Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Crooked Obsession SAMPLE ONLY

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My Crooked Obsession

You came all wrapped in fish 'n' chip paper.

And everybody knew what you would soon be after.

Try hard, mind scar you gypsy traveller.

Scratch at my skin you crawled right under.

My Crooked Obsession

[Father Time] Thank you all for being in attendance. I understand we all run pretty busy schedules

First of all before we get into any serious issues. I would like to congratulate

Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny for becoming more popular than Jesus

It only took over two thousand years and the idea of material presents and chocolate

to persuade the humans was brilliant just brilliant.

We now have eighty percent in total of the Christmas and Easter popularity

Clapping

The next item on the minutes is the problem faced by the Tooth Fairy

and the current price of lost teeth.

[Mother Nature] Mother Fucker

[Tooth Fairy] Thank you Father Time for putting this on the agenda.

I am not sure if the cost of teeth is in line with the normal CPI but it is really pinching

into my pockets.

[Santa] We all have problems with inflation you just have to

sort your budget out.

How do you think I should that?

You're a slut

Well the stages of tooth loss is normally between

the ages of 5 and to say 11 years old. So calculate all the kids in world

in that age group and then times the amount of teeth.

You then have to let the finance team know how much you need for the year.

with an average price of each tooth. It's not that hard.,

Could you and Santa please help Tooth Fairy with this please?

Booey Baba

For fuck sake Tooth Fairy you need to start sorting your shit out.

Turtle I am

Well I am busy.

We are all fucking busy.

Okay enough

Right the main reason why I called this meeting

is to discuss the complete insolence of

the humans in regards too.

The polluted planet?

No, but this is a very good point to raise, because as you can see Mother Earth

is absent again and we wish her all the best in the daily struggle of survival.

What's the point, DiCaprio says she's fucked.

She's fucked, she's fucked.

Yes, but we have stay positive where there is life there is hope.

Mother Nature is continuing her wrath, to retaliate the treatment of her sister Mother Earth and the death

of her prize pet turtle. Booey Baba

Booey Baba, Turtle I am.

Hey Claus I think it's meant to be Baba Booey?

Who fucking knows Nature is all over the shop?

With floods, droughts, tornadoes and a few added tsunami's.

I am going to tear their little fucking lands to pieces. Fuck.

Thank you Mother Nature

So continuing my humans concerns are

All the wars

No

Gratuitous sex

No

The complete infactuation of so called celebrities who have no talent except the

ability to make bad porn.

Would everyone please shut the fuck up.

Lick my turtle you sluts.

Ahhh, the problem I am referring to is drugs

Awww that was my guess.

I have decided there needs to be an operation to stop this disease from spreading.

Fuck you, you bastards.

Hey Santa, I thought it was your syphilis we need to stop spreading

Fuck off you scaly rodent the saying fucking like rabbits didn't come from no where ho ho.

Are you too quite finished?

Right, I need this drug problem to be sorted pronto

Pronto

How are we going to do it?

We are going to start not just cleaning up one city at a time, but one person at a time.

The worst culprits first until we have no problem.

So which city will it be Father Time?

We start with a city called Lost Souls in Australia, a place where we have manoeuvred the majority of the drug problem too.

You bastards.

Team, please let me introduce you to the Four Directions.

The Four Directions, I don't believe it.

Walk like a man, talk like a man.

That's the four seasons, you fuck wit.

No fucking, yes fucking, fuck off fucking, okay fucking bye fucking.

Hello Eckes fucking.

Hey Meth, you alright mate, I see you don't have no meth left in that bottle?

Junkies sucked it fucking.

Isn't that a bit dangerous, that bottle could explode couldn't it?

Untrue lies fucking.

Want this sandwich?

No fucking?

Hey Eckes, wanna party?

Sorry luv, I've given up.

Fucking lame prick.

You are joking fucking?

No, I wanna buy that ice cream van so I have to start being good didn't I.

And if Lady Lee wins tonight I'll be in the money like.

Ladies and gentleman, junkies, gamblers, trolls, haters, old school and cyber bullies.

Welcome to the main event.

In one corner an alchoholic by trade and a fighter by stupidity.

Please welcome Byron "The Lion' Pickett.

The opponent to The Lion is his woman.

At 165cm and weighing in at a whopping 110kg.

Smoke for a poke, two for a screw, imagine what that packet would do.

It's the Junkyard Dog Lady Lee.

The referee tonight is Mad Mickey Martin.

Let's get busted up.

You two better make this a good fight fucking.

Smash his fucking head in Junkyard.

Get off ropes fucking.

Thank's not cool Meth man, you should be going for Lady Lee not Byron

No roper dope, or I will rope that dope.

That's right Byron bruv, you dance because that Dog is after you. Inni he.

That's a one, that's a two, that's a three, and a four, oh give me a five and a six,

there's a seven, give me an eight and a nine.

Did you see that Meth, did you fucking well see that.

She fucking smacked him.

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