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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Star Wars: The Last Forcebender

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Another year, another exploitative cash-grab of the rapaciously plundered Star Wars franchi-

(monotone) Genuine and heartfelt

continuation of the cultural zeitgeist that is the Star Wars trilogy.

Times three.

I am pleased to see that Disney is still committed to crafting the best Star Wars films

It can, which is why they released them on a yearly basis days apart from each other.

Just like all the other films were!

Three deep into this reboot and with no end in sight

We're back again with rabies,

finna gonna get me some,

and Goth Vader, in the Last Forcebender.

It's an epic tale about the master of the forces vanishing when the galaxy needed him most

But then a girl full of hope finds him and his self-inflicted isolation and breaks his icy exterior so that he can save the world.

I mean galaxy.

I'm kidding, The Last Jedi isn't remotely like something good.

This time our director isn't the esteemed Flair Smith,

but goy boy, Rian (ree-an) Johnson.

Yes, I know it's pronounced Ryan.

Honestly, I'm not too familiar with Ruin.

Hamill: You have to trust...

Rian.

the last Jedi is the first movie of his that I've pushed myself to finish,

and if I didn't have this YouTube channel...

You feel those two-and-a-half hours, man.

You really feel them.

Interviewer: Going into The Last Jedi, anything you want to tell the audience or the world about this one in

comparison to the other ones?

Hamill: it's the longest one.

(Mickey Mouse laugh and Whipcrack)

But the good news is, it doesn't feel long.

Was it really such a wise decision to switch up directors midway through a trilogy?

Gem Gem Abrams: No.

The OG trilogy did it, although that was just a little bit the fault of Star Wars not being planned as a trilogy.

Daniels: Episode Eight?

Gosh.

The first film didn't even have a number.

Regardless, The Empire Strikes Back is often considered to be the best of the three.

So if it worked before, why not now?

Let's get this one out of the way

It's no secret that Gem Gem took, uh,

a lot of inspiration from A New Hope in putting together The Farce Engorges.

Did Rian likewise find a lot to love from Empire and uh,

Re-gift it for a new generation?

Audience member: How is it different than any of the other movies?

Hamill: It's longer.

It hits many of the same beats as Empire, yet Rian avoids letting them hit two resonantly.

Sure, it's about the main character going to find some old guy in seclusion to train in the ways of the Force,

just like Empire,

Only, whereas Yoda actually trained Luke,

Luke tells Rey to reach out with the force for a minute

And that's it.

The rest of the movie is basically nothing like Empire.

Yoda: "Luke! You must complete the training! You must not go!"

Luke: "Leave this Island, NOW!"

Except for one scene of Grant Theft Cinema, and one planet.

I guess I'm saying The Last Jedi is more Original than not.

You know, as original as you can be after stealing a universe, characters, plot lines, plot devices-

My bad, they didn't steal it. They bought it, which makes it okay.

Definitely nothing like corporate sanction thievery.

(AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH)

Whatever.

Hey, originality was what so many of us whingers wanted, right?

WRONG!

The Last Jedi barely made it to the level of THE PREQUELS for ratings in its opening week!

The user score was at about 56% on Rotten Tomatoes. Now, as I record this, its sitting pretty at an even 50%.

What the FUCK even happened?

Some have attributed this "drop-off" to a concerted and well coordinated effort by internet trolls.

The same people who probably believe a massive coordinated people making up a corporation like Disney,

didn't buy these.

To those of us still living in reality though,

This is really impressive. The Star Wars prequels took years to catch that much flak.

How can The Last Jedi be somehow that much worse?

Truth be told I don't think it is, to The Prequels or The Farce Engorges.

So what in the world did Rian do to piss off this many people this fast?

Well let's hop into the play-by-play,

Examine the story and characters a bit and see if we can puzzle out what's bunched up half the panties.

"Salt."

We begin right where The Farce Engorges left off, after the destruction of the third Death Star.

The Galactic Empire-

I mean, The First Order, are busy eradicating the remnants of The Rebellion-

I mean The Resistance.

Wait, what? Really?

Did I, uh, miss a movie?

Why are The First Order leisurely facing off with The Resistance?

Isn't The First Order supposed to be weakened right here?

They just lost their mega Death Star.

Remember? The planet turned laser cannon? Ringing any bells?

Was that not their last-ditch effort at re-consolidating the Empire's lost power?

No, really, why aren't they being hunted to the ends of the galaxy like dogs

after their unfathomably massive super weapon projects fell through?

Did losing the mega Death Star not hurt them in the slightest?

Why does it look like it hurt The Resistance instead?

Isn't The Resistance a paramilitary group from the galaxy's current government, the Republic?

Shouldn't they be crushing an absconding First Order after winning so hard?

(Yelling)

(Yelling louder)

(Blaster fire)

(Explosion, blaster fire)

(Blaster fire continues)

Where are all the Republican reinforcements the Resistance could ever need?

Is the Republic's still not convinced of The First Order's existence,

after five, count'em, five, of presumably their planets got blown off the galactic map?

Or did the Republic only exist on those five planets

conveniently lined up next to each other?

Where is the scene of the bajillion Empire Loyalists popping up out of the woodwork to take everything back

over after letting the Republic dominate the galaxy all these years?

Seconds into this thing and I'm fucking lost, man.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING OOOOOOON?!"

Well, for all intents and purposes, The First Order is the Galactic Empire and The Resistance is the Rebel Alliance.

There's no continuity here and Rian doesn't pretend otherwise.

He's dropped the silly pretenses and functionally embraced this trilogy as a reboot.

The Rebels are back at square one.

Leia even says as much toward the end

Leia: "We fought to the end, but the Galaxy has lost all its hope."

Snoke: "YOU FAILED!"

Man, it must suck to fight your whole life for freedom and lose.

That celebration with the Ewoks was a wee bit premature.

Eh? Thanks Disney!

Speaking of losses

You know what is a great way to kick off a serious scene where serious things happen?

Like a life and death battle, and heroic sacrifice?

A joke!

Poe Dameron, if you remember who that is, flies up to an empire dreadnought pretending to be an emissary.

I guess none of the Space Nazis recognized one of the ships that just blew up their mega Death Star?

Why exactly are they taking The Rebellions calls at this point?

Poe pretends he can't hear Hux's monologue to stall for time,

and Hux evilly repeats himself to Poe multiple times like a buffoon.

The Farce Engorges did this too, where Goth Vader shows up, captures Poe, and just

Before a bunch of innocents are slaughtered in cold blood-

Poe: "So who talks first? you talk first? I talk first?"

Kylo: "The Old Man gave it to you."

Poe: "its just very hard to understand you with all the-"

Kylo: "Kill them all."

(Blasters charge up, screaming)

Phasma: "Fire!"

(Blasters fire, screaming continues)

It fit REALLY well!

After making the antagonist out to be as non-threatening as possible,

Poe skims their Dreadnought taking out surface cannons while dodging TIE fighter fire.

Hey, Hollywood? Do me a solid.

Stop opening up your movies with action sequences like this.

It's a lot of shouting and pretty lights and that's nice and all, but I want real stakes.

I want investment.

At least some barebones setup is necessary to care one flying flip about these flying flips more than none.

If you absolutely have to use an action sequence opener, use your main characters.

I reckon most moviegoers don't easily recognize Hux.

He was really only in a few minutes of episode 7.

Same with Poe, who disappeared for a HUGE bulk of TFA.

And I mean disappeared, right out of his clothes.

Frickin' teleported.

Seriously, who are these people?

There's this guy.

This Asian chick?

They take up so much of the first several minutes of The Last Jedi And we've never even seen them before.

It would be a little forgivable if we were going to see more of these guys throughout the movie,

but they all die!

Why are you wasting our time on short-lived nobodies, Rian?

All this meaningless action is so the rebellion bombers can get close and drop their payloads on this dreadnought.

See, it's very important to Poe that the rebellion take out this particular dreadnought, because the Empire has...

limited Star Destroyers, I guess.

Even though they have enough of them to take over the galaxy in a few weeks.

Rey: "The First Order will control all the major system within weeks"

"Eeeeehh?"

"Eeeeeeeeeeeehh?"

Leia's all "No Poe you faggot its too risky!"

Okay, Leia

Then why do you have him doing this at all?

why not have him focus on the guns that just wiped out your base on the planet below?

The ones that should easily be able to shoot your transport ships fleeing it,

and that are evidently about to blow up the cruiser you're on?

Attach a few bombs to Poe and solve two problems, with one explosion!

It looks like it doesn't take much to get a chain reaction going on these Star Destroyers anyway.

What are you even doing Leia?

instead of any explanation, Rian inserts a rather tasteless joke,

where C-3PO tells Leia to wipe the nervous expression off her face.

Get it?

because her face is plastic.

Poe continues his mission, successfully... ish.

They take out the dreadnought, at the expense of losing all of their bombers.

In Poe's defense, the bomber ship are the red barrels from Half-Life 2.

Two shots, then BOOM!

One fallen TIE fighter rips through three of em! Looks like taking out those surface cannons didn't help much!

It's also a bit odd that the bomber ships cockpits open directly into the vacuum of space,

and the pilots aren't wearing any spacesuits.

We playing by Jimmy Neutron rules now?

Sheen: "How come whenever we're in outer space we don't gotta wear helmets?"

Jimmy: "Good question Sheen, and the answer is quite interesting. you see..."

Carl: "Moon, Moon Moon!"

"Spoon, Spoon Spoon!"

Poe returns to the rebellion Cruiser, gets demoted for taking out a fleet destroyer,

and they jump into hyperspace.

A hyperspace jump would normally mean a clean break,

however, it turns out Snoke's Star Dreadnought,

the largest of its kind, ever, bigger than Palpatine's or any Star Wars ship ever created, ever,

can also track ships through hyperspace, completely defeating the tactical purpose of hyperspace!

It's such a twist on convention that not even Snoke himself knew his ship could do it.

Since the Republic must have just completely crumbled in the past 24 or so hours,

Leia suddenly doesn't have a Galaxy's worth of help to call on as her ship runs low on fuel.

Not to worry, There's a rebellion base on a nearby planet

Worrisomely, Leia decides that nobody should know this, but her and this new purple haired lesbian Admiral.

I'm not even being facetious, this lady has purple hair and is a lesbian.

Speaking of stereotypes, Finn finally wakes up from being whipped in the last movie.

His first words?

"Where da white women at?"

She on that island with Luke, where she's still handing him his lightsaber.

Unfortunately, Luke's gone as utterly senile as his sister.

He takes his saber and tosses it over his shoulder, not recognizing it.

(Sighs)

Amnesia. Such an overplayed plot device.

He then stomps grumpily into his hut and tells Rey to go away.

Rey's all-

(Knocking on door)

"What the fuck? Dude, you left us a map to find you."

"Remember? In case we needed you? The plot of the last movie?"

Luke: "Go away!"

Sadly, Luke's Alzheimers means he doesn't remember making the map.

He is cognizant enough to ask where Han is, upon which we

immediately cut to the next scene.

A might disrespectful if you ask me.

Is only Chewie allowed to be sad about Han?

Leia did it and still doesn't give a shit.

But not even Luke can get one scene to digest his old friends death?

That's so low.

(Crowd booing) Hey, come on!

By the way, I guess I should have mentioned, Chewie's here, too.

Doesn't get to do anything but break down a door though.

He can't even get a moment alone to talk to Luke without Rey Translating him

like some cringy desperate fangirl who wishes she could be a third wheel.

Luke: "Chewie, What are you doing here?"

Rey: "He said you're coming back with us."

Goth Vader goes to see not Sith Lord Snoke, this time in the modeled, misshapen flesh.

Old Snokey doke is a touch smaller than his hologram made him out to be.

He's also wearing a gold bathrobe? I think?

Anyway, all Snoke does is tell Kylo he's no Vader because he didn't enjoy gutting his dad properly,

then sends him away.

Really, dude?

That's what you get on this case about?

What about LOSING THE DEATH STAAAAR!

Is no one going to bring that up?

Well, Snoke does rip into Kylo about a few other things,

like being-

Snoke: "Bested by a girl who had never HELD A LIGHTSABER!"

"YOU FAILED!"

Amusingly even Rian is throwing shade at TFA,

while simultaneously pretending the movie never happened.

Remember Snoke's last line in TFA?

Snoke: "Come to me with Kylo Ren."

"it is time"

"to complete his training."

All of a sudden, Snoke isn't interested in completing Kylo's training.

Training him never even comes up. Good going Rian,

I would also pretend The Farce Engorges doesn't exist.

Kylo leaves and smashes his imitation Vader mask in another one of his bitch fits,

then storms off to murder his mom too, so that his Foster dad will love him again.

Rey's still pleading with Luke to return with her to Leia, or else-

Rey: "The First Order will control all the major system within weeks"

Damn these space Nazis are good!

Luke doesn't give a shit.

He essentially says "Fuck the Jedi, fuck the galaxy"

and calls his lightsaber a "laser sword," like a film critic denigrating Star Wars might.

Hmmmmmm.

Hey, remember when Luke dropped everything to save his sister at only the suggestion that she was in danger?

Ah, the good old days.

Forgetting that Rey is even there, Luke wanders off to milk some fat alien dudes testicle utters, mistaking it for a space cow.

As he does this, it moans pleasurably.

Then Luke drinks its love juice with a grimace.

Someone probably thought this was really funny and worth including.

They were technically right.

"HE NEEDS SOME MILK"

After a little while longer, Luke corners Rey inside of a tree.

Oh, I've seen enough nature documentaries to know where this is going.

The tree holds the original Jedi texts, the last remnants of the Jedi religion.

Rounding on the poor, frightened girl, Luke asks Rey,

Luke: "Why are you here, Rey from Nowhere?"

Twice

Luke: "Why are YOU here?"

Rey answers, and I'm paraphrasing,

"I dunno."

Pause here, this is important,

because advertently or not, Rian shines a spotlight on why a lot of people really, REALLY don't like Rey's character.

Rey: "I don't think they like me."

Luke: "Can't imagine why."

And no, it's not just because Ma-Rey sue,

though she definitely is one and we'll get into that later,

rather, It's because Rey, as a character, is aimless.

Ridley: "While playing her, I never felt sure of what was going on."

"It wasn't like 'this is happening, and I'm so powerful and look at me go' and"

"essentially all I found Rey trying to do in the first one was she was trying to do the right thing."

"She's just doing what she thinks is the right thing, and she didn't want to do some of it

"But she, like, feels, like, compelled to do it... so for me I was just confused"

Rey begins her story wanting to leave her crappy desert planet,

but could not abandon it for her family. Same as Luke.

She abandons it not of her own will but out of necessity,

Finn literally yanking her along.

Rey: "What are you doing?"

Finn: "Come on!"

After leaving, she has nowhere she wants to go,

unlike Luke, who was given a straightforward goal he wanted to accomplish:

Save the princess.

When Rey is given the chance to join up with Han fucking Solo,

to her a man of legend,

she instead wishes to return to her crappy desert planet, although perhaps reluctantly.

She doesn't even want to go along to give the resistance the map to Luke fucking Skywalker

Rey recognizes there's a greater conflict brewing outside of her small, insignificant set of circumstances,

but wants no part of it.

Rey: "I don't want any part of this."

Despite that, she hypocritically shames Finn for trying to run from it.

Shortly afterward, she discovers her destiny in this conflict and runs from it.

She runs literally into a forest, like a child with no destination in mind.

She stops only due to an assault by the First Order, then is kidnapped by Kylo Ren.

She then makes her escape from Starkiller base on her own,

mostly,

but has absolutely nothing to do with the base's subsequent destruction.

She runs from the scene of the only real father figure she's ever had being skewered,

quite unlike Luke, who, in a rage, rushed to avenge his mentor.

Luke: "NO!"

[Blaster fire]

When there was no other option, and after his dead mentors ghost told him to

Ben: "Run Luke, run!"

Contrasted with Rey pulling Finn away from Kylo's intimidating...

stare.

She shoots some Stormtroopers sure,

but Kylo gets to stand there cupping his side because she never thinks to do what Chewie tried.

GIVES OFF A BIT OF A DIFFERENT VIBE.

After Rey and Finn are cornered by Kylo, and after Rey is knocked out for a second time,

Then and only then does Rey fight the antagonist.

She beats him with relative ease and has the chance to carry out her first autonomous decision that,

for once, isn't run away.

However, a giant plot rift forces her to run away.

Rey then joins up with Leia and the Resistance, having already gained their trust

without any spoken words, prior contact, and limited expression of loyalty toward them.

Finally they send her off to go find Luke with only Chewie to chaperone.

Why?

Your guess is as good as anyone elses.

Folks just aren't very sure about Rey, and as Rian intentionally or unintentionally

voices through Luke, not even Rey knows what she's doing here.

There are a million and one ways to excuse it,

I'm just telling you how it is.

Rey is a very, very difficult character to get behind.

The movies badly want us to, everyone in them wants Rey, they all need Rey,

even the Force thing she's just the shit, and Ray can barely keep up.

Really, she's just confused.

All she can think to do is figure out her place in all this.

Rey: "I need someone..."

"to show me my place"

Here's how I understand the difference between a good character and a bad character for stories like these.

Generally, a good protagonist knows what they want, and anxiously tries to maneuver their way into getting it.

Generally, a poor protagonist, like Rey, doesn't know what the fuck they're even doing.

They're merely "special" and have a special place in a plot that forces them to get off their

Non-existent laurels (Yell at me in comments if this is wrong I can't tell what the fuck he said) and participate.

You can fiddle around with this,

But having at least one concrete desire that ties in to the plot is the most basic of qualifications in character writing.

Luke Skywalker, for instance, has two concrete desires in A New Hope,

both of which can be summed up in three words:

Rey? She wants to see her parents again,

which would be a concrete goal if she still had parents, and if they had any bearing on the plot whatsoever.

And no, wanting to do the "right thing" isn't concrete.

It's exactly abstract nor is it even a genuine desire being utterly selfless is a lack of desire a common

MarySue trait, I found ray trying to do in the first one what you're trying to do the right thing "Why"

like she's trying to help bb-8 and then she's trying to help Finn "why" and now she's trying to help the resistance "why would You want to do that"

it's not a sort of

self-centered

Power "yeah, that's not a good thing"

no I'm not saying doing the right thing as a detriment even for Rey far from it a hero should be all about doing the right

Thing but there has to be a foundation to want to do the right thing

I'll give an example midoriya from sky high essentially encapsulates this wanting to do the right thing it mean

It's pretty much all he does he's very basic very simplistic

But he more or less makes this garys to altruism work because of the setting he's in and that he has concrete desires

He wants to be a hero that is he wants the status of being a licensed superhero. He wants to have a superpower

He wants to show his childhood friend with BPD that he can make it with the best of them

He wants to be the best of them to become the man

He looks up to most these are all tangible

Obtainable things and in pursuing these things

Midoriya can be the ultimate hero doing the right thing righter than anybody and even with all that he's not that strong a character

Narratively speaking hell he's probably one of the weakest in his own story, but still

You gotta root for a mandala as determined as he is

He also, you know actually trained super hard to obtain his power unlike ma-rey-su---- so what rey's concrete

Desires put it another way. What are her goals MOOC exposes the fact that she doesn't know hasn't known the most

She wants is to know she says there's something inside of her that she doesn't understand

She wants Luke to give it meaning and meaning is not a concrete

That's not enough of a foundation for a functional character

let alone a good one even Luke had been fighting the Imperials for years already before going to find Yoda?

I have to hand it to Ryan

for noticing and partly addressing the fact that juju left him no fucking character to work with but it's too little too late

When he get down to it many of us can't cheer for a runner who hasn't the foggiest clue where the finish line is or

Seen even running from it half the time

Back to the last force bender Luke tells Rey to fuck off back to her nowhere this is his nowhere

"I came to this island to die," "what about that map you made in case we needed you?" "who are you?

What are you doing in my house?" "It's time for the Jedi... to end"

And this might have been what Mark Hamill meant when he told Ryan and Johnson that he fundamentally

Disagreed with everything about the portrayal of his character "When I read a I told Ryan

I fundamentally disagree with virtually everything you've decided about my character"

He must not have envisioned Luke the hero of the galaxy

ending up a hopeless suicidal hermit unwilling to save anybody "Can I ask what your reaction was when you first read the script"

"Now I look it"

*stammering*

"How did the most optimistic...

hopeful character in the galaxy turn into this

hermit who says it's time for the Jedi to end I've read that and I said 'what' I mean

that's not what a Jedi does, I mean a Jedi is optimistic a Jedi is... has

Tenacity he never gives up. He doesn't secrete himself on an island. Luke was the most optimistic hopeful character

And I had a real you know sort of a back-and-forth with Ryan

I said Ryan a Jedi doesn't give up. A Jedi

would never give up

If you made a mistake you would try and correct it. A Jedi if he does something wrong

He makes it right, you know even if he's traumatized and goes away

Regroup within why don't know six months but?

20-30 years I'm on that's a little bit over an indulgent. and in my view I said to Ryan...

You got it wrong Jedi's don't give up, much less go hide off on an island so right at the beginning

We were completely at odds. I said to him. I totally disagree with what you

Think about Luke. I've had trouble accepting

what he saw for Luke. Now in such a broken stage so depressed and

So disillusioned it was hard for me to accept, I said to Ryan

I'm sorry brother Jedi's don't give up. That's one of my big problems here.

Now you've seen in the new trailer looks at the side of the Jedi and that's terribly shocking, I-- I don't want to go there I wan't to be the optimistic hopeful one...

Like before. But you know I mean the most shocking thing I read was it's time for the Jedi to end

Are you-- what-- Luke says it's time for the Jedi to end

It's time for the Jedi to end are you kidding me?

I was the most optimistic hopeful character in-- all the movies

How did he arrive in a place where he's a cynical?

hermit it's

Beyond comprehension," "so how did you feel when you saw it?"

"Appalled! How could this happen?

What could have happened to this guy that he would wind up the most hopeful optimistic guy now this bitter old cynic?"

"You say, I only know one truth. It's time for the Jedi to end"

I guess even the most optimistic ones have their breaking point

Back at the rebellion cruiser Leia gets on Poe's crack about all the dead bombers as if she's not the one responsible

For choosing Poe as the vanguard

Forgive the fell if he thinks it fixes the big issues grandma. Finn asks Leah what they intend to do, she

Responds that they need to find a new base. I'm sorry. What do you mean find you know where the new bases?

It's on not Hoth the planet you're currently on route to. Why are you acting like

You don't know this to mislead your underlings

The Galactic Empire pops up through hyperspace

And the rebellion panics po runs off to blow stuff up in his x-wing Tie Fighters rush in and kill people inside the cruiser even

Though the shields are up Admiral Ackbar calls to concentrate the wordly ineffective shields on their ass while this is happening

Allowing kylo to just fly his little ship to the front and take aim at the completely unprotected bridge

Ackbar your trap-dar has been really off the mark lately

*I just want to point out that traps aren't gay*

*except they are, and you're delusional if you think otherwise*

"It's a trap"

Kyllo pussies out so the TIE fighters finished the job sending Leia, Akbar, and Finn into the cold vacuum of space

But wait not Finn he left the bridge in advance of the attack for no reason then came back to watch Leia's corpse

Hmm. Oh wait again Leia is not dead she somehow survived being thrust into space

That's fucking impressive if the sudden absence of any heat couldn't kill her

You'd think her lungs exploding from the sudden difference in pressure would have done her in simply incredible "I can survive in space"

You all have seen this scene by now

"Magic everywhere in this bitch. *the Heretic strikes again*" I know midi-chlorians are the powerhouse of the cell, but her cell should all be fucking frozen right now

I know midi-chlorians are the powerhouse of the cell, but her cell should all be fucking frozen right now, so how is she interacting with the force

Does she have some forces shield up or something one that can be covered in frost are we still playing by Jimmy Neutron rules?

"And how come I don't need oxygen tanks and stuff" *I forgot this movie existed for a few years*

Leia out Sue's even ray and force flies back into the cruiser to the bridge door which opens into space

into space with

Into space with Poe and Finn on the other side did Rhian think no-one would catch this because there are no

explosions

And they cut away real fast

Riddle me this

Why didn't they let Leia die they got rid of Han already Luke's got a target on his back and Carrie Fisher?

Isn't with us anymore, so why bring Leia back of all characters and in the goofiest way imaginable

No sarcasm I'm legitimately confused by this decision, anyway Hawkes is like "why can't we blow these guys up?" and some officer tells them

It's because the cruiser is lighter faster and can stay out of lethal range then the cruiser never

outpaces their Star Destroyer for the remainder of the movie whoops

On island world Chewie kills and roasts his first Porg. Now THIS is how you do product placement making me hungry.

"Oh... Porgs..." "Aren't you a little short to be a Porg"

Luke sneaks onto the Falcon and has him a nostalgia fest

There's a genuinely touching moment with r2 who convinces Luke to 'teach' ray

Even though Rey never asked to be taught

And if you'll recall she's here to bring Luke back with her to the rebellion not to train with him

Training Rey doesn't help anybody but Rey and there are people like Luke's sister who really need help right fucking now

Oh yes Luke forgets he has family who would be brutally executed

In an empire takeover and adopts Rey as his daughter-Fu instead alright fine Rey trains while all her friends are being hunted down

I'll accept that except Luke doesn't even train her. "We're assuming that I train Rey"

"Sneaky" "Do I" with Leah in a coma and ackbar dead captain munch takes command she gives a corny speech and the only

Relevant bit is when she mentions that the couple hundred people on these rebellion ships are collectively all that's left of the rebellion

"What are you down syndrome?"

You put all of your guys in one place Wow

Fuck you people

I'm rooting for the space Nazis now when they put all their people and resources in one place

It didn't hurt them at all you can't top that

Once Admiral grape stank finishes her speech that is conspicuously lacking any plan of action

Poe goes up and asks her "what's the plan to shake the bad guys" "how dare you speak to me" "Uh...

what" "Go mansplain somewhere else *wait do people actually say that* "lady, we need a plan"

"Did you just assume we need a plan" fins off doing what he ray and shinji do best...

Running away, a little racist asian boy tasked with guarding the escape pods assumes finn is trying to steal one just because I'm black

Just in case I'm gonna set the record straight here because some folks make baseless assumptions about me from mere jokes

I'm not seriously a racist all right

I think Ray could be a just fine character, but all her running away really harmed her potential as one

Fin frantically explains to shortround that they're being tracked through hyperspace by the Empire dooming everybody on this ship

Which is why he must flee but with Mulan's help

He suddenly remembers that while all of the Empire ships have trackers

only snoke's ship has his switched on they would just have to take out that one tracker before the rest of the ships realize to

Switch on theirs gee whiz even blowing up that first Death Star wasn't this convenient?

Why do these two a little Asian boy in a space janitor know more about hyperspace trackers than Snoke you might ask well...

There's one hiccup Finn and Rose

That's the boy's name Rose Finn and Rose need a master code breaker to get through the Galactic Empire security

They go to Poe and he calls the orange she-yoda for her help

Why Poe has this bitch's numbers anyone to guess an old fling maybe?

Born she Yoda's preoccupied with something much much more important

So she tells them they can find another master codebreaker on casino planets

She doesn't give them the guy's name his appearance or his Hollow number

Just that he'll be wearing a pin or something gee thanks orange she-yoda

It's morning on island world Ray gets up fantasizes a bit about kylo Ren then starts her first and only lesson with Luke

all the

Rebellion is about to die without trying to be Rey is of course one of the most powerful force benders that Luke has ever seen

Can anyone say ma-Rey-sue---- "I don't buy the Mary Sue thing anyway

I found that I find I find the term sexist" *All hope for humainty is lost*

"like the Mary Sue thing I just didn't get because it wasn't true the Mary Sue thing in itself is-- umm...

Sexist *like everything else apparently* you know because it's a it's a name... of a woman." Oh, sweetie

We call them wopeople now as in whoa people the revolutionary thought that vaginas are people not men

Also any per daughter can be named - Mary Sue you ignorant slut alright

I need to elaborate on the ma-rey-sue criticism because there are a lot of people many congregating in my farce engorges comments-section

Who don't quite understand

What a Mary Sue is simply put and Mary Sue is a self insert character for the author and/or the audience

She's a self insert because generally everybody in her story likes her sometimes even the bad guys

And she can do whatever she wants to whenever she needs to whether or not she should be able to the sue is immunized

Against all dangers one may call her too adored too

Powerful too unrealistic too perfect it all runs off her like Finn running off with a resistance jacket

But call her a sue and you will be astonished at how she recoils how injured she is how she suddenly

shrinks back

in short the Mary Sue is a goddess

pretending to be a human the term Mary Sue arose from

Fanfiction because of fan fiction writers the bulk of which are female and have a habit of writing

Themselves into the arms of their fictional hunks as the term grew and evolved there arose an equivalent for male characters as well "I found

the-- I find find the term sexist in itself because it's Mary Sue I don't think there's a thing called Ryan

Craig" *wut*

Marty Sue -

Gary Stu -

Ryan Gosling the confusion I think comes from folks getting it into their heads that the MarySue enos can be

justified if there exists in story context for why and how she is a Mary Sue then she's no longer a Mary Sue

So rey can do anything with spaceships more than the lifelong pilots of the spaceship

she's never piloted before because she grew up a junk scavenger she can fight off any number of opponents with a stick because

She survived all her life on her own in a harsh desert environment a girl living

miraculously on her own in a desert is supposed to make her seem less miraculous

Yeah

Rey can instantly pick up every Jedi skill she needs because she's a

Manifestation of the force bouncing the light and dark sides or something easy like that Rey isn't limited by self-doubt like Luke was

Because she's too naive and stupid to have those doubts yes

This is a real defence for Rey that I've read Ray's first shot with a blaster is better than any

Stormtroopers because she hasn't been trained to miss like one Ray's single-handedly fights off one of the most powerful and well-trained not Sith

Darksiders because the dude was shot in the tum tum even though before ray overpowers kylo

He's stretching his abdomen all over the place isn't

Staggering or missing or really showing that he's injured much at all not to mention pain is supposed to make

Darksiders more powerful than usual just in case Kylo beating his wound didn't make that exceedingly obvious

but no the guy who defeated the Knights of Ren got whooped by a girl igniting her first lightsaber for the first time ever because

She's handy with a staff hey a little trivia for you untrained combat with a staff is

Practically trained swordplay a lot like par-ring a mini golf course means you're ready for the PGA Tour okay?

So sure there's every excuse under two suns for Rey being in the galaxy's ultimate life form

No this does not erase her Mary Sue label it

Reinforces it almost every Mary Sue has excuses for being a Mary Sue

Bella has the best blood Katniss can shoot the best because she had to hunt for her family maxine is quite literally a

self-insert character with the super power to undo any mistake the player makes korra can do anything she damn well wants and her

Repeated failures never amount to any real long-standing

Consequences because she's the avatar and you got to deal with it all these gals have justifications for their MarySue-iness

But it makes them no less Mary Sue's and if you like that kind of thing you're welcome to

it just means you have a stronger stomach for fanfiction to your writing than I do

Honestly there's a place for Gary Stu's and Mary Sue's when they're acknowledged as such

They're unreasonable

Exploits can in fact be reasonably entertaining the unlike-ability factor in my opinion lies in the deception when the goddess

Pretends not to be to general audiences

This creates a level of cognitive dissonance about the Mary Sue she says she is plain when she's the most sought-after

Woman in all the land she suffers the scars from her tragic backstory

When they only serve to make her more beautiful and more competent than anyone else she feigns weakness when the plot itself

Delivers gut shots unto all her enemies

She pretends to want and to desire when she selflessly does the right thing for the simple fact that it is the right thing to

Do the Mary Sue is at her core a liar and for that

Gradually general audiences will begin to hate her

Although and to be fair it looks like Daisy Ridley might even be a Mary Sue in real life

I was a blending teacher her this whole routine in three days

But she surprisingly learned everything in an hour and a half

But Luke was good at things

"Fine fine I'm cool I'm fine" look he wasn't so good at the force that he blew Yoda's mind or anything ray on the other hand

I've seen this raw strength only once before it scared me enough that

She's so powerful that Luke throws in the towel the moment he sees a glimpse of her strength terrified of it

And that's the difference fan boys and girls. You only call Ray a MarySue because she's a girl

"No", I have a four-part hour-and-a-half video series where I angrily pick apart the number one Gary stew of all time

get fucked, by the way

I know I said that folks dislike Ray more for aimlessness than her sue-iness

But I was being kind of sneaky in truth a lack of direction outside of what the plot dictates is pretty

characteristic of the Mary Sue interestingly

This does not tend to be the case for many Gary Stu's a discussion worthy of its own video, so yeah

ultimately the reason folks don't like ray is because she's a ma-rey-sue

Even if you disagree with the sue assessment you dumb fucking cu-- undeniable reality is that Ray is nowhere near?

As universally beloved as your predecessor that ain't a coincidence friend rather than assume

It's all nitpicky and the Cinderella effect perhaps consider

There are legitimate reasons for that disparity not the least of which is Daisy Ridley's inability to close her mouth

I'm sorry. It's just so distracting halfway into the movie

I started counting the number of times she put her lips together, but it happened so rarely that I forgot to keep track

I don't need amazing acting. I just need more than one position for your jaw although your industry handlers might not-- ooh boy

let's just get back into the movie bashing shall we

Fin and Rose take a ship and go to casino planet

They park illegally on the beach.. who parks their ship on a beach? "like I just gotta find a parking spot"

Rose and Finn are arrested and thrown in a casino brig. I'm not playing this up for comedy sake they're jailed for a parking violation

harsh

Meanwhile ray swings a lightsaber around like a lunatic without any instruction and nearly kill some frog nuns

Hilarious Luke takes Rey aside and reads her a reddit post about how the Jedi are

Actually the bad guys in all this ray points out rightly how this is nonsensical millennial contrarian ism designed to mill karma

Luke upvotes the post anyway

Then he gives the audience

I mean ray a little refresher on his Padawans betrayal way back when he claims Kyle killed everybody

But a few students and Luke himself. He must have thought I was dead says Luke

Why would he assume that I thought you guys were a little handy with something called the force

You can check people's life bars with that hmm doesn't add up in casino jail rose says this line

And I quote Finn the fleet is running on fumes without a code breaker to bring us onto Snoke Star Destroyer

What do we do?

I would have preferred an anime flashback

She's got the hair for it luckily in their very cell is another master code breaker always in the first place

You look, skip ahead a bit and Finn and Rose kill everybody in the casino with

Rampaging horse dogs while riding one to freedom afterward Rose lets their dog thing go even though

It's meat could have fed her family for a year on island world Rey fantasizes more about kylo this time with him shirtless

hoo-wee

Mama she needs to cool off a bit after that if you know what I'm saying by taking a dip in the pool I think

It's a dark side pool

I don't fucking know it works like that mirror in Harry Potter so Ray can see her parents at least ray thinks it works like

That JK. It doesn't work like that

Kylo comforts ray about this over a force call things get a little heated Luke comes in finds ray having force sex with kylo and

Politely tells her to pack up and leave ray gets all pissy and whacks him in the back of the head with her stick they

Have a stick fight ray wins as if any other

Conclusion were possible ray forces Luke to confess to what really happened the night kylo turned to the dark side

Luke claims kylo was already turned under his tutelage so he considered murdering him in his sleep

Cutting down the little upstarts when they get out of hand eh like father like son

Reminder

Luke wasn't scared enough

Then imagine what he would have done if it had scared him enough kylo woke up to a face full of lazer

Got scared and retaliated

Don't know why he had to make such a big fuss though who hasn't had an uncle sneak into their room at night to assault

Them it's only weird if he doesn't regret it afterward

You know when I saw the original Star Wars trilogy a few years back for the first time

I never thought I'd one day see the hero weighing the pros and cons of decapitating his nephew for you avatar fans out there

That'd be like uncle Iroh sneaking into Zuko's bedchambers to make his face symmetrical again. Can you imagine that I?

Can't a lot like Admiral die Hawker. It's looking more and more like juju didn't have much of a plan going forward

Kylos backstory isn't very fleshed out almost like Ryan had to make it all up. Can't support this claim. Just call it a-- aha nevermind

I can support this claim Ryan has admitted that juju and Disney had no fucking plan beyond TFA now everything makes sense

It's the blind leading the blind

You'd think four franchise as big as Star Wars Disney would at least work out a general outline for where things are headed?

But nope like Rey the Star Wars reboot was left floundering in the dark way to go Disney

Even after admitting his guilt Luke still refuses to be the hero Rey needs

So she decides it ought to be hunky kylo instead yeesh Ryan what year do you think you're in a past one?

Why can't Rey just fix everything on her own?

She's obviously more than capable why does she need a man to do it for her?

I don't know guys if that wasn't bad enough she launches into a teenage girls love sick tirade about changing, Kylo

I know there's light left in him dad even though he

Kidnapped and mind raped me even though he murdered his own father in front of me even though

He nearly killed my black friend even though he blew up entire

Planets even though. He's killed countless more innocents and even though earlier. I said it has no light left in Kylo Ren

I just know there's light left in him I can change him" girls

And they're bad boys am I right fellas Lukes all no no, honey

He's not going to change don't do this

Then he lets her go off to do it after ray leaves Luke goes full sandpeople and storms off to torch the Jedi texts

Sike, ghost Yoda gets to it first with a lightning strike. That's right ghosts can lightning bend. Why? why not?

Ghost Yoda tells Luke to look past and I quote a pile of old books Luke points out that they were the sacred Jedi

Texts the sacred Jedi texts ghost Yoda responds, and I quote

Fuck that shit. Oh and ray ran off with the text so either ghost Yoda is just bullshitting Luke or wrong

What was even the point of this ryan fanservice parading around a puppeted corpse? Hey remember when Yoda was all

Luke you must complete the training." "you must not go," but Luke did it anyway

"Can't keep the vision out of my head they're my friends I gotta help them"

I guess Yoda acknowledges Rey doesn't need training like Luke did

by the way, and this might just be me Yodas puppet

Just doesn't look as good as it did in the Empire Strikes Back. They say it was faithfully recreated

So maybe it's seeing the puppet in high definition that ruins it. I wouldn't know Poe goes to confront Admiral Ack

There's a pube in my throat correctly pointing out that under her command

their fleets now gone there an hour and a half into the movie and still she's told them zip about any plan "we had a

Fleet now we're down to one ship, and you told us nothing"

Tell us that we have a plan" a perfectly reasonable request that she denies by feeding him utter bullshit "when I served under Leia

She would say hope is like the Sun if you only believe in it when you can see it" the fuck you talking about

Poe notices that Admiral vag loose and fancy free is fueling the transport ships to flee in completely unshielded with ostensibly

Nowhere to go that is of course certain suicide Poe stages a coup to do this

Misunderstanding all because James won't tell anybody we're Team Rocket is blasting off to see this is the problem with women

They want you to just read their minds Leia wakes up puts

PO down like a rabid dog and shuttles everybody into the unshielded transport ships, so they could sneak down to not hoth Admiral

That's no-neck. That's a space elevator decides to stay behind and go down with the cruiser

Huh does the rebellion really have the high-ranking members to spare?

I'm no military expert, but surely a vice Admirals a little less expendable than a foot soldier

She is a genetic dead end though so I guess it's fitting in a Darwinian sense hell even

C-3po is deemed more important alive than this lady by bitch

ray flies

Directly to Snoke ship presenting herself to kylo in a box all dolled up with her hair let down all she's missing is the bow?

On top, but instead of hot passionate forced bonding kylo just takes her as prisoners Snoke whoopsies

What was the plan here?

Sweetheart is Ryan implying that women are incapable of planning because there's definitely a trend here

Really starting to question it guys in the throne room

Snoke admits to Rey he catfished her that he was the one sending her kylos shirtless pics this whole time you tricked me

He then demands that she reveal where Luke is wait if Snoke knew where Rey was to contact her with the force and kylo knew she

Was with Luke then how didn't snoke know that's confusing

to her credit Rey

refuses to be pimped out to kylo sugar-daddy so Snoke just mind rapes her takes her laser sword boxer on the head with it and

Tosses her around the room a bit before offering kylo her head

What follows is probably the second funniest bit of the last Jedi as Snoke narrates his own death

"I see the lightsaber slowly turning don't see your fingers on it, but okay

Yes, I see piercing the robe like outfit. Yeah, I guess you're off it is like a robe

And then my apprentice ignites his saber. It's blue now?

hmm

Okay, well he turns that shit on and slays his true ene--

Oh that spot" poor Snoke only half the character he could have been what a waste so can kylo be the main character now

Please he gets more done and the ensuing battle between him and snoke's Elite Guard is honestly pretty cool

The choreography is fun creative

And you can feel the weight of the blows

Except with Rey where she takes out several fighters by herself with that one day of laser sword training that she did on her own

Without Luke's help she ends up having to save kylo, too

Naturally as all this is happening the rebellion are getting unceremoniously blown up in their unshielded

Transports while admiral fish-breath watches in horror from her shielded cruiser that she wished you'd listen to poe now, huh?

Rey watches her friends all die too from snoke's flatscreen here Ryan references Empire

At least Kylo doesn't reveal he's related to her no win-cest here much the opposite

He reveals raised actually related to some lowlife nobodies who sold her for drinking money. They had nothing to do with anything

It's great. Honestly. I love this reveal

It's just the biggest most deliberate middle finger to all the fan theorists to anyone who gave a rat's ass about Rey's background

No cool, bloodline. No interesting backstory. No connection to the Skywalker's and Snoke is just some old turd in a bathrobe

I couldn't have let everyone down any better myself

another fanfiction writer could have though two years earlier a fairly popular Star Wars fan fiction series on archiveofourown.org

Predicted this exact twist in its own take on this very interaction with kylo Ren make of that what you will

With his master dead Rey tries to coax kylo into the light to tame that wild beast in him kylos all

Wow ray was wrong. How is that even possible without the fabric of time and space splitting apart? Oh?

Not only does kylo handily resist Rey's seduction he turns it on to her and turns her right on

It's super effective because kylo has all the right words

Complexion our story you come from nothing

nothing

But not to me

Well while ray is considering betraying her friends the flatscreen directly beside her still has them getting blown to pieces

Not poe and leia of course just all the faceless nobodies that the future films will sweep under the rug

Admiral clitty blaster unable to bear the guilt of what she's done any longer revs up the cruisers warp drive and goes to light speed

Through the star dreadnaught, it looks super cool.*I thought it had no fuel left?* It is spectacularly stupid

I was unaware that warp drives are in fact the most efficiently powerful space cannon in all the galaxy

Why the fuck isn't it used as a weapon it?

Demonstrably can be if it has to be part of a ship

Then why aren't there more kamikaze pilots in the Star Wars universe?

Why don't they make ships for this express purpose and have droids fly them?

I know droids can pilot behind us but droid bb-8 can work in a TST for crying out loud

Did I mention snoke's dreadnaught is called 'the supremacy' a tumbler wright just cruiser of pieced into white supremacy?

That's fucking amazing

Rey is still on the dreadnought when the cruiser hits doesn't affect her naturally

Oh yeah, Finn rose and the master codebreaker are all on board, too

I forgot to mention because Poe and Rose mission failed and was never necessary to the plot in the slightest all they've done is pad out

An already too long running time poor minorities never allowed to achieve anything of note "the monster of

Racism is the same that hasn't changed." Anyhowc They were caught by an evil version of bb-8 and captain

Phasma you remember Captain phasma that important lady who got thrown into the trash compactor trash compactor

How did you get out of there and off the base before it exploded? Did you teleport better yet?

Why in the fuck were you fired for taking down the Death Star shields that is fired on by a

Squad at the very least you should have been demoted from

captain or something to that effect does anybody remember there was a Death Star in the last movie and

A map by the way, it was the code breaker who told the Empire about the sneaky sneaky transport ship sneaking away

How do you know about them you asked? He couldn't have

Phasma was going to have Finn and Rose executed, surrounded by a bajillion stormtroopers for some reason

But they all died in the collision

well not Finn and Rose of course their plot armor was better stuff than what the

Stormtroopers get the few Nazis that survived are gunned down by bb-8 in an at-st

Yes, the cutesy robot character saves the day in an at-st

no one stopped Ryan from doing this you think that's bad Finn and Rose witness this travesty into an

Honest-to-god comedy double take look right here

They left this in this belongs in the fucking blooper reel

And they just left it in phasma survived too because she teleported all the way over there

Case closed Rose tries to shoot pahsma too bad

She's got plot armor to armor that can deflect blaster shots Wow finally armor that does more than fucking nothing

Why aren't they all wearing it Finn has his epic confrontation with phasma and beats her ass

I guess this is why you don't put women in charge for anything involving combat her last words to him are

Finn replies rebel scum

You were always a faggot

Mega faggot*funny meme* phasma dies

Maybe Finn and Rose get off the dreadnaught and make it with the few other rebellion survivors to not hoth and into the rebel base

Only to realize their trapped and the Empire's outside with another giant laser to bust the door down can't catch a break

Poe Finn rose and The Expendables fly out to stop the laser the Empire rapidly picks off the cannon fodder go space

Nazis then hairy pits shows up in the Falcon to bash the fasc Rey's the one on the guns this time

Okay pause here. There's a fellow youtuber who might have called me out not naming names

But it rhymes with Cosmonautvarietyhour and

He might have asserted that everyone in Star Wars is a Mary Sue and heavily implied that Luke

Skywalker is just as much a Mary Sue as Rey

Let's roll with that for a moment does Luke Skywalker is sue one example given is that Luke managed to hit two TIE fighters with

the Falcon turret in his first space battle Gary Stew-ish

Maybe a little although Luke wasn't exactly a stranger to shooting hard to hit targets from his t16 skyhopper

"That's impossible even for a computer," "but it's not impossible. I used to bullseye womp rats in my t16 back home they're not much more than 15 meters"

But Gary Stu's have their excuses too still I want you to keep that example in mind Luke got two hits in his first space

battle firing a falcon turret got that all right Rey's first time firing a falcon turdet ever hits three tie fighters in a

Single shot a triple kill shot, and don't nunya try pretending Chewie did that from the cockpit?

I ain't eating that shit altogether

It looks like ray hits ten tie fighters on screen the real kill count is undoubtedly more than that in that triple kill shot

She probably 360 no scoped it. I mean would a real gamer girl settle for less

So I think we can all agree Rey's first space battle or well spaceship battle where she's on the guns is

on another level from Luke's

And this kind of thing might be why people are more frustrated with Rey and give Luke his free pass

"I don't believe what I'm hearing" no hard feelings man

But you started it even with Ray's help the rebellion goons still drop like flies. Poe wanting to live turns back

Fin decides to peacefully Ram the laser heroically sacrificing himself for his newfound cause wait no rose smashes into him first

Okay, Disney's just being negligent. Yeah, Asian woman's suck at driving. We get it Ryan, but racist jokes just aren't funny anymore

With Finn and Rose now stranded on the battlefield that the Empire decides not to shoot at them anymore

How courteous this is when the best part of all the last Jedi

Happens Rose is on the verge of passing out Finn runs to her asking. Why she stopped him Rose says

That's how we're going to win, not fighting what we hate... saving the things we love

Immediately, and I mean immediately after Rose spouts this beautiful gem of Trudeau-ian logic the hated Galactic Empire blows a hole in

The rebel base to kill everybody they love

Not quite as funny as *oof* still I was howling with laughter as the door explodes Rose leans in and steals fin's first kiss

Eternally cucking poor poor Poe how many times is this movie gonna spit in his dashingly handsome face?

Here's as good a time as any to bring up why the last Jedi performed so miserably in China

So miserably in fact that it opened behind the second sequel of a fucking rom-com

And then it lasted one week before theaters up and dropped it showings plummeted by 92%

Hot dog I love China now Star Wars has never been too popular in China

But this lack of enthusiasm is unprecedentedly bad. Why was that?

Why weren't the Chinamen dogpiling on to the new Star Wars like the rest of us they say it's because the last Jedi is low

IQ and while true they all go to see the

Transformers movies and droves so that ain't the reason I mean they're box-office even saved Pacific Rim it definitely ain't about IQ

They also say it's because the cast is aesthetically

disadvantaged

No comment. I'll give one other possible explanation the Chinese hates black people

"Nihao" I mean for real they're really not a big fan of black people so in Rose docks for flat side ship into Fins equally

Horizontal landing Bay those few Chinamen in China ladies were probably none, too thrilled by the sight. Can you believe it?

in 2018 the nation with the largest

population of people on planet Earth is filled to the brim with white

supremacists "in other words we claimed the Asians just dislike black people" "for them to determine their status that you would become honorary white

Supremacists themselves they have to play anti black hate"

I'm kidding. I'm kidding the last Jedi failure with the Chinese ain't cuz there's a black guy in it

It's because there's a Vietnamese girl in it

Disney's decision to have a biracial romance and their biggest franchise in the form of an asian and black

Pairing is a bold move by the company like that's a legit middle finger to the Asian market bold as it is though this

Romance if you can call it that is rushed and abortive. There's no build up

No chemistry between these two and this little nip comes completely out of left field

Part of why I laughed at it like with many good jokes is because I didn't see it coming

Oh, and this scene is even funnier because that kamikaze bomber chick from the beginning that was Rose's sister

She died bravely to save the rebellion

Young rose risks her and Finn's lives to doom the rebellion offering them only a quick and messy demise it's like poetry

Thank the force Luke shows up to save their asses the reunion between Luke and Leia is a little... ehh

I get that Leiah may be a little down in the dumps what with her life's work being all for nothing and that she's

Responsible for countless lives lost due to her unremitting string of failures in spite of blowing up the third Death Star, but come on

She's finally seeing her brother again after so long and her reaction is just the same pithy joke between her and her

ex-husband "I know what you're gonna say

I've changed my hair" a pair of robots had a more emotive reunion

Luke gives Leia a pair very physical very tangible golden dice from the very physical very

tangible Millennium Falcon then uses his physical tangible hand to trace her head and

Physically tangibly kisses it to the movies credit. This is a much more heartfelt touching scene

Literally they were touching this is important in a bit Luke then heads out to stare down a bunch of AT-ATs like a badass

Kylo has them rain lasers onto him kicking up a giant red smoke cloud. It looks and sounds pretty fucking cool

So the empire puts a crater in the ground where Luke was and Hux assumes he's dead

No Luke is playing by anime rules if you've left your opponent for dead in a cloud of smoke

He ain't dead. He's just getting started

Oh, man

This is pretty-- this is awesome

inside the base

Fin has somehow managed to get there and drag our comatose rose across the whole entire battlefield without getting fired on don't think about it

Poe realizes Luke is using himself as bait, so they can all run, so he says they should all run it again

This is Poe's character arc by the way he learns to run away because hope

They run for it searching for the hole Luke made with his lightsaber to get inside

Obviously I guess they're going to steal his ship parked out back too because if there's no ship back there

They're running to nothing except to go be eviscerated by lasers upon the barren salt fields so

Outside kylo and Luke have a cool fight scene. I was legitimately brace for it enjoying myself here

Oh alas the fight is cut painfully short for some terrible dialogue

"The resistance is dead... The war is over... And when I kill you

I will have proven-- the sfx are superior to the effects

Amazing... every word of what you just said is wrong

oh yeah, and I guess Rey is done blowing up TIE fighters so she and chewy land behind the rebel base because

the force told her there's a back entrance I guess or the

Scriptwriter told her Rey comes upon a small landslide blocking a random hole in the base keeping the rebellion from fleeing relative safety

Time to start rock cutting, hun. We know you're skilled at dad already

But instead

Hey remember when it took Luke forever to lift a single x-wing from a swamp during his training

Well Rey can immediately lift many many boulders with still no force training

Ma-Rey-Sue

Kylo cuts Luke down

Luke was a ghost the whole time Bruce Willis eat ya heart out

So yeah Luke was astral projecting from island world alright since when was that a Jedi power?

And how come they can be in corporeal, but can also touch people are there Danny Phantom levels of complexity here

How can Luke imbue objects with physicality like the ghost dice? Why would he do that even to trick Leia to trick the audience?

Why does the atmosphere on not hoth seemingly affect Luke is he just simulating the wind blowing his clothes and ruffling his hair

Oh, but he doesn't leave footprints his lightsabers blue. Yeah, sure just the rest of this doesn't make sense

Are these abilities from the extended universe books or something?

Oh wait, those aren't canon anymore

E'R Leah knew Luke was ghosting

Nope doesn't explain the dice doesn't explain why Leia kept silent when her followers loudly went on about finding the entrance Luke

used to get inside the base

And all that badassery from Luke. Yeah, nah. I'll fake. He wasn't really there to pull any of it off

It was literally just a light show

This is Luke's last movie before he's a force ghost his last chance to show off his mastery

But in his final climactic scene he can't get it up. He literally just imagines

He's being cool with the force and somehow other people can see it actually

sad

The saddest part Luke could have been on not hoth he could have tracked Rey in his ship maybe with Chewy's help and flown

There himself... No now

I'm not even sure how Luke knew to send a hologram to not Hoth in the first place did he manage to put a mental?

tracker on Rey like Snoke did it only an upgraded version that gives

Coordinates one of the few times the movie was making a little bit of sense, and it's completely shut down

Holy shit luke peaces out so hard that he fades out of existence on island world too

leaving only his clothes behind, or is this a throwback to obi-wan teleporting out of his cloak too

All of what's left of the rebellion crammed into the Millennium Falcon and jets off of not Hoth need I remind you if Rey hadn't

Shown up in her ship. Yes, the Falcon is her fucking ship now not Hans

If she hadn't shown up the rebellion would have been stranded outside their own base with their pants down in the salt

The absolute state of the rebellion folks raised all well shit Luke's dead and the rebellion has been all but killed off

What now master strategist Leia says and I quote?

"We have everything we need"

Bitch you just got your everything

Decimated times nine your force ain't with you you and Admiral paps near got them all blown up minutes ago

You lost the father of your child and your brother in the span of a few days your fleet is

Gone due to your upbeat purple bitch refusing to disclose your shit plan

wow

You smiling the very last scene is of some kids playing with Star Wars toys and imagining themselves as the characters in the movie

no, I'm not making that up to make the last Jedi look worse the last Jedi ends on a

commercial, the end

The 50% user score well

Maybe now you see where that's coming from

There's not a ton to like about the last Jedi for both Star Wars fans

And not nerds alike the story is really dumb the cool visuals are often undercut by flimsy

causality why the music is starting to sound very

Recycled Mark Hamill's mostly great acting is in service to an alien character with one of the most miserable arcs. I've seen in years rey

there are too many plot lines with too little substance to go around and the pacing oh my lord back and forth and back and

forth and back and forth never too fast

But never lingering long enough to be invested when the a B. And C plots finally came together on not Hoth

We were already on the fourth act of a three acts movie

I had to pause it there to take a break in the theater where I totally paid to watch this

With what sounded like a bunch of poor gloving Mexicans and the kicker what probably pissed off so many folks

Oh shit that dipped even further damn. Well. I think the big reason for

180,000 Plus ratings coming to a measly 48 percent is that Luke Skywalker the Luke Skywalker?

Never really gets to redeem himself. He makes it look like he does by

sacrificing himself with a hologram

But nothing Luke does actually fixes the extraordinary mess

He's created his actions only stall the plot so that others can wrap it up in the next movie

And then he disappears a humiliated failure of a man you can say a story is similar to Obi Wan's

And it is

But it would be dishonest to overlook the fundamental differences obi-wan responded to Leah's call for help without hesitation

Luke ignores it leaving the rebellion and his sister to die obi-wan faced his student in the end

Luke only pretends to and arguably had to be guilted into doing so altogether Luke's death is a dismal

Insulting finale for one of cinema's most cherished heroes the last Jedi is a very expensive

Competently shot effigy in my opinion

It was really no better and no worse than the farce engorges overall

But now the effigy is burning and people smell the fire before somebody jumps down my throat about it calling me bias

Yes, the last Jedi is one of the biggest box office successes of all time its opening weekend box office numbers

Just about Mirror the forest and gorges

It's not going to do anywhere near

As well as TFA did totally and the drop-off in ticket sales after the weekend should worry Disney a little nevertheless

The last Jedi did good real good, but lest we forget

"remember kids

It's not important if it makes money

only if it's of high quality"

Credit where credit is due I expected a retread of empire we got bits of that here and there?

But it's definitely not as Empire as much as TFA was a new hope that might be a bad thing for Ryan though

I've said it before and I'll keep saying it

I'm positive juju plagiarized so transparently because he understood most folks wanted Star Wars

The movie not some entirely new story set in Star Wars

The universe to be honest, maybe Ryan should have copied Empire more the nostalgia well

is a deep one and according to Ryan he had full directorial control so perhaps

He could have drawn from it it probably would have worked

But that's assuming Ruan wanted it to make a temporarily

Well-liked movie if you've seen my rogue Wan video you may recall where I said in a hypothetical

Scenario where I got to write slash direct a Star Wars film that I'd make my movie a huge troll to crash the franchise is

it possible Ryan had

Similar intentions hear me out for a second if one were to do something like that

Well isn't this how they do it cutting every potential overarching plot thread from the farce

Engorges Luke doing an implausibly hard 180 from his original

characterization Leia flying through space leaving fan-favorite Akbar to die hey lesbian stereotype ruining everything for everyone

Stabbing almost every fan theorist in the back making the big bad ain't nobody and killing him off in the most embarrassing way

This scene Luke dying pathetically from total forcing too hard. What about the milking?

Okay, it was horrifying

It's all just subtle enough to clear Hollywood execs yet stings badly enough to make the fans hurt in a way the last Jedi is

A work of art the more I've been with it the more

I've begun appreciating this movie for just how brazenly contemptuous. It is there's a sort of dark purity to its perversions

Unfortunately, I think we can rule out the fun self-aware kind of malice Ryan's all about that agenda although

I'm not sure if this tweet means he wants an agenda, or he wants the shirt proudly proclaiming that he has one

And yet for a proud propagandizing hard-carrying femboy

I don't think I've seen another movie where a woman fuck's up this badly this hard this continually since my favorite movie

Sikario I kid it's not a woman

It's all the women fucking up in the last Jedi at almost every given opportunity Ryan choses ladies to be incompetent

Mindless and even dangerous the only comparable powerful and dim-witted male character might be Snoke the dude who wears a dress

Fuck maybe Ryan really is a troll here's to

All throughout the last Jedi a common theme is perpetuated the old must die to make way for the new kylo

Says it explicitly at one point "it's time to let old things die" Han is dead Leiah is effectively dead Luke is gone

They killed them and killed them at their lowest old

Separated bitter and broken I've seen this before a sequel that

Unnecessarily drags its predecessor characters through the mud then kills them for some cheap shock value the main thing is to protect these characters

Make sure that they still continue to live in the way that you created them

It's anyone's guess why they would go this far to terminate the remnants of the original trilogy

But there can be no mistake the OT has been decisively terminated

No longer is Star Wars the story of Luke

Skywalker like I say it's not my story anymore the last Jedi is not the first nail in that coffin certainly

But it is the last

This is the look of a man who's realized just that that his legacy has been buried by his own hand or he's tired

He's old I feel just a little bit bad for Hamill. He's made it very very clear

He's not a fan of these movies though. He begrudgingly accepts. They belong to a new generation. I have to you know

Let go of the past. This is the new generation and

Ryan and JJ should be able to tell these stories the way they want and

Not listen to an old crank like me, but if I were another benign wise

Jedi we've seen that before and nobody can do it better than Alec did it so

I think being pushed out of your comfort zone in this case was a good thing although

I still stay a Jedi would never give up, but that's old school

This is the new generation

But it wasn't supposed to go this way

Mark signed onto this ship thinking George Lucas would be captaining it and when Disney much to his alleged

Surprise took the wheel some months later. He was contractually in the mousetrap so we signed on and

You know like I say I didn't know I didn't know what was gonna be bought by Disney the way Mark describes it his prime

motivation for returning to this franchise to begin with was so that he wouldn't disappoint his fans to

Irony is a cruel purple-haired fluid gendered mistress, E;R It's just Star Wars

They're dumb movies about space Knights and laser swords. It's not a big deal I agree

That's what they are and that's what they're about it's also Star Wars the most popular and profitable

Movie franchise in the history of cinema, I'll say this again

I'm not a Star Wars fan appreciator of the original trilogy at most this isn't fully or even mostly about Star Wars for me

it's about the precedent the

precedent of we can take anything we want and take it for as long and hard as we need it's not a new precedent of

Course just one of the biggest and most advertised examples to date the idea that Hollywood can just run a train on the old

Stuff people like to call this ass ramming Cannon, and there's virtually nothing to stop them from doing it again and again and again

That's just not a very nice thought to me

However, there is dare. I say it

Hope

That's a a lot of unhappy campers and Disney pushing these things out faster and faster will make their failures harder and harder to forget

there's only so much milk Disney you can wring out of the starwars cow that the unwashed masses will drink and grimace through and with

This latest installment in the Star Wars trilogy. I suspect for a great many Star Wars fans

Even those who enjoyed the Farce engorges that this is when the mouse became the rat

Maybe just maybe there won't be a new Star Wars every year for the rest of our lives one can hope

See you for the next trash fire in are you guys fucking

I need someone

To show me my place

No pause it god damn it. I do not support that message. Whatever that what's it sexist

misogynistic

Disgusting doesn't belong anywhere on this channel. I just want to put my foot down right now

I'm putting it down. You can't see I'm put for this type of content. Don't like it

The Description of Star Wars: The Last Forcebender