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I am the best healer on the planet.

My hands are magic, I do the most amazing, intuitive healing massage.

I'm renowned all over the world.

I live in Marrakech.

I've been to Glastonbury festival, I've been on stage with Van Morrison, chanting.

I've been with the Kooks, I've been with Dizzee Rascal. They all know me.

And I now live in Brighton, I've been here for about fourteen years.

And I've probably effectively, massaged and healed, in twenty-two years probably about a million people.

Yeah I do mass healings at festivals as well.

There could possibly be about twenty, thirty people that all need massage.

So I kind of circle them, put them in a circle, lay them all down.

Do a holistic chanting, and start the process of clearing out and cleansing.

I'll do a chant for you now...

That's a chant.

That's a holistic sounding, that's ghandarvik.

And it kind of pushes out - as you can see the kids come round because they like it as well.

And what it does is it kind of pushes out any bad energies...

...in peoples spirit and kind of cleanses them.

And chanting very, very important, and it's been important in my life for twenty-two years.

Did you like it guys?

[kids] Yeah.

[kids] That was amazing!

If you ask the kids they'll say to you "it's amazing", say that it's "something it's clearing".

Okay, see you later guys!

OH NO! There's this, the crazy man coming down again!

No look, this man's crazy, he's preaching th-th-the name of God!

Really loudly, this guy here, this African man!

...I think he's a lunatic if I'm honest.

I study physics, quantum physics. It's more like quantum mechanics, yeah?

And the quantum mechanics of, of, well... my field of study

It really pertains to the whole kind of, conceptual understanding of 'Moon vs. Womb'.

Erm, i.e., if a lady is actually "wombing" and is about to, erm, have her menstrual cycle.

And the moon is "waning" rather than "waxing".

A lot of different things can start to take into play.

I.e., emotional distress

Cracking up

Throwing saucepans at her husbands head.

Because the moon's "waning" you see, so she's reacting to that.

So my study of physics, is actually alongside the holistia.

UFOs, extraterrestrial intelligence, aliens, shape-shifting lizards are walking within us.

David Icke said it. 1963, they all thought he was mad, they laughed at him...

...now they're not laughing at David Icke because it's now, erm, er, 2009.

And they're not laughing at David Icke now, because what he said was true.

Girl: George Bush?...

Hello! This she's talking the truth, say it again babe.

Girl: George Bush... I do-

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

SHE SAID GEORGE BUSH!

That's! ...

Girl: [unknown random noise]

Say, carry on darling.

Girl: But, er-

NO! I need some support here! [shouting]

I NEED- did you hear what she said?

Girl: I agree!

She's agreeing with me because, do you know why, she's a younger generation.

And she know knows, George Je-, George Bush is a what?

Girl: Lizard!

Olly: So you think the Royal Family are shapeshifting lizards?

I don't think, I know!

[shouting] Actually started with Adolf Hitler!

[shouting] Adolf Hitler was the first person to start this hybriding of DNA off.

[shouting] He actually had UFOs hidden under his place.

[shouting] He actually rescued aliens.

[shouting] Tooken their DNA, hybrided it wit-, with- err, human DNA.

And started the motion into process.

Here we have at the moment, as we speak to you, and it's something I'm really upset about...

...all joking aside, it's beginning to really piss me off.

Is we have these things called chemical trails in the atmosphere.

Basically they're full of aluminium...

[shouting] DOES EVERYBODY KNOW THAT THERE'S CHEMTRAILS IN THE ATMOSPHERE?

[shouting] THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE, THAT'S CHEMTRAILS!

[shouting] TRYING TO DO A ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT, THEY WANT A ONE WORLD ORDER!

[shouting] By putting this stuff into the atmosphere to actually make us feel very unhappy.

Does anyone know what a chemtrail is?

Does anyone want to know?

Well, that's a chemtrail up there, do you know what it is?

Woman: No.

It's aluminium, phosphate, metal larven...

You know sometimes you- do you wake up in the morning and see masses of lines all across the sky?

Have you ever noticed?

Woman: No!

Start to look.

I was brought up in a place called Kennington in South London.

My parents were quite poor, my mum was really young and she met me dad and he was really young.

And my dad, kinda like, comes from a bit of a gangster family.

Most of cousins, and uncles, and my family are actually all gangsters.

I used to live with my nan

I looked after my nan, I used to have to carry my nan in my arms

when I was fifteen, because she was really ill.

And feed her and stuff, and the same with my granddad.

So it's a very poor, very kinda big, massive family of cousins and uncles...

...really neurotic and completely off their heads to be honest.

By the way I was also met my first love when I was, erm...

I met my first love when I was eleven.

So now and I'm old and I re-educated myself it just made me realise he took a lot of my life away.

Because for eight years of my life I stayed with that guy.

He tormented me quite a lot, and I kind of felt like I was imprisoned in this relationship.

So I never really had much freedom, as a Pisces I'm always...

...someone comes along and grabs me and says:

"Okay you're coming with me and you've got to do this!"

So I had like eight years of my life taken away up until the age of seventeen when my nan died.

One day I went to see my dad, he was in the Old Kent Road.

And I said "Dad I need some money, I'm going away."

He gave me £200 in the late seventies, which at the time was quite a lot of money.

And then I just... left.

And I went to France, Italy, and traveled around Europe on my own.

This is where I live.

This is my healing, these are my healing hands.

If I wanted to, I could sit down with somebody and hold their hands

as soon as we've connected physically.

Erm, yes, I could possibly read their thoughts.

And see if they needed any help-

...do, you, do you need any help babe? Do you need a massage?

(Donation Only, a film by Olly Newport)

(With thanks to:)

(The Doc Next Network, Step2TV, BFI, Liana Stewart, Lick Frozen Yogurt).

(This film is funded by: The European Cultural Foundation).

[BFI ident noise]

(Music:)

(Cross by James Blackshaw)

(|//\\| by Discount Fireworks)

(The Letter Aa by Aaron Moore)

The Description of Donation Only