Existence is strange and there’s no way we can ever manage to understand all the many
mysteries of life, the universe and everything. When we come across something we don’t understand,
most of us turn to teachers, parents, smart friends and probably Wikipedia, in an attempt
to sort out what’s what. Some people though, like to close their eyes,
stick out their finger and believe whatever crazy solution it lands on. And this isn’t
just reserved for the darkest corners of the internet, many well-known public figures and
celebrities have dived head first into the pool of pseudoscience, conspiracies, and good
old fashioned nonsense. Today we look at 5 famous people with outrageous theories and
beliefs. Gravity seems to be a problem in a number
of wild theories but one of the best surely has to come from internet personality David
Avacado Wolfe. He’s the least famous person on this list, but he deserves first billing
because of the sheer ludicrousy of his beliefs. You probably all have a friend who shares
his steady stream of vague and generally harmless motivational memes. He has almost 6 million
followers on Facebook and built a career as a raw food enthusiast, promoting a variety
of super foods and supplements. Oh and he beliefs gravity doesn’t exist as we know
it, it is actually a toxin that we should get rid of.
There are many videos of him, both interviews and recordings of public lectures, where he
puts forward a range of theories about various foods and the body. But his gravitationally
questionable theory is that he believes salt is basically the gatekeeper of water and,
to quote him, “the reasons why the oceans are salty is that’s what’s needed to hold
the water onto the earth, if that didn’t happen the water would levitate right off
the earth and that would be the end of it.” He doesn’t say what happens to unsalted
freshwater rivers and lakes but let’s assume they’re tied down with magic rope or maybe
the fish just grip onto it really, really tightly. He loves salt for its ability to
keep water retained in your muscles. He even recommends just having it around your home
to prevent allergies, insomnia and migraines. Have you even seen a peanut with a migraine?
No? Exactly. But the Wolfe’s expertise do not end there.
Here is a brief outline of some his other wonderful theories;
“Chocolate lines up planetarily with the sun, chocolate is an octave of sun energy.”
And that, children, is why you should always eat up all your KitKats! But seriously, “chocolate
lines up with the sun”, what does that even mean.
Here’s another omniscient quote of his… Mushroom spores can “levitate off the planet
because they are surrounded by a shell of Ormus, which is actually trying to get to
the centre of the sun” I don’t think mushroom takers intend to
get quite THAT high. In case you’re curious, ORMUS is an idea created by David Hudson in
1975; they are precious metals without molecular bonds; so all the atoms exist separately.
And yes, you’re right, that is complete nonsense.
And one more of David Wolfe’s theories is that:
“Deer antler is not a product. It's a cosmic substance.”
I’m not sure the deer will feel that way, as you chop the space horns off their heads.
He believes the horns make you younger. Did I forget to mention he’s also a flat earther
too, along with a whole load of other nonsense theories, but we’ll stop there, I need to
go and eat some salt before I float away again. Another David now, this time ex-BBC sports
presenter David Icke. David Icke started out as a goalkeeper. Unfortunately, arthritis
forced him to retire at just 21 but he went on to carve out a successful career as a sports
presenter, eventually co-hosting the BBC show Grandstand, the most watched sports show in
the UK. Due to his arthritis, he began looking into
fringe medicine and new age philosophy, which led him to become involved with the Green
Party and also to an important meeting with a psychic, who told him he had been sent to
heal the world. She didn’t say exactly what was wrong with the world, some sort of stomach
bug I presume. But nevertheless David Icke was the man to heal it, apparently.
He began developing an ever more elaborate theory about why the world had got into such
a state of war, sickness and poverty, realising that there must be a shadowy cabal behind
all the mischief. He believes that civilisation was set up by a group of alien reptiles called
the Babylonian Brotherhood. Their bloodline continues to this day and they control everything
from the UN to the media, led by the famous Illuminati, a mysterious group of world leaders
feared by tin foil hat wearers and internet keyboard warriors across the world, yes I’m
looking at you. The reptiles came from a constellation called
Draco and were drawn to earth, not for the margaritas and well organised bus routes,
but for the “monatomic gold”, which is just another name for the ORMUS that we mentioned
earlier, that impossible form of metal where none of the atoms are bonded together.
Yes, you’re hearing me correctly, David Icke believes the world is run by lizards,
with notable figures such as The Queen and most prime ministers and presidents being
part of this omniscient lizard species. The reptiles are shape shifting and can take human
from, so you’d better keep your wits about you. If you catch anyone looking hungrily
at a dead insect, then it’s probably best to bow down to them in case they are one of
your overseeing lizard lords. Oh one more thing, he also believes he is the son of god.
I’ll just leave that out there. Do you believe in life after love? Yes I do,
Cher, but I’m not sure I believe in life after relying solely on homeopathic treatments.
Cher is not alone in her support of homeopathy, a whole host of stars from Pamela Anderson
to Tina Turner, Monica Bellucci and many others have all come out in favour of it.
Now, alternative medicine is a complicated field, containing many treatments that may
do real good but have yet to be proven scientifically; things like acupuncture, traditional Chinese
medicine and chiropractic for example. There is a lot of anecdotal evidence about their
effectiveness but this has not been backed up by clinical testing, yet.
The same cannot be said however about homeopathy. Trial after trial has proven, without a doubt,
that the practise has no benefits, beyond the placebo effect. In one of the most recent
tests, Professor Paul Glasziou, from Bond university in Australia, oversaw 176 individual
studies and found absolutely no difference between homeopathy and the placebo effect
for 68 different illnesses. Hopefully, they can now begin looking into other more important
theories such as; “If eating carrots helps night vision, if I eat rabbits will I see
in infa-red?” So, what is homeopathy? Invented by Samuel
Hahnemann in 1796, it follows three laws; the law of similars, the law of infinitesimals
and the law of succussion. If the last one sounds like a made up word, well that’s
because it is. The law of similars means finding a cure that
is similar to the symptoms, such as caffeine for insomnia or onions to treat the streaming
eyes from hay fever. Then, the law of infinitesimals means the
more you dilute the substance in water, the more it increases its potency which is just
as ludicrous and contradictory as it sounds. The law of succussion just tells you to shake
or tap the container during each mix, so that the water maintains a “memory” of the
substance. A lot of medicines are sold as 30C or 100C,
where the C stands for centesimal. 1C is one drop of the substance added to 99 drops of
water. 2C is one drop taken from that the previous solution (which remember is 1% substance,
99% water) and added to another 99 drops of water. So 30C is this same process repeated
30 times over, making it one part per million million million million million million million
million million million (1 in 1060). Numbers this big are kind of meaningless so let me
give you an analogy; to dilute one full drop of a substance in a 30C solution, you would
need enough water to cover every single planet in 500 million universes. So I’ll get a
bucket, you better start that rain dance. Basically, when you buy homeopathic treatments,
you are literally paying for very expensive water. When asked, most homeopathy consumers
thought they were actually taking pills containing some kind of herbal extracts, but in reality
the original substance which was diluted in it was lost long ago during the repeated dilution
process. What you’re left with, is water infused sugar pills.
But, having said all this, the placebo effect is real, it even works on animals, and something
with a long standing history like homeopathy, even if it is based on a scientific falsehood
and we have repeatedly proved that it doesn’t work, is actually still quite likely to work
and be effective on individuals who “believe” it to be true, because their placebo effect
after the treatment will be more powerful. Now, if homeopathy requires you to reject
some of your understandings of science, Grammy nominated rapper B.o.B would like you to tear
up all your text books and make a new paper mache model of the world. In his single Flatline
he laid out his belief that we live on a flat earth. He claims we have all been “Indoctrinated
in a cult called science” and calls out famous astrophysicist Neil De Grasse Tyson,
claiming he has been paid off. The scientist, along with his nephew, even created a retaliation
rap. How did B.o.B end up with his bizarre conclusion
that the world is a spinning plate? Mankind has actually known the world is round for
a very long time since it explains the way ships disappear over the horizon and why during
a lunar eclipse it is possible to see the shadow that Earth makes on the moon and you
can quite clearly see that it’s a sphere. Flat Earthers believe the world is a disc
with the Arctic Circle in the middle and the Antarctic acting as a wall of ice surrounding
the big plate. You can’t walk over the edge because the wall is guarded by NASA, possibly
all disguised as penguins. Now I’m sure you have some questions like;
what about the sun? What about planes and satellites? And “If earth is a plate, does
it mean we’re someone’s lunch?” According to flat earthers the sun and moon
are apparently spheres measuring 51 kilometres across and they move in circles above the
earth, just under 5000 kilometres away, shining down like spotlights. The sun has a slightly
spiralled orbit to account for its changing position in the seasons. There’s also an
anti-moon, which causes eclipses, and is made of crackers so you can eat it together with
the cheese from the actual moon. Oh wait, that’s Wallace and Gromit.
How the sun stays up there is a different matter since gravity isn’t real. According
to their theory, the earth is accelerating upwards at 9.8 m/s2, like we’re on some
sort of interstellar pancake elevator. So when you slip, you’re not falling, the world
is just high fiving you in the face. All of NASAs achievements have been faked
of course and every shot of the round earth is just a nifty bit of photo-shopping. And
when it comes to air travel, well all GPS has been rigged so pilots think they are travelling
around a sphere but in fact are just wasting all our time, taking the scenic route in a
big circle. The approach of the believers is to follow
something called the Zetetic Method which values sensory observation above everything
else. So if the world looks flat, it must be flat, right? By this logic, that tree is
not far away, it’s just very small and Donald Trump is exactly what he appears to be; an
angry genetically modified potato. Billy Corgan sprang to fame in the 90s as
the face of the band Smashing Pumpkins, who became one of the largest rock bands of the
era. Their albums Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness and Siamese Dream are ranked at 82
and 362 in the Rolling Stone Magazine’s list of greatest albums of all time.
But Billy dreams no longer, recently describing himself and Motley Crue drummer, Tommy Lee,
as “awake”. This is conspiracy theory lingo for seeing what is really going on behind
the shadowy curtain. And one of his current theories of choice is the notorious chemtrails.
When you look up into the sky, on a bright, cloudless day, you’ll occasionally see the
white plume, left in the wake of a passing plane. Corgan, along with other stars such
as Beck and Kylie Jenner, believe that these clouds are chemicals that the government is
intentionally pumping into the atmosphere. Why would they do this? Well perhaps to make
people sick and get money through pharmaceutical sales, maybe as some sort of mind control
technique, weather modification, or perhaps just to use the sky as a gigantic etch-a-sketch.
In reality, these trails are caused by a couple of factors. Most importantly, the exhaust
coming from the engines is hotter than the surrounding air so this difference in temperature
allows water to condense and then freeze, thanks to the ambient temperature of the high
altitudes. The particles in the exhaust, such as soot and sulphur compounds, often serve
as a site for this condensation and freezing to take place. It’s also possible for the
change in pressure, caused by the wings and the body of the plane, to act as a trigger.
These “contrails” (condensation trails) can remain for minutes or hours, depending
on the atmospheric conditions at the time. These trails may have an environmental impact,
since they can form sizeable clouds, but their effect is limited to how they reflect heat
radiation, rather than the chemical content of the clouds themselves.
Even if Chemtrail believers reject these explanations, there’s still a major flaw in the theory
since, given the height of the planes, any chemicals being sprayed out would dissipate
over hundreds of miles and lose their potency, long before they reached the ground below.
But as for Billy, he still believes that we cannot be saved.
Musicians, nutritionists and sports presenters are one thing, but what happens when the world’s
most powerful man has a bizarre theory close to his heart? Former US president Ronald Reagan
was an avid believer in Numerology. Numerology covers a range of superstitions
about the relationship of numbers with people and events, often in the realm of the paranormal
and relating to divination and astrology. Some form of number based belief is common
in many cultures, with lucky and unlucky numbers being created from the sounds and symbols
of the words, or perhaps with their religious connections, such as the Holy Trinity or the
twelve apostles in Christianity and May 4th in Jediisim.
For Reagan, led largely by his wife Nancy and her favourite astrologer Joan Quigley,
this mostly manifested itself in how he scheduled certain events. He delayed his inauguration
as Governor of California by 9 minutes to put it at the most opportune moment. He even
used numerology to decide on the set up of the Reykjavík Summit in 1986, where Reagan
and Gorbachev laid the groundwork for the end of the cold war. I would not have liked
to have been the translator who had to tell Gorbachev “we’re just waiting untill Mars
enters Uranus.” Maybe his many psychics did help him though
as he was able to finally overcome the Curse of Tippecanoe. 9th president William Harrison
was involved in a war with a Native American tribe called the Shawnee, including the Battle
of Tippecanoe. Supposedly, a Shawnee prophet called Tenskwatawa cursed Harrison and since
then every president elected on a 20th year anniversary of William Harrison (1840) has
died in office. This includes Lincoln (1860), Garfield (1880), McKinley (1900) and JFK (1960)
as well as Harding’s (1920) heart attack and Roosevelt’s (1940) cerebral haemorrhaging.
But after Reagan became president the curse seems to have been broken.
Thanks to Reagan’s belief in magic numbers, George W Bush, elected in 2000, was able to
survive 3 attempted assignations, an attack by a journalist’s shoe, choking on a pretzel
and was one of the lucky members of the White house not to be shot in the face by Dick Cheney
while hunting. It’s somehow reassuring to know that no
matter how famous or powerful you become, you can still be scared of monsters under
the bed and believe in the magical cures and treatments that could fix us all in an instant.
I personally, sometimes have the creepy feeling that I’m being watched by mysterious strangers
from around the world. Ha, silly isn’t it?