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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Trump's GOP Defenders Are Backed Into A Corner

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>> Stephen: WELCOME, WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW."

I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.

IT IS A -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

LOOK AT THAT!

THAT'S ALL THE SUNSHINE YOU NEED RIGHT THERE.

THOSE ARE NEW YORKERS.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY HERE IN NEW YORK.

BLUE SKIES, WARM TEMPERATURES, AND DONALD TRUMP HAS OFFICIALLY

CHANGED HIS PRIMARY RESIDENCE FROM MANHATTAN TO PALM BEACH,

FLORIDA.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) GOOD RIDDANCE, DON.

DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YA WHERE THE PORN STAR SPANKED YA.

( LAUGHTER ) I BELIEVE THAT'S HOW IT GOES.

I BELIEVE THAT'S HOW IT GOES.

ACCORDING TO SOURCES CLOSE TO THE PRESIDENT, HE'S MOVING

PRIMARILY FOR TAX PURPOSES.

(AS TRUMP) "THE TAX SYSTEM IN FLORIDA IS

BEAUTIFUL.

THEY LET ME WRITE OFF ERIC AS A COMPLETE LOSS."

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

JUST -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

SCRATCH.

CEDAR ZEROED ME OUT.

JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR: TRUMP IS LEAVING BECAUSE OF A TAX PROBLEM

HE CREATED.

NEW YORK'S STATE AND LOCAL TAXES WENT UP BECAUSE OF THE TAX BILL

THAT HE SIGNED INTO LAW IN 2017.

IT'S THE OLD "FART IN THE ELEVATOR THEN TAKE THE STAIRS"

TACTIC.

( LAUGHTER ) BYE!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) UH-HUH.

LET ME JUST HIT ALL THE BUTTONS FIRST.

( LAUGHTER ) OVER THE WEEKEND, TRUMP DEFENDED

HIS DECISION ON TWITTER.

"I CHERISH NEW YORK, AND THE PEOPLE OF DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT,

DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, NEW YORK, AND ALWAYS WILL, BUT

UNFORTUNATELY, DESPITE THE FACT THAT I PAY MILLIONS OF DOLLARS

IN CITY, STATE AND LOCAL TAXES EACH YEAR, I HAVE BEEN TREATED

VERY BADLY BY THE POLITICAL LEADERS OF BOTH THE CITY AND

STATE."

WAIT A SECOND!

( AUDIENCE REACTS ) HOLD ON -- A PERSON WAS TREATED

BADLY IN NEW YORK?

( LAUGHTER ) WE HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE!

SO THEY CAN TELL US TO GO SCREW OURSELVES.

( LAUGHTER ) SO, MR. PRESIDENT, YOU'RE

LEAVING NEW YORK.

WELL, BEFORE YOU GO, I HAVE ONE THING TO SAY: WHEN THEY FINALLY

TAKE DOWN THE BARRICADES IN FRONT OF TRUMP TOWER, ARE THOSE

LEGAL PARKING SPACES?

( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE I REPRESENT A GROUP OF

PEOPLE THAT'S LOOKING FOR SOMEPLACE TO MARK IN MIDTOWN,

WE'LL TAKE MON, WEDNESDAY, FRIDAY ON ALTERNATE WEEKS --

( APPLAUSE ) TRUMP MADE A FAREWELL VISIT TO

THE CITY THIS WEEKEND FOR A U.F.C. EVENT, AND NEW YORKERS

SHOWED HIM HOW MUCH HE'D BE MISSED.

( BOOING ) >> STEPHEN: WHAT THE HELL?

( LAUGHTER ) THIS SHOULD BE TRUMP'S CROWD!

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR AN OLD WHITE GUY TO GET BOOED AT

A U.F.C. EVENT?

( LAUGHTER ) IT'S THE OFFICIAL SPORT OF MEN

WHO BUY THEIR GROCERIES AT THE GAS STATION.

LET'S SEE, GOT THE JERKY, THE SLIM JIMS, THE PORK RINDS --

VEGETABLE VEGETABLE -- PRINGLES.

( LAUGHTER ) ERIC TRUMP LEAPT TO HIS DAD'S

DEFENSE ON TWITTER.

"AT HASHTAG U.F.C. 244 CHANTING 'DONALD TRUMP, DONALD TRUMP,

USA, USA'"-- WHICH HE SOMEHOW TRIED TO PROVE WITH A STILL

PHOTO.

(AS ERIC) "GOT YOUR BACK, DAD.

LOOK, THOSE WEREN'T BOOS!

THOSE WERE CHEERS!

JUST LISTEN TO THIS PICTURE I TOOK!

SHHHH!

YOU GOTTA LISTEN CLOSELY.

YOU CAN HEAR THEM CHEERING FOR MY DAD.

UH, I CAN HEAR THEM SAYING, 'ERIC, I LOVE YOU.'"

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

SPEAKING OF SPORTS, THIS AFTERNOON TRUMP WELCOMED WORLD

SERIES WINNERS THE WASHINGTON NATIONALS TO THE WHITE HOUSE.

LOTS OF PEOPLE TURNED OUT, EXCEPT THE PERSON IN CHARGE OF

LIGHTING MELANIA.

( LAUGHTER ) DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON

THERE.

I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEW "STAR WARS" TO SEE WHICH SITH

LORD SHE PLAYS.

( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP TALKED ABOUT HOW POPULAR

THE TEAM WAS THIS SEASON, BUT HE'S CLEARLY GOT OTHER STUFF ON

HIS MIND.

>> AMERICA FELL IN LOVE WITH NATS BASEBALL.

THEY JUST LOVE NATS BASEBALL.

THAT'S ALL THEY WANT TO TALK ABOUT-- THAT AND IMPEACHMENT!

( LAUGHTER ) I LIKE NATS BASEBALL MUCH MORE.

>> STEPHEN: YES, THAT'S M.L.B.'S NEW SLOGAN:

"BASEBALL: MORE FUN THAN LOSING YOUR JOB."

( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS )

( CHEERING ) ( PIANO RIFF )

IT WOULDN'T BE A TRUMP EVENT WITHOUT SOME CREEPY TOUCHING, AS

WE SAW WHEN CATCHER KURT SUZUKI PUT ON A MAGA HAT, GOT A NICE

PAT ON THE SHOULDER FROM TRUMP, AND -- OH!

OH!

OH, NO!

OH!

HE TRIED TO STEAL SECOND BASE!

( APPLAUSE ) WHAT IS THAT?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

BUT LIKE TRUMP, I CAN'T GET HIS IMPEACHMENT OFF MY MIND.

I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST DETAILS IN TONIGHT'S "DON AND THE GIANT

IMPEACH."

( LAUGHTER ) >> I HAVE WITCH HUNTS EVERY

WEEK.

I SAY WHAT'S THE WITCH HUNT THIS WEEK?

>> Stephen: LOVELY CROWD, VERY NICE.

IT'S GETTING HARDER TO DEFEND THE PRESIDENT'S PHONE CALL.

UP UNTIL NOW, THE G.O.P.'S MAIN ARGUMENT HAS BEEN THAT THE

PROCESS HAS BEEN SECRETIVE AND UNFAIR.

BUT, TODAY, THE HEAD OF THE IMPEACHMENT INQUIRY, ADAM

SCHIFF, STARTED RELEASING TRANSCRIPTS OF THE CLOSED-DOOR

TESTIMONY.

OH, SCHIFF JUST GOT REAL.

( LAUGHTER ) THERE'S A LOT TO UNPACK.

JUST THE FIRST TWO TRANSCRIPTS THAT WERE RELEASED TODAY ARE

NEARLY 500 PAGES COMBINED.

THOUGH I'M SURE BILL BARR CAN GET IT DOWN TO TWO.

( LAUGHTER ) THE MOST STUNNING TESTIMONY CAME

FROM FORMER AMBASSADOR TO UKRAINE MARIE YOVANOVICH, WHO,

BACK IN MAY, WAS RECALLED FROM HER POST FOLLOWING POLITICAL

ATTACKS BY RIGHT-WING MEDIA FIGURES.

IT'S HOW TRUMP MAKES ALL HIS STAFFING DECISIONS.

(AS TRUMP) "YOU ARE A HIGHLY-QUALIFIED

EXPERT, BUT I'M AFRAID I HAVE TO LET YOU GO, BASED ON TROUBLING

INTEL FROM MY TRUSTED ADVISOR, THE MY PILLOW GUY."

( LAUGHTER ) OKAY?

THERE YOU GO.

LEAVE THE PILLOW.

THE TRANSCRIPTS REVEAL HOW THE STATE DEPARTMENT RESPONDED TO

THE RIGHT WING MEDIA SMEAR CAMPAIGN.

YOVANOVICH EXPLAINED TO INVESTIGATORS, "I WAS TOLD THAT

SECRETARY OF STATE MIKE POMPEO WAS GOING TO PLACE A CALL TO

MR. HANNITY ON FOX NEWS TO SAY, YOU KNOW, WHAT IS GOING ON?

I MEAN, DO YOU HAVE PROOF OF THESE KINDS OF ALLEGATIONS OR

NOT?" THAT'S RIGHT.

THE SECRETARY OF STATE REPORTEDLY CALLED A TV GUY FOR

ADVICE.

THIS HASN'T HAPPENED SINCE MADELINE ALBRIGHT RECOMMENDED

INTERVENING IN THE BALKAN GENOCIDE AFTER A HIGH-LEVEL

SUMMIT WITH STEVE URKEL.

( LAUGHTER ) (AS STEVE URKEL)

"DID MILOSEVIC DO THAT?" ( LAUGHTER )

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NEVER SEEN THE SHOW, NOT A

FRAME.

>> Jon: LAURA, LAURA!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: BUT -- BUT --

BUT YOVANOVICH WAS GIVEN SOMEMYADVICE TO SAVE HER JOB FROM

SOFT-BOILED AMBASSADOR GORDON SONDLAND.-9

TOLD HER, "YOU KNOW, YOU NEED TO GO BIG OR GO HOME.

YOU NEED TO, YOU KNOW, TWEET OUT THERE THAT YOU SUPPORT THE

PRESIDENT."

WHICH SHE DID NOT DO.

SO FACED WITH LOSING HER CAREER OR SAYING ONE NICE THING ABOUT

DONALD TRUMP, SHE SAID, "ANYBODY GOT ANY BOXES?"

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BECAUSE I'M OUT OF HERE!

( PIANO RIFF ) ( APPLAUSE )

OF COURSE, THE PRESIDENT IS NOT IMPRESSED WITH SCHIFF'S

TRANSPARENCY, TWEETING EARLIER "IF SHIFTY ADAM SCHIFF, WHO IS A

CORRUPT POLITICIAN WHO FRAUDULENTLY MADE UP WHAT I SAID

ON THE 'CALL,' IS ALLOWED TO RELEASE TRANSCRIPTS OF THE NEVER

TRUMPERS AND OTHERS THAT ARE AND WERE INTERVIEWED, HE WILL CHANGE

THE WORDS THAT WERE SAID TO SUIT THE DEMS PURPOSES.

REPUBLICANS, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT DOT, DOT, DOT, SHOULD GIVE THEIR

OWN TRANSCRIPTS OF THE INTERVIEWS TO CONTRAST WITH

SCHIFF'S MANIPULATED PROPAGANDA."

( AUDIENCE REACTS ) OKAY.

HERE'S THE THING: THERE'S A NON-PARTISAN STENOGRAPHER IN THE

ROOM TYPING EVERY WORD.

THERE'S NOT A DEMOCRATIC OR REPUBLICAN VERSION OF THE

TRANSCRIPT ANYMORE THAN THERE'S A DEMOCRATIC OR REPUBLICAN LAWS

OF PHYSICS.

(AS TRUMP) "IF IT WAS UP TO THE DEMOCRATS,

A FEATHER AND A BRICK WOULD GET TO FALL AT THE SAME ACCELERATION

IN A VACUUM.

( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S SOCIALISM."

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

THE BRICK EARNED IT, OKAY?

THE BRICK EARNED IT.

( APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )

TRUMP'S DEFENDERS ARE BACKED INTO A CORNER, SO A GROWING

NUMBER OF G.O.P. SENATORS ARE CONSIDERING ACKNOWLEDGING

TRUMP'S QUID PRO QUO ON UKRAINE.

THE REPUBLICANS ARE SO DESPERATE THEY'RE CONSIDERING TELLING THE

TRUTH.

( LAUGHTER ) SOUNDS LIKE A DAMNING ADMISSION,

BUT IT'S NOT ACCORDING TO TEXAS SENATOR AND MELANCHOLY BADGER,

TED CRUZ.

CRUZ CLAIMS A QUID PRO QUO IS NOT ILLEGAL UNLESS THERE IS

"CORRUPT INTENT."

BY THE WAY, "CORRUPT INTENT" IS ALSO WHAT YOU CALL IT WHEN TRUMP

GOES CAMPING.

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

THERE IT IS.

THERE IT IS.

THERE IT IS.

THERE YOU GO.

IT'S A SIMPLY FAMILY JOKE.

BOOM!

TRUMP BELIEVES THE TRANSCRIPT EXONERATES HIM, AND THINKS WE

ALL WOULD, TOO, IF WE JUST HEARD IT RIGHT.

SO, IN AN INTERVIEW LAST WEEK, HE MADE A SURPRISING OFFER:

"AT SOME POINT, I'M GOING TO SIT DOWN, PERHAPS AS A FIRESIDE CHAT

ON LIVE TELEVISION, AND I WILL READ THE TRANSCRIPT OF THE

CALL."

YES, A FIRESIDE CHAT.

IT'S LIKE F.D.R.

REMIND ME, DID F.D.R. USE THOSE TO ADMIT HIS CRIMES?

>> MY FELLOW AMERICANS.

I WANT TO ADDRESS THESE ALLEGATIONS THAT I KILLED A

HOBO.

THAT IS CATEGORICALLY FALSE.

FIRST OF ALL, HE HAD IT COMING.

SECOND OF ALL, HE WAS MORE OF A DRIFTER.

LET ME READ YOU HIS LAST WORDS: "AAH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHY ARE YOU STABBING ME, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT?

YOU CAN WALK!?

AAH!

AAH!

AAH!" THEN HE DIED.

I NEVER FELT MORE ALIVE.

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: YEAH, YOU DON'T HEAR ABOUT THAT ONE.

THEY DON'T TEACH THAT.

THEY DON'T TEACH THAT, JON!

>> Jon: I HADN'T SEEN THAT ONE.

( PIANO RIFF ) >> Stephen: WE HAVE A GREET

SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

TIM McGRAW IS HERE.

BUT WHEN WE RETURN, THERE'S A REAL PROBLEM WITH TEMPERATURE'S

WALL.

STICK AROUND!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )

The Description of Trump's GOP Defenders Are Backed Into A Corner