- If a bear poops in the woods,
what does it do with that poop?
- Let's talk about that.
(cheery music) (alarm ringing)
Good Mythical Morning!
- All right, first thing's first.
We have some thrilling breaking news.
Our scripted musical comedy series,
Buddy System, season two is now available.
The first episode is for free on this channel.
You can go and watch it right now.
- For free.
Did we say that? - Didn't I say free?
- And then, you know what?
You can continue to watch and binge the entire season
right now, because it's all up and available
again on this channel.
All you gotta do is subscribe to YouTube Red.
Please check it out, because we do believe
that you will love it.
- And again, Link just said it,
but we're gonna say it again.
Unlike last year, where it came out every single week,
it's all out right now.
So, if you get that YouTube Red subscription,
you can binge the entire season.
- It's weird, it's got music,
it's got us, with more facial hair or head hair.
- Yeah, there's a lot of things that might surprise you.
But first, let's get to the GMM at hand,
because you may not realize that
many animals have sick dark disgusting secrets
that most of us humans don't know about, until now.
Because I've gotten my hands filthy
by researching the most unknown and revolting
animal secrets in the world...
And then I turned those secrets into a game!
It's time to play, Will These Facts About Yaks Make you Yak?
Note: None of the following facts pertain to Yaks,
and that's a fact.
Okay, here's how this is going to work, Link.
I've got six gross facts about animals up here.
- Is this a touch screen?
This is awesome.
- Yeah, it's all digital.
No, it's not.
It's very much analog.
- Magnets is how this works, magic magnets.
- So, I'm gonna read a fact,
and then you're going to pick one of these animals.
Now, these are not actual animals.
They're pictures of animals.
- Yes, they are.
And I can move 'em. - Okay?
- Can move 'em around. - You can move 'em.
And then you're gonna put 'em up here.
You're gonna try to match these.
Now, as you can see, there's more animals than facts.
So, there'll be left over animals.
Don't be alarmed!
- I cannot see that.
- Here's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna let you do all these.
We're gonna go through each one.
And then I'm gonna tell you how many you have right.
And then there's gonna be one switcheroo round
where you can switcheroo however many you want.
If you get four right, you get to keep
our office hamster, Wham Bam Thank You Hamster.
And if you don't get four right,
you must keep our new office hamster,
Wham Bam Thank You Hamster. (laughs)
Okay? - Oh, okay, okay.
- Okay, gross fact number one.
Certain types of this animal breath through their anus.
- Ew, anal breather. - Also known as bum breathing,
this animal can inhale 70% of its oxygen
through its rear end.
Well, I got a beaver.
- Ironically, I exhale 70% of my oxygen through my rear end.
- I know this.
I'm with you way too often.
- Sometimes when I'm farting,
like I did the other day on the show...
I just say, "I'm breathing."
- I'm immediately thinking a water dwelling animal
like a turtle, or a duck.
Because I think that, from an evolutionary standpoint,
that gives you a propulsion factor
to exhale through the anus.
I like the way your mind works.
- But then you gotta stick it out
in order to breath in.
Which I've seen ducks do a lot.
So, that was my answer. - Okay.
- I'm going with ducks.
They can breath through their anus.
Gross fact number two.
It is not uncommon for this animal to practice cannibalism.
This animal can develop a nasty habit
for eating its own kind,
usually due to boredom or overcrowding.
- Boredom, I'm just bored, I'm gonna eat ya.
- Man, what am I gonna do today?
Eat one of my kind.
- Which one look like a cannibal?
- I don't know, I think elephants,
they morn when one of their kind dies.
- They never forget.
- They really cry.
But is it because they've eaten themselves.
- They also don't eat meat at all,
unless they accidentally-- - They also don't eat meat,
at all. - Yeah, thanks for that.
Something tells me, is this a allicrile or a crocodator?
I think crocodiles eat their own babies.
- That's an alligator.
- Monkeys can be ruthless.
Ah, I'm going with alligator.
- Baby alligators get eaten by their moms.
I know they hide in there.
Chomp, chomp, chomp.
- You been watching a lot of Discovery Channel, hadn't ya.
Gross fact number three.
In order to cool down, this animal poops on its own feet.
As the moisture in the feces evaporates,
the underlying blood vessels are cooled.
Now, before you think about this,
it took us 12,030 episodes,
but we finally found a way to get
feces and blood vessels into the same sentence.
- Don't clap for that.
- You should clap for that.
- I am thinking that's a pretty good idea, you know?
My feet get hot and sweaty sometimes.
- Who's the foot pooper?
- I think this swan albatross bird herring thing.
What is this?
I think birds--
- That is a stork, Link.
- Storks have historically milky poop
which evaporates well and cools off the feet.
Moving right a long.
The anal secretions of this animal
are used in food delicacies.
In fact, when you see natural flavors
on an ingredients list,
there's a decent chance you're ingesting
the butt juice of this animal.
- I eat that?
- On what?
- Many different things that have natural flavors.
In a related story, Baskin Robins now has 32 flavors.
- Oh, how suspicious.
- I remember something about the butt glands of a beaver.
We've talked about this. - Like from a dream?
- Yeah, every night.
So, I'm gonna go with beaver butt juice.
Gross fact number five.
This animal is capable of having a 30 minute orgasm!
- Ew, wow.
- Yes, when stimulated via the gloved hand method,
- Ew. - This animal has
yielded semen for up to 31 minutes.
- I don't wanna know anything else.
- Gotta figure out where I can get one of those gloves.
- Amazon search.
- Half hour. - Yep.
Hm, I'm acquainted with many a pig farmer
from North Carolina. (chuckles)
And I know what they've gotta do to make more pigs.
- We have a very good friend who did this for a living.
- It involves a glove.
- So, I'm going with a really smart animal
because they've trained humans to make them
climax for half an hour, a pig.
- Okay, Link, last question.
This animal is known for often dying of constipation.
the animal can sometimes loose its sphincter
rendering it unable to make a doody.
I tell ya, I swear, I'd lose
my sphincter if it wasn't screwed on.
So, I can really-- - Yours is screwed in.
- I can really relate.
Every morning, you've seen me.
- I know the point of this episode--
- You've seen me doing that. - Is like gross stuff,
but we are really pushing the limits here.
- Hey, it's just nature, man.
- Die from anal asphyxiation.
- Lose its sphincter.
- Man, this thing doesn't have a sphincter.
Neither does that.
Hm, I can just tell by the look on his face,
"Will I lose my sphincter?
"Is it happening right now?"
- I'm putting that monkey thing,
what kind of monkey is that?
- I don't know, Link.
- Monkey, monkey.
- That's just a general monkey.
- So, that's not the right answer.
- I just know where the pictures are supposed to go.
I haven't been watching Discover Channel.
I just have all the answers right here.
Link, you have--
- These are my final answers!
- You have three right! (bell dings)
- Ooh. - Ooh, you gotta
get four right, so you can keep that hamster, man.
- Man, I feel really good about the pig.
I feel really good about the beaver.
- Are you talking to your sphincter again?
- Sphincter, help me out here.
Come on, sphincter. - Sphincter has
no gray matter. - Give me the answer.
- Man, I don't know.
I don't know, this doesn't have a sphincter.
This is really messin' me up.
I think the turtle is the anal breather.
I'm switching that.
- And I think that, man, you can't go, so you die?
I've seen how big an elephant's poop can get,
and if that doesn't come out,
you are definitely gonna die.
- But you think an elephant's sphincter
just falls out sometimes?
- That's not how it works, it unscrews.
- All right, these are my final answers.
- Okay, Link, I'm gonna let you reveal
the answers to see how many you got right.
So, just pull off-- - Can I start here?
I'm pretty sure about the pig.
- Sure, okay. - All right.
- You're right, Link. - Yes!
- I'm right about the pig.
- Gloved hand.
- I'm pretty sure about the beaver.
- Okay. (bell dings)
- Yes! - That's two right.
- I'm actually pretty sure about the turtle now.
Yes! (bell dings)
- He's on a roll!
- And I'm pretty sure about the croc.
- Crocogator. (buzzer buzzes)
- You're wrong. - Ooh.
- Ducks is cannibals, man.
- Ducks eat their own ducklings?
- Or just full grown ducks?
- I think that, yeah, sometimes they
just thin out, or boredom.
Bored ducks, man.
- They don't even have teeth.
How do they eat another duck without teeth?
- You can beak something to death.
- Oh my gosh.
- I've done it a few times.
- All right, and then foot pooper has to be that bird.
(bell dings) Yes!
- That's right, Link.
That's four right!
Go for five!
- Did I get it? (buzzer buzzes)
- Of course not, man. - No.
- It's a scorpion sphincter.
That's wat falls out.
But it doesn't matter.
You have four, which means you have the option
of taking the hamster home with you.
Or we can just put it in Craig's cage and see what happens.
- I'll take it, give it to me.
(game show music)
Oh, we've met before.
Hello, when you were part of my future.
- That's Wham Bam Thank You Hamster,
Jay's new best friend and your kid's new best friend.
- No, we'll keep him at the office.
- Okay. - Yeah.
- All right, click on through to watch us
bury our noses in each other's soiled shirts.
- He's burying his face in my shirt.
- [Rhett] Good news.
The new season of Buddy System
premiers today on YouTube Red,
and the first episode is free.
Watch it now.