SHOULD HAVE FRUIT ON YOUR HEAD

INSTEAD OF FRUIT IN YOUR HEAD.

OKAY, FUCK YOU. HOW'S THAT?

WHY DO YOU THINK GOD CHOSE YOU?

JESUS OF NAZARETH HAD A WIFE,

SO AFTER THEY KILL HIM,

HIS SEED KEPT GOING, MAYBE THROUGH FRANCE,

SPAIN, AND THEN FROM SPAIN CAME TO PUERTO RICO.

( phonograph needle scratches )

THE BLOODLINE COME FROM ABRAHAM,

ABRAHAM TO DAVID,

DAVID TO JESUS OF NAZARETH,

JESUS OF NAZARETH, ME.

OKAY, I THOUGHT A SECOND COMING

WAS THE REINCARNATION OF THE CHRIST HIMSELF,

NOT A DESCENDANT OF.

NO.

NO?

HE'S A DESCENDANT.

DESCENDANT, OH.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN HELL?

NO, THAT'S--

OR THE DEVIL?

NO, THAT--

OR EVEN SIN, RIGHT?

NO, THERE'S NOT A SINS ANY LONGER.

I MEAN, WHAT YOU TEACH IS THAT JESUS DIED FOR OUR SINS,

AND SO THERE'S NOT REALLY ANY SINNING ANYMORE.

NO MORE SINNING.

THIS IS LIKE A DIET-- THIS IS LIKE A DIET DOCTOR SAYING,

"EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT."

RIGHT.

YOU DON'T LOSE WEIGHT, BUT IT'S EASY TO STICK TO.

THAT'S WHAT I BELIEVE, BILL.

OH, I KNOW YOU DO.

AND I HAVE MANY PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN THIS.

AND YET YOU HAVE A LITTLE-- ( laughs )

YOU HAVE A LITTLE TWINKLE IN YOUR EYE WHEN YOU SAY IT.

( laughs ) I BELIEVE IN THAT, I BELIEVE.

HOW DO WE KNOW?

BECAUSE LOTS OF PEOPLE WOULD LIKE THIS JOB.

HOW DO YOU GET THIS JOB AS THE SECOND COMING?

IT'S NOT ON CRAIGSLIST.

YEAH.

I'M GUESSING. MAYBE IT IS.

YEAH. SEE, TWO ANGELS--

TWO GUYS NAMED ANGEL, SPANISH GUYS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,

YOU FUCKING COCKROACH.

NO.

OH, ACTUAL ANGELS?

TWO ANGELS CAME TO ME,

AND THEY TOLD ME THE LORD OF LORD

AND KING OF KING IS COMING TO ANOINT YOU FOR THE MINISTRY TONIGHT.

WHAT FORM DID THE ANGELS COME IN?

HOW TALL?

A LITTLE TALL AND STRONG.

WHATEVER THEY TELL ME, I OBEY.

BOY, I--YEAH, I--

YOU DON'T WANNA MESS WITH THEM.

I DON'T WANNA MESS WITH THEM.

BUT I'M JUST SAYING,

IT SEEMS THAT IF GOD WANTED TO COMMUNICATE

SOMETHING TO THE WORLD-- HE'S ALL POWERFUL--

HE WOULD JUST TALK TO THE WHOLE WORLD.

IT ALWAYS SEEMS HE PICKS OUT A PROPHET IN PRIVATE

( whispering ) AND TELLS THEM, "OKAY, YOU'RE THE PROPHET."

I AM.

NOW, YOU GO TELL THE REST OF THE WORLD.

SO WE JUST SORT OF HAVE TO TAKE IT ON FAITH.

WE JUST SORT OF HAVE TO BELIEVE YOU.

RIGHT. YEAH, IT'S TRUE.

THIS, YOU KNOW--

Woman: ♪ I THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW

THERE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ANYONE AROUND

God: ABRAHAM.

NOAH.

LORD!

WHAT SHALL I DO?

God: MOSES, CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN ALONE.

Man: ONCE AGAIN, THE LORD HAD SPOKEN TO JOSEPH SMITH

AS HE HAD TO ADAM, ABRAHAM, MOSES, PAUL, AND OTHERS.

I AM THE FIRST CHRISTIAN.

ANYBODY WHO-- ANYBODY--

AND THE REST ARE REALLY KIND OF JEWISH, YOU'RE SAYING?

BECAUSE THEY'RE FOLLOWING A JEW.

THAT'S IT.

IN FACT THEY PUT IN THE PLATES,

THEY SAY, "MY BOSS IS A JEWISH CARPENTER."

WHAT A--

HOW RIDICULOUS IS THAT?

A JEWISH CARPENTER!

IMAGINE.

COME ON, JEWS HIRE CARPENTERS.

THEY DON'T--

THAT.

YOU KNOW, PEOPLE SAY, "I FOUND MY CALLING IN LIFE."

AND IT'S A GOOD CALLING. IT'S A NICE LIVING.

PEOPLE ADORE YOU EVERYWHERE YOU GO.

THEY TREAT YOU LIKE--CHRIST, LIKE YOU'RE THE MESSIAH.

YOU KNOW, IF I DISCOVER THAT I WAS SATAN IN PERSON,

I WOULD DO A GOOD JOB, TOO.

AS SATAN?

BECAUSE I WOULD BE FATEFUL TO MY CALLING.

IT'S HOW YOU DO YOUR WORK, ISN'T IT?

YOU KNOW, AT THE END OF THE DAY,

WHETHER YOU'RE THE MESSIAH OR YOU'RE SATAN,

IT'S LOVING WHAT YOU DO AND GIVING IT 100%.

I GIVE 100%.

Maher: I WASN'T BORN SKEPTICAL.

I WAS STILL MAKING DEALS WITH GOD WHEN I WAS 40.

I REMEMBER I QUIT SMOKING. THERE WAS SOME--

SOME SHITTY PROBLEM I HAD IN MY LIFE,

AND I MADE A DEAL WITH GOD,

"OKAY, IF YOU MAKE THIS PROBLEM GO AWAY,

"I WILL QUIT SMOKING,

"AND I WON'T GO BACK ON IT

BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I'D BE GOING BACK ON A DEAL WITH GOD."

AND, YOU KNOW, I GOTTA SAY,

I'M KIND OF GLAD I HAD GOD IN MY LIFE.

Maher: YOU ARE THE HEAD

OF THE FIRST UNIVERSAL CHURCH OF CANTHEISM.

YES.

WHICH IS REALLY BUILT AROUND THIS SUBSTANCE HERE.

MMM, NO.

NO?

OKAY, I GOT THAT WRONG.

BUT IT'S BUILT AROUND SMOKING THIS.

I MEAN, IT HAS NO DOGMA, RIGHT?

YOU'RE NOT PREACHING TO ANYBODY,

YOU'RE NOT SAYING YOU'LL SAVE THEIR SOULS,

NO RITUALS.

HOW DOES THIS DIFFER FROM JUST GETTING WASTED?

I MEAN THAT IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY, BUT--

I UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF GOD--

RIGHT.

OF FEELING ONE WITH EVERYTHING ELSE.

BUT YOU DON'T GET-- DO YOU FEEL THAT EVERY TIME YOU SMOKE POT?

NO.

PHEW, I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME.

( laughs )

SO WHY DO YOU THINK IT'S THIS FAMILY OF DRUGS

THAT'S SO GOOD FOR OPENING OUR MINDS,

AS OPPOSED TO LUDES OR PCP

OR SMASHING UP YOUR MOTHER'S DIET PILLS AND SMOKING THEM IN A PIPE?

I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW.

( both laughing )

SO I DID WANT TO GET YOUR THOUGHTS

ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS CITY--

THIS IS YOUR CITY. THERE'S A LOT OF CONTROVERSY WITH--

MAYBE THE DUTCH ARE SO TOLERANT

THAT THEY'RE NOW TOLERATING INTOLERANCE.

THERE'S A LOT OF TENSION WITH THE MUSLIM COMMUNITY.

IT'S ALL THE RELIGIOUS FUNDAMENTALISTS.

THEY ALREADY KILLED THEO VAN GOGH, WHICH WAS--

YEAH.

A KNOWN TELEVISION MAKER.

SO WE'RE STANDING ON THE SPOT--

THIS IS THE SPOT WHERE THEO VAN GOGH

WAS ASSASSINATED.

THIS IS EXACTLY THE SPOT.

Maher: THEY MADE A 10-MINUTE FILM.

IT WAS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE TO MUSLIMS.

Woman: OH, ALLAH, YOU SAY THAT MEN

ARE THE PROTECTORS AND MAINTAINERS OF WOMEN

BECAUSE YOU HAVE GIVEN THE ONE MORE STRENGTH THAN THE OTHER.

I FEEL, AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK,

THE STRENGTH OF MY HUSBAND'S FIST ON MY FACE.

LOTS OF PEOPLE THINK THAT FREE SPEECH

GOES RIGHT UP TO THIS POINT,

AND THEN WHEN YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT RELIGION--

WHEN YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE PROPHET--

ALL BETS ARE OFF.

IT GOES BOTH WAYS, FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

IT GOES BOTH WAYS, BUT THE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY, USUALLY DO THE KILLING--

YES.

...FOR IT, WIND UP ON THE MUSLIM SIDE.

DO YOU THINK THAT SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT THE DIFFERENT CULTURES?

I DON'T WANT TO HAVE THE IMAGE OF THE MUSLIMS,

YOU KNOW, IF THEY DON'T LIKE SOMETHING, YOU SAY,

THEY KILL YOU, BECAUSE IT'S NOT.

( shouting, chanting )

Man: IT WAS A NOISY CROWD

OUTSIDE THE DANISH EMBASSY IN LONDON

AS SPEAKERS CONDEMNED THE CARTOONS PORTRAYING THE PROPHET MOHAMMAD.

I WISH I COULD GET YOUR MUSIC IN AMERICA,

BUT CONSIDERING

HOW CONTROVERSIAL IT'S BEEN HERE IN ENGLAND--

( rapping )

INITIALLY WHEN I DID THE RECORD,

A LOT OF PEOPLE SUPPORTED IT,

BUT THEN, IN THE CURRENT TIMES THAT WE'RE IN,

PEOPLE GOT REALLY SCARED.

IT JUST SHOWS THE KIND OF STUPIDITY OF SOCIETY,

WHICH REFUSES TO DISCUSS, DEBATE THINGS IN AN INTELLIGENT WAY.

AND I DON'T ACCEPT THAT.

I JUST PUT MY MIDDLE FINGER UP.

ONE OF YOUR BIG GRIPES-- AND IT'S A VALID ONE--

YOU KEEP SAYING THAT--

IN FACT, LET ME READ YOUR QUOTE.

YOU SAID, "ANYONE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT I'M SAYING

"SHOULD GET INVOLVED IN THE DEBATE.

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DISSENT. THAT IS A RIGHT."

YEAH.

BUT IS THAT A RIGHT IN ISLAM, TO DISSENT?

OF COURSE IT IS.

WHY DO YOU THINK THERE'S SO MANY SCHOOLS OF THOUGHT?

WHY DO YOU THINK THERE'S--

IT WASN'T A RIGHT FOR SALMAN RUSHDIE.

Male Newscaster: SET OFF FROM HYDE PARK,

BRINGING MUCH OF CENTRAL LONDON TO A STANDSTILL,

THEIR HATRED FOCUSED ON SALMAN RUSHDIE AND HIS BOOK.

THE MULLAHS PRESSED HOME THEIR MESSAGE IN THOUSANDS OF MOSQUES,

"SALMAN RUSHDIE MUST BE KILLED."

SEE, THAT SALMAN RUSHDIE

WAS THERE TO PROVOKE, INSULT--

AND HE DID IT INTENTIONALLY, RIGHT?

I'M NOT--

BUT SHOULD YOU DIE FOR THAT?

NO--NO--WELL, I MEAN, THAT WAS--

IT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY THINGS KIND OF IN BLACK AND WHITE.

THEY'RE MORE COMPLEX THAN THAT.

THEY'RE ACTUALLY-- THERE'S EMOTIONS AND PASSIONS

AND PHILOSOPHY INVOLVED AND ALL THAT STUFF--

YOU KNOW, ALL YOU GOTTA SAY IS,

"IT'S WRONG FOR SOMEONE TO HAVE TO SUFFER A DEATH THREAT

FOR WRITING A BOOK."

WELL, HANG ON. WHAT--

APPARENTLY IT'S MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT.

IT IS BECAUSE-- YEAH, BUT WESTERN--

THEN WE'LL NEVER SEE EYE-TO-EYE THERE.

HOLD ON, BILL--BILL-- WESTERN--

YOU WANT THAT PROTECTION FOR YOURSELF.

I THINK THESE DEBATES ARE A LOT--

I'M WILLING TO DISCUSS THEM IN TERMS OF FACTS AND NOT FICTIONS.

YOU DISAGREE WITH ME IT'S A FICTION.

NO--NO--

YOU HAVE THE TRUTH, AND I HAVE THE FICTION.

NO, NO, NO, I DON'T HAVE THE TRUTH.

BUT YOU DON'T SEE THAT THERE'S A FUNDAMENTAL HYPOCRISY

OF YOU ASKING FOR THE RIGHT TO DISSENT

AND SOMEBODY ELSE GETTING A DEATH THREAT?

NO, BECAUSE MY DISSENT IS TO STOP THE MADNESS.

( man rapping )

Maher: I'M HERE HERE IN THE HAGUE,

WHICH OF COURSE IS HOME TO THE WORLD COURT,

BUT ALSO TO THE DUTCH PARLIAMENT.

YOU ARE TAKING A KIND OF HARD LINE HERE

IN THE NETHERLANDS.

ISLAM IS, ACCORDING TO ME, A VIOLENT RELIGION,

THE KORAN IS A VIOLENT BOOK,

AND MOHAMMED WAS A VIOLENT PROPHET.

DO YOU THINK ISLAM WANTS TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD?

THEY DON'T EVEN MAKE A SECRET ABOUT IT.

WE ARE INFIDELS.

WE SHOULD EITHER BECOME ISLAMIC,

OR WE SHOULD BE KILLED. THIS IS WHAT THEY SAY.

THIS IS WHAT THEY ARE PROUD OF.

Maher: OKAY, WE'RE HERE AT HABIBI ANA.

DID I SAY THAT RIGHT?

YEAH.

YOU GUYS, REALLY, I MEAN, GAY MUSLIM ACTIVISTS--

THAT IS A VERY RARE JOB DESCRIPTION.

YOU GUYS HAVE BALLS.

HOW BIG IS THE GAY COMMUNITY-- THE GAY MUSLIM COMMUNITY-- HERE IN AMSTERDAM?

OR THIS IS IT?

I'M GUESSING THURSDAY ISN'T--

ISN'T GAY NIGHT. ( laughing )

I HOPE YOU GUYS FIND EACH OTHER ATTRACTIVE

'CAUSE OTHERWISE...

YOU DON'T FEEL AFRAID?

HERE IN HOLLAND, I'M NOT.

BUT WHEN I CAME FROM MY COUNTRY, I WAS VERY AFRAID.

THERE WAS ARTICLE LAW PUNISH THE GAY JUST--

FOR ONE, JUST BECAUSE HE'S GAY.

JUST BEING GAY CAN GET YOU A YEAR.

JUST BEING GAY.

SAME AS ALABAMA.

( both laugh )

WHAT I LEARNED IS THAT THEY'RE NOT REALLY--

THEY'RE NOT SPECIFIC AGAINST HOMOSEXUALITY.

THEY'RE NOT SPECIFIC AGAINST, IN OTHER WORDS,

THE DESIRE OF A MAN FOR A MAN.

WHAT THEY ARE AGAINST IS SPECIFIC BEHAVIOR,

LIKE ANAL SEX.

THEY DON'T SAY HOMOSEXUALITY, HETEROSEXUALITY.

THEY JUST DON'T WANT YOU DOING IT IN THE NAUGHTY PLACE,

WHICH, I GUESS,

IF YOU PUT THAT OUT OF THE PICTURE IN HOMOSEXUALITY,

WHAT DO YOU HAVE LEFT?

JUST THE BLOWJOB.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN PEOPLE SAY

IT AFFECTS YOUR MEMORY,

ESPECIALLY YOUR SHORT-TERM MEMORY?

IT DOES.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN PEOPLE SAY

THAT IT AFFECTS YOUR MEMORY,

YOUR SHORT-TERM MEMORY?

IT DOES.

OKAY--

Maher: I LIKE MY HAT.

Man: IT'S GOOD.

YEAH?

YOU LOOK GOOD, TOO.

I THINK I DO.

YES.

I THINK I MIGHT ADOPT THIS LOOK.

YES.

IS THERE A REASON AND I HAVE A WHITE HAT?T

WE HAVE--IT CAN BE ANY COLOR YOU LIKE.

I BOUGHT THIS. I LIKE IT MYSELF

BECAUSE I LIKE THE COLOR.

THERE IS A LOT OF TENSION IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS OR SO.

IS ISLAM A THREAT TO DUTCH VALUES?

ISLAM IS PREACHING, ABOVE ALL, PEACE.

PEACE, PEACE, AND PEACE.

( speaking foreign language )

( people screaming, shouting )

( audience applauding )

THE NAME ISLAM MEANS PEACE.

AND YET IT IS INVOLVED IN A LOT OF WAR AND VIOLENCE.

YEAH. IT'S JUST ALL POLITICS.

NOTHING TO DO WITH RELIGION?

NO, NO.

NO?

NO, SIR.

IT'S POLITICAL.

IT'S POLITICS.

IT SEEMS TO BE A LOT OF PASSAGES THAT SAY,

THE INFIDEL IS NOT THE EQUAL OF THE BELIEVER.

THE INFIDEL WILL DIE IN HELL.

DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT HATING THE INFIDEL.

NO.

NO?

NO, NO.

BOY, I'VE GOT BAD INFORMATION.

YES, YOU HAVE. I THINK SO.

YOU THINK THAT MEANS--

NO, NO, NO...

AND--

NO. NO, NO, NO--

NO, NO, NO, NO.

NO, NO.

NO.

NO?

NO.

Man: YEAH.

I'M WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING.

THE WAY I PERCEIVE THINGS IN THE KORAN

IS NOT ABOUT KILLING INFIDELS OR HOMOSEXUALS---

BUT YOU HAVE READ IT IN THERE.

OF COURSE I READ THE KORAN.

AND YOU'VE READ THOSE PASSAGES.

YEAH, I'VE READ THOSE PASSAGES--

WHAT DID YOU THINK WHEN YOU READ THEM?

NO, BUT I EXPLAIN THOSE PASSAGES

WITHIN THE TIME IN WHICH THEY EMERGED.

THAT'S NOT HOW PEOPLE READ HOLY BOOKS.

PEOPLE DON'T READ HOLY BOOKS AND GO,

"WELL, THAT WAS GOOD FOR THEM."

NO, BUT I THINK--

PEOPLE READ HOLY BOOKS AND GO,

"THIS IS THE WORD OF GOD. IT'S FOREVER."

I DON'T AGREE.

NO, I DON'T AGREE.

THAT'S HOW MOST PEOPLE DO IT.

NO, NO. I DON'T AGREE.

I JUST DON'T BUY IT

THAT THESE GUYS ARE IN THIS STATE OF DENIAL.

I THINK THEY'RE JUST IN A STATE OF DENIAL TO AN OUTSIDER.

Man: RIGHT.

THEY WILL NOT ADMIT

ANYTHING IS WRONG WITH THEIR CULTURE TO AN OUTSIDER.

MUSLIMS WERE IMPERIALISTS

IN THE CENTURY AFTER MOHAMMED'S DEATH.

THEY CONQUERED MOST OF THE KNOWN WORLD IN ONE CENTURY.

YEAH, IT IS POSSIBLE. YOU CALL IT CONQUER.

I THINK THEY WERE TRYING TO SPREAD ISLAM.

THEY WERE, BUT THEY WEREN'T DOING IT BY SINGING KUMBAYA.

( Led Zeppelin's Kashmir plays mutedly )

EXCUSE ME.

SORRY.

OH, THAT 21st CENTURY ALWAYS BUSTING IN.

( music gets louder )

( music stops )

I'M GOING TO SHUT IT OFF.

I LOVE IT THAT HE'S GOT KASHMIR AS HIS RING TONE.

( humming Kashmir