- Andrea, are you okay?
(Andrea laughs)
- Am I okay?
This bitch.
Am I okay?
Um, no...
Actually, because we got a bat disease
just floating around in the sky.
There's a new natural disaster every mother fucking day,
factories destroying the environment.
Look at this goddamn forecast behind me.
This is the first time I've left my house in months.
All it takes is one wrong motherfucker
to breathe on me funny, and I swear to God-
- [Sarah] Scooter, are we still on a nine second delay?
- The woman who presses that button?
Yeah, she stopped coming in weeks ago.
- Well, in that case, let me just say this.
Fuck shitty doodoo bitch.
And stay the fuck in your house.
Reporting live from hell on Earth,
This is Andrea motherfucking Steel.
Back to you, Sarah.
Maya Rudolph
Music is the language of love, y'all,
and sometimes the right tune is all you need
to get you dancing and romancing.
The night is a bore
There's no love on the floor
Even booze can't do the trick
You need to give a song a kick
And so
You're gonna wanna do a key change, baby
Shit is getting steamy now because the key change, baby
Motherfuckers getting creamy
because of the key change, baby
The best part is spending time alone with you.
(laughs) (humming)
Does that turn you on?
- How is sucking on fake fingers supposed to turn me on?
- Well, imagine that they're your fingers.
- They're men's fingers.
You're saying I have men's fingers?
- Okay, look, I was just trying something, okay?
Something different.
- Geez, man.
(hair whip noises)
(Jessi screams)
- Shh, quiet, baby.
- Who, what are you?
- I am the hormone monstress.
(lightning crashes)
- You're very beautiful.
- I know.
- Why do you smell so good?
- Because I don't use deodorant
and I only take bubble baths.
- Wait, did you already take a shower?
Or are you about to take a shower?
- What? I don't know.
- What's salty and and covers 70% of the earth?
- The ocean.
- Your butt.
(Maya laughs)
(Maya grunts and farts)
Tea change, baby
I said tea, not key, I tricked you suckers
Key change, baby
Key change, baby
Key change, baby
Key change, key change, key change, key change
Key change, key change, key change, key change
- Thursday, you might want to break out the sunscreen again
because it's going to be a hot one.
123 degrees with the humidity index so high,
a friend of mine who worked at the EPA called me crying.
He's a grown man.
Friday, we shoot down to -12 degrees
with a wind chill index we weren't even able to calculate
using a Doppler 8,000 technology.
It's going to be a cold one, folks.
Most likely not survivable, so wear a jacket.
- You are so funny.
- Really?
- Big ass mouth, stupid fucking forehead.
Look at that thing, goddamn shoe box.
- What?
- I just look at you and I laugh.
- You're right, you're right.
Charming people is like, the one thing I'm actually good at.
- Yeah. - Oh my God.
This is really happening, Lord.
- Stop! - Stop, shh!
- They should sit close enough so the boys can high-five.
- Yeah, but back-to-back so they don't make eye contact
and accidentally switch souls.
- So, Leo DiCaprio and Lukas Haas rules.
- Ah, classic pussy posse.
- Rest in pussy, boys.
- Rest in pussy.
- All right, do it, do it, do it, do it.
- Okay, oh my God, I'm feeling this.
I'm really good at this.
- She'll call you back, she's flossing.
- I've got to floss more when I'm day drunk. (piano music)
Christmas
The snow's coming down
Christmas
I'm watching it fall
Christmas
Lots of people around
Christmas
Baby, please come home
- I'm feeling emotional.
- And a little horny.
- Ooh.
- Not for you.
Key change, baby
You can also go to a lower key
Until a key change, baby
And that's the story
Of the key change, baby
(applause)
