Hey good evening! It's June 11th beardlovers, friends, good tippers, complete strangers.
And guess what? Today's pretty special cause it's my golden episode.
I've been alive for 26 years and this is my 26th episode.
Technically, it's my 28th but I don't count Late Night Flip Flop and I was too tired to
celebrate last night. It's official. To celebrate, I bought some bling. Bought
some bling. Bought some bling. To celebrate, I bought some bling. Jingalingaling. Jingalingaling.
Hooray! [throws confetti] [squeezes squeaky toy twice] I'm living my life like it's golden.
[sigh] Again with the color changes on this camera.
So in honor of my golden episode, I had Sting Munich make me some cupcakes. POV style. How'd
you do it, Sting? [Sting's voiceover:] I went to the store and
bought some fucking cupcakes. There are two things that suck about celebrating
my golden episode on this day. Singer Susan Vega achieved independence from her mother's
womb and Mongolia achieved independence from China. That is why I had Sting make me two
cupcakes -- one for me and one for Susan Vega. I can't buy cupcakes for all of Mongolia.
Yet. Susan, I will eat a cupcake every night until
you come to eat yours. You remember Susan Vega, don't you?
[a little bit of Tom's Diner plays and Wheezy re-enacts various YouTube videos he plays
of Toms Diner. This includes clones doing jumping jacks, Wheezy making out with his
hand, dropping a cupcake on the table, Wheezy imitating an eagle.]
Alright, time to go. Matt brought beer. [Matt holds up the beer, tilts his head and
winks (ding)] Wink. [Matt:] Isn't it SuZANNE Vega?