Hey guys! Today I’m going to talk to you about how tone of voice and speaking style
can really deceive you, OK? So even if I’m nodding my head and smiling nicely, it doesn’t
necessarily mean that I have a good intent, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m
being very kind and caring—even though it looks like it, doesn’t it?
So tone of voice is a very, very good way to manipulate and deceive. And people who
are of that nature—to deceive and manipulate other people—know how to use their voice
and their speaking style so that they get what they want to happen while still looking
like the nice guy. So my normal voice, which you’ve seen a
few videos before (if you want to go and check it out), is very flat, there’s hardly any
expression in it; and over the years, I’ve taught myself to become expressive in videos.
Both because it’s a performance for me, and I enjoy to do it that way, I enjoy to
express that way. But also because nobody would watch me if I just said, “Hey guys.
Today I’m going to talk to you about tone of voice. And um, it can be very deceiving...”
You would be gone after twenty seconds. So I have to put energy and expression in, to
get you to stay watching and also because I’m not doing any cuts or showing you different
things, I have to make my voice watchable. Otherwise, you would just go away.
But too many of us are just completely deceived and fooled by tone of voice. And that way
you can be so easily manipulated. “Always, always trust the person who speaks to you
in a kind, warm voice; always trust them—they’re such a nice person. They’re so sweet, they’re
so kind.” But...the person who, who sort of got, sort of a little bit pissed-off kind
of tone, or doesn’t speak very well—those kind of people, they don’t come across very
well on television. So they’re always seen to be wrong or not worth listening to, because
don’t present what they’re saying in the right way. When really what we need to always
do is listen to the actual content of the words that are being said, rather than the
extra fluff over the outside. So we don’t want to just look at the packaging; we want
to look at the product inside the box, before we buy, before we say, “Ah yeah, this is
right.” So one of the things that I, I like to think
of this... In England, I like to call them “the sophisticated liars of England.”
Because if you have a professional job in England—I’m not saying everyone is a liar—but
if you have a professional job in England, at some point, you’re going to come across
people who I call “the professional liars of England.” And I come across a lot...
I did some work in the sort of charity area. So they had their own style of speaking in
the charity area. And different professions will have their own style of speaking. So
lawyers would have their sort of style; um, people who work for the government would have
their own sort of speaking style. Always a little bit different.
But in a charity, they’re sophisticated liars. The always, always speak to you with
a really nice smile, and they say, “Oh, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” And I remember
this face a lot, because, when I used to be applying for jobs—and it wasn’t just a
few jobs, it was a lot of jobs—and after the interview, they gave me the feedback,
it would always be like this: “Jade, I’m so sorry. We’re really sorry. You’re such
a good candidate, but you didn’t get the job—really sorry. It’s because you lost
out by one point in the interview.” And they have their piece of paper where they,
you know, they write down, very objectively, they write down about the candidates: this
one good, this one bad. But for whatever reason, basically, when they tell you No, they will
do the kind and smiling face, and it will always seem...and it will always seem like
you just missed out but, you know, they like you so much, and they like you so much.
Or you might experience it as some of my fans have, when you go to a doctor, of all places,
because you’ll be speaking to the doctor, and you’ll just think: Well, this makes...
The thing that I think I need, because of my health problem, it will be so easy for
you to give it to me now. Why won’t you just give this to me, doctor? I’ve showed
you, I’ve showed you why I need this medicine or something or I need this treatment; I’ve
showed you why. But you’re just telling me No in a way that doesn’t make sense.
Why are telling me No in a way that doesn’t make sense? Your argument is not standing
up, but you just keep saying, “Oh, I’m really sorry, it’s not...it’s not possible.
It’s not the treatment we recommend...” In an earnest, it would be an earnest sort
of...earnest or maybe authoritative, more authoritative voice, if it’s a doctor, like,
“No, it’s not possible in this case.” But whatever the case, there’s some kind
of split going on—between what you think is the reality of the situation, and the tone,
the tone of voice and the way the other person is speaking to you, to the point that it confuses
you, and it makes you think, “Well, what’s going on? I’m... What’s going on? Am I
banging my head against a brick wall here? This person is saying one thing, but I’m
picking up a different message.” Also this can happen in your personal life.
I had the...experience, shall we say, of dating someone for a while, where I got the same
impression. I got the same kind of confusion, sense of confusion coming from them. Because
this person was like, this person was...had great packaging and would um, always seem
like, “Oh, I love, I love to treat my...I love to treat my girl really good...” and
blah blah blah, just seemed like, he seemed like, you know, the kind of guy that would
be a good boyfriend. But the actions...the actions, a lot of the time, didn’t match
what he was saying. But he would always come back with an apology. But his overall presentation,
the way he would say things, and the way he would use his voice, or the way he would use
his body...body language, and ways to like reassure...which actually was to deceive,
was very, very confusing. So these...in moments...when this kind of
thing happens, an important thing to do, so that you can cut through confusing things,
is just disregard the tone of voice and the way that someone is saying something, and
just actually listen plainly to the words; and then see if the words match the actions.
Because if you’re getting some kind of confusing split, it’s very likely that you’re being
deceived by: either non-verbal communication, or tricks in the tone of voice. Someone is
telling you one thing, but indirectly the other signals are telling you something else.
Another point I want to make here is that through media, um, or the video that we see,
we’re very used to sit...having our...people, on the television, act in a certain way. Our
news, news reporters have to act a certain way. They have to be trustworthy. And our,
our um, Saturday morning TV presenters, they have to be sort of feel good and a bit positive.
And we always have to have them then acting in the same way.
And this is an acting performance; this is an acting performance. If you always see the
person acting in a character that’s always the same—you know, he’s a nice guy, he’s
a good guy; you can also be deceived by the voice of that person. Because you automatically
have trust for everything they’re saying. You automatically have trust for whatever
the news reporter is saying to you, because they’re saying it in an earnest and serious
way. And also, anything that the Saturday morning TV presenter recommends, you’ll
think, “Well, that’s a good thing to buy. I’m going to try that recipe, because you
said it was nice.” So, overall point being: Train yourself, if
you don’t know how to do it, to actually listen to the words that are being said, and
put less regard on the tone of voice. A tone of voice that doesn’t sound pleasing and
wonderful and seductive to your ears can be a voice that’s telling you some important
information that you need to know. So, packaging—packaging is...packaging is um... Packaging is nice
to look at, but it can also deceive you. Inside that packaging, you might get a really rubbish
product that you didn’t know you were getting yourself into.
So anyway, thank you for watching. And see ya later, guys! Come back soon! Bye...bye!