For a long time it was unclear what this election was precisely about
But two weeks ago, at the first big elections debate
I saw this:
Now is the time for maybe the most important theme of this election.
On one hand I thought: the Dutch identity is the most important theme of our election?
Of course, there's the meltdown in the North Pole, the fights in Syria are aflame...
and B-Brave broke up.
But no, let's talk mostly about ourselves
Soon someone screams: the dikes are breaking, we're all gonna die (drown)!
Yeah, but I know who I am.
Or who I was, actually (* drowning bubbles)
But on the other hand: The Dutch identity IS truly a thing.
The Netherlands are wrestling with big questions about our identity.
Who are we. What's the Dutch identity?
The entire broadcast is dominated by our national identity.
The Dutch identity, is it under pressure?
The Dutch identity. The Dutch identity.
The national identity is being threatened, as I've said a couple of times.
The national identity. National identities.
Wow. Even at my study Identity, Culture, Behavior...
and Gender Studies in a Complex and Dynamic Changing World We Live In Now Studies...
I discussed less about identity.
Well, it wasn't an easy study.
But I had the identitime of my life! It was awesome!
It is a bit vague, the Dutch identity, but it is kind of interesting
It is related to big themes such as Europe, refugees, privacy.
How much freedom do we exchange for safety?
How many refugees do we take and how do we treat them?
What do we think of foreign financing of mosques?
What are we doing with Turkish ministers who come her to campaign for their corrupt government...
but who aren't allowed to land with their plane in the Netherlands...
so fly to Germany and come with a car over the Grebbeberg to Rotterdam?
That kind of questions. In short: What kind of country do we want to be?
Lets look back on the campaign...
what answers the political parties have given to these questions.
Because the election starts in 58 hours, and apparently our identity is at stake.
We start with the only political party who doesn't go to debates
It's the PVV.
But that doesn't matter, because you have been laying under a Qu-ran...
if you don't know what Geert Wilders thinks about the Netherlands.
He isn't really specific, #hoedan...
but sometimes he says something interesting...
about what Dutchman distinguish from a not-Dutchman.
But if you are here, and you keep yourself to our rules...
you respect our values and you don't implement the Sharia or plan terroristic attacks.
'You are not going to implement the Sharia or prepare terroristic attacks'.
That's what my grandmother also said to me: Arjen, put your jacket on! And DON'T implement the Sharia again!
I've been vacuuming yesterday all day!
DON'T implement the Sharia, that is not an answer to my questions!
This is something that everybody thinks about the same way.
So non-committal as a saying on a tile.
We've produced them also immediately.
The Dutch identity according to the Freedom Party:
Don't make yourself an outcast, don't induce the Sharia
Wilders created the last years a clear message with this.
And you all know: If one populist has crossed the bridge, then the VVD follows.
The VVD has always been a advocate for less government, less taxes.
That's why they had campaign slogans like: less government is less taxes
They still want less government and less taxes
but the slogan of this campaign is: Act. Normal.
That characterizes the Dutch identity according the VVD: Act/Be Normal
Then you can think: What is normal?
But fortunately Rutte, as you may known, has written a letter
wherein he says specifically what is NOT normal according to him.
And that list.. that is is a heavy list.
First example of what isn't normal:
don't throw garbage in the street. "But what do I do with my empty bag of fries?"
And here: don't nag, threat or abuse people.
Yeah.. then I can stop with my TV-show!
What the fuck?
Don't spit conductors. HOW DO I GET ON MY WORK THEN?!
Don't harass gay people or catcall woman wearing shorts skirts.
Yeah.. then I can never celebrate my birthday again!
Well, Rutte wrote in a letter everything he doesn't qualify as normal.
But specially for children he made it a multiple choice:
When you eat a bag of fries and you're done. What do you do with the bag?
Do you drop it on the street?
Or do you throw it in the garbage can? - In the garbage can.
Shit, I had A. Ahhh!
What heavy statements, right?
That will be very heavy debates with the other parties, who do classify those things as normal
Like the 'Party for more bags of fries on the streets'
with party leader Tony, of Snackbar Tony.
All these things do not fit in our identity, at least, according to the VVD campaign.
The tiled pieces of wisdom from the VVD are thus:
Prevent lamentation and whining, therefore do not spit on any conductors! (of trains)
Whoever litters the grond with fries does not earn tulips and clogs.
And of course:
Even if the girl dresses salaciously, 'hey whore' is really beneath your level.
Great tiles, yes.
So look, in terms of identity, I haven't become much wiser from the VVD and PVV campaigns.
So I'm looking a bit further...
And speaking of horny chicks: Sybrand Buma.
Since, we're continuing with the CDA!
90 % of the Dutch find the decline of out values and norms...
the biggest problem of the moment.
That's unbelievable. That's terrible.
90 % of the populace finds the decline of values and norms the greatest problem.
90! And after a fact-check the number proved to be incorrect...
but fortunately CDA is a neat party
If they cause unjust panic, they also produce their own spurious solutions.
Children at school should all learn the national anthem.
And when they sing it, they also need to stand up.
CDA-candidate Buma said this today in De Telegraaf.
Try turning it around: is it normal to not know your national anthem?
No, I don't think it is normal.
Yes, Sybrand Buma wants every student to learn the national anthem.
And this makes me so angry!
Because it's such a ridiculous anthem!
with that 'from German blood' and 'the Spanish king'
Now, that's what I put in the mail.
For example, I got a letter from someone who was terribly angry.
He found that it was such an outrageous national anthem...
with that 'from German blood' and the 'Spanish king'
That's still sweet, that he read it.
Anyways - and then you think: is that all?
Can we safeguard the Dutch identity with that?
Nope, Buma has more.
Two old values, indeed Jewish-Christian values, great
and I would say: keep them.
It concerns two important things that were already here for thousands of years.
Equality between people. Think of the woman's position.
Wait a minute, equality between a man and woman?
Already thousands of jears? Or do you mean that in Buma-years?
Because I that that only became official since 1957.....
when married women became capable of action.
Thanks to the PvdA. Ahem!
Aside from that, Jewish-Christian...
I'm not Jewish and I'm not Christian...
and still I am as Dutch as a dry-ground sandwich with cheese.
Isn't this great? - Yes, really great.
The CDA-campaign also does not help me further concerning my identity.
I do have another pretty little tile.
'If the national anthem doesn't please you, you will be kicked out of Holland.'
On with the next party: the PvdA (labour party) from...
Asscher, exactly. Lodewijk Asscher.
What does he have to say? - Many of us live with the fear of...
slowly losing what we have and who we are.
Exactly, tens of PvdA-representatives are currently scared to death...
of losing what they have - a parliamentary seat - and what they are - a Representative.
And then there's also the ChristenUnie
Candidate Gert-Jan Segers also speaks gladly over identity
but he reflects the Netherlands mostly towards another country.
I've lived for 7 years in another part of the world without freedom.
Gert Jan Segers from the ChristenUnie is being really secretive regarding which part of the world he meant.
But what's funny is that, if you look really well, in the deepest caves of the internet...
you can sort of get an idea of where that was.
Segers lived for years in Egypt.
We lived for seven years as a family in Egypt.
We lived for seven years in Egypt.
I have lived in Egypt. I was in Egypt for seven years.
I was then in Egypt. I did that earlier in Egypt.
Because I lived in Egypt for seven years.
Memories of Egypt. And therefore 8 years in a foreign country...
including Egypt - Okay, okay!
Thus Segers has, if we may gradually conclude...
lived in Egypt. Right? Seven years. In Egypt. Serious, right?
And his point is that it's a lot less nice there than it is here in the Netherlands.
Meanwhile, in Egypt there is also a standard answer:
Is it nice here? 'Yes, you see, Gert-Jan Segers lived here for a while...'
'so of course it will never be so convivial anymore.'
I also want to extend my apologies to the people
who still want to read this article from sevendays.nl
'7 things that you don't yet know about Gert Jan Segers.'
Let's make that 6 things, you know.
This brings me to the ChristenUnie tiles. Let's see...
A true fella devotes some time by the shores of the Nile.
Beautiful. Oh, there's still one more lying here.
The Netherlands is the country in which I glide through the world, not Egypt.
Great. Oh, there's one more.
It's always the Arab Spring in the eyes of the dentist assistant.
It's not stopping...
A Dutchman, regardless of being right or left, lives for a time next to a Sphinx.
Life here is fantastic, still better than in Cairo.
And then the last one: A good deed will be richly rewarded...
I have, by the way, lived in Egypt.
In this campaign season, even new parties were also busy with our identity.
Especially with how it's come under fire.
How does Jan Roos perceive that, for example?
That in the academy in Amsterdam, christmas trees are no longer permitted in the hallway.
Aha! Our christmas trees are disappearing! Outrageous!
But yea, if Jan Roos says something, then the contradiction is just lurking around the corner.
"It's not true that christmas trees are forbidden in the hallways of the Hogeschool in Amsterdam."
"Should Roos be referring to the Hogeschool in Den Haag, there was an incident there seven years ago, but there was always still a christmas tree there."
Yes, so that proved to just be nonsense.
We thus have on the next tile:
The HvA that had no tree - o shit it actually was there.
Yea, I can also rhyme, Jan Roos.
What the fuck!
If you believe in politics, then the entire Netherlands has an identity crisis.
And I get it that you want to catch a ride for little bit...
on the nationalistic PPV-train, but where is this campaign headed?
These tiles of wisdom.
Is this the Dutch identity?
Most of them are about Egypte, but it doesn't matter.
I can now do two things.
one: I can tile my bathroom with the Dutch identity.
or two: I can take a look at what I've collected here.
Because look, this tile for example.
The christmas tree. That wasn't true.
Thus, for this election, this tile is irrelevant.
Then this one: Egypt is not as great as the Netherlands.
We already knew that.
Okay, all Egypt, oh yea here, this one then: the Wilhelmus (nat'l anthem)
According to me everyone should find that great, it's logical that you learn it in school.
That's not even an issue. It's an open door.
That applies for everyone.
Short skirts, open door. Fries on the ground, it's already in the laws.
Spitting on the conductor also.
Or this one: Don't introduce the Sharia. Yea well duh!
I haven't heard any good remarks.
Imagine that the campaigns should stay so vague on all their points!
People with a broken leg - you shouldn't let them stand outside of a hospital.
Yes, and we find that: Limburg is a province, and it'll stay one as far as we're concerned!
Then the traffic problem: Take my word for it, our problem is nothing compared to that in Cairo.
The most important subject of the Dutch election campaigns is the Dutch identity.
That presents great possibilities for debates over issues that really matter in reality.
But what are you carping about? The national anthem. Christmas trees and fries.
The Dutchman has no idea what this has to do with him.
But I am still curious about who the Dutchman will vote for.
Thus we have here THE Dutchman!! Joost Kristelek!
So nice to have you here. Thank you.
Joost, so you're THE Dutchman. Quickly then, are you Jewish?
Yes, I'm Joost.. Oh Jewish, now, I am from Jewish origins, but I'm now Christian.
Perfect. We're curious what THE Dutchman is going to vote for. Have you followed the campaigns a bit?
I actually just got back. From where?
I lived for seven years in Egypt. - Oh, how was that?
Give me the Netherlands.
Really? I think so too. By the way, I need to try something.
What fun, this!
Well done. We're coming to your voting advice, Joost. First though, do you have hobbies?
Yes, to not implement the Sharia.
Okay, and if I say: Away with the christmas trees! What do you say?
And if I say: Spit on the conductor!
How cool! I'm impressed!
And then: The BIGGEST question. You're THE Dutchman.
Who are you going to vote for?
Hm, there's only one someone, one person
just one person who remains going against the tide
Who really dares to say no against the Dutch identity.
because that's also the Netherlands, to go the other way.
And there is only one politician who does that. - Okay. So who is that?
Tony! Tony from the Party for More French Fries-bags on the Ground!
Okay! What bizarre! Thank you very much, Joost!