Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Dating Within Your Clique | ZULA ChickChats | EP 96

Then he asked,

“Is there anybody that you like in our class right now?

If yes, who?”

I tell you -

it was only 3 seconds eh,

but a million things went through my mind.

So I’m like, “Yes.”

Hi I’m John.

Hi I’m Zhin.

Hi I’m Sew.

Hi I’m Leah,

and this is, Zula ChickChats -

with safe distancing.

Okay, hi guys.

Welcome to a new episode of Zula Chickchats,

and today you can tell that,

our setup is a little bit different.

Because we are practising some social distancing,

so we’re all 1 metre apart.

And today we’re going to be talking about…

Dating within your clique.

How we should start off the topic right is -

tell us whether you dated someone within your clique,

or you’ve been like the third party,

in your clique to experience this situation.

I dated my friend before,

who was in a group of friends.

This was [when]…

We were in JC,

and then eventually into NS,

and stuff like that.

Mine is -

I’m like a third party.

It happened within different groups of friends,

from different parts of my life.

I always see friendships being sour after that.

I’m the total opposite.

My current boyfriend and I,

are actually from the same social circle.

In my case, it’s not really a very big deal.

It’s just like,

a couple of my friends dated in my…

JC clique, then they broke up.

And then it’s like,

“Okay now everybody is awkward with each other.”

Then, is it the clique broke up also?

Uh - eventually,

but not because of like,

that reason I feel.

- It’s just like we grew apart. - Okay.

So maybe we all can share a bit about the different stories -

that have happened with more details.

My boyfriend, Axel and I,

we were friends for…

I actually didn't know that he existed,

at all.

I’m like an extreme extrovert at that point in time,

then he’s the extreme introvert.

So he just sit in one corner with his hoodie,

- and the hair covering the face - Aiyo…

But then he started hanging out,

with my group of friends,

Because like they [are] boys.

Then after that he joined us for lunch,

and that’s when I realised,

“Oh! Got this person.”

And as we hung out more often,

my feelings for him started to grow.

How our relationship even started was because of my friend.

So we were hanging out together one day,

then -

he planned it out.

He was like, “Okay. Let’s play...

Truth or dare.”

When it was my turn right?

I picked truth,

then he asked -

I tell you!

It was only 3 seconds eh,

but a million things went through my mind.

So I’m like,

- And then - - Oh my god, you say his name ah?

He confirm awkward right?

He just,

“Thank you.”

But we didn’t get into a relationship immediately after that.

He started growing feelings for me,

after knowing,

how I feel.

Then we ended up together…

- Ah. - Nice -

- Nice. Very fairytale. - Very very.

Okay, uh -

back to the drama.

So I was in JC right?

Then I was in…

I always thought like this particular girl was very cute.

But then back at that time right,

when I was still at the start,

she was in canoeing.

Suddenly she joined ODAC sia.

But then -

the story was tumultuous because,

she was kind of being like,

chased by this senior in canoeing.

By the twist of fate, and the hand of god right?

Suddenly, this guy ah…

Eventually on Valentine's Day, very random -

I go and buy her a rose.

Long story short right…

This relationship was my first serious relationship,

- then like 3 years later we broke up lah. - Yup.

So after we break up right,

there was this very clear -

divide between the batch.

So there was like the,

her side and the my side.

Like the divide is so big already right,

until you cannot really like,

kao (depend) -

cannot just depend on that old…

Uh...

Old connection to bring everyone back.

- Your turn. - Wah, for mine.

I’m like a third party.

So I have this group of friends right,

and the thing is like,

this particular friend of mine...

Uh...

He’s very outgoing.

Very wild bird -

like he hates being bogged down.

And then, there was this particular girl that he likes.

All of a sudden,

during meetings they come together.

Then it’s like they have their own inside jokes,

- you know that kind of thing? - Mmm…

So eventually they announced [that they are together],

and I’m like “Okay. Happy for you.”

I mean those who were…

- You know the honeymoon phase? - Ya ya.

Then it goes like this,

and then it can either go like this,

or like this.

That particular couple went super downhill mainly because,

the good friend of mine,

he did something -

that he was not supposed to do in a relationship.

Aka cheat.

At that point in time,

talking to another girl was considered cheating already.

- Orh. Okay. - You know that kind of thing?

- For a moment, I thought take off pants - Oh, no -

Then the girl,

on the other hand,

she was already talking to some of our other friends -

in that circle about her side of the story.

So when it came together right?

It’s very awkward mainly because,

we don’t know which side to take on.

Then it became like,

really obvious -

1 Team A [and] Team B,

kind of clashing.

Suddenly Team B was like,

“Eh Zhin, you betrayer sia.

Why are you endorsing this?”

Then I’m like, "Huh?"

Since when I become the bad person now?

- Hello, it’s them! - Haha.

Unfortunately, it didn’t end up like,

her story where it became super fairytale.

These 2 people never got their closure that they wanted,

then everybody got affected.

So in my case, it was more like,

they were okay to be around each other.

It’s just naturally we felt that,

it didn’t seem the same,

or it was a bit awkward.

So we just split off into like,

our different cliques of friends.

They didn’t make their problems like,

public to our group,

which I think was very very fair for everybody in our clique.

Because some people are like,

“Oh my god, I cannot. I need to choose sides.”

which is like, not -

- it shouldn’t be the case you know? - Ya.

I always think about this incident because,

besides my personal actions I feel that the,

friends that were involved in this,

- could have also reacted slightly differently. - Ya.

You don’t like,

like cut somebody off because,

you have to take the emotional side of someone else.

It becomes difficult for you as a friend right,

to approach the “other side” friends.

- It’s like Zhin like that… - Ya.

The key part I think is,

when there is an argument or disagreement,

keep it separate from your friends and your relationship.

Because like the moment where,

somebody as a friend needs to take sides,

it gets very confusing for them,

because they do not know which [side] to support.

- Ya. - Correct.

Okay so for me,

from the very start of the relationship…

I make it a very strong point,

to separate my friendship and relationship problems.

Whenever Axel and I have any arguments right,

I will make sure that I don’t -

throw it upon my friends.

So imagine you’re Axel right?

- Then [when] we argue, my face is like that right? - Ya.

But then when I turn and talk to my friend,

I’ll be like,

“Oh, ya -”

Like that...

Ya -

as if nothing happened.

So it’s like very double faced in that sense,

but at that point of time it was…

Important for me,

because I don’t want to bring any -

- unhappiness to my friends. - Ya.

When we’re out as a group right,

I make sure that we don’t stick close to each other.

I’ll be very alert that I’m not,

physically close to him.

And I make sure that,

we don’t have any strong PDA.

- So I don’t… - Ah…

Oh my god, roll eyes already!

- Why - - Why you roll eyes?

Honestly, love is love.

But the thing is,

if we’re together in a group setting,

you don’t come and like -

forever 5 minutes, kiss kiss kiss -

Every single time we’re playing game,

or whatever then like,

“Excuse me!"

Then, they're making out.

- Then I’m just like... - Why your friends so intense one?

Ew!

I can’t even kiss in front of my friends,

- so awkward eh. - Ya.

It’s like ingrained in my head,

don’t go close to him,

don’t hug him.

But then…

Because -

I will also say because of this,

we have no problems within our friendships.

But now that I think back about it,

I feel that it’s quite -

it’s quite unfair on Axel’s part.

And if I can change anything,

it’d be just to stick true to myself.

Are there any more like,

pros and cons to dating within,

your social circle?

I think the good thing is also -

you have a lot more common topics.

Ah okay, true -

And another good thing is,

you have a lot more memories together.

It’s not just your relationship memories,

but you also have memories as friends -

with other people.

I think this is quite -

what you mentioned is quite important because,

for example,

my relationship back then was in ODAC right?

So we climb mountains and stuff like that,

which I still love to do lah.

So like, if lets say this relationship had lasted -

we could all still go on mountain trips together.

And I think that is one of the great things about like -

about the,

being able to form a relationship in a clique.

As compared to meeting like a,

a random stranger or someone who,

is not part of a big group lah.

You all know right?

I’m a physical person,

- like a physical touch person. - Ya.

There were a few arguments,

because of the physical touch thing.

So my guy best friend...

He’s the one that um,

did the truth or dare one.

What happened was that -

he just carried me off the ground onto his shoulder,

- like I’m just lying on his back like that. - Orh, okay.

Then he carried me into the classroom from outside.

At that point in time,

the moment he lifted me up right,

I know,

So the moment he put me down onto the chair right,

I quickly run out.

When I run out,

I run as if like,

“Haha. Fun.”

But it’s not,

in my head I’m like,

I open the door I tell you...

Axel's face have never been so black eh.

Ho!

My heart just dropped,

- I was legit scared. - Ya.

How I got through it I forgot,

but I got through it.

Slowly as the years go by right,

after that I try to -

know the limits.

So we asked on our Zula IG,

if anybody has any questions,

about this particular situation lah.

Looking at the questions now,

I feel that we addressed a lot of it already.

So I’m just going to read out,

a couple of the questions that people asked…

Someone asked,

"Love triangle in clique, how?"

Ooo...

How will you all handle the situation?

I think it’s important to see,

how this particular person,

that is the object of your affection decides to react.

If you’re clear that it’s not going to work out,

it may be better for you personally,

to find some kind of closure.

Because after,

confessing to someone and then having that person say like,

“Ya, I know that something is up,

but like I just don’t feel that way about you.”

It actually helps you find closure very much quicker.

So try to figure out your love triangle,

- don’t stay in the triangle for too long, I hope. - Correct.

So see the dynamics ah,

then just shoot your shot,

because the most is a no.

Actually there’s one um,

question right,

which is -

"If your friends don't support y'all dating,

because they feel uncomfortable?"

At the end of the day,

I think…

Regardless of whether somebody likes -

like your friends like your relationship,

or not...

It is important for you,

to even communicate with your -

partner and also your friend.

Like let them know that this is happening,

and if they have any concerns about it,

like they can say but um…

Just let - assure them that,

they will not let [the relationship] affect the clique.

Because I think it’s also -

it’s the responsibility of the person getting into the relationship,

to make sure that you know,

that the friendships are not...

Destroyed.

- Ya, correct. - Because of your decisions lah.

In that case, we kind of answered all the questions already.

So the last part is just,

to just wrap it up with a bit of advice.

Do you all have any last words to say?

I think you all got to value your friendships,

and understand that the friendship and relationship,

are separate things -

and can be separate things.

You all must establish that,

even if the relationship does not work out,

the friendship did -

- you know? - Mm.

And that is something that,

you all can always go and revisit again,

if you are mature enough to leave the relationship behind.

Because I think one important thing is,

to always understand that it is not just -

the couple’s duty to maintain or be considerate about the friendship.

You as friends also need to be considerate about their relationship.

If anybody there,

likes their um -

likes a random person in their clique as of now,

then they like controlling their feelings right,

because they are scared of their friendship [being compromised].

Even if you don't want to confess, it’s okay.

When you grow up older, there’s many other fish in the sea.

That is true.

Maybe that one ikan bilis,

but you come out and find...

- Salmon - - Orh, salmon!

Even better.

Come out got sashimi!

Although I agree to that,

but then again,

maybe ikan bilis is your favourite,

- and not those sashimi how? - That is true.

- Until you eat it right? - True.

If you realise that you keep thinking,

What the fuck...

Okay with that said,

we have come to the end of this episode.

So today, we talked about dating within the social circle.

And we concluded that -

just value your friendship and relationship both,

- in this particular situation lah. - Yes.

So with that said,

leave in the comments down below,

what else you want us to talk about.

And don’t forget to…

Like, share and subscribe.

Bye!