Bob: *is reading the intro screen on his computer* "It all started in the spring of 2016.
In the Jasper newspapers was the announcement of the loss of a group of tourists in the national park. In the police report,
it was just an accident, because the band went to raft on the river.
But you sure that, (making sure to read it right) but you sure that there definitely implicated one of the most elusive creatures known as Bigfoot or Sasquatch.
You and your team of researchers decide to get to the truth..."
Mark: Mm-Hmm...Yep Bob: Well, we sure! W-we very sure, definitely sure
Mark: Awww Bob: Good GOD, MOUSE!
M: You copied me! Bob: Wh...Are we both the chick?
Mark: *laughing* Yeah ha ha Bob: *laughs*
Bob: Sweet criminies, the mouse sensitivity in this game is nauseating Mark: Oh, yeah
M: I-I don't know, maybe you can turn that down... No you can't.
M: Hello...yeah B: It doesn't appear that you can! *laughs*
M: Shua oh ul nl B: When you walk the, the, the bobbing is like:
B: *weird noises* M: *giggles*
M: Yeah, so, uh, welcome to this not shit game
M: Uh, it's quite well made, hope you know B: yea!
B: So...which part of America does this take place in?
*Markimoo tries to think of a place*
M: Uhhhhhhhhh B: Like the left, left part?
M: Yeah, in like the Sequoia area
*Slience as the to friends try to think*
B: Like I know where that is.
M: Yeah...I was hoping you would.
M: Alright then. So what you gotta do- See that gun above the map over here?
*Bob proceeds to not find the map nor the gun*
B: ...No M: Of c-
M: Right, right here. B: Oh okay. Yeah,-
M: There B: -hey, take rifle.
M: Take that rifle, you take that one, take one box of these bullets, over there...
M: ...on the shelf... B: Uhh...
B: Bullets- ammunition M: Yeah. You can actually take two. Go ahead and take two...I'll give YOU more ammo
B: Alright, cool M: I know what a crack shot you are...
B: I'm full-*incomprehensible* M: Alright, take some cameras...
B: When I spin around like crazy, you have no idea how good of a shot I am
B: Is it one battery per camera, or two batteries per camera...? M: Uh... no, no
M: The, the batteries are for night vision, so take f- you can hold four, so take four
B: Got it M: Imma...I'll take four. I'll get the ammoreau (fancy word for ammo)...
M: You see, in this fridge, there's meat
M: Take three...meatzus (meats)! B: Oh
B: Man, this is an organized...This is a, this is not cooked meat
M: No, it is not. Bigfoot- thanks for clarifyi- B: Is this meat for me or for Bigf-?
B: Ohhh okay. M: Yeah...WE don't need meat
M: BIGFOOT needs meat. Okay move into that room B: I gotcha
B: Ok... M: I cannot,
M: I cannot pass through you! Look at the realistic physics
M: Take some traps! Take three
B: Where, where are the where's the...oh, there M: *in sync with turning on flashlight* Dou-do-dou-do-dou-do
B: De-due-de-due-de-de...de-de M: .....Dou-do-dou...de
B: I like how you can turn that off without touching it...I appreciate that M: It's directly connected to your cerebellum
B: It's a kinetic link
M: Okay, so if you right-click
M: at the slightest hesitation-
B: *makes weird noise for turning on night vision* Churip!
M: You're gonna, you're gonna turn on night vision... Or I can't apparently. B: *makes weird noise again* CHURIP!
M: I don't know- oh I didn't pick up a battery, that's why. *SEIZURE/EPILEPSY WARNING (he''ll be flashing the night vision until 3:04)*
*SEIZURE/EPILEPSY WARNING (he''ll be flashing the night vision until 3:04)*
M: *makes weird noise for turning on night vision* Biornk! *SEIZURE/EPILEPSY WARNING (he''ll be flashing the night vision until 3:04)*
M: Biornk! B: Gotta get a battery
B: Hey! M: Biornk!
B: How's it going?
B: *rapidly pants* M: *starts chuckling*
B: *continues rapid panting* M: No, me first! *starts groaning* Oh, yeah, that's good stuff!
B: That actually looks pretty good! *breaks into laughter* M: Yeah! *continues doing it*
B: I was just guessing! Oh man, you're really workin' it! Oh, look at that! M: *continues the groans & moans* ohh... FUCK
M: Oh, we're Gonna get Bigfoot!
M: We're gonna get Bigfoot! I'm gonna Bigfoot! B: Oh, do it! Yeah do it!
B: Yeah! M: *climaxes* Ahhhhhhuahhhh!
M: Okay, anyway...
M: Uhhh, that's not the perfect way to start this, uh, video...but, uh, why not mention that... B: *snickers, then loudly laughs*
M: Not a good way... B: Is that not how this, is that not the point of this game?
M: Ohhh, you know...I dunno...Maybe
B: Is this our Bigfoot cage?
M: Maybe Bigfoot hired us in some sort of BDSM fashion but I'm gonna assume, no.
M: Alright- B: What happens if I shoot you?
M: Uhhhh probably gonna kill me
M: So, reload. You gotta press R to get it loaded. B: Oh I'm- I'm way ahead of you, I'm way ahead of you
M: Ok, so, these are tracking bullets. Uh, if you hold down Q, you'll notice...
B: Mmmmmmm... beautiful! M: ...we actually have a map this time, which is good! So...
M: You only need one shot
M: So pretty much...I'll, I'll focus on tracking him first because the tracker lasts for a few minutes,
M: uh, before you have to track him again
M: If you come over here... weeeee B: Alright *laughs*
M: Alright, I'm going to show you how to lay down a trap! You take a... B: I
M: You press T B: I'm guessing you push T
M: Yeah. But there's more to it than that
M: It's complicated for some fucking reason. So you lay down a trap
M: Uhh, you rip a branch here by pressing E on a tree
M: And then you press V on your trap
M: Teh bphhtt
M: Plop down there the leaves there. So you see how no one would ever be able to figure this out in their goddamn life?
B: Yeah, what the hell? M: Yeah, then you take your meat and ya push E on the, nevermind- I took the trap! That was dumb of me
M: *referring to Bigfoot* He's activated early. That's not, that's...that's not right. Wait. B: Is he gonna like come after us or...
M: Uhhh, maybe. Ok, hang on...There we go B: Are we, are we pretty safe-
B: -here, or not safe...? M: No, we're probably not. I don't know, that's way early for him to be...
M: ...coming out of the woodwork like that
M: So I got a trap here, so that's how we set traps
M: You don't always need to meat them, but it's good to have one meated-- B: ...If I walk into it
M: Yeah, it will hurt you...yeah, real bad. B: Is that bad?...Okay, I won't
M: After that, we just need to find Bigfoot!
B: Oh, cool M: Cool, right?
B: Just, just get him to walk into that one trap that I already forgot where it is
M: There's a little gray symbol up in the air you can see; it's very well-camouflaged dude B: Where?
M: You see, right about... here
M: You see? In the, in the, in the air? B: Oh my God, it's fucking invisible!
M: I know! B: It's a cl- it's a transparent white symbol on a mostly white
B: background! M: It's fucking impossible, I know!
B: Alright, well, whatever. So, uhh, we should put some cameras up or something? M: But anyway--
M: Yeah yeah, so, if you hold down Q, wherever you put cameras
it'll show a little number, 'cause there, uhh, when you put it down it's able to be read back in the van
and it's coordinated by the number that it is. So when you do that, you've got your various bullshit B: Oh, yeah. I dig it... I dig it
M: And then you make the cameras and then you can watch around the place, and then, uh, hopefully not get mauled to death by a Bigfoot!
M: How does that help anybody,- B: There we go...
M: -if It's pointed directly AT THE TREE?! B: *laughs* Oh, it looks in the direction that I'm lo--
B: Ohhh, okay, I got you M: Yeah!
M: Doesn't help nobody B: I, I thought, I thought it was like Rake (a game) rules
B: I thought you, like, stuck it to the tree
M: Oh, come on... B: I'm gonna set up an impenetrable Camera Fortress
M: Uh... I hate to break it to ya, but these cameras swivel...
M: ...when you're looking- Ok, you know what?--
B: Yeah, but now you don't have to swiv- all right y'know what? M: *starts giggling*
B: You just want to fucking shit on my party?
M: Yeah I do, actually B: YOU JUST DO IT YOURSELF THEN MISTER!
M: I'm trying to help you,-
M: -Twin Sister!
B: *chuckles* Mr. Sister!!
M: Yeah... Don't call me that! B: You, Mr. Sister!
M: *feigns pain in hearing it again* I told you not to call me that...
B: You have such a, you have such a dead... look in your eyes right now. You're just like:
B: *breathily sighs*
M: Well... so do you B: Fucking *incomprehensible, but it sounds like he's stuck on the letter h*
B: Fucking hate being stuck here with this beatch (bitch). M: I can't believe we're out in the woods togETHER, STACY!!
M: Watch out for Bigfoot; he lurks around every single corner that you stand upon!
M: WHO KNOWS?! B: He got like, big feet though right? So it should be like, I can like hear him coming
M: No, that's the thing. You think that, but that's not true
B: Weird M: I'm blowing your mind right now
B: Put a camera right there. That's fine M: Wha- cuz
M: You press Q. What good are we doing with these cameras right by our base where we're gonna be at?
B: I don't know, I thought they were like security cameras M: Yeah, they ARE
M: But maybe you wanna-- B: Alright Master-Bigfoot-Hunter
B: You fucking leave then, how 'bout that? Let's go this way! M: Yeah I'm trying to if you would let me-- what, NO!
B: Oh, ok M: Well, I mean maybe that's where Bigfoot called from, so maybe he's over there
B: That's kind of what I was going for M: All right fine you go
B: I really just want to get into a fight to the death with this motherfucker M: Alright
M: So, abou- B: See how big his feet really are!
M: About that fight to the death, it's probably gonna happen definitely, and you're not gonna
M: You're not gonna like it too much when it does happen because he's gonna kill you dead, and you're gonna die
B: Yeah, it'll be fun M: Hey wait. This is a good, this is a good tree. I like this tree line here
You could probably lay some traps along this tree, and if you chases us, then you know
Maybe we'll had a chance B: Alright
B: V *said as 'vvuh'* Oh I did already have one M: There we go! Nice.
M: Okay-- ...Yeah, you c- B: And then X it right on there, or no meat?
M: No, you can bait the- You can bait one of them, and then maybe he'll hit both of them B: Alright
M: Okay! Good! B: Like a, like a dumb piece of shit!
M: Now we just gotta hope that he comes across this way B: Sssssick burn
M: Gonna put the camera down right there, boink B: Yeah! So we'll just stand like...
B: ...right here in between these-- M: You just stepped on the goddamn trap, you idiot!
B: Oh I could just take it off myself? Well, that's not hard M: You fuckin'... Yeah
M: Well, you goddamn douche! B: Alright, well
B: I'll go ahead and, I'll go ahead and reset your traps since you messed that one up. M: Oh, thank- Yeah, I messed that one up?
Thank you very much stacy. It's always you that's mess everything up
just like you messed up our parents marriage I
Went that doesn't even make sense. I'm running. I'm
Tired if they're still married. I'm trying to imply that they're going to be divorced because you
work Grown-Ups, Jessica
Yeah called you that before I'm sorry. You know you don't like to be called, Jessica bernice
Bernice, how could you?
I'm can call me put that name. You know what it means because it's a sick
Well your name Stacy becuase,
MARK: Fuuuuccccckkkk BOB:My mom has got it goin on a lot a lot
BOB: I-a loss...
Velocity friend can I shoot a tracking dart into you and then track you? I'm sure you could but please don't say z hey D
You see my player
See the reflection of it on my gun, but I don't actually see a flare look up
It's just trees man. Lemme need to look up Omg. I'm so alone here
Help me, please coming. I'm coming towards you anybody. Oh there you are
Hi of my magical kinetoscope. It's pretty good too bad
We were cursed knows about me nighttime. So is that Gonna be cool ya know it's probably not Gonna be cool
We should probably make our way back to the camp, and I'm gonna put another dressed
And I'll just stand out here in the open. Oh, you know we were hanging about this area
Why are you trapping over here so much? I don't know I just like it I
Don't know it literally he comes from any direction that he feels like you you fucking me fucking know something no, no
I don't know nothing. I never played this game before man fucking your fucking cheating
Motherfucker well, how is it cheating if I'm helping us together as a team eating help us as a team?
Yeah, I mean that might be what I'm doing whoa
Adam, what's up? What's up? What's up? Oh? He's running. He's running. What a big baby. Can't wait
Nailing him now. I miss him ok so if you hold down q now we've got a little dot where he is
So do we like chase him down and kill him or no no? He's coming back
Ruiz come back. I'm gonna try to get him to chase me, and then I'm Gonna lead him into the traps
He's going far. So he's just starting to come back. Oh yeah going into the swamps
Yeah, he usually comes up for one hit and then he takes off like a little bitch, baby
Please come back if he sees either one of us just start shooting. Oh
God he's here. He's here
Where is he he's wrong clothes? What does that dot mean ah?
He's other areas. He tell me company's gonna be kept for me you came from me
Trying to leave him good address not this way Bob
Oh he hit me. I'm a die. [okay]. Wait that means he's moving right. Where are you? Where'd he go? Wait? I see blood
Where the heck did he go? He still tracked? He's not gonna crack during all those so I'm gonna need to
Need to chase him down and then track him again, okay?
He seems to be going towards camera to now which might know your camera to ya yin traps there, right?
Yeah, there's there straps are so stay away from there like a good bit of way shit, not tracked anymore
Don't worry. We know where he's going. We just got to stay away from there. You keep the tracking bullet on there
We're gonna tag him as soon as he hits those traps
We just need to stay a good distance away to get trapped for a while in those things. Maybe you just took damage
You just got hit by all right chemical comin comin comin comin comin comin strictly hammer to ya
These are right around this rock where ya buddy? Where you at buddy here. I'm way any tracking
You gotta have a trap. We didn't get their example you hit him
No, I'm way far away, still. Oh no. Oh no. Oh, no. I see him. Oh no. I see you. I see the blood
Fuck I don't the tracker off. Haha dad knots okay. It's alright. Dude you we can get him again
Wait these trap, but he got active these traps are fine. What did he take damage from I don't [know] oh no
This was triggered the dragon, so we got the meat out of that one
Okay, so I'm gonna replace meat on this one
See ya the that one trap hit did about as much damage as we did with all of our guns
He's going to come back for one of these meats
So keep your tracker on. I'm gonna go over to the other traps
Okay, and then hopefully he's not Gonna kill [it]
Yeah, we'll see about that
Actually, we can just aggie. You don't need to be over there
We can just watch with the camera cuz that's what the cameras are for watching your traps plus
I can come inside you go inside and close the door can he not fuck with us not really I?
mean it's all you stay in the door, but I
Can't lose now. Yeah
I'm gonna take a nap all right? Well you could open the window. Yeah that doesn't seem like you guys we want
I've got my eyes on the camera. You taken a good nap there a tactical nap had just reclose the window
So you're welcome good job good tactical clone, then I open this one, and then I closed it
Okay, all right. No. We're fine. Really yeah, I think so. I'm doing important stuff out here, basically
It's what I'm saying I can see that you masturbating
Note in the camper. I'm watching the other traps ah brightly right, okay. Sorry. I'm gonna go out there
I'm gonna place a camera. What if we came back, and he was just like on the computer watching porn. I mean
Yes, I couldn't blame him
Not many bigfoot ladies the biggest of feet he's just watching porn on the site. That's called like big titties big feet
Bernice, I told you we were never Gonna Catch bigfoot
Stacy why don't you ever believe me you saw him we can catch him?
Yeah, I saw him and we shot [him] and fucking radioactive blood came out of him and then he ran away
Yeah, well whose job was it to hit him with the tracker?
Sounds like your kind of job. No, we said we agreed. It was you
But like a you thing oh
God he's here. I tracked him. I'll help I'll direct him hot iron man. Wait. I had the wrong bolts in
fuck sorry Miss ah Jesus I
Think james yeah, I'm J-Roc. Oh Jesus
Right well he's taken off. God damn it. How did he sneak up on us I?
Don't know he was literally like 30 feet away from me, and then he [just] growled and it was like oh well
He's crossing bridge. Don't learn do it. Yeah, no no
Not the bridge come back motherfucker
Come back how fucking big is this place. God? It's fucking huge. Well he turned her out. Yeah
Yeah, he turned around yeah. He come back coming coming coming coming uh oh no. He's not coming for me. Oh my God
He's coming for me thou bullshit south of the bridge coming towards the bridge along the river line right now. Oh shit, okay, [okay]?
He's he's onto me. I think he suspects something hot damn it. He's running away
the Kinase I've now oh
God damn it
We're gonna be fucking impossible. Oh, we saw
Jesus he's all I see him on the other side of the lake. God this asshole
He's never been like this before like every time I played this game. He's always been like beeline for me over and over again
We might not be able to catch bigfoot
We like run out of time or anything here. No, no you run out of bullets though
And then they [just] sort of fucked uh-huh I've got one piece of meat
And maybe if we kill deer we can get more meat there are deer in this in these woods
Let's just go face this motherfucker down whatever
What else you got shots?
we run up bullets just beat him with your hands all right tough can it be well the only problem is he keeps running to
The opposite side of the world so I don't know how good that's going to do us
How big can his feet be that's what I'm saying um?
It's in his name. You don't have a name like that
If you got tiny feet unless you're like little john, and you're actually walking running away from me. Come here
I am on the other side of the lake right now following his ass all right
I'm going to close in from the other direction tracker. Just went away
But we know where he is. I'm gonna. I got one tracker left
Let's take my gun up your ass and then make you pull the trigger with your own foot. That's nice
Oh that hammer our dear. I see him. I see him. I see him yeah um
Starting heading for like the Farthest North East point the fucking could possibly get to you obviously
Obviously of course why because why [not] [oh], [I] see him wait. He's running. He's running for you, or running away from you
He's not running toward me
What's directions? He going did I get him?
Fucking I totally hit him with that tracker
The fuck is oh no, I did get him I did get him okay. He's just going you see him on the map
Oh good okay. I must have been chasing a deer that last time
I'm here to kill you piece of shit you fucking you or whatever apes
fucking big big footed freak
freaking freak you're fucking free
What do you think you are having feet that big?
Embarrassing all of us. You should be rendering me. No, not that way not that way not that way
No, not that way no God damn it. Oh,Jeez...
Ahahahahaha Fuck you...
Unloading ah so annoying goddammit fuck you bigfoot
Survival bigfoot it you know what let's just go on a camping trip. How about that?
You know what maybe we should identify our problems as siblings and just work through them
Maybe we don't need bigfoot to fix us that's almost definitely true
I'll so I'm right behind you. I don't know if you've seen me. Oh, no. I have not oh. Hey hi, hi
(Laughing as outro closes)
(More laughing) WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!?!
We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're too blind to see Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you (Ooh, give you up) (Ooh, give you up) Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you