(dramatic music)
- Well congrats to Damien,
who is now the champion three times in a row.
(applause)
Someone has to come for this belt.
Someone has to, someone has to win it.
Someone has to come for this belt.
(upbeat music)
Hello and welcome back to Try Not to Laugh: Hard Mode.
(all cheer)
For those of you don't know,
hard mode is like our regular Try Not to Laugh
except we genuinely are trying our absolute best
not to laugh.
- Yeah, we got points!
- There is there's no pity laughing.
There's no laughing for fun, nothing.
And to be fair,
we tried not to laugh pretty hard in the regular ones,
but we just kick it up a notch here.
- We really do, we really do.
And the water makes it harder
and so if you make somebody laugh, you gain a point.
If you fail, you lose a point.
When you're in the stool and you laugh,
you lose the point.
But if you keep it together, you gain a point.
- That's right.
- Subscribe and in the belt if you know what's good for you!
- That's right.
All right. Let's get into it.
Who wants to go first?
- Not me, I'll tell you that much right now.
- Olivia! - Olivia!
- All right, Milton Bradley Middle School.
What's up? How are we doing today?
I'm here to talk to you about how everything is possible
through the Lord.
Why don't you to take a bite of this apple of knowledge
and be filled with the knowledge of your own sin
and the awareness of your own body?
My name is Crail, and I'm here to talk to you about
everything is possible through the Lord.
How would you like some Jesus milk?
Want some Jesus milk?
It's milk.
You let it ferment, turn into grapes.
You know what to do with that?
Smashing up in my little toes.
Fell and went, ow, ow, ow, ow.
And then I turned it into Jesus milk.
All right, listen up.
If you have left, you have to come back.
You have to come back to the church for the Lorde.
She's sang "Greenlight."
She's sang "Royals" and the Lorde is someone you must love.
She's such a talented young singer.
Milton Bradley Middle School, make some noise.
Make some noise for Lorde. (buzzer blares)
Oh my gosh.
- That was good.
(Italian music)
- And here is your fruit.
Oh my God, this is so embarrassing.
This is so embarrassing, I'm not wearing my nipples.
(all laugh)
I'm so sorry.
(bell dings)
Here you go.
- Oh my god.
America's Ass
needs to sit.
(whoopee cushion farts) (bell dings)
I got you?
Oh my gosh, oh my god.
(all laugh)
(all laugh)
- Hey.
What's up?
(bell dings)
Oh, and of course she didn't look when it happened.
(all laugh)
- What the heck?
- Here you go old lady.
You should be safe crossing the street.
- Thank you for helping me cross the street young man.
- You Got it. You got it.
- So nice. - Of course. Of course.
And bless you. Have a great day.
Ew, ew, ew.
Ew, did you see that?
So old, ew, gross.
Ew, blug.
So gross.
I don't want to touch it, so gross.
Ew.
Ew.
(all laugh) (bell dings)
- (beep).
- Oh god!
- I think we found it, Agatha!
- Wow! Wow, we did Eliza.
The world's biggest (beep).
- We found it.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
We're gonna be millionaires!
- Let's celebrate!
We must pop some duck.
- Yeah, let's pop some duck.
We're millionaires for (beep) sake.
- All right, let's go. (buzzer blares)
(all laugh)
- What?
- Oy, look over there, we've got a field filled
with my ex-wives.
Now, if you look over there, now that's Julia.
Now Julia was a total bitch to me.
Yeah no, she's looking real bad.
If you look it over there, she's huge.
Look over there.
There's Aryann, now Aryann and I had four kids.
She ate them all.
Now that's what they do in nature.
I wait, there's about 15 other of my ex-wives.
The problem couldn't be me.
(all laugh)
I couldn't be in a problem in all of my relationships.
It's not my voice.
It's not that I put my ex-wives out in a field
to show them off to people.
Couldn't be me.
Could it be you?
You want to take a look?
There's my wife right there. You see her?
(all laugh)
- [Crew] That's time.
- Damn.
- Oh my God.
(Courtney pants)
- Help.
Help me.
Where do I hide this thing?
I killed it.
What's next?
Are you my best friend or not?
You gonna cut it up?
- What did you do to my husband?
(all laugh)
- (beep).
You weren't even doing CPR, you just started kissing.
(bouncy music)
- I'm the burgerman, here to show you something real funny
I made up.
This says, "BOOBIES" I made it up.
- Kevin, what are you doing?
- Bryce, you weren't supposed to see this.
- If I wasn't supposed to see it, then why are you doing it?
- I thought you were going to be in Tucson for the weekend.
- You know I go to Tucson in March.
- (beep). - You know that.
- I thought it was, I thought it was today.
- We go to Tucson together.
- I thought we weren't going after the fight.
I thought we were done.
- Yeah, we're done now.
- That's why I show him boobies.
- You were showing him boobies?
That was our thing, remember?
At the Matchbox 20 concert.
(all laugh)
We showed each others boobies.
- I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell.
(all laugh)
- [Crew] That's time.
- That's the bit.
- I must be lonely.
- You both are actually crying.
- We had a career on Disney before this.
(Shayne laughs)
- We know acting.
(gentle music)
- Hey, Spielberg?
Okay, so get this.
It's a vampire movie, but instead of them sucking blood,
they're sucking the DMT out of their brains.
And they're just chasing, chasing the high.
Just druggy vampires trying to handle their addiction.
The title?
DMTeeth.
(all laugh)
Spielberg, you hear that?
Oh, it's been his voicemail the whole time.
Okay.
Well, okay, I'll call again.
DMTeeth, we're gonna talk about it.
(all laugh)
(bell dings)
(gentle music)
(Shayne sighs)
- Oh my God.
(beep) the clown?
- Yeah.
- (beep) the clown, I'm a massive fan.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, I love your work.
I'm so sorry. I'm sure you get this all the time.
Could you do the thing?
- I'm sorry. I'm retired.
- I know. I know.
But I would just, it would really make my day.
I'm a huge fan.
I never thought I'd get to meet you.
Please, just do the thing.
- I know. I know.
It's it's been a long time. I-
- My friends are never going to believe me.
Come on, please?
Just do, just do it just one more time.
- Alright.
(all laugh)
- Yes!
I can already smell it dude.
- Oh my god.
- All right, just walking you cross the street.
- Thanks for holding my hand while crossing the street.
- Yes, have a good day in second grade.
Ring ring.
Oh, my phone.
- Hi Trudy, it's your doctor.
I'm so sorry to tell you this,
but there's a semi-truck growing inside your ass.
- What?
Does that mean my farts will...
- Yes.
- Sound like horns? - Horns, yes.
Your farts will sound like loud horns.
Okay, bye.
- Goodbye.
(all laugh)
- Ow, oh my god.
I was waiting for you to play truck horns.
- Yeah!
- I don't have my phone.
- Oh, what is up? - Dude!
- It's gonna be the bachelor party of the century, dude.
- [Tommy] It's gonna be so tight.
- We got this big surprise.
- Hell yeah, it's going to be tight.
You wanna bring it in?
- [Olivia] Ding dong.
- Oh (beep) it's here.
- Who called the chicken?
My, who guys are up?
- This guy.
- Lucky you I brought my duck!
(Courtney laughs)
And black raw brushes
to tickle your nose.
Ha ha ha! And brush your teeth.
- He's rock hard, bro.
(all laugh)
- Holy smokes.
- Whoa, whoa.
(all laugh)
Oh (beep).
Whoa.
(all laugh)
- Wow.
- [Olivia] You're supposed to be
turned on
(all laugh)
by my fur.
All right, that's time.
(applause) (bell dings)
- Oof.
- What is up player?
Welcome to Bellagio.
I am Danus and I make out with lots of women.
And I'm here to help you talk to them.
Here's the thing.
We don't know how to talk.
(all laugh)
The thing when you go up to women, you just say things
and be blunt and go.
No, you have to be crazy.
You have to say things they don't know.
You know?
Oh no, here come woman now.
Hello baby, you are not my friend.
(all laugh)
You are strawberry.
Oh what?
What?
Oh! I am in constant pain.
(all laugh) (bell dings)
(applause)
I don't know what I'm doing.
- My favorite part is like when we make direct eye contact
and I see the character dropping.
And it just be Shayne going, "Please! Please!"
(bouncy music)
- Hello Damien.
It's me, your mental illness.
(all laugh)
I heard that someone has invited you to a party.
Too bad.
Initiate voice command.
Yeah I can't, I'm just a little tired.
(all laugh)
Yeah, maybe next time, maybe next time.
Now you're all alone in your home.
Nothing to do.
Why don't you look in the mirror?
Is that what your face looks like?
Crazy, I thought they looked better than that.
(Shayne laughs)
Weird, huh?
Well?
(all laugh) (bell dings)
Have a good bad day.
- When people make jokes about me,
it's usually cats and anime.
Why two in a row for vaguely European men.
(all laugh)
- Whew, that was a crazy call.
Glad we were there for that emergency.
- That fire was huge.
- The fire was big.
You know, I heard, I heard what caused it.
- Oh, what was that?
- Yeah, it's these guys.
They take people and they, it's like they're vampires.
Except they put their little teeths in your head
and they suck the DMT out of your head.
- Oh, I've heard of that.
Don't they call that something?
They there's like a name for it, right?
- A DMTeeth.
(Olivia laughs)
- [Shayne] Nice.
- Coming to theaters near you.
This is how our marketing it.
And we're having improv just happen around town.
They're advertising the movie of DMTeeth.
Vampires who were after drugs in your brain.
- Whoa.
(Courtney smooches)
Popcorn is free.
- Popcorn is free.
I am not legally allowed to say I'm a firefighter.
- [Crew] And time.
- Oh sweetie, you're all grown up.
Well honey, have a great time at,
will you look at me when I'm talking, please, honey?
Have a good-
(Courtney laughs) (bell dings)
(all laugh)
Have a good time at home prom, okay?
- How, mom?
I have three feet!
- Teenagers.
- Uh-uh, uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
- Oh no.
I'm piercing my own bar.
(all laugh) (bell dings)
- I held it in for so long, so hard, dude.
That was so hard.
- Erat!
Chop!
Erat!
(Damien gagging)
- Dammit Damien!
(bell dings)
Oh my god!
- Your mom says you got to pay me.
(all laugh)
Erat!
- Have a good evening, thank you so much.
Are you enjoying the meal?
Fantastic, thank you so much.
You guys are wonderful.
Okay, hi miss.
Okay so we have two bottles of wine.
We have this kind, it's really nice.
It's actually my favorite kind of wine.
This one right here.
This one, this one's, it's a little sharp.
It's a little sharp. Okay.
It's made from my own grapes.
I make my own wine.
I got to come out.
These are both wines that I make with my body.
I make them with my body.
I make wine with my body.
Oh my gosh.
This is so embarrassing.
I'm not nude enough.
(all laugh) (bell dings)
- Damn it.
I wanted to keep it together so bad.
All right, we have all tried our hardest
not to laugh and to make others laugh.
I have points in my hand.
Olivia, with two.
Very nice. (applause)
Courtney with four.
(applause)
Damien, with six.
- Yes!
Yes!
- Tommy with eight.
- Which means...
(drum roll)
- With a whopping ten points, Shayne is the new champion!
(all cheer) (Shayne screams)
There's the boy
He has a goat now
- All I had to do was be an incoherent pickup artist.
That's all it took.
- We love you.
We have lots of old episodes where we spit water
and we also have some really funny ones
with the harmonicas and stuff.
We have lots and lots of content.
If you want to check out, two up there, right here.
Content!
We love the sweet content!
And if you subscribe and you won't miss the next one.
- That's right.
Do it.
- What else?
Say a winner speech or whatever?
- I just want to say that you are not related to me.
(all laugh)
