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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Gosford Park

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Don't just stand there. Give me a hand with the canopy.


Mary? Merriman? Are you ready?


MARY: Yes, Mr. Burkett.

Everything's ready, my lady.



I think she's knocking.

Well, see what she wants.

I can't open this wretched thing.

I suppose we'd better stop.

I can't get this top off.

WEISSMAN: Hello. Is everything all right?

Are you okay?

Am I what?

We're all right, thank you.

Is that Lady Trentham?

Lady Trentham. It's...

I'm William McCordle's cousin, Ivor.

Ivor Novello.

Yes, of course.

May I introduce a friend of mine from California?

Mr. Morris Weissman.



We were just wondering if we were headed in the same direction.

I dare say we might be.

Well, if everything seems to be all right...


Could we get on before I freeze to death?

Was that really Ivor Novello?

Yes. Could we get on?

Oh, hello. Nice house. I like your house.

McCORDLE: Oh, hello, Ivor.

JENNINGS: Welcome back, your ladyship.

Constance, welcome.

Hello, dear.

If he has to call me by my Christian name,

why can't he make it "Aunt Constance"?

I'm not the upstairs maid.

He's still got that vile little dog I see.

Yes, the ones we hate last forever.

Did you have a horrid journey?

Yes, fairly horrid.

Take the car around the back to unload it.

You better follow him. Mrs. Wilson will look after you.

JENNINGS: Your ladyship.

Your lordship.






Hello, Louisa.

Lots of good shooting coming.

That's what we're here for.

LOUISA: You've lost weight.

Where's that tummy gone?

Just leave everything in one pile around the corner there.

Make sure it's properly labelled.

Yes, ma'am.

It'll go up in the luggage lift.

These are the guns. Where's the gun room?

Down there on the right. Find Mr. Strutt, the keeper, in there.

He'll show you what to do.

I know what to do.

MRS. CROFT: Ellen, what do you think you're doing over there?

MRS. WILSON: What have we got here?

Take that rain off those cases before you take them up.

MAID: Those are Mr. Novello's bags.

VALET: Can't you see the monogram?

Who are you?

I'm Mr. Weissman's man.

The Countess of Trentham.


Make sure they're properly labeled.

Put them down there, all right?

Where am I?

You're in the stable block with the grooms.

Her ladyship is in the Chinese Room.

Elsie! Elsie!

You'll be sharing with the head housemaid.

She'll show you where everything is, all right?

Elsie, this is Miss Trentham.

Mrs. Wilson?

Take care of her, will you?

Excuse me, ma'am...

My name's Mary. Mary Maceachran.

Not here, it's not. It's Trentham.

Lord Stockbridge. Guns.

Down there on the right.

The name's Parks. Robert Parks.

Mr. Parks?

Mr. Parks, below stairs you'll be known as Mr. Stockbridge.

There's three more out there.

Is that so?

But, Parks... I knew a Mr. Parks who was in service in Norwich.

Is he any relation of yours?

No. London. Born and bred.

What should I do with her ladyship's jewels?

It's this way.

George is in charge of the safe.

He's the first footman, and you wanna watch where he puts his hands.


She's new.

ELSIE: Have you got the ones for tonight?

Oh, sorry.

Always bring a separate box for the first night. It saves bother.


Freddie, do wait.

(WHISPERING) For goodness sakes. I mean, what is it this time?

Does my hair look all right?

It looks fine. Where the hell were you?

We're not late.

Freddie, do please stop going on.

Isobel? Hello.


MABEL: Hello, Isobel.

Darling, I'll see you in there.

There's been something I've been meaning to say to you.

Have you, uh... Have you spoken to your father?


What do you mean, no? Hey, you promised.

I never promised. I said I'd do my best.

You're so beautiful when you resist me.

Oh, stop it. I'll ask him tonight.

Well, you bloody well better.


You shouldn't sneak up on people like that.

Hey, don't worry. It's nobody.

Sorry, Miss Isobel.

Do you really think you'll have a chance to speak to him tonight?

Would you stop going on about it?

Izzy, that's all very well...

I think it's ridiculous. I'm here to shoot.

Darling, it's a relief to me

to sit next to someone who isn't deaf in one ear.

I'm sorry?


Darling, what do you mean, "leave it"?

Well, I just meant let it come naturally.

Don't try and steer the conversation.

It makes you sound so desperate.

Well, I am fucking desperate.

Hello, Raymond. This is my brother-in-law, Lord Stockbridge.

Hello. I'm Morris Weissman.


Morris Weissman.

Weissman, yes.


Oh, Elsie? Elsie, this is Lord Stockbridge's valet.

He's new to the house, so show him around, will you?

You'll be sharing with Mr. Weissman's man.

Has his lordship's luggage gone up?

PARKS: Supposedly.

He's in the Tapestry Room, wherever that is.

Oh, well, here we go again.

MARY: That's just it.

I've never done a house party before, not properly.

ELSIE: How come you got taken on as a countess lady's maid

if you've got no experience?

MARY: She wants to train me.

She said she didn't care about experience.

She didn't want to pay for it, you mean.

RENEE: It's cold in here.

SARAH: You should know to pack your woollies when you come to this house.

Here we are.

Is everything all right, Elsie?

Fine, Miss Lewis. Thanks.

That's your bed there.

That good? Yeah, very nice. Tasty.

Very tasty.

I think I'll... I shall go in the library.

Here you are, Pip, Pip.

I beg your pardon, sir.

I thought I'd just take The Times up with me

in case you'd like to read it when you're dressing.

Thank you, Probert. Look after Pip for me, will you?

Of course, sir.

Good boy.

I have to make a telephone call

to California in a couple of hours.

And I can't find a telephone.

There's a telephone just here on the left.

Oh, wonderful. Thank you.

Well, you know, of course, I'll reverse the charges.


MEREDITH: There's a new restaurant in the Strand.

It's an automatic restaurant.

It's open 24 hours a day.

You can go in any time, day or night.

So, who's the funny little American?

Morris Weissman. He's a friend of Ivor.


He makes films in Hollywood.

Ivor asked if he could bring him along. I didn't see why not.

I thought he might be interested in guns and shooting.

Oh, well, never mind. He adds to the glamour of the gathering.

I didn't expect anything half as exotic.

Oh, no, not for me. You know that I hate drinking whiskey.

Go on, drink it. Do you good.

Go on.

(SIGHING) Oh, really, Bill.

You are such a bad influence.

Well, don't blame me if I start misbehaving.


McCORDLE: I don't know how impressed your husband is with our Hollywood folk.

(LAUGHING) Well, you know Raymond.

He only feels safe with his own kind.


I thought ladies' maids never wore aprons.

Her ladyship used to have a French maid who wore a black one like this.

She thinks it's got a bit of style.

I bet she does. And I bet she took it out of your wages too.

She likes to have everything just so.

Mmm. Don't they all.

That's him.


Ivor Novello.

He passed us on the road today on his way here,

and he spoke to me.

Well, he spoke to her ladyship, but I answered.

I only cut it out for Garbo. I prefer the American stars.

I think they've got more oomph.

Go on!

Is he really Sir William's cousin?


Imagine having a film star in the family.

Lady Sylvia must be thrilled.

Oh, I don't think.

Why wouldn't she be?

'Cause she's a snobbish cow. 'Cause she...

She looks down on anyone who got to the top with brains and hard work.

Just like she looks down on her husband,

except when it's time to foot the bills.

And then she's got her hand out, all right.

What was her family, then?

What'd you expect, really?

Toffee-nosed and useless.

Her father was the Earl of Carton.

Sounds good, except he didn't have a pot to piss in.

What's she like to work for?

She's horrible. But he's...

He's okay. Come on. We better get cracking.

Hello, I'm Ivor.

I know who you are.

Mabel Nesbitt.

Hello, Mabel.

MABEL: How are you?

NOVELLO: Very well, thank you.

Oh! I don't smoke. Thank you.

ELSIE: Mrs. Nesbitt's only got one dress with her.

Says her husband rushed her when she was packing.

MARY: Do you always look after visitors if they haven't got a maid?

Sometimes Dorothy helps.

Though why Mrs. Wilson makes the still room maid do it, beats me.

I think she only does it to annoy Mrs. Croft.

MARY: Which one does Dorothy answer to?

Both. That's the problem.

She's rushed off her feet as it is.

Are you nearly done there?


Here she is, Miss Bossy.

ELSIE: Here, this is you.

Tell me, what was Greta Garbo really like?

Did you get to know her?

NOVELLO: Yes, I did, actually.

She's coming to stay with me next month.


Tell me, how much longer are you going to go on making films?

I suppose that rather depends

on how much longer the public wants to see me in them.

CONSTANCE: Yes, it must be hard to know when it's time to throw in the towel.

What a pity about that last one of yours.

What... What was it called?

The Dodger.

The Lodger.

The Lodger.

And it must be so disappointing

when something just, you know, flops like that.

Yes, it is rather disappointing.

Look at this. Machine-made lace.

Hark at her.

Well, I hate cheap clothes.

They're twice the work, and they never look as good.

I'll murder that dog one day.

Look at that. All over his waistcoat.

What do you expect from a woman without her own maid?

Lady Lavinia says a woman who travels with no maid

has lost her self-respect.

She calls it "giving in."

I don't have a maid. I haven't given in.

SARAH: That's different.


What's your name?

I think here I'm called Trentham.

(LAUGHING) No, I meant your real name.

Oh. Mary. Mary Maceachran.

Blimey. What does her ladyship call you?

Well, she should call me Maceachran, now I'm a lady's maid.

That's what my mother says.

But her ladyship can't pronounce it, so she calls me Mary.

I don't blame her.


I'm serious. There mustn't be anymore nonsense.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Done much shooting this year?

STOCKBRIDGE: Quite a lot.

Thank you.

Does Louisa always go out with you?


It's very good of her.

Do you have a minute?

Don't do that! That's bad for him!

Put him down.


Yeah. Bores me stiff.

All right. All right, Pip.

SYLVIA: William's such a rotten shot.

I usually try and duck out of it, particularly in Scotland.

I'm rather fond of Scotland.

All right, get on with your work. Yes?

Ah, Mr. Weissman. There you are.

I'm dealing with this.

What is it, Mr. Weissman?

Well, to start with, my name is Denton.

Henry Denton.

You're here as valet to Mr. Weissman.

That means you'll be known as Mr. Weissman below stairs

for the duration of your stay.

We stick to the old customs here. It saves confusion.

It's about Mr. Weissman's diet.

BOTH: Yes?


He's a vegetarian.

A what?

DENTON: A vegetarian.

He doesn't eat meat.

He eats fish, but not meat.

Well, I never!

Doesn't eat meat?

He's come here for a shooting party, and he doesn't eat meat.

Mr. Weissman doesn't intend to shoot.

I think he just wants to walk out with them, get a bit of air.

Get a bit of air?

Yes, thank you. We'll make the necessary arrangements.

Now I suggest you get one of the servants to take you upstairs.

Mr. Weissman is in the green bedroom,

and you'll be sharing with Lord Stockbridge's valet.

Robert Parks.


He's very full of himself, I must say.

"Doesn't eat meat."

Now, now, Mrs. Croft. We don't want to be thought unsophisticated, do we?

Mr. Weissman's an American.

They do things differently there.

Good boy. Now, give Louisa a kiss from me.

NOVELLO: Darling, I'm sorry about that.

I should have made it clear that Morris just doesn't shoot.

Stupid of me.

SYLVIA: Oh, don't worry.

William's just making a fuss. He has this ridiculous idea

that Americans all sleep with guns under their pillows.

They do, but they're more for each other

than for killing birds.



How are you related to William, exactly?

NOVELLO: Our mothers were first cousins.

STOCKBRIDGE: Don't believe I ever met William's mother.

Didn't she do something rather original?

Well, she was a teacher.

And so was mine.

Oh, that's marvelous, isn't it?

CONSTANCE: Sylvia is so clever.

She always finds such wonderful servants.

I don't know how she manages.

I'm breaking in a new maid.

I'm simply worn out with it.

Actually, there's nothing more exhausting, is there?

I don't have a lady's maid.

Oh. Hello.

I was just telling dear Mabel here about my new maid.

Honestly, the amount I have to do for her, she should be paying me.

She does seem rather young.

Well, of course, what she is, my dear, is wonderfully cheap.

You've no right to pull me away in mid-conversation.

Mabel, where are you going? The room's this way.

Why the hell did you have to mention you don't have a maid?

Why would you mention you didn't have a maid, for God's sake?

You'd find it a lot easier to clean them if you put the trees in first.

I was just about to do that.

Are these Mr. Novello's shoes?


Do you really live in Hollywood?

I do.

Hmm. How did you get there?

I mean, where did you start from?

Where else do you think? Scotland.

Were you always in service?

Did you ever think of trying to get into films while you were there? Mmm?

I wanted to be an actor once, when I was little.

SARAH: I suppose old Mother Trentham

will have her begging bowl out while she's here.

RENEE: She won't be bothering your employers, that's certain.

Why not?

ELSIE: Because Lady Lavinia Meredith

hasn't got a penny to bless herself with.

And whose fault is that?

There's nothing wrong with the commander.

He's just been a bit unfortunate.

I'll say. I think he's pathetic.

Then why don't you hand in your notice?

Well, the other two sisters fell on their feet.

Of course, it helps that they're both good-looking.

MARY: Lady Sylvia's lovely.

You think so?

SARAH: She might have done a bit better for herself, really.

I beg your pardon. Lord Carton was determined

to have Sir William for either of the two eldest.

I was told he could have had his pick.

Why was Lord Carton so keen?

Why do you think?

Who do you suppose pays for him

to swan around Biarritz for six months of the year?

Come to that, who keeps Ma Trentham in stockings and gin?

Old money bags, that's who.

I think it's disgusting the way they all use him.

None of the rest of them have got the brains

to make the price of a packet of tea.

Are you finished, Elsie?

Yes, Mrs. Wilson. I've just got this hem to do.

What's Lord Stockbridge like?

He thinks he's God Almighty.

They all do.

Why does this fork go on the right?

Because they eat the fish with two of them.

One in each hand.

Why is that, then?

Search me.

GEORGE: What are you doing here?

Just looking around.

Mr. Jennings will be up in a minute.

If I were you, I'd go and look around somewhere else.

Is that what you'd do?

That's exactly what I would do.

Then that's what I'll do.

Something funny about that bloke.

Yeah. His accent for a start.

What do you think his game is?


Are you finished?

What about Lord Rupert Standish and Mr. Blond?

Her ladyship said not to lay for them.

The stuff's all ready if they turn up on time.

We can stick on two extra places in a jiffy.

When they arrive, you'll be dressing Mr. Blond, Arthur.

Mr. Blond?

Yes, Mr. Blond.

George, you'll have Lord Rupert.

If they're very late, they can change by themselves,

and you can tidy up when they're downstairs.

Is Mr. Nesbitt settled?

I'll go and finish him off now, sir.

And Mr. Novello?

Mr. Weissman's man will attend to him.


After you're finished,

join me in the drawing room with the drinks.

What's the matter with you?


Only I thought I'd be doing Mr. Novello. That's all.

Now you won't get to see him in his under drawers.

Never mind. Better luck next time.

They're rather a mixed bunch.

That Mr. Weissman's very odd.

Apparently, he produces motion pictures.

The Charlie Chan mysteries. Or does he direct them?

I never know the difference.

Really? I enjoy those, my lady.

Yeah. Mary.

I suppose it's fun having a film star staying.

There's always so little to talk about

after the first flush of recognition.

And why has Freddie Nesbitt brought that awful, common little wife of his?

I mean, Isobel only asked him because a gun dropped out.

That's no excuse to inflict her on us all.


So what's the gossip in the servants' hall? Hmm?

Nothing, my lady.

Nonsense. Come on. Out with it.

Well, is it true that Sir William

could have married Lady Stockbridge if he'd wanted to?

Is that what they're saying?

Only that Lord Carton was after Sir William for one of them,

but he didn't care which.

What would you say if I told you

they cut cards for him?

William, Lewis said you wanted me.

Who's next to me at dinner?

Oh, you know. Aunt Constance and Lavinia.

Oh, why do I have to have that bloody old trout all the time?

I want Louisa.

Do I have to explain the table of precedence again, or can it wait?

I don't give a shit about precedence.

SYLVIA: Well, you always complain

that people look down on you,

and then you behave like a peasant.

Now, tomorrow morning, I'll breakfast in bed,

and then get straight up into the tweeds.

What shirt have you brought?

Um, the green with the pink stripe.

Oh, no, dear. No. That's quite wrong.

No, always something very plain for country sports.

The one I had on today will do.

But it's soiled.

Yeah, well, you can wash it, can't you?

God. I hate shooting.

Why does one have to do these things?

McCORDLE: Has Constance asked for money yet?


Raymond tells me she's been complaining

that her allowance isn't big enough.

Good mind to stop it completely.

I thought it was for her lifetime.

(LAUGHING) No, no.

Will that be all, sir?

McCORDLE: Mmm. I do wish that Anthony wasn't here.

Make sure I'm not left alone with him, will you?


I'm pulling out of his scheme.

Oh. Have you told him?

No, and I'm not going to either.

Louisa said I should leave it till next week.

Let him sob in private.

Go. Say hello to your mommy. Go on.

Far be it from me to contradict Louisa.


Will there be anything else?

Just get Pip. He might fall down the stairs.

Oh, where has he gone?

Hey, hey, come here. Come, come here.

Thank you, Elsie. You keep hold of him.

Is everything all right?

Oh, cheap dress, wrong shoes.

I'm making bricks without straw, Mr. Probert, really.

You don't have any spare hairpins, do you?


I'm trying to get back to the room for a second, and I can't find it.

It's the staircase at the end of the corridor.

Oh, thank you.

Ah. Oh, Pip. Oh, thank you, Elsie.

Thank you. Oh!

You've got some hair on your dress.

Thank you, sir.


NESBITT: Shut up, Mabel! There is nothing going on between me and Isobel.

Can't you just tell me the truth?

There's nothing going on

between me and Isobel.

You're a liar, Freddie.

There is nothing...

You are a liar!

Don't you call me a liar!


I found some pins, madam, from Lady Trentham's maid.


We're supposed to be downstairs already.

Well, you go on.


I'll be down in a minute.


NESBITT: Try and make her look respectable.



Oh, thank you.

Well, there's no harm in trying.

Well, thank you very much, Mr. Jennings.

Just Jennings, sir.

All right.

Just Jennings. (LAUGHING)

Oh, by the way, I've booked a telephone call to California,

and I'd appreciate it if you would get me as soon as it comes through.

Very good, sir.

Thank you, Jennings.


You're not gonna provide entertainment?

That's how you got your invitation.

Oh, no, don't get up. Please, go on.

You look lovely in that dress, if I may say so.

Thank you.

SYLVIA: What is it? I don't recognize it.

NOVELLO: A little something I'm working on.

I can't imagine how one ever goes about inventing a tune.

Where do you start?

Well, it's rather difficult to say.

Well, I think you're too clever for words.

Good evening.


Lovely dress.

Thank you.


How do you manage to put up with these people?

You forget I earn my living by impersonating them.

Can I help you?

You know, I really enjoy the way you do things, Mr. Jennings.

I beg your pardon?

What is it, Henry?


I just wanted to be sure you had everything you need, sir.

Yes, I do. Thank you.

It's wonderful to find a servant these days

who really shows an interest, don't you think?


MRS. CROFT: Come on, girls. Sit down. Tuck in.

We've got 20 minutes.


GEORGE: Shuffle along. Here he comes.

Everything satisfactory, Mr. Jennings?

Yes, thank you, Dorothy.

They have their drinks.

I think we can all take our leisure for half an hour or so.

What's this?

I believe this is my place, Mr. Jennings.


And since when did a baroness outrank a countess?

Miss Trentham, would you take the place of honor, please?

Miss Trentham?

I'm all right here, Mr. Jennings. Thank you.

Go on. Don't keep him waiting.

JENNINGS: Ah, Miss Meredith,

would you come and sit on my left?

Naturally, I'm nothing when there are visitors in the house.

Never mind. I'm used to it.

Good evening, Mrs. Wilson.

Good evening.

ALL: (PRAYING) For what we are about to receive,

may the Lord make us truly grateful.

JENNINGS: Right. Start when you get it.

No time for loitering.

I'm not serving tonight, Mr. Jennings, am I?

Not tonight, Elsie, but probably tomorrow.

Where is Mrs. Croft?

Always eats with her own staff.

Does she take her pudding to Mrs. Wilson's room? Our cook does that.

Fat chance. They hate each other.


DENTON: Can I ask a question?

Certainly, Mr. Weissman.

How can we help you?

I just wondered, how many people here had parents in service?

And was that why they chose to go into it?

What an interesting question,

and one to which, I'm afraid, I cannot provide the answer.

All of you whose parents were in service, raise your hand.

My father was.

Both nanny and groom.

JENNINGS: Not you, Dorothy?

My father was a farmer, Mr. Jennings.

A tenant of Lord Carton's.

JENNINGS: Mr. Meredith?

Factory hands, both of them.

And if you ask me, they were better off.

What about you, Mr. Stockbridge?

GEORGE: What's the matter? Don't you know?

Yeah, I know what they did.

But it didn't have any effect on me or my choice of work.

And why's that?

Because I grew up in an orphanage.

JENNINGS: Thank you, Mr. Weissman,

for giving us all a little something to think about.

Look, her ladyship.

Oh, I'm so sorry to disturb you.

Please, do sit down and finish your supper.

Mrs. Wilson, a major crisis has arisen.

I have just found out that Mr. Weissman won't eat meat,

and I don't know what to do.

I can't tell Mrs. Croft. I simply don't dare.

Oh, everything's under control, your ladyship.

Mr. Weissman's valet informed us as soon as he arrived,

so we've prepared a special version of the soup.

He can eat the fish and the hors d'oeuvres,

and we'll have a Welsh rabbit for the game course.

I don't know what we're going to do about the entree,

but we'll think of something.

Thank you, Mrs. Wilson. Ten steps ahead, as usual.

Which one of you is Mr. Weissman's valet?

I am, your ladyship.

Are you? Indeed. Yes, heavens.

Um, thank you for your efficiency.

You're all set, then.

JENNINGS: Yes, George?

Nothing, sir.

JENNINGS: I should hope not. I'm very hungry.


I was, uh, wondering, William,

if I could have a word with you alone after dinner.

I can't leave my guests, can I?

You'll make that dog sick.

Isobel, did you know that William and I

are going into business together in the Sudan?

No, I didn't know that.

It's quite exciting.

What's happened is apparently,

there are hundreds and hundreds of Sudanese native soldiers,

entire regiments wandering around the desert,

willy-nilly, without any thing on their feet,

which causes some hardship, I imagine.

No, I grew up in Leicester.

My father had a glove factory.


One thing I do know is how a glove should fit.

Really, darling. You're boring poor Mr. Novello to death.


WEISSMAN: I think he's going to explain everything to me

and kind of show me how it all works.

There's gonna be a pheasant hunt in my picture.

There's a large market in modernizing the armies in the Sudan

and providing them with boots.

BERTHA: And then the old bag just served it up to all the servants.

I couldn't believe it.

Aren't you cold?

It's better than that kitchen.


Here. I thought you could do with this.

Oh, that's kind, love.

STANDISH: Elsie, hello.

Good evening, your lordship.

We've got bags and guns

and everything, and no man.

If I give you the keys, will you sort it out for me?

Of course, your lordship.

Thank you.

SERVANT: We'll get your bags, sir.

BLOND: Thank you. That's very kind of you.

Good evening.

SERVANT: Right. In the boot, is it?

BLOND: Sorry, can I trouble you for a light, please?

SERVANT 1: You got that bag?

SERVANT 2: Yeah.

Thank you. Good evening.

MEREDITH: You mean, you think he's losing interest in that sort of thing?

Well, not just that. The whole Empire.

I think he said the steam's gone out of it.



That's not true, is it, that you think the Empire's finished?

I've been what?

Well, the Empire was finished after the war.

Well, because of the war. It changed everything.

Empire Leicester Square...

Well, I don't care what's changed or not changed.

As long as our sons are spared what you all went through.

Oh, not all. You didn't fight, did you, William?

I did my bit.

SYLVIA: Well, you made a lot of money,

but it's not quite the same thing as charging

into the cannon's mouth, now, is it?

Thank God for Raymond.

At least the family had one representative in the front line.

Raymond, tell them how many times

you were mentioned in the dispatches.

I forget.

No, you don't. Come on.

NESBITT: Is he being modest?

Yes, he's being very modest.

What do you think you're doing here?

Mrs. Wilson asked me to tell you

that the others have arrived.


Lord Rupert Standish and Mr. Blond are here, my lady.

No, they're too late. They can have a tray in the billiard room.

They can join us later.

Very good, my lady.

Is Rupert here?


Shall I go and say hello?

No, I don't think so.

BLOND: Face it. You're a younger son

with the taste of marquess and the income of a vicar.

Her mother likes you. She does, too.

Now, I know she's not exactly a show-stopper.

Her father's not keen on the idea.

He'll come around.

"Have you met my daughter, Lady Rupert Standish?"

He thinks I'm in it for the money.

BLOND: Of course he does.

But you can't let that put you off.

He's much more of an obstacle than you think.

Then you must overcome that, mustn't you?

Her ladyship asked if you would join her

in the drawing room when you've finished.


McCORDLE: All right, ladies, off you go.


Just move down. Move down.

Louisa, look after little Pip for me, will you?

I wonder if we could have a word or two later on, William?

Do you think so?

Ah, George!

Ah, good, good.

Jennings, could I...

Certainly, sir.

BERTHA: There's more in here. I'm just getting them.

I need all the knives there. All the knives.

Come on, Maud. Let's go and get the fish kettle.

Fred? Albert? Ready?

There he is.


Lord Stockbridge's valet.

Apparently, he grew up in an orphanage.

Arthur said they made him shout it down the table.

Makes you feel sorry for him, really.

MRS. CROFT: Well, it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's not his fault.

Would you like me to ask Lord Rupert

and Mr. Blond to join you, sir?

No, leave them be. They can entertain the ladies,

and give Mr. Novello a rest.

Anthony, did I overhear you at dinner saying

you were going into business with Sir William?

I beg your pardon?

Is it very old?

Possibly, possibly.

If you need an expert in changing money,

especially Africa, I'm your man, expert.

Yes, the expert.

No, it's not here.

And Mr. Jennings is certain he hasn't got it?

Oh, so he says.

But if it's a silver carving knife, he must have it.

It's just gone in the wrong drawer, in the silver pantry.

It wouldn't have been put in here.

Well, that's what I told him.

How old would you say that Mr. Stockbridge was?

Don't know. About 31, 32.


Oh, no reason.

Well, I think I'll turn in. We got an early start.

You can tell Mr. Jennings we haven't got that knife.


LEWIS: Pleasant evening, my lady?

Not really, no.

Had Lord Stockbridge on one side boring for Britain,

and Freddie Nesbitt on the other sucking up.

Oh, I'm worn out.

Is there anymore chocolate in that pot?

I'll go down and make some more, my lady.



I was looking for my maid.

She's just gone downstairs.

Can I help?

She's going to fetch me some chocolate,

but now I wonder whether I wouldn't prefer milk.

Would that be hot milk or cold?

You decide.

I couldn't say, my lady.

Hot then, with something to make it sweet.

You have your hands in your pockets.

Otherwise, I'll never sleep.


Do you have trouble sleeping, my lady?

I have a feeling I might have trouble tonight.

I'll be wide awake at 1:00 a.m., bored to sobs.

Then we must try and think of something to amuse you.


Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.

It's all right.

MEREDITH: No, I knew it. I knew William would try something like this.

Well, of course he would. Fuck him!

Short arse.



MEREDITH: And fuck this room!

I think you should come with me tomorrow.

I'll just say I need you.

Oh, I got through to the coast tonight. Finally.

Is that clock right?

We got turned down by Una Merkel, so...

Sheehan's pushing for a rewrite.

He thinks the part's too small.

It's a fucking Charlie Chan picture,

not a movie about a socialite.


Will I see you later?

I don't think I should risk it. Do you?

Good night, sir.


Don't forget those. They'll think you don't care.

Oh. I must've taken the wrong stairs.

You better not be seen up here.

I'd better go down.


There's no rush.

Since you're here now, what about a drink?

What are you doing?


Get off me!

Get off me! Get off...


What's this?

What are you doing here?

I came up the wrong staircase.

I was just waiting till the coast was clear.

Well, you better go down again before anyone catches you.

Just a minute.



Do you want a drink?


So what do you make of the place?

Is this a well-run house, would you say?

Do you think Sir William would be good to work for?


How long you been doing this?



About seven years. I was a footman before that.

And working for Lord Stockbridge, is that a promotion?


I used to be with the Earl of Flintshire.

Then why did you move?

'Cause I felt like it.

Who's that?

That's my mother.

Where does she live?

She doesn't. That's why they put me in an orphanage.

That's right. Sorry.

What happened to her?

What do you mean?

I mean, why did she die?

Was she young?

Was it in childbirth?

You're not very curious, are you?

Yeah, she was young. She worked in a factory.

She had me. A little while later, she died.

End of story.

Then why didn't you say she was a factory worker at dinner?

'Cause I didn't fancy discussing my private life

with a table full of strangers.

I'm sorry if I spoke out of turn, mate.

Didn't mean to offend you.

I'm not offended.

And don't call me "mate."

Well, I'll see you later.

I've got a date with a hot glass of milk.

ELSIE: I shouldn't worry about it. It goes with the territory.

Oh, look. It's Mr. Novello.

Just think of him sleeping downstairs.

I'm gonna have to watch you, my girl. I can see that.

Her ladyship says Mr. Weissman's a Hollywood producer.

He does the Charlie Chan films.

Yeah, I like those. I like a bit of a fright in the cinema.

You could go with his valet. He'd give you a fright.


You'd better keep your eye on him.

I think he's a queer one.

He's not from Scotland, for a start.

At least not any part of it that I know.

What's Mrs. Nesbitt like?

She's all right.

I feel a bit sorry for her, really.

Of course, it never works.

What never works?

Well, when a man like that marries beneath him,

and he hasn't got the brains to carry it off.

I think it's romantic to marry for love.

Love? Not him.

He's a nasty piece of work.

"The Honorable Freddie Nesbitt."

That's a laugh.

No, it was her father's money he was after.

It was less than he thought, and now it's all spent.

All he's got to show for it is a wife he's ashamed of.

And he's lost his job.

Wants Miss Isobel to put in a word with Sir William.

What's the matter?

I never washed that shirt!

Oh, she's gonna kill me.

Do you think I could do it now?

Do you want me to go with you?


I'll be all right.

What are you doing down here?

I'm supposed to wash Lady Trentham's shirt for tomorrow.

There's a sink in the ironing room.

Is someone in there?

What are you doing here?

I just had to rinse this shirt out.

Should've knocked, shouldn't you?

Miss Trentham?

I was just washing a shirt of her ladyship's.

I hope you found everything you required.

Does she have to have marmalade?

Only Dorothy made too little of it last January,

and we've run out of the home made.

I don't suppose she'd care for strawberry jam instead?

No, I thought not.


Oh, I was rather hoping for a word with Mrs. Wilson.

Mrs. Wilson, will you tell Jennings

that we'll have the soup after the fourth drive tomorrow.

And tell Mrs. Croft to make sure it's hot.

It's been cold the last few weeks. And more pepper in it.

SYLVIA: Is that you?

Were you expecting someone else?



LOADER: Seven hundred day today?

STRUTT: Right, lads, don't coach your guns,

even if they can't hit a barn door.

Don't tell them where they're missing unless they ask.

Lovely day. Jennings.

I hope it holds for you, sir.

Enjoy the shoot.


Can a pheasant ever be dangerous?


Do I have to worry about it attacking?

Good morning, sir.

Right, draw your pegs.

I'm gonna be cheering him on.

Draw your pegs.

Here we are.

Morning, Jennings.

Are you shooting today, sir?

I never shoot.


CONSTANCE: I'm... I'm starving.

Where have you been?


Oh, they always send up a good breakfast here.

I'll say that for Sylvia.

She's not at all mean in that way.

Oh, dear. Bought marmalade.

Dear me, I call that very feeble.

Well, I suppose one can't have everything.

Mary, I don't think I'll wear that shirt after all.

The other one's warmer. That's all I care about.

Ooh, yummy.

Yummy, yummy, yummy.

What do you mean, you're going shooting?

Mr. Weissman wants me to accompany him. Nothing wrong in that.

But what for? You're not loading. He hasn't got a gun.

He might need something.

What could he need?

Yeah, we know the very idea of service is offensive to you, George.

But there's no need to take it out on the rest of us.

Please forgive our ill manners, Mr. Weissman.

I think he's got something to hide, that one.

PROBERT: We all have something to hide, Mr. Meredith.

Would you like to get changed now, miss?

He won't do it.

Who won't do what?

My father. He won't give Freddie a job.

I spoke to him last night,

and he said he'd think about it.

But this morning, he says it isn't up to him, when, of course, it is.

Why not?

I don't know.

Something to do with why Freddie was sacked.

But I can't get a straight answer out of either of them.

Well, you've done your best.

Mr. Nesbitt can't ask for more than that now, can he?

But he can, much more!

He says he's going to tell him.

Do you think he will?

I don't know.

He says Daddy will give him a job to keep him quiet.

Will you say something?

To Mr. Nesbitt?

To Daddy.

Really, miss, why do you think I can make a difference?

Will you?

I think you should wear your warm underwear today.





McCORDLE: That's mine.

Oh, God! It's on its way.


Damn! Bloody gun's no good.

I told you not to bring this one.

McCORDLE: Oh, blast.

I think I pricked that one.

I'm pretty sure I pricked it.


Oh, fuck!

Blast it!

Oh, damn!

LOADER: Are you all right, sir?

McCORDLE: No, I'm not all right!

God, where the bloody hell did that come from?

It's nicked you, sir. It's nicked you.

Ah, it's nicked me.

Where did that... Who the cretin did that?

I don't know, sir.

Find Strutt.

Ask him if he knows who's responsible.

And if he knows, tell him to send the gun back to the bloody house.

Everybody knows the desperate situation we're in,

but nobody seems to care.

Oh, there you are. Did you find one?


Don't look at me.

If I so much as open my mouth on the subject, it'll make things worse.

I've already tried.

Jennings says the car's ready.

Oh, goody. I'm starving. I do love...

What are you wearing?

Why? Don't you like it?

You bought it.

Did I?

Oh, how extraordinary of me.

Come on. Better get going.

Where's that wretched Mabel?

Has anyone checked her outfit?

She's probably in black velvet

with a feather in her hair.

LAVINIA: She's in the morning room looking perfectly normal.

Don't be such a snob, Aunt Constance.

Me? I haven't a snobbish bone in my body.

Oh, Mr. Meredith. Is Mr. Stockbridge in?

Search me.

Oh, Mr. Stockbridge. I'm sorry to disturb you.

I was just making my routine inspection.

So, uh, how are you settling in with Lord Stockbridge?

I'm sorry?

How are you settling in with Lord Stockbridge?

I know that you haven't been with him for long.

Not long, no.

I'm afraid smoking isn't allowed up here.


I hope you're finding everything to make

his lordship's stay more comfortable.

I hope we haven't forgotten anything.

I can't believe you forget much, Mrs. Wilson.

No. Not much.

Well, I'll leave you to your book.


McCORDLE: Bang! Whoof!

STOCKBRIDGE: You should be more selective about the people you invite.

Well, I've got a good appetite.

McCORDLE: Yes, I have.

WEISSMAN: It's very, very muddy, so watch where you step.

SYLVIA: Terribly muddy here. Do watch.

WOMAN: Do you see what I'm saying? I've been noticing it.

SYLVIA: Oh, doesn't this look lovely?

They really have done well.

Now do go in and have a drink.

McCORDLE: I can tell you, Raymond,

it's a bloody awful thing to have happened.


McCORDLE: Ah, Louisa.

Oh, I say.

McCORDLE: Two inches to my right, I'd have been dead.

I've just been shot.


Yes, that's right.

Oh, yes, please.

What happened to your ear?

Some idiot shot me.

I was a terrible shot.

Did you have fun?

I don't think you realize how serious this is.

Of course I do.

Why can't you get your sisters to help?

Darling, do you think I haven't tried?

You know what they're like.

Well, I know they couldn't care less if we go under.

Why should they care, as long as their dressmakers

are busy and their dinners are served on time?

Wait a minute. There's a queue here.


Oh! Shut the door, for heaven's sake.

Don't worry. It's only Lewis and Dorothy.

If any of the men get found up here,

they get sacked on the spot.

Worse luck.

So don't tell me, you're a convent girl.

Or is that Presbyterian modesty?

Is the water hot?

Not really.

No, it won't be till the guns get back.

I'd better get in yours.

Her ladyship says that Sir William loves his shooting.

Yeah, he does. Can't hit a barn door, but he does love it.

It's quite sweet, really.



Last night...


No. I shouldn't say.

Yes, you should. What?

Well, when I went down to wash that shirt,

I think I saw him in the ironing room.

(WHISPERING) He was with one of the kitchen maids.

No, that wouldn't have been him.

I think it was.

He came down the passage a minute later,

and I don't see how...

No, it wasn't him.

You weren't serious last night, were you?

I'm afraid I was, old boy.

I was going to tell you next week, but since you mentioned it...

I don't think you've grasped

quite what it'll do to the whole project,

and in particular what it'll do to me.

It can't be as black as all that, can it?

Yes, it bloody well is.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but business is business.

I'm not a charity commissioner, you know.

William, I'm begging you.

Damn it!

Oh, dear.

I'll clear that up.

I'm sorry.

Arthur, go and get a bucket clear it up.

Have you got a cloth?

I'll get the glass under the table.

MAN: She was very nervous.


JENNINGS: We'll have that cleaned for you at the house.

Terrified the life out of me.

I borrowed it from Lewis.

I've been shot, frightened to death.

JENNINGS: Perfectly all right, sir. You just leave this.

McCORDLE: This is very bad, isn't it awful?

I think it's left me deaf. Left me deaf.

MARY: You know how you said Sir William could've had his pick

between Lady Sylvia and Lady Stockbridge?

ELSIE: Yeah.

Well, I asked her ladyship about it.

And she said they cut cards for him.


I know.

I can't believe it either.

Do you suppose it was a joke?

Well, I wouldn't be too sure.

You know what I heard?

Oh, just listen to me.


Why do we spend our lives living through them?

I mean, look at poor old Lewis.

If her own mother had a heart attack,

she'd think it was less important

than one of Lady Sylvia's farts.

You must know. You can't fool me.

If there's one thing I don't look for in a maid, it's discretion.

Except with my own secrets, of course.

Well, I don't know much, my lady,

but apparently he was counting on Sir William for an investment

and had guaranteed his interest, whatever that means.

Anyway, Mr. Barnes, the commander's valet,

he said he wanted to leave at once,

but Lady Lavinia's persuaded him to stay until tomorrow,

to make less of a thing of it.

SYLVIA: Oh, thank heavens.

Lewis told me you were wearing white.

What? Yeah, well, she must be mad. I never wear white.

SYLVIA: I thought it was a little odd.

By the way, for God's sake,

don't rub him up tonight.

I don't know what you mean.

You know exactly what I mean.

He's in a filthy mood with everyone.

He's talking about stopping your allowance.

But it's for life.

That was settled. He can't do that.

Just you watch him.

He's absolutely spoiling for a fight,

so if you'll take my advice, you won't give him one.

Now, that you can be discreet about.

Thank you.

LAVINIA: Goodness, isn't it pretty here?

The house has such lovely position.

The best view's from the old water tower.

You might well walk up there tomorrow.

Do you really have to go back to London?

I am afraid so, Raymond.

When you're ruined, there's so much to do!

Yes, there is, isn't there? Moan, moan, moan.

Would anybody care for a game of bridge after dinner?

NESBITT: Oh, yes. Yes, I wouldn't mind.

Who else? Louisa, how about you?

Oh, I don't think so. I've rather gone off cards.

I've never been very lucky with them.

Me, too.

Mr. Weissman, tell us about the film you're going to make.

Oh, sure. It's called Charlie Chan in London. It's a detective story.

Set in London?

Well, not really. Most of it takes place

at a shooting party in a country house,

sort of like this one, actually.

A murder in the middle of the night.

A lot of guests for the weekend.

Everyone's a suspect. That sort of thing.

How horrid.

And who turns out to have done it?

I couldn't tell you that. It would spoil it for you.

Oh, but none of us will see it.


Are you thinking of making it here, Mr. Weissman?

Uh, no, we're going to shoot it in Hollywood, on the back lot.

But since I was in England,

I thought I would do a little research on country living,

and Ivor was kind enough to arrange it for me.

Mmm-mmm, no. William arranged it for you.

WEISSMAN: Are you interested in films, sir?

Not likely.

Why shouldn't I be interested in films?

You don't know what I'm interested in.

Well, I know you're interested in money

and fiddling with your guns,

but I admit it, when it comes to anything else, I'm stumped.

That's it. That is not fair. Billy...



Elsie, what's...

It's not as if I didn't know.

So we can all play bridge.

All playing?

Who's going to play bridge?

Are they going to play bridge?

Where's Rupert?



I heard Lady Sylvia spoke out of turn.

I didn't actually see.

So what's going to happen to Elsie?

LEWIS: She'll be lucky if they don't boot her out before the morning.

You should've seen it.

SARAH: She has been here a long time.

BARNES: Shall I tell you what that means to them? Bugger all.

Please, Mr. Meredith. There are ladies present.

Where, exactly, is Sir William now?

He's still in the library.

He won't be out again tonight.

LEWIS: (SIGHS) Oh, Dorothy.

Mr. Meredith, may I ask what is going on?

Uh, we were just...

George, will you please join me in the drawing room as soon as possible.

Mr. Probert, will you kindly take everybody back downstairs?


Dorothy, I'm especially surprised at you.

PROBERT: Come along, ladies. Come along.

Is it true, then? Has Elsie really been sacked?

Lady Trentham.

Well, luck of the draw.

Freddie, I think I'd like to...

Darling, we've just cut.

SYLVIA: Ivor, darling.

Allow me.

Oh, thank you so much.

Would it be awful of me to ask you to play something

to cheer us all up a bit?

Of course not.

Thank you.

So sweet.

WEISSMAN: I've booked the first passage home.

I'll be living on the phone till I set sail.

I have to be in London tomorrow.

If you prefer to stay, I can take a train.

I'll give you a lift in my car.

Oh, thank you.

You're providing a lot of entertainment for nothing.

Morris, I'm used to it.

Excuse me.

Somewhere there's another land


Darling, you're not going to stand over my shoulder and watch me, please.

You'll put me off.

CONSTANCE: He's really a big success, isn't he?

NESBITT: Huge. It's absolutely ridiculous.

Do you think he'll be as long as he usually is?

NESBITT: I think he's rather wonderful.


I think he's rather wonderful.


CONSTANCE: Well, I have only seen one.

We shall never find that lovely land

Of might-have-been

I shall never be

SYLVIA: I thought you weren't drinking anymore.

♪ ...your king

Nor you shall be my queen

Days may pass and years may pass

And seas may lie between

I don't think we should be doing this.

Oh, come on.

Sometimes on the rarest nights

Comes the vision calm...

I don't know. It's just...

I mean, how could she let him touch her?

You sound as if you don't like him.

You'd be surprised.

All right, surprise me.

Maybe I will.

I saw him in The Lodger,

but I've never heard him sing in person.

Hope that plays her tune alone

Love that conquers pain and death

Will you, um, excuse me for a minute?

You don't need my help at this end, do you?

No, we're fine.

Shall I ever be your king...

Oh, my Lord.


Days may pass or years may pass

And seas may lie between

Shall we ever find our lovely land... ♪

It seems to be much more than just background music,

somehow or other.

SYLVIA: Ivor, darling, it was lovely.

Thank you.

I seem to be the victim of a cruel jest

It dogs my footsteps with the girl I love the best


Shh. It's the commander.


Good evening, sir.

Excuse me.


Uh, carry on.

My car will meet her

And her mother comes, too

It's a two seater

Still her mother comes too

What do you want?

I brought you some coffee.

If I wanted coffee, I'd have rung for it.


Leave that. Give me some whiskey.

And her mother comes, too


She simply can't take a snub

I go and sulk at the club

And take a bath at the club

And her brother comes, too

And golf we started

And her mother came, too

Three bags I carted

When her mother came, too

She fainted just off the tee... ♪



I thought you might need a drink,

and some company.

Well, that's really very kind of you.

Give me just a sec.

Lovely, long repertoire.

SYLVIA: Where's Anthony?

LAVINIA: I suppose he's gone to wash his hands.

STOCKBRIDGE: Managed to escape this, didn't he?

He hasn't gone to bother William again, has he?

Even Anthony couldn't be that stupid.

I can give you the starlight

Love unchanging and true

We've run out of milk, Mr. Jennings.

Won't be a moment.


Deep and tender devotion

I can give you the mountains

Desperate for a fag.

Pools of shimmering blue

All that I can be

All you ask of me

Music in spring

Flowers for a king

All these I bring to you

When I was young

My foolish fancies used to make...

Where's Mr. Weissman's man?

He's missing the music.



What are you doing?

Dorothy, get back to work.

Excuse me, but Dorothy's under my jurisdiction as well, you know,

and I say she can listen to a spot of music if she likes.

Excuse me. Where's the telephone?

Oh. I'm sorry, sir.

Uh, it's just over there, sir.

Pools of shimmering blue

Call and I can be

All you ask of me

Music in spring

Flowers for a king

All these I bring to you

Don't. Don't. Don't. Please don't encourage him.

He'll just go on and on.

In BC 33 Ah, me!

That's a dash long time ago

There lived a Roman hero

Who had shaken hands with Nero

Oh, you're still here.

I thought that...

Yeah, well, appearances can be deceptive, can't they?


Good night.

So if you wonder what a duke should be

Just you take another look at me

When old Canute was buying fruit one day

So runs the tale

A young convicted felon

Brought him a juicy melon

And was then released from jail

This noble youth to tell the truth

Sailed right away to sea

And the Duke of Malta's daughter

Brought up his shaving water

And the grand result was me

So if you wonder what a duke should be

Just you take another look at me

I'm doubty I'm gouty

I'm wonderful to see

All my people upon my soul it's true

Look on Noah as a parvenu

By gad, you can search your family tree

But you'll never find a duke like me

If you wonder what a duke could be

Just you take another look at me

I'm doubty I'm gouty

I'm wonderful to see

All my people upon my soul it's true

Look on Noah as a parvenu

By gad, you can search your family tree

But you'll never find a...

You'll never find a... ♪

He gave you that for your birthday, did he?


He gave you that for your birthday, William did?


Yeah, I've got a call booked for California.


We're both undoubtedly sane

CONSTANCE: It's never going to stop.

We're not so horribly plain

Something is wrong, but who can tell us what

Oh, Freddie, we gave up on you.

No, please, please sit down.

We waited as long as we could.

Do you think William's still in the library?

Where have you been?


I suppose.

Where have you been?

It's none of your bloody business.

What on earth are we going to do?

CONSTANCE: Who played the nine?

Well, I could try and fetch him.

Oh, would you?

He's always preferred you to me.

Yes, I'd be delighted.

STANDISH: Today is not my day.

If that's what you call a moment,

I'd like to see what happens when you take a real break.

Here. Did yours as well.

Before the rush starts.

Thank you.

Why isn't it you?

Why must we miss a chance like this

When chances are few?

You've got the size of eyes I idolize

Where have you been?

It's fine. It's fine.

LOUISA: William?

Oh, God, Bill.

Come here, you horrid, little, dirty thing.


You've got the lips for me

The hips for me The feet for me

And the beat for me So tell me why... ♪


Dear God!

Oh, my God.


SYLVIA: Louisa!

STANDISH: Isobel? Isobel?

JENNINGS: George. Excuse me, sir.


PROBERT: Oh, dear.


MAN: Give her some air.

Darling? Darling?

Sarah, could you ask Jennings about the salts?

Could somebody get a glass of water, please?

If you'd keep everybody out of this room.

Yes, certainly, sir.

Louisa, do sit and be quiet.


Mummy? Mummy?

Is she all right?

Everything's fine.


WEISSMAN: Tell Mr. Warner...

SYLVIA: He's dead.

STOCKBRIDGE: Excuse me. I need that telephone.

Excuse me. I'm on the telephone.

I'm on a call to California.

Hello? Yes, would you connect me with the police station, please?

WEISSMAN: I'm looking for a kind of realistic Charlie Chan movie.

This isn't out of the question.

We should try to do this.

It has to be better. We can't do the same old shit over and over again.

Alan Mowbray. I like that. I mean, that's a butler.

These people here look like Alan Mowbray.

I mean, they're sort of tall, and they don't say too much.

And they have fucking British accents, right?

They talk like they're from England.

Good evening. We've been expecting you.

Is Ray Milland British?

Yes, good evening. This is Constable Dexter...

You must be the police.

Yes. How do you do, ma'am? I'm Inspector Thompson...

I'm Lady Sylvia McCordle.

We haven't moved him. I've gathered everyone in the red room.

Would you like to come straight through?

Certainly, ma'am, yes.

Oh, don't worry about him. He's just an American staying with us.

Now, I'll tell you who we all are.

And then we can all go to bed and leave you with poor William.

Does that sound like a good plan?

Yes, indeed. Shall I introduce myself? I'm Inspector...

This is my aunt, Lady Trentham.

Ah, yes, the Countess of Trentham.

Yes, I served with your husband on a...

SYLVIA: My brother-in-law, Lord Stockbridge. Lady Stockbridge.

Jennings, please, would you remove that vile animal?

Certainly, my lady.

Uh, Mrs. Nesbitt. Mr. Nesbitt.

Ivor Novello, but I'm sure needs no introduction.

Of course. Mr. Novello...

No, wait, wait. Would you like to speak to the servants tonight, Inspector?


I think he ought to speak to Probert,

my husband's valet. Would you tell him to come up?

Now, where was I?

Isobel McCordle, my daughter.

WEISSMAN: Charlie Chan is in London.

He's not in California.

They're talking to me about rewrites about the part of the Cockney maid,

and she's running in and saying all these things.

Look, I'm here. They don't talk.

The butlers and the maids, they stand, they watch.

I mean, you know, they serve. They do things.

What about Claudette Colbert? She's British, isn't she?

She sounds British.

Is she, like, affected, or is she British?


Oh, Dorothy, would you take...

Um, now...

Well, come on, spit it out.

The police would like to see you for a moment.


No, Mrs. Croft. Mr. Probert.



Oh, well...

I don't know what I can tell them.

George, would you go and see if anything more is required

in the red drawing room, please?

Certainly, sir.

JENNINGS: I don't see the point in the rest of you waiting up.

What about me, Mr. Jennings?

You can go as soon as the police release you.

I dare say that'll be some time tomorrow.

MRS. CROFT: Nobody else is gonna die tonight.

Until then, you can stay in your room.

I'm not contagious, you know.

JENNINGS: Nobody's going anywhere.

Those of you with remaining duties,

see to them as quickly as you can.

Otherwise, good night, everyone.

Good night, sir.

Good night, sir.

Mr. Jennings.

Yes, Mr. Weissman?

I have a confession to make.

WEISSMAN: Right, but I think it's clear it's the valet who did it.

No, because the valet has access to everybody.

No, the valet isn't the butler.

No, there's one butler, and there's lots of valets running all over the place.

He takes care of people. He's in their rooms at night.

He could do it. I mean, the valet easily could have done it.


Pull yourself together, Mr. Probert.

Try and be a bit patient. They'll be along in a minute.

Couldn't I just make him a little bit more comfortable, sir?


Have a heart, Inspector.

No, it wouldn't be wise, sir.

We shouldn't have to wait too much longer now.

Oh, I don't think it'd do any harm. Go on.


Yes, well, you see, this is why we have rules and regulations, isn't it?

What is it, Dexter?

Well, only that there doesn't seem to be much blood, sir.


Is that everything, my lord?

Yes, thank you, Parks.

I think perhaps you should try and get some sleep.

LOUISA: It's so unfair!

Nobody liked him.

Oh, do stop sniveling. Anyone would think you were Italian.



Will you not let me help you with your frock, my lady?

No, I can manage.

Then I'll say good night, my lady.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Thank you, my lady.



What is it?


Please tell me you haven't come with condolences.

(IN AMERICAN ACCENT) No. I was just wondering if you wanted some...


(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) I said, I was just wondering if you wanted some company.

Well, I suppose life must go on.

Unhook me.

No, there's another one. You'll never get it off like that.

MARY: I'm really sorry about everything.

ELSIE: Don't feel sorry for me.

Pity that poor Dorothy.

She's got all the early morning teas to do,

and the breakfast trays.

And she's got to get Miss Isobel down to the dining room

and see if she can find anything in black.

She's the one who needs your sympathy. I'm well out of it.

I would think Miss Isobel might stay in bed tomorrow.

Unmarried girls don't have breakfast trays. Not in this house.

I wish I could help.

You can't.

BERTHA: George says Mr. Novello was in on it.

And Sir William.

The point is, that Henry Denton, he's an actor.

An actor?

He's playing a butler in the next Charlie Chan.

Just wanted to make it authentic.

I'd say the joke was on Lady Sylvia.

Well, I hope he don't model his performance on Mr. Jennings,

or he'll be too squiffy to remember his lines.

Ah, Mrs. Croft, isn't it? I wonder if I could...

Ah, yes. Have a few words with you.

I'm Inspector...

Oh, I haven't got time for this now.

I'm doing the breakfast.

Well, it wouldn't take much time.

Perhaps you have a room somewhere where we could speak.

(SIGHING) Oh, I suppose you'd better come to my room.

Bertha, I'm leaving you in charge.

Dorothy, mind you make sure those menus go up on her ladyship's tray.

And get that filthy dog out of here.

Honestly, these days

the countryside's feeling more dangerous than Piccadilly.

But why one of the knives from the silver pantry?

Doesn't make sense.

He must have forgotten to bring one.

And when you think of what they have to carry about...

All those jemmies and torches and skeleton keys.

It's a miracle anyone ever gets burgled at all.

Oh, it's glacial in here.

Get my fur, will you?

Anyway, it wasn't in the silver pantry.

It's been missing since yesterday.

Obviously, William had it.

And when the fellow surprised him, there it was,

on the table as handy as you like.

Oh, by the way, are any of the others getting up for breakfast?

The women, I mean.

I think Lady Lavinia may be.

That settles it.

Come back at half past 8:00. I'll get dressed.

It's the greatest bore, of course,

but I don't want to miss anything.


When I came back last night,

I found this on my dressing table.

What is it?

"This is your final warning.

"If I've not received an offer..."

Freddie. What a stupid idiot.

Well, at least he's off your back now. There's no one to tell.

At least no one who's gonna give him a job to shut him up.


Oh, now, he's quite the bonny lad, isn't he?

What's he up to these days, this one, eh?

He's dead.

I don't know what I can tell you.

Shouldn't you be looking for signs of a break-in?

Well, the thing is, Mrs. Croft, I understand

that no one has served Sir William longer than you have. Is that true?

I'd better be off.

Might not see you again.

I'm only staying till the police give the nod.

But, Elsie,

you're not in any difficulty, are you?

What, apart from having no home and no job?

No. There's no worries there.

Yes, I was forgetting.

You were much cleverer than I was.

You'll be fine.

I wonder what Lady Sylvia will do now.

If I were her, I'd set up in London as a glamorous widow,

with all the gentlemen chasing me for my money.

I wouldn't. I grew up in London.

Is that where the orphanage was?

On the edge. Isleworth.

And you don't get homesick?

I don't think you get homesick if you've never had a home.

You heard about Mr. Weissman's valet? Turns out he's a fraud.

He isn't Scottish at all.

I could've told you that.

Who is he, then?

Do you think he's the murderer?

It's worse than that. He's an actor.

WEISSMAN: Yes, I want you to wake him up.

How else do you suggest I talk to him?

Yes. Right. Well, what'd he say?

What, Clara Bow? He's talking about Clara Bow again?

Listen, you tell Sheehan that I think Clara Bow is a really nice person,

and she's not coming in 10 miles of my picture.

I don't want her in the fucking movie.

There is one thing.

The bastard's death may have saved my bacon.

For God's sake, be quiet. What's the matter with you?


Oh, are these tomatoes?

Yes, my lady.

That's exactly what I want.

Good morning.

Good morning, dear.

(GASPING) Have you heard?

It's too tiresome. That frightful Inspector won't let anyone leave.

So we're to be treated to another day of Mr. Weissman shouting down the telephone.

He has some problems with his work in Los Angeles, I'm afraid.

Well, I must say, he conducts his affairs very oddly.

Coming downstairs just now,

I thought I'd been transported to a bar in Marseilles.

WEISSMAN: Jennings? Excuse me. I'm sorry.

I'm expecting a really important telephone call.

So, will you get me the second it comes through?

Very good, sir.

Thank you. And I'd like, uh... Oh, tomato and eggs. Thank you.

Of course, sir, but...

Perhaps you would prefer to choose for yourself, sir?

What do you mean, like cafeteria style?

The Englishman is never waited on at breakfast.

Really? Well, that's interesting, because an American is.


I'm going to make a note of that.

(IN AMERICAN ACCENT) Good morning.

Good morning.

I'd like some coffee, Jennings.

There it is.

WEISSMAN: You haven't made a lot of friends here.


Good. Good morning, ladies, gents. (CLEARING THROAT)

Um, I wonder... Excuse me.

Uh, will Lady Sylvia be coming down soon?

I shouldn't think so. She has breakfast in her room.

Then she usually goes for a ride.

Yes, but she won't be doing that this morning, will she?

Well, I see.

Well, in that case, I wonder, Lady Trentham,

if you would be kind enough to join us for some questions.

If you wish, Inspector.

I'm afraid I won't be much help,

but I suppose on a day like this we all have to pull our weight.

ELLEN: You heard that Mr. Denton made a right chump out of Mr. Jennings.

BERTHA: Never mind that. Did you hear about Sir William?

Apparently, he wasn't stabbed after all.

Well, I mean, he was, but that's not why he died.

He was poisoned.

That's what killed him.

The Inspector told Mrs. Croft.

They don't know why the killer stabbed him as well,

but he must've been dead already.

That's why there was no blood.

Dead bodies don't bleed, you know.

Trust Sir William to be murdered twice.


Of course he wasn't murdered.

Not that sort of murder.

Some ruffian broke in

thinking the library was empty.

Sir William surprised him and paid the price for it.

And very tragic it is, too.

I can't see that, Mr. Jennings...

I don't think ruffians go about poisoning people

and then stabbing the corpses.

Apart from anything else,

they're usually in a hurry to get away, aren't they?

What are you suggesting?

I'm not suggesting anything. It's just...

Just what?

Well, it looks to me like Sir William was killed deliberately, that's all.

No wonder they're not letting any of us go.

Tough luck on whoever's got any secrets to hide.

Now they've canceled the shooting,

muggins here has got to pull a dining room luncheon

for God knows how many out of the hat.

Is her ladyship back yet?


Then she'll have to take what she gets.

ETHEL: Why would anyone want to kill Sir William?

Well, he wasn't exactly Father Christmas.

Get on with your work.

And take that filthy dog out of here.

He made a few enemies in his time, that's all.

What do you mean, enemies? When?

Is this before the war, Mrs. Croft, when you were a factory worker?

Excuse me, I was not a factory worker.

I was never a factory worker.

I was a cook in one of his factories.

He had two in Isleworth and two in Twickenham, and all full of girls,

so you can imagine.

Wasn't that risky with factory girls? Suppose they complained?

Who to, exactly?

But what if they got, you know, in trouble?

What sort of trouble?

Here, take these. Whites only, all right?

Didn't happen very often.

When it did, he arranged to have it adopted.

But what if you didn't want it adopted?

Say you wanted to keep it.

Then you got kicked out, lost your job.

You can take my word for it, he was a hard-hearted, randy old sod.

Ah, come in, Miss Maceach...

I'm Inspector...

CONSTANCE: This is all too tiresome and absurd.

He's making the most dreadful fuss.

If you don't mind, I would like to ask the young lady some questions.

Well, I'm not leaving, if that's what you think.

Well, does it bother you if Lady Trentham stays?

Why should it?

Sir, someone's traipsed a load of mud in down here.

Not now, Dexter, please.

I understood there was some difficulty

between the late Sir William McCordle and your employer.

This is too vulgar to be believed.

I wasn't aware of that, sir. They got on well as far as I could see.

You were not conscious...

Inspector, there's a broken coffee cup down here.

Dexter, they have people to clear these things up. You get on with your own job.

All right?

So you were not aware of any trouble

over the matter of an allowance?

An allowance, I might add, that Sir William's death has now made secure.

What sort of an allowance would that be, sir?

Ah, there you are.

Have you got enough light?

Black on black?

We don't want you going blind on top of everything else.

They've got to be done, Mr. Jennings,

but the outside staff need them for the funeral.

I'm sorry that this business with Elsie

has landed you with so much work.

Well, that's what comes of being so reliable.

Never mind me.


Mr. Jennings, have you... Have you spoken to the police again?

Not yet, no.

I suppose they have to ask their questions, don't they have to?

Well, yes.

Will they be talking to all of us?

I shouldn't think so, no.

Well, I'll leave you to it, then.

Mr. Jennings.

You know... You know I'd say anything you want me to.


Anything at all.

I don't care what I tell them,

if it'll help you. You know that, don't you?

You've only to ask.


So, let me, uh, let me pour you a cup of tea, eh?

Yes, thank you. Would you mind putting the milk in afterwards?

Of course. Of course.

Don't know what came over me. I usually put the milk in after,

but on that occasion...


Not now, thank you.

So sorry.

Mrs. Inspector Thompson always prefers the milk in first,

so I get used to pouring it for her.

I don't know why.

Some nonsense about bacteria. You know what women are like...

Well, what wives are like. (LAUGHING)

No, she's a funny old... Sugar?

No, thank you.

PARKS: Of course they'll give her a good reference.

Otherwise they'd have to explain why they're giving her a bad one.

Mr. Parks.


Robert, then.

It's just...

Last night when you said you'd surprise me,

you didn't mean anything by it, did you?

Why? Don't you like surprises?

JENNINGS: Where shall we begin? Yes, now...

Oh, Mr. Stockbridge.

By now I assume you are all aware

that, uh, Mr. Denton has been playing a trick on us

by posing as a valet.

Since Sir William was aware of the plan,

it is not for me or anyone else to criticize it.

However, it does leave us with some adjustments to make for this evening.

Um, Arthur, you will take over dressing Mr. Weissman.

That leaves us with the problem of Mr. Novello,

and I really don't want to ask you, Mr. Probert.

I don't mind, Mr. Jennings.

Oh, no, no. You've got enough on your plate.

I'll do him, if you like.

Oh, that's very generous of you, Mr. Stockbridge.

I suppose I could always do it myself, of course.

No, no, it's no trouble. It's only for a night or two.

Good. Splendid. That's settled, then.

And I think we can leave Mr. Denton to dress himself.


THOMPSON: "The bastard's death may have saved my bacon."

What do you think he meant by that, hmm?

Isn't it obvious?

Is it?

Well, perhaps he meant that the investment that Sir William had agreed

would probably have to be paid now by... Sir.

What about that low shot that nearly killed him that morning they were out?


What is it?

We haven't dusted those things for fingerprints yet.


Do you think that shot might have been intended for Sir William?

Well, it nearly took his ear off.


Mmm-hmm. Well, thank you, Mr. Barnes. You've been most helpful.

Perhaps you'd be good enough to ask Commander Meredith to join us now.

You won't tell him what I said, will you, Inspector Thomas?

Thompson. It's Inspector...

Never mind. Just go and fetch him up, please.




We've only got this.

I don't think mine's bothered. She hasn't got any black here.

ARTHUR: We've got some new ones.

You're a lech, you know that?


They're coming in a minute.

The dressing bell's just gone.

I'm going out of my mind up there.

I've read all my magazines twice.

You couldn't pinch something out of the library for me?

I don't care if it's Horse and Hound,

as long as I haven't read it.

Well, we are honored.

In case you've forgotten, this is the servants area, sir.

Yours is at the top of the stairs behind that door there, sir.

Barnes, it was just a...

I wanted to explain.

No explanation necessary, Mr. Denton.

If you'll excuse us, some of us have got real work to do.

Come on, Arthur.

The accent was a dead give away, you know. We all knew.

Robert, I was just having fun.

PARKS: Well, then perhaps you'd better enjoy your fun in the drawing room, sir.

They're afraid you'll repeat things, be indiscreet.

But I'm very discreet.

In Hollywood, that's what I'm known for, my discretion.

ISOBEL: Tell Rupert if you like. He won't give you any money.

NESBITT: No, you're completely misunderstanding me.

And Mummy wouldn't pay five pounds to save me...

Oh, my poor darling. Come here. Come on.

Look, please don't think that I'm enjoying this.

All I wanted was a job.

My checkbook's downstairs.

I'll give you a check after dinner.

I'm trying to find my man Parks. Have you seen him?

Uh, no. I've been with the police.

You look as if you've had rather a pasting.

They kept on and on about that low shot yesterday.

And they wouldn't let it go.

Obviously I told them it was nothing to do with me.

I'm sure you did.

But another time, Anthony, try to be less greedy. Parks!


Would you attend to Mr. Novello first. I want a word with her ladyship.

Very well, my lord.


I saw you.

Of course it was an accident.

When a man is as short as you are, it must be very difficult

to gauge the height of the birds.

JENNINGS: Mr. Meredith.


You haven't seen Commander Meredith anywhere, have you?


Only he never came downstairs and he's not in his room.

Mr. Jennings, I've washed him and dressed him.

If he can't find his way to the drawing room, it isn't my fault.

MAN: If you've finished with that, go and see Mrs. Croft.

(GASPING) Oh, I'm so sorry, sir. I didn't mean to disturb you.

No, no, no, please. I'm just trying some of your jam.

I must be in your way.

No, no. No, no. No bother.

What one is that, sir?

Um, it's raspberry. October 31.

You might like to try the, um,

strawberry one.

Oh, is that strawberry?

Let's see. Ah, yes.


You all right, sir?

Just been with the Inspector.

I feel a little bruised.


Why is it, would you say,

that some people seem to get whatever they want in life?

Everything they touch turns to gold.

Whereas others can strive and strive

and have nothing.

I wonder, do you believe in luck?

Do you think some men are lucky

and some men just aren't,

and nothing they can do about it?

I believe in love.

Not just getting it. Giving it.

I think as long as you can love somebody,

whether or not they love you,

then it's worth it, and...

That's a good answer.

Uh, I think I've got to go.

Must have finished dinner by now.

Thank you.

CONSTANCE: I thought the wine was frightful tonight. Vile.

Jennings, old boy, I'll have a bourbon.

We don't have bourbon. We have ordinary Scotch or single malt.

Ordinary for me. I'm just an American.

CONSTANCE: Who cares, we know you.

Look, I understand that this is not an ideal time,

but I would like to see you again.

Mabel is so clever to travel light.

Why should one wear a different frock every evening?

We're not in a fashion parade.

No, and I wouldn't want to be. Excuse me.

Difficult color, green.

What did she say?

Mmm. Very tricky.

NESBITT: Isobel.

Excuse me.

CONSTANCE: It sort of draws you.

I'll have another look at it.

Oh, how this tune used to make me cry.

WEISSMAN: I'd like a little more.

JENNINGS: Certainly, sir. Amaretto?

WEISSMAN: Sure. Thanks.

I promise you I can pay back every penny.

Just take it.

Every single one.

CONSTANCE: Your bid.

I must say,

your guests sleep in much more comfortable beds than your servants.

Excuse me.

What did Isobel give to you? What did Isobel give to you?

Don't make a scene here.

Tell me!

Ivor, dear.

MABEL: No more lies, Freddie.

Would it be possible to play something a little more cheerful?

We're all quite emotional enough as it is.

MABEL: Give it to me.

NESBITT: What? No.

Excuse me.

Freddie, stop all your lies.

If you don't give it to me, I will scream this house down.

You don't believe me, try me.

Anthony, there you are. Where have you been?

You know, you've missed dinner. We can organize a tray for you, if you like.

I don't want anything.

Try buying yourself a new frock with that.

We gave up, Louisa dear.

Oh. Right.

I'm so, so sorry.

Mmm, no coffee, George, but I'll have a...


I do apologize, sir.

Can't imagine how that happened.

You son of a bitch. You did that on purpose!

Shall I fetch you a towel, sir?




Oh, dear!

Clean this up, will you?


DEXTER: Yeah, they were fishing parts of her body out the Thames

from Richmond to Rotherhithe.

BERTHA: Some more tea, Constable?

I'll take that. Thank you, Bertha.

No head. No hands. Unfortunately, the body...

What's the point in that, Mr. Probert?

Won't it all be chucked out?

I'll know I've left everything in good order.

That's all I can do for him now.

Yeah, but he won't...

Hey, leave him alone.

George has had his revenge on Mr. Denton, hot coffee in the lap.


Poor Mr. Denton.

Constable, I'm glad I caught you.

I assume the Inspector won't keep everyone beyond tomorrow,

but I thought I'd better check with you.

Well, we haven't spoke to all the servants yet, so...

Ah, there you are, Dexter.

Come on, we're going home.

I was just asking the Constable

how long our guests will be staying.

Mrs. Croft has all the meals to arrange,

and I know one of the housemaids is anxious to get away.

I don't think there's any need to worry about that.

I'm not interested in the servants.

Only people with a real connection with the dead man.

I see. Thank you.

Do you have a light, Inspector?


Yes, I think we can let them all go home, to be honest.

I've got their addresses, after all.

Constable Dexter will be here tomorrow morning to confirm that.

Don't you worry. It doesn't end here.

Oh, no.

Whoever he is, I'll find him.

I always do.

Inspector. Your matches.

Yes. Thank you.

Uh, sir, I think you'll find it's this way.

Well, yes, we could use this one.

There is, I think, a way out that way, but,

yeah, we'll take your way.

Oh! Beg your pardon, sir.

Just collecting Mr. Nesbitt's shoes, sir.

I think you'll find these stairs are the easiest way up, sir.

Thank you, uh...

George, sir.


You naughty, naughty girl.


Poor bloke.

We were in the ironing room the other night and one of the visiting maids walked in.

Must think I did it on purpose.

You won't tell, will you?

I won't tell.

But you're lucky you're in the kitchen and not under Mrs. Wilson.

She'd have sniffed you out without any help from me.

MARY: Do you think Sir William was in love with you?

Nah. I was a bit of fun, that's all.

And you?

I didn't love him.

I didn't mind him, but...

I liked the way he'd talk.

He only talked to me because he was sick of her, but I liked it.

He used to say to me I could be anything I wanted

as long as I wanted it enough.

You're not sorry, then?

Even after the way things have turned out?

No, I'm not sorry.

It's time for a change.

Who knows? Could be the making of me.

What did he used to say? Carpe diem. Seize the day.

What's up?

What did I say? Where are you going?


Who is it?


What are you doing?

You'd better go back to your room.

You don't want to get caught in here.

You didn't really dislike him, did you?

Not really.

At least not enough to kill him.

(SOBBING) You can't have.

You didn't know him.

You'd have to hate him. And why would you?

Can't a man hate his own father?

Sir William McCordle

was my father.

He didn't know it,

but he was.

You said you were