Practice English Speaking&Listening with: "Meet Little Ugly Jeff" | Controlled Chaos | JEFF DUNHAM

Normal
(0)
Difficulty: 0

- Well peanut, it's about time to end the evening.

- No, wait!

- What?

- I got one more thing to do.

- No, the shows about over.

- No, it's not! I got one more thing.

- What?

- Okay, look. Just trust me on this. I have a new hobby.

- A new hobby?

- Yes.

- What is it?

- I am now a ventriloquist, too.

(crowd laughing)

- No, you're not.

- Yes, I am.

(crowd laughing)

- That was pretty good!

- I know!

Compared to me, you suck.

(crowd laughing)

- Really?

- Let me show you how it's done.

- Well, you need a dummy.

- He's in the box.

- Do you have a dummy?

- (dummy) Over here, senor.

(crowd laughing)

- He's in the box?

- Yep.

Right next to Jose.

- Can I get him out?

- Yep, don't touch my stick.

Careful!

(crowd laughing)

- What?

- He's really ugly.

(crowd laughing)

- He is ugly, senor.

He is nasty looking.

(crowd laughing)

He's so scary, I wet my stick.

(crowd laughing)

- But he's right here?

- He's the only other guy in there.

Check it out, look, look, look, look, look!

- All right, let's see this.

Here we go.

(crowd cheering)

I thought you said he was ugly.

- He is!

- He looks a little like me.

- No, he looks a lot like you!

- This isn't funny.

- Then why is everyone else laughing?

- I laugh too, senor.

I laugh so hard I crack my stick.

- Do you know how to work this?

- Of course I do.

- You know there's a little lever down there.

- I know.

- You grab onto the lever

- I know!

- And you pull on it. - I know!

- Now do you have ahold of the lever?

- He's got ahold of something.

(crowd laughing)

- See, I can do this, too!

- Fantastic.

- How are you, little ugly Jeff?

- Not good.

- Wait a minute.

You're gonna call him ugly Jeff?

- Oh no, no, no.

Little, ugly Jeff.

(crowd laughing)

- Is there any other name?

- Uh, little ugly ass Jeff?

(crowd laughing)

- I like that.

- Me too, senor.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Wait a minute.

I would prefer you didn't use the word ass.

- Oh, I didn't really.

It's all one word.

Little-ugly-ass-Jeff.

- Ass Jeff, ass Jeff, I am ass Jeff.

(crowd laughing)

- See? It's good.

Bravo! Gracious.

De nada.

- This is ridiculous.

(crowd applauding)

- So, how are you, little ugly ass Jeff?

- I'm sad, handsome peanut.

- Wait a minute.

Handsome peanut?

- Yes, peanut is very handsome, unlike you, ugly ass Jeff.

- He is me.

- Good point.

- I hate my ugly ass self.

- All right.

- He said he was sad.

- I heard him.

- Why are you sad, ass Jeff?

- Because I'm a loser.

- Yeah, that is sad.

- And he's ugly.

And I'm ugly.

- Thank you! It's okay.

- Will you stop this?

- That's a shame little ugly ass Jeff.

- I have no idea how I made it this far in life.

- Me neither.

No one does.

- I suck.

- All right.

- Maybe you could make up for your loserness

by having a good personality?

- No. - Doubtful.

- No way.

- I'm sorry.

- Me too.

- Okay, look.

(crowd cheering)

You guys really think this is funny?

- Oh yeah. Si.

- Definitely.

- The truth hurts.

- Okay.

I tell you what, peanut, you think that's funny?

I have something here that you're gonna like.

- What?

- Just trust me, you're gonna love this.

(crowd cheering)

- What the fuck is that?

(crowd laughing)

- Hi, look at me, I'm a little idiot (laughing obnoxiously)

- That is not funny!

- Yes it is.

- No, it's not. - I think it is.

- Me too.

- L-O-L. - Shut up!

- You guys have been awesome.

Thank you, goodnight.

(crowd cheering)

The Description of "Meet Little Ugly Jeff" | Controlled Chaos | JEFF DUNHAM