Practice English Speaking&Listening with: 5 Minutes Of Maya Rudolph's Funniest Moments

Difficulty: 0

- Andrea, are you okay?

(Andrea laughs)

- Am I okay?

This bitch.

Am I okay?

Um, no...

Actually, because we got a bat disease

just floating around in the sky.

There's a new natural disaster every mother fucking day,

factories destroying the environment.

Look at this goddamn forecast behind me.

This is the first time I've left my house in months.

All it takes is one wrong motherfucker

to breathe on me funny, and I swear to God-

- [Sarah] Scooter, are we still on a nine second delay?

- The woman who presses that button?

Yeah, she stopped coming in weeks ago.

- Well, in that case, let me just say this.

Fuck shitty doodoo bitch.

And stay the fuck in your house.

Reporting live from hell on Earth,

This is Andrea motherfucking Steel.

Back to you, Sarah.

Maya Rudolph

Music is the language of love, y'all,

and sometimes the right tune is all you need

to get you dancing and romancing.

The night is a bore

There's no love on the floor

Even booze can't do the trick

You need to give a song a kick

And so

You're gonna wanna do a key change, baby

Shit is getting steamy now because the key change, baby

Motherfuckers getting creamy

because of the key change, baby

The best part is spending time alone with you.

(laughs) (humming)

Does that turn you on?

- How is sucking on fake fingers supposed to turn me on?

- Well, imagine that they're your fingers.

- They're men's fingers.

You're saying I have men's fingers?

- Okay, look, I was just trying something, okay?

Something different.

- Geez, man.

(hair whip noises)

(Jessi screams)

- Shh, quiet, baby.

- Who, what are you?

- I am the hormone monstress.

(lightning crashes)

- You're very beautiful.

- I know.

- Why do you smell so good?

- Because I don't use deodorant

and I only take bubble baths.

- Wait, did you already take a shower?

Or are you about to take a shower?

- What? I don't know.

- What's salty and and covers 70% of the earth?

- The ocean.

- Your butt.

(Maya laughs)

(Maya grunts and farts)

Tea change, baby

I said tea, not key, I tricked you suckers

Key change, baby

Key change, baby

Key change, baby

Key change, key change, key change, key change

Key change, key change, key change, key change

- Thursday, you might want to break out the sunscreen again

because it's going to be a hot one.

123 degrees with the humidity index so high,

a friend of mine who worked at the EPA called me crying.

He's a grown man.

Friday, we shoot down to -12 degrees

with a wind chill index we weren't even able to calculate

using a Doppler 8,000 technology.

It's going to be a cold one, folks.

Most likely not survivable, so wear a jacket.

- You are so funny.

- Really?

- Big ass mouth, stupid fucking forehead.

Look at that thing, goddamn shoe box.

- What?

- I just look at you and I laugh.

- You're right, you're right.

Charming people is like, the one thing I'm actually good at.

- Yeah. - Oh my God.

This is really happening, Lord.

- Stop! - Stop, shh!

- They should sit close enough so the boys can high-five.

- Yeah, but back-to-back so they don't make eye contact

and accidentally switch souls.

- So, Leo DiCaprio and Lukas Haas rules.

- Ah, classic pussy posse.

- Rest in pussy, boys.

- Rest in pussy.

- All right, do it, do it, do it, do it.

- Okay, oh my God, I'm feeling this.

I'm really good at this.

- She'll call you back, she's flossing.

- I've got to floss more when I'm day drunk. (piano music)


The snow's coming down


I'm watching it fall


Lots of people around


Baby, please come home

- I'm feeling emotional.

- And a little horny.

- Ooh.

- Not for you.

Key change, baby

You can also go to a lower key

Until a key change, baby

And that's the story

Of the key change, baby


The Description of 5 Minutes Of Maya Rudolph's Funniest Moments