Before we get started today, we wanna let you know
that yes, we are coming potentially to a town near you
for a night of unpredictable comedy and music.
We're gonna be in Las Vegas on June 21st,
Salt Lake City on June 22nd, Denver on June 23rd,
Milwaukee on the 25th, Indianapolis on the 26th,
Detroit on the 27th, Omaha, Nebraska on the 29th,
and on the 30th of June we'll be in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
And then starting in September we're gonna pick up
in Houston, Texas September 4th,
New Orleans September 5th,
Birmingham, Alabama the 6th,
Jacksonville, Florida the 7th,
Tampa, Florida the 8th,
Albuquerque, New Mexico November 20th,
Phoenix, Arizona the 21st, Sacramento, California the 22nd
and Valley Center, California November 23rd.
Go to RhettAndLinkLive.com for more info
and to buy your tix.
Let's do a biscuit.
Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Rhett.
And I'm Link.
This week at the round table of dim lighting,
we're asking the question, what's the question?
Oh, what's the secret to 18 plus years of marriage?
It's such an important question that you nearly forgot it.
We've recently celebrated our wedding anniversaries.
I've been married to Christy for over 19 years
and as of the recording of this,
you've been married to Jessie almost 18 years.
We decided to celebrate our anniversaries
on your weekend because it was Memorial Day weekend
so we get a three day weekend which means
you celebrate your anniversary on your anniversary
and I celebrate my anniversary a week before my anniversary.
I'm forcing your hand. Now I will have to then
celebrate my actual anniversary
but it'll be a low-key affair.
You'll be like remember a couple weeks back
when we celebrated this.
Well it's just a week back because my actual anniversary
is June 2nd, which is,
I'm not gonna say when we're recording this
but it's a few days away.
One day after your birthday, big boy.
That's comin' up.
I'm catchin' up with you, man.
I'm ticking over to 41. We're gonna be the same age.
Same age. That's happened a lot.
It means more now because 41--
From October 11th-- It's a lot more hopeless
than 40-- To June 1st,
we're not the same age and then from June 1st
to October 11th we are the same age.
You ever thought about that?
Yeah. Hey this isn't about--
No it's not about us. This isn't about
our birthdays, this is about our marriages.
Yeah. And we're gonna expose
all the secrets. No.
Well I'm not gonna, it's not like I've got some thoughts
but at the same time I don't wanna set this up
like hey we've got the key to a long-lasting marriage--
Even though we did by using the question.
You stick around for 50 minutes,
you can find out the answer.
We're gonna talk about our anniversary trips,
what we did and any high jinks that resulted from that.
Oh. And then--
Hopefully find a landing point which is the secret
to a long marriage.
Yeah. But before we do that,
I do want to-- You gettin' to ads already?
No no. When you say something
like that, I think you're about to do an ad.
People already trying to skip forward.
No don't skip, this is not an ad.
This is just an update because when you turn 41,
I would really like you to come to my house
so when you walk in the door,
I can have a little surprise for you.
You're not really, you're making it sound so enticing
that I probably would never come to your house again.
Do you remember, I've talked about this
a couple of times now, the home automation process
that I have been-- Oh gosh.
That I have been embarking on.
Man, if it's not intermittent fasting,
it's your light situation.
Well the light situation--
You need to fast from your light situation.
Is on lock.
It is not quite, I haven't catered what's gonna,
I haven't catered your experience yet
but all I can tell you-- You got something for me?
For my birthday?
I mean I can really easily.
It's just called a routine and I go in
and say what's gonna happen.
Don't undersell it.
Play it big if you're gonna play it big.
Let me just tell you what I have done
and I have devoted even though I wasn't the one
to actually do the electrical work that was required,
I could only imagine, I would still be doing it
if I was the one that was responsible
for the electrical work.
I was only responsible for bulb placement,
bulb insertion so there's smart bulbs
and there's smart switches and this is covering
a lot of my house. Yeah I remember.
The only thing they-- You said you wanted
every single light source to be able to
be controlled by your voice.
We're basically there.
Which I thought was overkill given my experience with--
It turns out that I thought that I was gonna have
to employ some sort of numbering system
like Battleship but all you have to do is say like
living room lamps, living room main lights,
and you got it covered.
Dining room lamp.
I texted Rhett the morning that apparently
this was being installed and I was like,
so are you gonna come in to work today?
Oh no, I did actually work a lot that day.
And Rhett was like I gotta stay here
'cause my lights are going in.
My switches are going in, I was like, oh great.
I ain't going in either.
But let me just tell you-- And I don't even have lights
to go in. Let me just tell you,
as a man who can now make all kinds of things happen
at his house, listen, I can say for instance,
I can say here's Johnny.
I could say hey Google, which I just activated
all your Google homes, you're welcome.
And at that point, all the lights will go out.
All the lamps that have the multi-color bulbs in them,
which I got those bulbs that can be like 16 million
different colors, they all turn red.
Okay. And then,
the main title from The Shining plays.
And then my youngest son begins to cry.
Just all part of being an excellent dad.
Every light turns off, the ones that can turn red
turn red. Turn red,
and your whole house is red and it literally looks like
there's a demon coming from the bedroom.
We're downstairs last night--
Hold on, you installed a demon hologram?
No but you like-- What do you mean?
No think about this.
You're downstairs and there's all this red light around you
and you look upstairs and there's a door cracked
and coming out of the door is just red light.
It feels like a horror movie,
I found my own self getting scared.
And then I realized that my kid was crying
and I was like I gotta back off on this,
but I can do that.
I also-- I'm sure it didn't take
any time to set that up.
And I bet you're gonna use it all the time.
Well my kids got so into doing it
that I was like, by the end of it I was like,
boys, I'm gonna make it where the frickin' Google Home
can't recognize your voices if you abuse this.
I started realizing where it could backfire, but also,
if you say-- You kept here's Johnny
in too much. If you say hey Google.
because Shepherd wanted his own situation.
All the lights dim.
He doesn't like it to be dark,
all the lights that can dim dim,
and then all the lights that can change color turn
to violet, his favorite color.
Okay. And then,
Bruno Mars Versace on the Floor plays.
And then what, does he have a routine?
Because that's his favorite song.
Does he have a dance routine?
He just, no, this is what he does.
So I got it all set up for him and then he was like Mom,
come in here and he laid back on the couch.
He laid back on the couch and he put his hands
behind his head and he said,
I'm gonna start saying HG for hey Google, okay.
HG, it's Shepherd.
Now the only thing that's a little bit underwhelming
about this and I'm gonna prepare you so when you come
and we say-- I gotta come
at night obviously.
You gotta come at night and it's not
as fast as it should be.
I don't know what's happening so it's like hey Google,
sorry, HG, it's Shepherd.
And it's just like two seconds pass, all the lights go out.
Another second passes, the lights turn violet.
Two more seconds pass and then the music starts.
You want it all to happen at once
and I think in the year 2021 it will all happen
at the same time but it's 2019.
I'm ahead of the curve. Yeah.
This would be the type of thing that in the creative meeting
for the commercial, they would be pitching this--
Let's cheat it. And then well,
we're gonna have to put a note on the screen that said
edited for time. Yeah, yeah.
But they would still sell it that way.
I can also make the whole house seem like a dungeon
with people screaming in different locations
and different lights-- What is wrong with you?
Coming on and off.
It's a horror movie mode, a horror, haunted house mode.
I'm a dark individual.
Did you do anything that wasn't wicked, twisted or insane?
You can do a space scape, like a lunar landscape
where it turns the house blue
and then plays like moon music.
That's not creepy, that's awesome.
So anyway. I put a lot of work
into something that-- No actually--
I can discern no practical value for.
It's called impressing people once,
that's the practical value.
Anyone who hasn't seen it-- At least you're honest,
'cause that's all that-- Yeah but it's fun.
Here's the thing. Now but you've also
controlled, you have some practical stuff right,
I mean have you not made it where at sunset,
certain lights turn on-- Oh yeah.
And different times of night they turn off?
Step one was every single morning, this happens,
every single night, literally sunrise and sunset,
you have it respond to sunrise and sunset
and then when I say HG goodnight,
all the lights in the house go off.
And then when I say, and then if Jessie wants
to have a party she says, "HG, it's party time."
And then all the lights, here's what my wife does,
when we're gonna have people over,
she goes around cutting on all the lamps
and getting everything right.
I set it the way that she wanted, I say,
"Baby, all you gotta do is tell Google it's party time
"and it will set everything the way you want."
So all that was taken care of
and then once I had all that done, I was like,
where else can I go from here?
And that's when I started getting creative
but let me tell you, as a man who can literally drag himself
around his house, never having to touch anything,
and can control all this, just this weekend,
I saw the last bulb and I was like
this is everything that I ever wanted.
Mm-hmm. I sat down on my couch
as my entire house was bathed in red demonic light,
and I was listening to The Shining theme
and I thought this can't be all there is.
That's good, that's good.
Because I was gonna say I've noticed a phrase
that you said a number of times as you bragged
about your life and that phrase is as a man.
So let me ask you, is that what this is about?
And I think as a human, I'm not saying as a man.
Okay, I was just asking. I'm just saying--
Is this about your manhood? No no it's not about
my manhood, what I'm getting at is that, and you know me,
and this is largely what-- You got a lot of questions
about your manhood, yeah. This is what largely
drives me and makes me sort of the driven person that I am
is that I see something and I can visualize that moment
that I'm gonna be on the couch having just said
here's Johnny and all the things
that I've described happening and for that moment
to take place, I will do everything to get to that point,
right, and I will make everything that needs
to happen happen to get to that point.
But then inevitably when I get there,
I'm like, what else?
Now what? What else?
Now I can control everything with my voice.
You have any motorized blinds?
No but I have a hub that is prepared for them.
I got 'em in my bathroom.
So I'm just sayin', I'm already ahead
of you on that front too.
Can you control 'em with your voice?
You easily can though.
You need to get the Lutron Hub.
As a man,
I don't feel the need to control them with my voice.
I can control them with my finger.
You want me to tell you what happens when I say
I'm in my bedroom and I say hey Google, it's business time?
Definitely not. Because there is a program
that it follows at that point as well.
And I'm not making it up, the thing I don't have--
I get it. The one thing I don't have
is I don't have the motorized blinds which I told Jessie,
I was like, 'cause she wants to redo the bedroom,
I said, "Well, you get the motorized blinds
"and when I say it's business time,
"the blinds will go down too."
I'm a blinds open guy.
You want your neighbors to be intimately
familiar with you? No.
It's not about them, I like to--
You wanna see the stars.
Oh in the daylight, yeah,
it doesn't happen in the daylight.
I'm saying the blinds don't go down in the daylight,
they only go down in the night time.
I think all of this raises a specific question
which is very much on topic today.
Not about lights at all it's about how on earth
could someone be married to Rhett McLaughlin
for 18 years? Hmm.
You know I think that what it brings into focus,
for me at least. Someone who caters,
gets the perfect environment for you to make love in?
I think that that's easy to stay married to.
Someone who has controlled their house
to be conducive to lovemaking?
I think that's an asset.
That's not something to overcome.
Let's not forget all the other things,
like hey honey, I made our house into a sonic dungeon.
She didn't like that that much.
Anyway, let's talk about our trips.
But first, we are gonna talk about the shirts
that we're wearing.
We sell stuff, you can wear it and it'll make you feel
connected to a greater purpose.
I've got a shirt-- That purpose is up to you.
I've got a shirt that says Ear Biscuits on it.
It has the two of us on it, which is weird
because the two of us are currently making an Ear Biscuit.
Think about that.
You can get this at Mythical.store.
You can get these mugs.
You can get everything that we sell at Mythical.store
or our Amazon store if it's not there.
This is a shirt that I'm fond of.
What do we call it? Mythicali-tee.
That's the Connectivitee from the Mythicali-tees.
And where is that available, is that Amazon now or is that,
that's still the store, Mythical.store.
Go to Mythical.store.
We love to see it when you post your pictures.
We re-post those on the Mythical Instagram feed
so let us have it, let us have it.
Thank you for supporting internetainment.
Okay so where'd you go?
I went to Malibu, man.
I got a private house.
I'll say I got a Airbnb in Malibu
that was a house all to ourselves but it was a guest house.
And I do need and I will go into more detail
about how this house was set up
'cause the surroundings were quite interesting.
But I was very excited to have a couple of nights away
just me and Christy to reflect on our 19 years of marriage.
Oh I love her so much.
I know she's listenin'.
I love ya so much.
I was really excited 'cause I'm a fan of Airbnb.
I'm a fan of renting a whole place and
now you gotta bring all your own stuff
but I'm the type, as opposed to a hotel
where they'll clean up after you every day
and you can order room service and you can do,
I know you did something like that and I'm not doggin' that,
I'm just saying that those are all amenities
that you don't have an Airbnb that's a factor.
But for me an overriding factor is there's more privacy
and there's more of a sense of control.
I already bring so much crap and I do wanna tell you
some of the stuff that I brought.
For a two night--
For a trip, for a two night trip
because I don't know if you know
but I'm a little peculiar about the things
that I like to have. Yep.
In order to make things perfect.
I'm familiar with this.
But for starters I'll just say that I found this place
on Airbnb that was its own, a studio apartment situation
type guest house and it was right on the beach.
There was a little kitchenette, a little living area,
a little bedroom area all kinda connected in one space
and then the sliding glass doors,
the whole front was just two sections of sliding glass doors
and then one sliding glass door on the side.
And then you have to walk downstairs to the beach?
No there's a deck right there
and there were two big loungers and then right
on the other side of that you step down off the deck
and you're just on the beach.
So the water doesn't come up onto the deck?
The water came up to, the high tide line came up
probably 20 feet from the edge of the deck.
Oh, you usually don't get that much beach in Malibu
at those houses, it's like--
Yeah sometimes a lot of the houses are built
literally over the high tide line
so the waves will crash like right under your--
On the foundation. Under your deck.
So it was a perfect spot where there was always
a little bit of beach but I was like whoa,
this is quite a find.
There's not a lot of places you can rent out
at Malibu and if you are, you're renting a whole house
and you're paying a crap ton of money.
And you're settin' up a whole party, never done that.
And you're not dealing with a lot of people
'cause it's like a private area so there's not a bunch
of people walking by?
They say all the beaches are private
but no beach can be made private but there were signs
on all of the decks around there that said--
The people-- Private property.
The people try to say, actually a huge dispute.
They try to say that it's a private beach
but technically the sign says private from the mean
high tide line and up to the house.
There's an app that I have on my phone,
I can't remember, it's like Malibu Beaches
or something like that. Yeah.
It's an app that someone who was upset
with the homeowners who were keeping everybody out
from the public beaches made to show you
all the access points to all these beaches
because there are no private beaches
and you can go right behind somebody's house if you want.
So that's where we elected to go.
Tell me where you went and we can kinda ping pong.
I went to Palm Springs.
Stayed in a hotel.
I'm not going to say the name of the hotel
because I'm gonna be talking about people that I saw there
and I don't want to betray,
and also I'm gonna be complaining a little bit.
We probably will go back to this place.
Maybe, so I just wanna keep the name unmentioned.
Is it like Red Roof Inn?
Yeah, it's the Ramada.
No, it's a-- It was a nice spot right?
It was a nice hotel in Palm Springs.
And again, Jessie and I, I'm pretty flexible.
Airbnb versus hotel is I'm kinda open.
I see advantages and disadvantages to both.
Jessie is, she's all about the hotel experience.
She likes to, she just basically is like I don't wanna
have to be cleaning up after everybody.
I want somebody to do it for me.
'Cause you'll make a mess.
And our boys are just animals, they're just animals.
Well you didn't bring your boys did you?
No, no, I'm just saying but she's dealing with them
and it's like having two very large ferrets.
You know what I'm saying, it's just,
they pee everywhere.
Your family's clean, my family's not.
You can't hold a ferret.
They're squigglin' everywhere. Yeah.
Leavin' poop in your hands. And please don't say,
but ferrets make great pets.
Ferrets don't make great children,
that's what I'm saying, okay?
And that's what I have.
Anyway and she also, being able to go,
we discovered recently that the idea of going
and this comes into play later, the idea of just going
and sitting next to the pool and chilling out
and not having any responsibilities and being able to read
or write, whatever you wanna do,
coupled with people watching which is an especially
nice thing to do in Palm Springs,
especially at a place like this hotel.
We were very primed for reading, lounging
and people watching. Okay.
That's what we were ready for.
I was not ready for any people watching
but don't let me forget that it ended up happening
and you reminded me of it so I need to tell you that.
All right so in preparation for my trip, I was so excited.
Weeks ahead of time I was making a list,
I was like, man it's gonna be cold.
It's not gonna be, by my definition like 60 degrees is cold.
I need to bundle up. Well especially at a beach
and especially in a California beach,
a lot of people don't understand--
You can't get in the ocean unless you're crazy.
You gotta have a wet suit, I mean.
You gotta be like a ferret to get in the ocean.
Yeah right ferret fur, you have to have a fur coat.
It's so cold that only, what is it about children,
and again, I didn't bring my children on this trip
but you'll dip your toe into any sort of water,
you'll be like ooh!
I might die if I submerge past my heart.
And then all of a sudden some kids are sprintin' by
and they're just like frolickin' all in it.
They're impervious to temperature.
They can swim around in all these frigid temperatures
like it's nothing.
What is that?
Are they stupid? Well yeah they are,
they're a little bit stupider for sure.
And it's not like whoa this is so cold,
They don't say anything about it, they're just in it.
They're just like oh this is fun 'cause I'm in water.
I don't think they've developed the nerve endings
that we have.
Fully developed nerve endings.
So I'm like I'm gonna make a list
'cause I don't wanna forget anything that's important to me
and I wrote a list like cozy clothes.
And then I was like, I'm gonna bring sweatpants.
That doesn't fall under cozy clothes?
I said I gotta get specific.
Hold on cozy clothes and sweatpants
are two different categories? It's a subcategory.
My list has bullet points and then like sub-bullets.
Under cozy clothes it has sweatpants
and then it had-- Slippers.
Those thinner sweatpants. Old t-shirts?
And then it had like those pajama pants
and then it had my slippers. Mm-hmm.
My bedroom slippers and then it also had oh,
I know that I'm gonna go in the shower.
The shower was disconnected.
You had to walk across a little bit of decking
to get to the shower. The main shower?
The only shower. You had to go outside.
The shower had a toilet and a--
That's like an outhouse. A sink in it,
it was like an outhouse but it was in between
the guest house and the main mansion
which is right on the other side and I--
There's a mansion? And I knew this
from the pictures that this was just a guest house
connected to a mansion.
Did you meet the mansion people?
It was not connected, I'll tell ya in a minute.
So I knew on my list I had to have some flip flops
'cause I'm gonna be taking a shower on a decking.
Don't wanna get a splinter.
Don't wanna get a splinter or--
Or athlete's foot.
And then I'm like, I'm bringing my own pillows.
I'm bringing my own blankets.
Multiple blankets 'cause I know how it'll be
if I'm wrapped up in a blanket
and then Christy's like well, I don't have a blanket.
I'm like I got you a blanket too.
We both had blankets, we both had pillows,
and then I'm like you know what?
Did you bring a trailer like a tractor trailer
to put all your stuff in it?
All this fit inside my vehicle because it was all mushy.
Everything I packed was so comfy it was compressable.
And then I'm like the piece de resistance,
never been done before, I'm bringing sleeping bags.
And I'm not talking about just a little sleeping bag,
I was like, I need to get these things out anyway,
let 'em air out.
They been stored up for a couple years
since we haven't been camping,
I'm gonna bring out my mummy bags.
'Cause I'm like-- For beach sleeping?
For just beach lounging.
Like even if I'm on the lounge chairs or laying
on the beach, the stars are gonna come out
and we're gonna lay on the beach and it's gonna be romantic
but it's gonna be freezing and I bet you
we're not gonna wanna do it unless we can be
in like 14 degree rated sleeping bags
because I am very cold-natured.
Right. So we got these,
the mummy bags that come over your head
and then you can only see your eyes and your nose
if you elect to put that out of the hole.
It's very romantic. Yeah.
I was so excited, man, I got all that stuff.
And then I'm like and we can't forget the foods,
the comfort foods because again, I can't order room service,
I gotta have it with me. Right.
And there's not a lot of places--
Service your own room. There's only like two
grocery stores in Malibu.
Malibu doesn't have anything.
People say there's like a market.
I don't know.
The market's big now.
It's kinda like lots of frou frou shops.
Oh, there's gotta be something.
Yeah. It's Malibu.
And I'm like all right we got, Christy loves cheese,
cheese is going on the list, we both gotta have some fruits,
like some raspberries and blueberries
and I gotta have my peanut butter.
You're still on the list, by the way.
You're still on the list of things that you brought.
I'm not even there yet.
You haven't even arrived yet.
And then I'm like chips.
I don't eat chips normally, I'm like,
if this vacation's gonna be made, I'm gonna be snuggled up
in a sleeping bag on the beach eating chips
and they gotta be those Ruffles
sour cream and cheddar chips.
Those are the best. Those are the jam.
And look, I told Christy I was gonna get those
and I was like and you know what, Lay's now has unruffled,
unridged normal Lay's sour cream and cheddar flavor.
I saw it at a Ralphs.
They put the sour cream before the cheddar
or you just mix that up?
They call it something different?
They call it, I think they call it sour cream and cheddar.
Yeah, keep people guessing.
And I told Christy and she went to the store,
she was like they don't have 'em but I got the Ruffles
and I got Pringles sour cream and cheddar.
Okay you've got lots of options.
A few days later I'm like we don't have enough LaCroix,
I gotta go back to Ralphs 'cause we're still preppin',
and then she's leaving and I'm--
We haven't left yet. I'm driving home
and I meet her as she's leaving and I hold out the window
Lay's sour cream and cheddar chips.
So we get there, we get in our cozy clothes,
we both had on camo sweatshirts and camo sweatpants,
the ones we sell on our website.
We were so comfortable. Oh.
And we were having a Good Mythical Morning tasting.
That was the first thing we did was we broke out
all of the sour cream and cheddar chips
and started tasting them to figure out
which ones are the best and you weren't even there.
And which is the best? The Ruffles.
It doesn't get better than those.
They started it.
The Lay's were kinda unnatural,
it was like I know what Lay's should be
and I know what the experience is,
I'm like sour cream onion, I mean they're the best.
They're the best chips, but you start throwing cheese
on a Lay's, something goes a little sideways.
But those Ruffles, the thing you come
to associate with it, it's still the best,
and Pringles, I don't even wanna talk about it.
Christy loved 'em but Pringles aren't even chips to me.
I don't even wanna talk about 'em.
I took a very small seat-- What'd you pack?
I took a small suitcase that I packed.
Really? Approximately 30 minutes
before I walked out the door.
Did you bring a sleeping bag for the poolside?
No sleeping bags, no pillows, no blankets.
Interestingly, because it's been unusually cool here,
it's actually unusually cool there.
It was like 85 degrees on Saturday which typically
this time of year it'd be over 100.
Yeah. In Palm Springs.
That's kinda perfect for poolside situation.
It's perfect if you get to the poolside.
Turned out to be a little bit of an issue for us.
You couldn't find the pool?
No I found the pools.
I found two pools but they were completely filled.
So Saturday-- With water?
With people, water and people and no places to sit.
Let me back up a little bit
'cause I gotta just kinda ease into this.
Now I heard about this place, first of all,
you go to Palm Springs on Memorial Day weekend
at a nice hotel, you're in,
there's a high possibility of seeing someone
that you would recognize from the world of entertainment,
right, we're in close proximity to Los Angeles
in Palm Springs, whatever.
And I kinda heard that this is was a place,
this is a people watching, people spotting kinda place.
I pull up in my car to have them welcome us
to the hotel, whatever and I'm right behind a family
that's gotten there at the exact same time as us
and that family was Michael Richards and family.
Kramer. Kramer from Seinfeld.
And interestingly, so we check in basically right next
to them and then, I saw them around
and I saw Kramer in the hot tub and stuff
and the nature of the conversation that Jessie
and I had which is just, I'll have it again with you
is just like, you got this guy who...
If you had to tell somebody who didn't know
who Michael Richards was, who Michael Richards was,
you'd probably say what,
you'd say well he was on this famous show.
Yeah he was a tall guy in Seinfeld.
He was super funny and he would, he had a license plate
on his car that said, man.
And every time he walked in, everyone would cheer
and clap, it was awesome.
But then-- There was a controversy
because he got belligerent at a stand-up
and somebody was filming him
and he spouted some racial epithets.
Yeah so like as bad as it gets.
And what year would you think that that was?
I don't know, 2004?
Oh, 2006, I was like ah, I thought it was more recent.
2006, so 13 years ago, right.
This guy who was known and beloved
for playing this character does this thing that now,
if you go to his Wikipedia entry it's like,
that's kind of the thing that you find.
So we're talking about a guy who was canceled
before people got canceled, you know what I'm saying,
like now we're in the whole cancel culture but--
Yeah. This was back when
you really had to lean into it and you had to do something
to get canceled so he got canceled
and he doesn't do stand-up anymore.
I know nothing about the guy.
Did you talk to him?
No I didn't talk to him.
You just talked about him.
Yeah but it was just interesting 'cause I just wonder
what this guy's life is like now, I mean obviously--
Same as yours apparently.
Obviously he made enough money and probably continues
to bring in a lot of money with the syndication of Seinfeld,
I don't know how that works but he's able
to go to this hotel and he's got a family and whatever.
But yeah because of that thing he did,
and the conclusions potentially rightfully so
that people came to about him because of the thing
that he did, that's just what he's known for.
It was just kind of an interesting thing to be like
I look at this guy and that's what I'm thinking about,
and he knows that's what everyone's thinking about.
Do you know what I'm saying?
It's just an interesting thing that that can,
that kind of whether you wanna call it a mistake
or whether you wanna call it he was just being himself
and his true self came out, whatever you wanna say,
however you wanna judge that,
that is what people know him for
and it was just an interesting thing to just be around him.
But that was kinda what you were looking for
with the people watching,
now you got this fascinating case study
in public perception. Yeah and I'm like
is he constantly, surely he's no longer constantly thinking
about it because you couldn't live your life
if you're constantly thinking about that.
But we'll move on from Michael Richards.
You didn't find a place at the pool?
You saw him when you checked in.
I saw him when I checked in.
Okay so then the next morning we decide,
well we had already made reservations to get a massage.
That's another thing you don't--
Oh I don't get-- You don't get at an Airbnb
unless you call somebody in and when you call somebody
in for a massage things get weird.
Well there's other ways to get a massage.
Okay, all right.
So we went to, they had this incredible, incredible spa
that was like sailor-themed,
it was totally ridiculous
but in a very interesting, fun way.
I would like to retract my statement earlier, by the way.
After 19 years of marriage,
there is no other way to get a massage.
There's no other way, good. It's like let's be real.
Good recovery. I mean we're not gonna
sit around and just give each other a massage,
I mean, we pay other people to do that.
You're exactly right.
There's other things we could do but massages,
that requires, you know.
Well interesting, again, this is a Seinfeld reference
that I didn't even realize until right now.
But we get there and the woman at the front desk says,
I'm like I'm here for our nine o'clock massage
or whatever and she's like, "Oh, I need to inform you
"that we only have male masseuses available.
"Is that okay?"
And of course my knee-jerk reaction is to be like yes.
Of course but then the George Costanza
in me is thinking well, I'm not as comfortable with that.
And I don't know why, right?
I've gotten an all-male massage before.
The funny thing is is Jessie said as we were waiting,
she was like, "It's interesting that both of us,
"both of us are more comfortable
"with receiving a massage from a woman,
"and now because we're receiving a massage from a man,
And I was like you know what?
But it's not really.
I've never gotten a massage from a man so I was like,
but you know what, I'm in Palm Springs,
it's no different, I'm gonna lean into it.
I believe I had the best massage I've ever had.
I am still sore.
'Cause you didn't make it sexual.
Or he was just good at it.
Well I've never made a massage sexual,
which is the weird thing is-- But isn't there like
some subconscious sexual component?
That's the George, the whole episode was about
if it's not sexual, which it's not,
it's somebody rubbing your muscles in a technically
non-intimate way, they're rubbing your muscles--
A clinical way. And a therapeutic way.
But because we're animals, we're humans,
you naturally interpret the touch as sensual.
Right, there's oil involved, there's music playing,
the lights are low, there's rubbing involved.
I mean all the ingredients are, I mean, of course,
I didn't say it's business time.
Okay spa, play dungeon sounds.
And it didn't turn all my lights a certain color
that I like particularly, and lower my shades
and play a playlist that I meticulously put together,
but everything else was this is a sensual environment,
so then it was like so why is it that if you sense
this is a slightly sensual environment that therefore,
it makes you more comfortable
if a woman is the one doing it.
Yeah this is kind of exposing.
What does that say about me right?
And so I got out of my own head and I was like
I'm just here for a massage and it was, I mean,
I'm telling ya, it was next level.
Well if you wanna, I mean--
This guy found parts of me that I didn't know I had.
And then he rubbed 'em out of ya.
He worked me so hard.
In a completely non-sensual way.
That's great, you know what?
In a totally professional, therapeutic way.
Yeah, so I highly-- And now you know
what type of energy you need to bring to every massage.
Well and then I started thinking
that I was having sexist thoughts about masseuses.
I got through with the massage and I was like
that's the best massage I've ever had.
And I was like am I saying that because it was a man?
What's wrong with me?
I think too much, man.
Well I think you need to think more but just quietly.
My wife fell asleep.
Oh really, did you hear her snore?
Yes. I've fallen asleep.
She does it every single time we get couples' massages.
It's not enough pain.
Just towards the end though. Gotta bring the pain.
She told me before we went in, she said,
"If I fall asleep and start snoring,
"you have to say something," and then it happened,
and I was like, ah, it's almost over.
Yeah. Just let it ride.
And then she woke herself up snoring so loud.
Yeah one time. I've done that before.
It feels weird when you're like oh how long have I been out?
And they just been, I mean, you could gently just stop,
the masseuse could just take a breather.
Right. To keep working it.
Yeah go on their phone. Yeah.
One hand on the phone-- But that's why I didn't
get us by the pool because the early morning massage
and then you get out there at like 11 o'clock, no spots.
The grounds are incredible so we went
and we sat in some chairs somewhere
and then we got in a hammock and read.
People-- It was awesome
but we didn't get to do the people watching.
Were people saving lounge chairs?
No no they had a strict-- I hate that--
They have a strict no saving policy
'cause they know that they don't have enough space
so they say that if you're gone for 20 minutes--
They're gonna move your stuff.
They move your stuff, so we put our names on a list
and we literally never got called.
Oh wow. We didn't get called.
Never went to the, we eventually got into the family pool,
all into the family pool. But there were kids there.
That sucked. And that's when I met
another person of note but I've been talking
for too long so what else happened with you?
Well as you can imagine, we got our chips,
we got our blankets, we got our sweatpants on
that next morning, I mean we went to a nice restaurant
that first first night.
But that first day, there was no one on the beach
in front of us, it was almost eerie.
There wasn't, this was Memorial Day weekend,
there's nobody on this beach 'cause it's like,
it feels like a private beach. Yeah.
And there's not many access points
and on the access points, there's not much parking.
Malibu is, again, it was kind of a chore
to even get this place but--
It's designed to keep the people out.
We laid on our lounge chairs and we watched the ocean
and just kinda talked about hung out and ate our chips,
tried to figure out which ones were the best.
I told you the answer to that.
But it was glorious, I told Christy after awhile,
I was like you know, we're sitting here.
We're watching these waves just with as much intention
as we watch an episode of Game of Thrones.
It's, and I use the word intention, I mean,
there's a little bit of a, there's a meditative aspect
to the waves and I began to reflect on it
and I was like, it kinda feels like when you're camping
and you just find yourself staring at the campfire.
That's one of my favorite things about camping is that,
yes, you could be on your phone but you're not tempted
to go watch Game of Thrones in your tent.
You're mesmerized by the fire.
And in a very similar way,
we're mesmerized by the ocean waves right there
just beyond eyeshot of our toes.
Well, or the end of the sleeping bags.
And my reflection was
I think that there's something about being so close
to something so powerful as either fire or the ocean
and knowing that you're completely safe
but there's this constant...
It could kill you if it got out of control.
Especially when you're in a sleeping bag.
But you're right there. You get in the ocean
in a sleeping bag-- Oh gosh, soggy.
Especially one of those mummy ones.
Open your eyes, you're a goner.
Yeah you're going to the bottom.
But there's something meditative about sitting there
and you know what there's people who, they live on the beach
and they get to know everything.
Some dolphins started coming by.
You know how sometimes we paddleboard,
we paddleboard over a pod of dolphins.
You see them come by and then you get to know the birds
and the more you sit there with a little discipline
to not do anything else, we didn't even read a book.
The more the scene kinda comes alive.
It's like oh there's birds over there
and they're diving into the ocean.
And explaining it doesn't seem that special,
but that's a very special moment for us.
And then you talk about people watching,
all of a sudden, this body builder dude,
shirtless body builder, bald behemoth with big muscles
comes down and he had headphones on
and he takes his headphones off, he doesn't see us.
He puts 'em down on the beach in front of us.
'Cause you're in camo.
Yeah, 'cause we were in camo.
And these two dogs run up to him.
It's like oh they're his dogs,
and then he gets out his camera, his phone,
camera on his phone and he goes into this like--
He has a camera on his phone?
Yeah pretty crazy.
And he goes into this-- What?
Long, drawn-out photo session where he's flexing
and leaning over and taking pictures of--
How close are you to this man?
How does he not see you?
Well there was some grass kinda growing in front of us
and we were kinda hunching down and whispering about him.
You were hiding from him.
But I did film it.
I would say he was about, I don't know,
I'd say he was about 30 yards away
but I'm not a football player.
Were the dogs in play?
The dogs were in, he was taking selfies
with him and his two dogs.
It was flexing dog pictures.
Yeah and then-- That's a fetish.
Then was like, had bulbous muscles,
the one on your shoulder and on your back.
Traps, lats. He had it all, man.
Then he was takin' photos and we were watching him
and we started to feel uncomfortable.
I started to feel like I needed to make noise.
Woop woop! Yeah so that
we'd be like hey man, we're here.
Yeah, you're being watched, sir.
But we didn't and then when he got done taking
his photos for his Instagram apparently,
then he was puttin' his headphones on
and gettin' his dogs back on the leash and Christy's like,
he's gonna see us and then he scans back this way,
I'm like he just saw us.
I was like I'm gonna give him a thumbs up.
Yeah. Gave him a thumbs up
and then he didn't stare at me, he just kinda like,
I could tell he saw me and then acted like he didn't.
He's like oh now I'm gonna play it cool like
I meant to be here, I knew you were watchin', it's fine.
Yeah thumbs up.
Then he walks away and I look over and I'm like,
this mansion beside me, this is interesting,
there's no signs of life there.
It's a huge 1990s era modern style.
White with just windows all over it,
and it was clearly on the same property
and we were in the guest house.
But there's no signs of life there
and so I walk over there through the gate,
I'm like oh there's a gate there beyond the outhouse.
And I look in and it's gutted.
The freakin' mansion's gutted, like they halted
in the middle of renovations and I'm like,
of course now I'm gonna check all the doors
to see if-- I'm gonna squat.
If any of them are unlocked
'cause I wanna explore this place, it's huge.
The only door that was open led to the,
yeah you're surprised, eyebrow's going up,
led to the basement.
So I open the door and then it was a long staircase down
to the basement's pitch black so I'm like
I gotta go back and get my phone for my flashlight.
Your phone has a flashlight on it?
Yeah dude. What?
I tell Christy, "I'm going down in this basement."
She's like, "I'm staying here in the sleeping bag."
I turn on the flashlight and I go down there
and it smells like a basement and there's this room
with padding all over it and there was this cymbal cleaner
and I'm like ooh a musician, a drummer used to drum
down in here. Cymbal cleaner, okay.
And it was this creepy basement and then I realize,
oh the light switches turn on, lights still work
so I put my flashlight away.
I was still kinda creeped out
and then there was a wine cellar.
Yeah you're trespassing. That had no wine anywhere
except one open bottle of champagne on the floor
and I'm like, I didn't drink it or anything,
but it was kinda creepy and I'm like man,
what if I get caught down here?
And then I walked over and I opened this door
and I can't believe I was doing this.
Can you believe that I did this?
I'm a little surprised.
Something you would do but I'd be too afraid to do this.
I was like what regret, dude.
He would open this door and that's a elevator.
So I get in the elevator. No.
I'm not getting in the elevator.
Gettin' stuck in somebody's abandoned elevator.
Yeah that would suck.
So then I came back and I told Christy about it,
I'm like yeah, the house is gutted and this is what I found
and I just kept loungin' but after that point,
I just couldn't help but keep lookin' over there
at that mansion and then just to skip ahead,
when it got dark, I found myself getting pretty creeped out
about this mansion and I started to realize
when we walked down the beach earlier today,
there were a couple of other mansions
on this one particular street that this guest house was on
and all of the homes were under some stage of reconstruction
or renovation and it had been halted.
And so on either side there's two huge mansions,
nobody in 'em, abandoned.
And as the sun went down--
You transported to another time.
I just started to get creeped out by it.
I was like is this gonna ruin my night?
Because I just started feeling like
zombies could be in there or something.
It was post-apocalyptic.
This one particular beach access private road
had all these mansions on it and for some,
my theory is some weird Malibu zoning regulation issue,
everybody had to stop renovations and no one wants
to buy or sell or move on this stuff.
But this one guy, he put up the guest house on Airbnb.
It was very clean and nice and new.
But on one hand it was creepy, on the other hand,
it provided complete privacy on either side
because these mansions that were looming over us
and all the windows are open, there's nobody in there
and at night-- Muscle dog man is,
he's just a visitor?
He had walked down from somewhere else.
So I would say that was the only drawback was like
I was a little creeped out by the fact that like
we were in an abandoned neighborhood basically.
It sounds pretty cool to me, man.
I was creeped out.
I didn't wanna tell Christy but you know,
Christy didn't seem to be creeped out
so I didn't wanna tell her.
I don't think it's that creepy.
I mean-- You know how there's like--
If you were staying in one of the houses.
There's Instagram feeds that are just abandoned porn.
I think that's what it's called.
Yeah well, yeah. Not abandoned porn.
Yeah ruin porn, it's basically just people taking pictures
of architecture that nobody's inhabited it
for like decades. Yeah I'm a big fan of that,
I have a whole book about that that Jessie got me for--
It's different when you're camping there.
We are gonna get to the secret to a long marriage.
I do wanna tell one more story before we--
Spoiler alert, I think I'm kinda answering it
along the way but-- Okay.
I saw someone else while we were at the pool.
Now first of all, we were at the pool and--
Kramer's in the hot tub and we're sitting there lounging
and we finally got a spot at the family pool.
Trying to get away from my kids
and they got all these freakin' kids playing games
and yellin' at each other and splashing.
That's horrible. It's what happens
at the family pool, that's why there's an adults only pool
but it was too frickin' filled.
So anyway I'm sitting there just despising children,
that they even exist and then,
then all of a sudden they say, excuse me,
everyone out of the pool.
What? First of all,
I wasn't in the pool, I was on the side.
Never got in the pool, didn't touch the water.
Thankfully. Oh no.
I think a kid took a, in the pool or something.
Really? I don't know what happened.
But they made everybody get out.
Didn't see evidence? And 30 minutes had to pass
and they cleaned some stuff
and they put some chemicals in there.
Yeah you know it. In the meantime--
Somebody doing some loggin'.
Lots of people kept showing up and starting to get
into the pool and because Jessie
and I were seated right next to the corner of the pool,
we became the pool police. Oh no.
So I literally had to wait for people to get in
and be like, "Sorry guys,
"no one's supposed to be in the pool."
Now after four times-- You waited for them
to get in first though? No no 'cause I was reading.
I'm reading and then I would look up
and there'd be somebody puttin' their feet in the pool.
"No you can't get in there, they're doing their cleaning."
So then Jessie was like, "You need to tell them
"to put a sign up 'cause we shouldn't have to do this.
"We shouldn't have to be the pool police."
That's right. But then,
a family walked up, I was like oh, it's that guy.
And he was getting ready to get in the pool, I'm like,
"You can't get in the pool right now.
"There's chemicals or something in there."
He was British, he had a quippy sort of response like,
"Thanks for the radioactivity warning,"
or something like that and I was like,
that's the guy, who the crap, that guy's in everything.
It's one of those guys like have no idea what your name is,
sir, and I can't even say what the last movie I saw
that you were in but you're in everything.
You're a world-class actor and I just kept you
and your family from getting into a turd pool.
And-- You were glad
there wasn't a sign. So then I was like,
I just saw a movie with this guy in it.
I just saw a movie and this guy was the villain.
He was the villain.
He's the villain from Shazam.
Oh I thought when you realized something,
you just now said Shazam.
Shazam, I got it.
He's from Shazam.
Turns out of course I still don't know his name, right,
so then I have to go on IMDb and follow the rabbit hole.
He's bald. He's the bald guy
His name is Mark Strong.
Okay. And you have seen this man.
You know who he is. Well I've seen Shazam.
And not only was he in Shazam,
this guy has just a storied acting career.
He's been in everything.
What are you doing?
You were asking him this?
What have you been in?
No, no, 'cause I'm IMDbing him.
What, he was in this and then I watch a--
You're sitting there and you're lounging on IMDb.
And then I watch a Watch Mojo thing on YouTube
of his top 10 performances and of course this is so--
Hold on, right there in the lounger?
No no no no no no no, he had left.
You were still in the lounger watching a Watch Mojo video.
Yeah I went into a Mark Strong wormhole.
And he was somewhere else on the property enjoying himself
and then that night we go to the restaurant, sit down,
Mark Strong and family come and sit down next to us
and I'm just kinda listening in to his conversation
with the waiter as he orders.
He orders with so much gravitas.
And authority, I mean, you gotta be around.
You wouldn't understand until you were around Mark Strong
or at least in close proximity to him.
This guy's a class act.
Were you saying these type of things to Jessie?
Every time I saw him, 'cause Jessie got so annoyed,
I started leaning into it.
I said, I would be like, "World class actor
"Mark Strong is here." Mark Strong.
I'd be like, "One of the greatest actors of our time,
"Mark Strong and family just arrived to the restaurant."
Okay and she-- I had a good time with that.
It worked for awhile, she thought it was very funny
and then she thought it was annoying and then I did stop.
Never talked to him but it's pretty thrilling.
The only other people I saw were at the same spot
as the sun was going down, these two girls
in bikinis came up and they started
taking pictures apparently for their Instagram.
Yeah. And it's not
an easy thing to do.
They didn't see us either and for 20 minutes,
they're sittin' there takin' pictures,
looking at the pictures, not being happy,
taking more pictures. That's not good.
The girls showed up in bikinis.
And then , they set up the camera
with a timer on the backpack and then they would get up,
she would run and post beside her friend,
stick her butt out. Yeah you got to.
And then she would look at the picture
and then Christy would be like yeah, too much butt.
And then she would go back and she would do it again
and she'd turn her butt and it wouldn't be out as far
and Christy knew exactly, she could read their minds.
And too much butt. And then the one girl,
she put on jean shorts.
You gotta have a jorts shot.
And then the other girl put on pants.
Yeah. And it got less
and less interesting to me. You know why they do that,
to make it seem like they go on back.
What do you mean go on back? Multiple trips,
be like, this is, you can post multiple times,
you can have, this is when I went to Malibu that day
and wore jorts, and this is when I went
and I wore full jeans and this is when I went
and I just had a bikini bottom on.
I think it's so you can scroll right,
you know I'm on Instagram again now,
shout out to @linklamont.
You can scroll right and take their clothes off
like a paper doll. Oh well yeah,
that's a different thing though.
Scroll left, put the clothes back on.
Yeah. That was my best guess.
Yeah, you gotta really line yourself up well
to do that though. You know it felt--
And also Instagram, you see nipple,
unless it's a male nipple. Well they didn't get naked.
They take it down. They didn't get naked
but I wasn't gonna move.
I mean, and I wasn't gonna stop watching because hey,
this is my spot on the beach.
You just happen to be here.
It was-- It was entertainment.
Yeah it wasn't dolphins and storks
but it'll do for a few minutes.
It's not Mark Strong, I mean, you know.
Mark Strong stayed, he wore a--
Stayed strong? Long sleeve black shirt
and blank shorts.
Long sleeve black shirt. I was like,
this guy's a, look at him. Really?
He's wearin' black.
Did you see any selfies happen?
I bet he doesn't take selfies. Oh no.
He doesn't even have a camera.
He doesn't have a phone.
Mark Strong doesn't have a phone.
Doesn't need a phone. No.
He has gravitas.
You communicate with Mark Strong with smoke signals, man.
Mark Strong only responds to hand-written letters.
Really? I could tell
just by looking at him.
You write him a letter, then he burns it
and sends you a smoke signal back.
Yeah exactly. That's how you know
he got it. He doesn't write letters.
He only reads letters.
He sends smoke signals in response.
You gotta know how to read 'em, his agent and manager,
they know how to read those smoke signals.
Now getting to the secret to a long marriage.
We've been married 19 years, Rhett.
I've only been married 18 years and not even that
'cause it's not until this weekend
but my wife was reading...
You don't think you're gonna make it?
This weekend? No I believe I will.
My wife is reading a book, now, this is...
It's interesting because I feel like my wife,
we've been in a relationship for a long time
but I can count on one hand the number of books
that I've read about relationships,
whereas she probably needs both hands, feet,
and some other limbs that I don't even know about to count
how many books she's read about relationships.
Yeah, that probably says a lot more about you than her.
I think it also just speaks to her capacity
for self-betterment and learning about,
she's a better person than I am.
She's a better person than I am.
Same thing with Christy in terms of her reading
those type of books. Right.
Either parenting or self-improvement
or relationship improvement. It might just be
that we're perfect and we don't need it
but I wasn't gonna be the first one to say that.
She's reading a book called Mating in Captivity.
Which I thought okay.
What? All right, handcuffs.
What is this about?
It's Esther Perel who has written,
she's a relationships expert and she's written this book
that's super popular at this point
and Jessie's reading it and based on this question,
it's all about and again,
I am speaking from total second-hand knowledge of the book,
having just been next to someone in a hammock
who is reading it.
Okay literally second-hand.
That's the kind of source that I am here.
But Jessie would stop and say something and like,
it led to conversations about our relationship
because it's all about this interesting paradox
that exists in long-term relationships and that is,
the fact that sort of the separateness and the distance
that you have with someone that you are just meeting,
just getting to know,
drives the desire and the romantic connection
between two people, it's that unfamiliarity
that you have with somebody
that you're kinda getting to know and falling
in love with that draws you closer.
But then, so love kind of closes the distance
between two people but it's the distance and sort
of the separateness and the tension that fuels desire.
And so what happens in a lot of relationships
over the long-term is, there's so much familiarity
that there's no more mystery and then people start thinking
well I'm not even attracted to this person.
There's no desire here, it's just this love relationship
and she in this very exquisite way kind of breaks down this
from a psychological perspective.
I'm definitely gonna read the book at this point
based on just the few things that Jessie has told me
but we were kinda talking about that,
and I think that,
I would say
that in relationships, first of all,
relationships can last for, it can be indefinite
if people are just committed to each other
or just committed to the idea of staying with each other
and there's lots of people who just stay with each other
for external reasons, for the sake of children,
because they believe that divorce is wrong,
whatever the reason is, they just stay together
because of some expectation but it's not actual desire
to stay together right?
So I would say that in relationships that are long-term,
like we're saying over the course of several years or more
or whatever, 10 years or more, I don't know.
I think that one of the keys to people continuing
to be together in a healthy sort of vibrant situation
is something that they've done, either intentional
or unintentional, we can talk about that,
has led to there being enough of a separation
and distance and mystery that has maintained some level
of desire and of course that's gonna ebb and flow
over the course of a relationship.
But it's a fascinating concept because I think
that people all the time they say like
you gotta spice things up in the bedroom man, you know?
You gotta get Google involved.
You gotta have Google to do things automatically,
because if not, it's gonna seem like the same old thing
and this repetition and familiarity,
if you're a normal human, eventually you're gonna be like,
where's the mystery?
What is there left to talk about?
There's a Jason Isbell song that talks about the old couple
sitting across from each other in the restaurant
and they basically got nothing else to say to each other.
Just got nothing else to learn about his heart
or something like that is the line.
And it says, then it's like, baby, let's never get that way
is the words to that song and I think
that it's having desire to never get that way
where you got nothing left to talk about.
Now, I don't have anything, any prescriptive thing
about it but what is your initial assessment
of that dynamic?
Well first of all the title of the book
Mating in Captivity, so the captivity is marriage?
So it seems like-- I guess so.
It's framed in a negative way which I find interesting
that then, it's like you're trapped
in a committed relationship,
but obviously that's not the thrust of the--
No no no. Of the book.
It's basically, as far as I understand it,
it's about finding that kind of passion and desire
and knowing also that,
almost being familiar with how the human mind works
and how-- It helps.
Understanding it isn't that people, people are like,
I was so in love at one point
and now I just don't love you anymore
and I want a new romance.
This happens again and again and again and again.
I don't feel infatuated or-- She actually talked about
the hormones, the hormones that are predominant
in that falling in love, initial romance sort of spark,
those last for a certain time and then they wane,
but the hormones that actually contribute to things
like cuddling, they last a lot longer and last way into,
deep into a relationship. Well it's interesting
because Christy and I were having a discussion
when we were sleepin' baggin' it up,
enjoying the dolphins and the mesmerizing ocean
and the Instagrammers.
I don't remember what got me talking about this
but it is related to your point.
And that is,
I said, "Have you ever,
"do you ever just have this overwhelming sense
"of being alone?"
Because I rarely have that sense.
I've always had, I've never lived alone.
I've always had a roommate and then I moved from having
a college roommate, you and our other friends,
directly into living with her.
None of us, none of the four of us have ever lived alone.
And I was like sometimes I think in more
the meditative zone of being on the beach
and having that discipline that I talked about
to take in the environment and appreciate it
and find entertainment or whatever, you know,
find fill in the blank in it
without trying to be distracted.
I did have this overwhelming sense of,
there is an aspect of being,
there's a certain autonomy to no one can ever be
inside your own brain, you know, no one can ever be
inside your own consciousness.
At a certain point when you boil it all down,
you are encapsulated and alone, you know?
You're your own entity.
As much as I share with Christy.
So I ask her that 'cause I was like,
but I rarely feel that and I actually think
and I told her, well I ask her the question first.
I said, "Do you ever feel that way?" and she was like,
"Yeah, a lot.
"I have a sense of being alone.
"And sometimes that translates into depression."
You're saying like a sadness of being alone.
Yeah a sadness of being alone because, and I think
and I said-- 'Cause sometimes I just go
to the bathroom and shut the door and I don't even poop.
Just to be alone.
But having an overwhelming sense of being lonely
is an aspect of depression, it can be I guess.
So she was laughing at me that I had not experienced that
and I-- Do you ever feel alone?
And I talked about it as if it was such a foreign concept.
So to many people including her it's not.
And she was able to laugh in that moment
which I thought was beautiful.
And I was like, I think the reason why I don't is because
I run from that feeling.
It's not that it's there but I spent a lot
of my life not being comfortable
with the sensation of loneliness.
And I equate it with being alone with my own thoughts,
being alone with myself.
As connected as Christy and I are, we're not the same person
so there is that tension that I think
what you said made me think of that because,
and again, I'll come back to it one more time,
I think one of the keys to Christy and I being together
for 19 years and anticipating being together the rest
of our lives, that's absolutely the plan.
And having a confidence in that is...
On a practical level, we're just so compatible,
like everything that I said about this trip
like making my list and the things that I valued
and being in comfy clothes and the fact that I wanted
to design our anniversary vacation in the way that I did
and it seemed so perfect to me and Christy
thought it was funny, the things that I was doing
in terms of puttin' chips and cozy pants
on the list but at the same time,
I knew that she was also really into it.
And that's just a case study in how I think
we're very compatible when it comes
to the way we think and our tastes
and the way that our brains work, the things that we value.
At the same time, we have changed so much as people
from who we were 19 years ago.
We're totally different people and I know that you
and Jessie, as well as I know you guys,
in many aspects are totally different people.
We've grown so much, we've encountered so much in life
and with everything you encounter,
the big things and the cumulative effect
of all the small things that you wouldn't even put
on a list are all opportunities
to grow apart or grow together.
And I think just the glue of our compatibility
has allowed us to face change
and continue to develop
as people in a parallel path.
But I also think that it's not 100% parallel
and we don't always respond to things that happened
in our lives in the same way or think
or believe the same things or agree on the same things
or whatever at every point.
Well and I would-- So I'm getting at
there's that autonomy of yeah,
we are individuals going through life together--
And I think that-- And that tension--
That's key and I wouldn't have, I mean I did say
and I think I said it on Ear Biscuits at some point
when I was talking about this exact same thing,
about the fact that we had changed so much.
And Jessie and I have changed in parallel
but in different ways and at different rates
and in different ways and different times.
And that has created tension at points, right?
There have been points at which we were so much
on a different page that you might,
and I don't think we ever really started
to realistically think about this but there have been times
in our marriage where we were on a different page
and you have those thoughts, you were like,
is this the beginning of us growing apart forever?
Sometimes you're like is this what it feels like
when you start to grow apart?
Now thankfully each and every time that has happened,
it's ended up kind of fueling this,
once we do get on the same page or there's some sort
of reconciliation or whatever, it's this dynamic
that she's talking about in the book,
which is like now the desire is renewed
and you feel like you're moving into a new phase.
I'm not talking about oh you gotta have a little instability
in order to maintain long-term stability.
I am kinda saying that but not saying that you got
to have purposeful instability.
I'm just saying that it has helped maintain
a certain freshness and a sense of adventure
and the fact that-- Tension.
We both are really committed to change.
We kind of embrace change
and it's sort of like striving for personal change.
Some of that has been intentional,
some of that has just happened to us,
life circumstance or whatever,
but I kinda feel like there's been a number of key points
where I felt like oh we're embarking on a new journey
just as a couple, not just in our relationship,
just with what we're doing in life.
It's the same thing, I remember a good friend of mine
talked about his wife getting a drastically new haircut.
And the way he was talking, he was just like,
it's like a whole new woman.
And his point was is that that kind of like oh,
you can't ignore that that's a dynamic in the way
that people think and I guess some people might need that
more than others but this willingness to be like
I'm gonna change, I'm changing myself, I'm evolving.
You're evolving, you're changing.
But underlying all that change is this commitment
to be like well we're doing it for the betterment
of ourselves but we're also doing it for the betterment
of our relationship long-term, like there's gotta be a sense
of commitment because you can't just rely on this,
ooh the romance comes and goes
and that's gotta keep hoping that it keeps coming back
but there's not an underlying commitment to be like no no,
we're committed to each other, then it's not gonna work.
Yeah there's a foundational commitment to love each other
which involves lots of times
putting the other person before yourself.
But I think there's also a commitment to,
continuing to like each other that matters a whole lot
and it's a different thing, right?
And I feel like...
I did have a mentality that was like, okay,
earlier in marriage that was like
okay we're gonna figure this out, we're gonna have a plan
and we're gonna agree on everything.
There's gonna be security and everything being aligned.
We're gonna be like those couples,
we're just gonna start looking alike and being alike
and we're gonna become one person.
And that happens quite a bit by the way,
and it happens in what would otherwise be considered
and could be considered happy couples in a sense
in that they're committed and they're together.
Now-- But I don't think
I've chosen that.
There maybe not be a lot of spark to that relationship
but it's solid and it's committed.
But I think there was a shift in the fact that
when life throws crap at you or whatever the case may be,
you're changing for whatever the reasons,
that embracing that as an opportunity to work through that
with another person that you're committed to
can be extremely rewarding but it might take awhile.
But knowing that I'm not just falling back
on a commitment to love but I'm also pressing
into a commitment to like.
Yeah, definitely. Helps a lot I think.
And I would say that another key,
this is not a comprehensive, exhaustive list,
it's just some observations but I think that,
well I know that communication,
I'm sure there's couples who don't talk about this nature
of their relationship or the quality of their relationship
and how it can be better and what are the issues
and that kinda thing and they may,
especially I would say that baby boomers and older might be
in a relationship where they haven't talked about
their relationship in 20 years but they're like
what else are we gonna do, what else would I do?
Who else would I go to?
This is stable, this gives me what I need.
But I would think especially for our generation and younger,
that's not gonna work.
You know what I'm saying?
I think that you've got to be able
to talk about your relationship.
Like Jessie's reading this book and she stops
and asks me questions and we have a discussion about it
and I am gonna read the book
with an intention that,
well what does this mean about our relationship?
And this goes for anything, this goes for friendships,
anything right like you gotta stop every once in awhile
and actually talk about it.
We've been talking lately about, we know couples
who know couples who are young married couples
and they haven't figured out their sex lives at all
because they will not talk about it.
You know what I'm saying?
They're so not on the same page because they haven't broken
through what I guess for some people is this awkward barrier
to be like let's talk openly
about what it is we're hoping
to accomplish what you want, what I want.
And that goes for every single area
and I would just say that, and Jessie and I talked
about this is one of the things that has kinda gotten us
through these transitions and these changes
and these ups and downs and learning all this new stuff
about ourselves is just the fact that
even when it's been hard, we've talked about it.
When we weren't on the same page,
we were talking about not being on the same page.
We didn't just get on different pages
and then stop talking to each other.
There may have been a few days where we weren't talking
about it but we would always get back to all right,
let's have an open dialogue about our relationship.
I just don't see how it can continue without that.
And to kinda bring this to a conclusion,
ultimately I'm just gonna take a position of being,
I'm so grateful, having over 19 plus
then two plus years of dating.
Everything that Christy and I have been through individually
and together, I'm just grateful
that everything's an opportunity to bring you closer
or to send you apart a little bit.
And sometimes both, one thing can do both
in either order, you know, it's such a dynamic thing.
Every relationship but I can't think of any more dynamic
than with a partner, being married.
I just cannot take credit for us being together
with the stuff that we listed out and the insights
that we feel like we have--
A lot of it is just luck.
Yeah and it's just luck, fortune, blessing,
whatever you wanna call it, I'm extremely grateful
that we find ourselves, that I've had the privilege
to go through life with someone up to this point
and know someone so well
and still be loved and liked.
It's an amazing feeling to be looking at the 20 year mark
and knowing that I've got something this special
that I hoped for but knew there were no guarantees
that it would happen.
It's kind of become a thing that,
especially in Los Angeles,
when you say you've been married for 18 or 19 years,
people are like
is this a joke?
You guys been married that long?
I like to interpret it as oh you look so young,
first of all, but then once I get over that
as not being the reason then--
And again, and I completely agree with everything
that you said that this is not based on,
listen, if I knew anything,
it's that I know a whole lot less
than I thought I did at 20.
I know a whole lot less than I thought I did at 30.
Yeah. You know what I'm saying?
Every year that passes,
I'm just more aware of how little that I understand.
It's kind of intimidating.
And how much is left to learn about the world
and myself and my wife.
So I'm not saying that we've done anything,
I feel like what you said, very privileged
that it's turned out this way.
'Cause I'm sure there could have been
in some parallel universe, there was an event
that happened in the relationship of Rhett and Jessie
that was too much for them to bear.
You know what I'm saying and I've been able to avoid that.
It's not like there was that thing I can point to
that was we almost didn't hang on but we did.
No it's like I said, there's been ups and downs
but this has been an adventure of growing
in partnership with somebody that I still,
when I think about I get to go away for a weekend,
I'm like I get to go with her away for a weekend
and that's something that I want to do.
But maybe that Strong guy will be there too.
If Mark Strong is there, it'll be even better.
Or just a strong guy with dogs.
World-class storied career.
Best actor of our generation, Mark Strong.
He looked happy in his marriage.
He's probably been, he's 55 years old.
Sorry Mark but you can go on IMDb and figure that out.
He looks like he's been with his wife for awhile.
Got some teenage kids, looks very happy.
I'm sure if Mark Strong wants to come on,
we don't even have guests anymore but if Mark Strong wants
to come on and talk about how you have a strong marriage,
you are welcome anytime, sir.
You can replace Link, you can sit right there in that seat.
I'm all for it.
All right. You got a rec for us?
We love our wives but much more importantly,
they love us, that's the extraordinary part.
That is the crazy part!
Sure I got a rec for ya, man.
Man, I feel like this is gonna be,
this is a music recommendation.
Dang, this is gonna be, it's gonna be polarizing.
For the youngsters out there, they're gonna be like what?
Okay I'll check it out and that's cool but like,
I'm gonna recommend Aja by Steely Dan.
I'm gonna recommend the whole album
and I'm gonna acquire it and then I'm gonna recommend
that you watch the classic album series
on the making of that album 'cause these guys went into,
they're both dead now but when they were living,
they decided to stop touring as a band.
Steely and Dan? Steely Dan became
a studio band and they're these ultra perfectionists,
making this pristine studio music.
But the song Aja, A-J-A,
that's a wild ride, man.
And that's also the name of the album?
They turned Michael, the song Peg is on there.
They turned Michael McDonald's backup vocals
into a synth, like a synthesizer.
Got him to sing and they mixed it in that way.
It's just very, every choice that you could make musically,
they made unexpectedly on purpose.
To be a Steely Dan fan really is a very geeky thing to do.
What activities do you recommend
to do while listening to it?
Laying in bed with headphones on while your wife sleeps.
Just-- I go to sleep
before my wife. Oh, oh, well.
I wouldn't do it while she's awake.
It's just listening to music.
You could do something better while she's awake.
Or is it more than that?
What do I not understand here?
Such a weird ride, that song,
it's like a weird amusement park ride of music.
Okay Aja, Steely Dan.
All right this has been another Ear Biscuit,
a little bit longer.
We baked this one a little bit longer for ya,
but we didn't overcook it hopefully.
Lots of love and marriage and beach and pool life.
Let us know about what you think the keys
to a long, a long, committed relationship are,
or a strong relationship specifically if you're Mark Strong.
I'm willing to read anything that you do.
Let us know with #EarBiscuits.
We'll interact, let's interact on the internet.
Thank you, we'll speak at you next week.
I love you and I like you.
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