Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Ridiculousnessly Popular Videos: Shopping Edition ? Ridiculousness
(applause)
- [Woman] Uh, hello.
Excuse me.
Are y'all on drugs or something?
Like y'all got to be grinding on me
while y'all kissing on each other?
Really?
- [Rob] Man, I love her.
- [Woman] These people in the store
and they're making out but they all grinding on me, like.
- Oh hell no, I am not menegaing anybody here.
(audience laughing)
Welcome back to Ridiculousness.
All right look, we're living in a modern world, okay,
shopping at a store is stupid.
- Waste of time.
- I aint gonna say it's stupid.
- It's. - I do it a lot.
- It's annoying every single time.
- No, I'll do online shopping as well
but like, how you supposed to know
like if you really vibe with something
unless you touch it.
Y'all not into fashion like me.
But you touch it and you feel it
and you gotta understand and connect with that piece.
- I know but I connect online.
(laughing)
Do you love to shop or you over it?
You want to shop online these days?
- Only online.
I mean, I have size five feet.
So my shoes are never anywhere.
Online's just easier.
- So you love online? - I love it.
- Yeah, 'cause you're just--
- And when I'm drunk, it could be a bit of a problem.
- Like do you ever like wake up like holy (bleep)
I just spent $10,000 on shoes?
- She smiling like it happens often.
- Let's just say that if this show ended tomorrow,
I could probably live off my shoe collection for awhile.
(laughing)
- Hey internet, if this show shuts down,
DM Chanel if you're looking for some size fives.
- I'll be selling lots of shoes.
- Well this next category will give you a reason
never to go shopping again.
We call it Retail Hell.
Take a look.
(applause)
(soft muzak)
- Oh man. - Nope.
- [Steelo] Oh man.
- [Woman] He just fired.
- [Steelo] Oh he got fired.
- Oh he did. - He got fired, bro.
- [Rob] You gonna fire me?
Okay how bout we, oh.
- [Steelo] It's his last day.
- [Rob] Oh that's his homie.
Like, come through, we're gonna tear the whole store down.
- Why he doing this?
This aint even the men section.
Why he so mad at the women's section?
- [Rob] Okay, pack it up.
Everything's, oh look out.
Look out.
(audience groaning)
- Oh. - Man.
- You should have to train people to drive these, man.
- Old Grandpa Jacks out of control.
- [Steelo] How do you whisky throttle on that?
- Drinking again.
- He ran somebody over.
- He did. - Oh he caught a body, bro.
He caught a body.
Caught a body, though.
- Oh, we lost old Mildred.
Gonna catch a DUI at (bleep) Ralph.
(laughing)
- A DUI at Ralphs.
(laughing)
(soft muzak)
- [Rob] They're having a sale on squatty potties.
(audience laughing)
Let me get into here.
Somebody drive me out of here.
- Oh my god.
- Where am I?
Where am I?
(laughing)
- Oh, it's going down.
(audience groaning)
The accuracy.
- I mean.
Like. - You don't pull my weave out.
- [Chanel] You just got rocked with a piece of cabbage.
- Bro, I mean, the accuracy of that.
(laughing)
The cameraman is a good,
he started with the weave, went up, hand up.
- [Rob] Oh come, we're out of here.
(shouting) (bleep)
- Picked up the baby.
- Oh yeah.
You see how good mommy's arm is?
- [Steelo] Is that her baby?
- [Chanel] Yeah, probably.
- [Rob] Okay, here we go.
- Oh man.
- [Rob] You aint getting away.
- [Woman] Oh my god.
- Okay. - Nah.
- Okay. - Get El Chapo.
(laughing)
- He's trying to create a diversion to break out.
- [Rob] Anyway.
Oh (bleep).
Okay, finally we.
- We know who did it.
We know who did it.
(laughing)
- There you have it for Retail Hell.
(cheering)
Okay, either of you guys ever buy anything
off the Home Shopping Network?
- No, what are we 70?
(laughing)
- Look man, I've stood down the barrel.
Okay. - Have you?
- Yeah, 'cause it was like,
man it was like that magic jack.
You (bleep) with the magic jack?
- The magic jack, I heard of that.
What is that again?
- Yeah, like where if you put anything in there.
- What is it? - What is it again?
(audience laughing)
You are not describing it at all.
You can put anything in it.
- It's box. - That's what it is.
- I got lost.
- [Steelo] That felt personal, too.
- I got lost because I was thinking to myself,
like, damn do they really just call on the phone?
Is that like?
- I think they do. - They do.
- It's like, there's still just hordes of old people
sitting by a TV, waiting for (bleep) the next thing
to show up.
Oh (bleep).
Oh (bleep).
It's a butterfly necklace, I need it.
(laughing)
Well look, this category right here
is a bunch of incredible inventions.
If we had our own network, they would be on.
Take a look at the Ridic Shopping Network.
- [Steelo] Oh we need one.
(cheering)
- [Rob] Oh okay.
All right, it's a plate holder.
Post workout meal plate holder.
- [Steelo] He didn't cook that chicken at all.
- [Rob] No, he didn't.
- It looks bland as a (bleep).
- Man.
Protein.
Little bit of HGH.
(audience laughing)
Okay, here we go.
(audience laughing)
Oh.
- [Steelo] That's the chicken right there he just ate.
- [Rob] What are we offering here?
- Yeah what are we selling that?
That was just weird.
- We're bad business people if we think
we're gonna sell that chicken.
(audience laughing)
- [Man] There's weed everywhere, right?
Get your little mother (bleep) shirt.
Come on, come on, bruh.
- [Rob] Yeah, look at that weed.
Weeds on the carpet.
- [Man] Get you a shirt, put it over here.
- Let me tell you something.
- [Rob] Here we go.
(audience laughing)
- What the?
This is genius.
- [Rob] What happened?
- [Man] Never lose weed again.
- Man.
(cheering)
- You gotta appreciate that guy.
- He should be like a multimillionaire off it
but it's like, he just gave that advice out for free.
(laughing)
Oh, easy. - Oh man.
That's disgusting. - This is so nasty.
- Is it?
I mean, it's.
- Also a little smart.
- A little barf mask.
Oh man, imagine how rich the smell is in there.
- Oh disgusting.
Get him a new bag.
- Hey, I don't want to critique another man's invention
but you should poke some nose holes in there.
(audience laughing)
Oh man this is what you need.
Technology, man.
Somebody's gonna die with one of these.
- Oh (bleep).
- Oh my god.
- [Steelo] Is this a delivery from Amazon?
- [Chanel] They just got their child on the doorstep.
- [Steelo] He's like 32 years old.
(laughing)
- Man, getting a grandpa delivered.
(audience laughing)
Well, it's not really gonna work.
I got a problem and I've had it my whole life.
I don't and cannot and refuse to take things back.
Okay. - Me, too.
I swear to god I struggle with it so much.
And it doesn't have to be expensive, too.
I'll be like I want to take this back so bad.
- Give it away. - But I'm too lazy.
- I give it way.
- Yeah me, too. - I'm talking cars.
(bleep).
- Okay, all right.
- Be like, damn this things wack.
Anybody want this (bleep) Benz?
Why did I get a Benz?
Now.
- What the (bleep)?
You gonna just stunt on all of us.
Like I was with you, I was connected.
I was talking about a t-shirt.
(audience laughing)
- I hate taking clothes back, too.
- Yeah, me too. - I end up stuck
with like all these clothes that don't fit me
and then I'm like. - Me, too.
- I'm asking friends, like does this fit you?
- [Rob] Look at us, a bunch of take bakers.
- You trying to style your friends.
- Yes, exactly.
- Look, unlike us, you don't want to ever take anything back
these are the exact opposite.
They're refund warriors.
Take a look.
(cheering)
- [Woman] Read the receipt.
You the manager.
I want my money.
(indistinct shouting)
- [Steelo] She not playing with them.
- [Woman] (bleep) I wank my money!
- She look like she making a beat.
- But just give her her money.
- 50 cents. - Why they playing
with her money, though.
- I was charged extra 40 cents.
- Look we don't even know,
we know she's a really good drummer, though.
- [Man] Nothing I can do about that.
- He don't want that store credit, bruh.
Run him his bread.
- [Rob] I'm getting mad now.
I can't hear you but I'm getting mad.
Oh man.
- [Steelo] Oh you can't let him say that and walk away.
You gotta.
- [Rob] Oh, hello.
All right.
Okay.
(bleep) Pokemon!
- Look at the dude who walked in.
He like.
- Man. - Is this the wrong time?
(laughing)
Okay, I'ma come back when y'all clean this up, okay.
(audience laughing)
- Man.
- Yo, Bryan knows how to keep his cool
better than anybody.
- Bryan's like, man I (bleep) get off in like an hour.
I aint cleaning that (bleep) up.
- That's somebody else problem now.
(laughing)
- [Rob] Give me my money.
Just the money.
The money back.
Money back.
Money back.
Money back.
- He sound like he at an auction, don't he?
- Money back, just the money back.
- And sold.
She checking out Facebook and (bleep).
She aint listening to him.
(audience laughing)
She like, I don't know you bro.
Shut your ass up.
- [Man] We gave you a hot dog, I know--
- Look what you just gave me.
Where is my hot dog?
(audience laughing) - Where is my dog?
Is like a scam where he grabbed it like.
There's no dog.
- [Man] Where is my hot dog.
- [Steelo] I love she turned around.
Like hey, y'all ate his hotdog?
(laughing)
- You a true refund warrior.
There you have it.
(cheering)
All right Brooks, we found an interesting tweet of yours.
We're gonna show it and maybe you could explain it to us.
- [Brooks] Uh, oh yeah.
- [Rob] My biggest fear is being drunk.
- Mine, too. - On E...
- I'm not good at being drunk near a computer.
Like, I bought an airplane ticket to New Orleans one time
and I didn't remember doing it in the morning.
I just got like a ready to check in,
like three weeks later.
I was like, for what?
It was like. (audience laughing)
I booked it for like a Tuesday.
I don't know what I was doing.
- Well, this next category is dedicated
to people that all bought stuff
while they were Drunk on Ebay.
- My name is Eric Fuss.
This is my bubble wrap bike.
- [Rob] Oh (bleep) yeah, Eric.
- Jealous much?
(audience laughing)
- [Rob] Anything goes.
- That should of started off with my name's Eric,
my wife just left me.
(audience laughing)
Oh, we've all seen this.
- [Rob] We all, yeah.
What's that?
It's a flying ostrich.
- This is like a dude who wanted to like spy
on his neighbor but was like,
he's gonna know if it's a drone.
(audience laughing)
Make it an ostrich.
(audience laughing)
And then he'll just be like,
oh (bleep) it's an ostrich,
I better get naked in front of it.
(audience laughing)
- [Rob] Yeah.
Yeah planes, it's a plane gun.
- What? - it's a plane gun.
- Oh my god. - That is dope.
- This is so great. - That's kinda cool.
- I mean the guy holding it scares the (bleep) out of me.
(audience laughing)
(heaving)
(groaning)
- [Rob] You don't gotta puke.
You just bought something to puke for you.
- [Brooks] This is the leader singer to Static X.
(audience laughing)
- Is that a group?
- You know who Static X is?
- Yes, I do.
I do know who Static X.
- It looks like him.
- Dude my moms like a heavy metal chick.
I know this. - Oh nice.
I sat next to Chanel for like five minutes.
I know her mom has huge boobs and loves heavy metal.
(audience laughing)
- I hope that doesn't go on TV tonight.
- Definitely going.
- [Rob] Maybe you two should get together
in the editing room.
- Yeah we should have my mean dad
and your big boobed mom hang out.
- Let's talk about online shopping.
Okay? - My favorite.
- And look, if you're like me,
I need it as soon as I can get it.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
And like I'll order something for like $6
and it will be like 85 to get it tomorrow.
(laughing)
- Yeah. - (bleep) It.
My order's 91 now.
You know what I mean, like.
You name your price and get that (bleep) to me.
- I'm the same yeah.
- Oh yeah?
Okay.
Now do you enjoy and love free shipping?
- I love free shipping
but it's not common for the type of stuff I buy.
So.
(audience laughing)
- Free shipping always gets there in like two months, too,
so I can't do free shipping.
- Yeah, you can't.
Not only is free shipping not worth it.
It's just sketchy, it's just sketchy
and this category proves it
'cause this is the freest shipping.
Take a look.
(cheering)
Well, it's gonna get there eventually
if somebody finds this (bleep).
He's like, I gotta get home.
I can't deliver another one of these today.
- [Steelo] Is he quitting?
- No, he's just like.
He's just got a strategy.
He's like burying bodies.
Okay, hey guys.
Got your package here.
Come get it, I dare ya.
- Postmates.
- [Rob] Man, what's in there?
All right, I guess I'll take it.
(laughing)
- [Woman] He's already opening it.
- [Rob] Oh yeah.
And he's like.
Look, he opened it up.
What is it?
- [Woman] Oh, it's a PlayStation?
- [Rob] Oh he said.
- [Steelo] How he know it's a controller in there?
- [Chanel] Probably saw where it was from.
- [Woman] Looking around.
And there he goes.
There you go.
Unbelievable.
- Unbelievable.
(overlapping shouting)
Oh FedEx, man. - FedEx.
Hey, take a shot.
He got fired, too.
- [Rob] Man, look he's glowing.
- Let's go. - Man.
- He must of just delivered something
they really needed for that party.
- [Rob] He really did.
Oh, oh, oh (shouting)
Okay.
Hi, oh hi. - The light jog.
The light jog.
- Look, I've been working too many years to care.
(audience laughing)
There you have it for the freest shipping.
(applause)
Okay, Leonna, so we understand
that you and your father didn't like to shop
when you were younger.
What did you use to go?
- Yeah, so when we used to like go shopping
with my mum in the supermarket,
we used to get a bit bored.
So basically, we had this game where'd take items
and see how many items we can get
into other people's baskets
without them noticing.
(audience laughing)
And then they'd like get to the checkout
and you'd see them like.
- Condoms? - They're like.
- I aint buy no damn condoms. - I was like eight.
(laughing)
- Now, did you ever get caught.
Where they were like, what are you doing?
- Like once or twice like,
I remember someone kinda looking at me,
like knowing what I'm doing and I'd just like run away.
I'd be a kid so it be fine.
- [Rob] Right right.
- What about your Dad?
- He never got caught. - They'd catch him
and they're like, this guys creepy as hell.
- Like, escort him out.
- Well, we've come up with a term to describe it
and found a whole host of videos
of people messing with people in supermarkets,
we call it Aisle Trolls.
Take a look.
(cheering)
- [Woman] Um, hello, excuse me.
Are y'all on drugs or something?
Like do y'all got to be grinding on me
when y'all kissing on each other?
(audience laughing)
Really? - Man, I love her.
- [Woman] These people in the store,
they're making out but they're all grinding on me, like.
- [Rob] Oh hell no, I am not menaging anybody here.
(audience laughing)
Uh oh.
(groaning)
- Oh wait, but why the thong though?
- That was planned.
He really wears a thong?
Like.
- Look, look at his reaction.
Like, all my friends know now.
What, it's more comfortable.
(audience laughing)
- Bro.
(audience laughing)
You know he, you know he think god just came back.
He like. - Yeah, yeah.
- He didn't come for me?
It's the rapture.
That's so good.
It's so good.
- [Rob] This is just,
this is how heart attacks happen.
(laughing)
(screaming)
(audience laughing)
- How is that close and she not reacting, though?
- Because she's right on the edge of being alive.
(audience laughing)
Right?
Last thing she needs is someone
to get close to the inside of her brain.
And she said.
(screaming)
When you're in an aisle, look out for fingers in the ears.
We'll be right back with more Ridiculousness.
(cheering)
All right, Meta, we heard
that when you got drafted to the Bulls
in your rookie year that you were just like,
you wanna know what?
I'm loving this ability to play professional basketball
but I also want to work part time at Circuit City.
- Yeah, that's a true story.
- Is that the true story? - Really?
- I was bored, man.
(audience laughing)
I was 19 years old, NBA, practice, had nothing to do.
So I decided to work at Circuit City.
- Then what happened? - That's kinda sick.
- And then, what kind of discount does and employee get?
- 50%.
- What?
(audience laughing)
- [Steelo] That's why they out of business right now.
- That's probably, why.
DVDs. - And he was like making
good money, he had like the biggest TV.
Like all the illest electronics.
- A lot of DVDs.
(laughing)
- Okay and then how did they stop you?
How did they find out?
- What happened was some fan walked in
and was like, you're Ron Artest,
why you working at Circuit City?
And then it was on the news that Ron Artest
working at Circuit City.
(audience laughing)
Then I just, I resigned.
(audience laughing)
- Well, look.
Just like you, everybody in this next category,
they were board and they were obviously just working here
for the discount.
Take a look.
(cheering)
(audience laughing)
- Wow.
- He said uh, manager machine broke, too.
- [Man] Which one of these would you recommend
slitting someone's throat with?
- He's like he's like.
He's like rule number one, the customer is always right.
- [Man] You ready?
(audience laughing)
- That's what happens when you're bored at Taco Bell.
- He said (bleep) out of here?
- Yeah, oh.
This poor woman has simply,
just gotten a pizza with, I'm assuming olives,
instead of mushrooms.
Okay, go ahead.
(audience laughing)
Okay, that's what happens when you're only
working for the discount.
We'll be right back with more Ridiculousness.
(cheering)
All right, Nate, did you play any other sports
when you were growing up?
- I was pretty good in football.
I could of been an NFL player, too.
- Okay. - He's so humble.
(laughing)
- Just a little bit.
- You want to know what, and I believe that, right,
because I see some football skills
in this clip we have of you.
Take a look at this.
- Hike.
- [Rob] Hike.
(audience laughing)
- He throw, look, he throw a pineapple at me.
I'm not gonna catch a pineapple in the store.
Pineapple, pineapples hurts.
- All right, continue to play.
Continue to play it.
- Omaha, Omaha.
Hut.
(laughing)
(audience laughing)
(cheering)
- For something that you may have invented,
Supermarket Sports.
Take a look.
Hut hut, hike.
Football.
(audience laughing)
- Like the jog away.
Yeah.
- That's set like, oh I (bleep) you up
but you know I gotta get out of here.
(audience laughing)
Oh my god, discount pumpkin heads.
(audience laughing)
- Look at the way he came out like a newborn baby.
Look, look at him.
Watch him crawling out.
(audience laughing)
- [Rob] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Send it towards me, I'ma fly right over it.
(bleep)
- That's when you try to play it off.
- Yeah, man.
You love it when you can play it off like that.
(bleep)
Oh yeah, what are we doing tonight?
(audience laughing)
Oh, I gotta get out of here.
Oh.
(audience laughing)
- [Steelo] Oh my god.
- That's called no athleticism whatsoever.
I mean nothing.
- [Rob] We are the two percenters.
- [Steelo] I can't go.
- Hey, what is that called again?
Knighting? - Jousting.
- Jousting, yeah.
- You know what I mean?
We're talking about, we're talking about milk jousting.
(groaning)
- Oh my god, he's not down.
He's not out, he's outta there.
(overlapping shouting)
(audience laughing)
He doesn't know where he's at.
(overlapping shouting)
He's got butter feet.
- Okay, look.
We live in unusual times these days, you know?
One of the first things I got to do
to be normal, post quarantine,
is I got to go to a Starbucks drive through.
- Yeah.
- I've never been so happy to go through a drive through
in my life. - That's true.
- You know what I mean?
And then it gave me this new appreciation
for the drive through.
Because in the early days,
you know, triple mask, nine gloves,
bloodshot eyes and (bleep) just,
just dripping in the vid.
You know what I mean?
- Dripping in the vid.
(laughing)
- But this category right here,
it's people trying to force the issue
because nothing that they're trying to drive through
is an actual drive through.
Take a look at a not a drive through.
(cheering)
(humming)
Excuse me guys, I'm here for the pickup.
Oh no?
No. - No, this is
not the drive through pharmacy.
- [Rob] Okay.
What is this just weird (bleep) Russian Best Buy?
(audience laughing)
I mean, it's got.
- No ones in the car, right?
- [Chanel] Oh that guy works there.
He was just trying to stop it.
- [Steelo] Nobody's in the car.
He's trying to stop it.
- This is why we can't have driverless cars, guys.
(audience laughing)
Okay?
- [Woman] I guess she didn't have 20/20 vision.
She (bleep) crashed into the building.
- [Steelo] She's also 103.
- Man, she knew she couldn't see.
She was driving to 20/20 vision
to see if they could work it out.
Oh, oh come on.
These are vintage Ps2 games.
- Is this GameStop?
It might be GameStop, is it?
- You know what I'm saying, like.
- Feels like it.
And the cashier didn't even react.
Which bothers me a lot.
- It does.
Like not again.
(audience laughing)
Okay, there's a cop.
Act chill.
Act chill, there's a cop.
There's a cop.
Chill, chill, chill.
Okay ah, (bleep), okay.
No, I'm going to jail.
Welcome back to Ridiculousness.
We are here with Bam Margera.
All right Bam, you invented getting nutty
with a shopping cart.
Where does that even come from?
- We were just skateboarding in the parking lot
with a few friends and I told my buddy
to get in one and I just pushed him full speed
into a curb and I just remember
we were all laughing so hard
that I just kept filming it and filming it and filming it.
- Okay, what that did was basically spawn
an entire generation of people
that grab a camera and run out
and try to kill themselves in a shopping cart.
Okay and we have a pretty decent amount of them right here.
Crash Carts, take a look.
High speed locker fun.
(audience laughing)
This is a horrible way to try to get in your trunk.
Put the leg back in, put the leg back in.
(groaning)
- Scattered quick.
- I'm out, I'm out.
(audience laughing)
- Faster! - Faster.
(audience laughing)
- Go!
- [Rob] Don't go.
(audience laughing)
- That was just a prime time failure.
She didn't even make it two feet.
- She really didn't.
(audience laughing)
- [Rob] Get out of the library.
Blue light special on (bleep).
(audience laughing)
- Talk about bad timing.
- Like I wonder how scared she was.
She minding her own damn business.
- He might of ended up in her cart.
You hear her scream a little bit.
(screaming)
(audience laughing)
I'd like to return my girlfriend, please.
I have the receipt.
Don't let her fall.
(groaning)
(audience laughing)
He was there to protect her
and he ended up smashing her with his big fat body weight.
Mash, mash.
- Oh.
- Ladies and gentlemen, look what Bam inspired.
(cheering)
- Okay, I know when I go grocery shopping,
after I'm done grocery shopping,
I don't give a (bleep) about the cart.
I leave it right there.
What about you, Rob?
- I mean, look, when it comes to me and carts,
you know, you get it, you fill it up, you let it go,
you give it an eye shot, right?
- Okay.
- And if it's within what I call the 30 foot rule,
I'll replace it.
- Okay. - 32 feet,
I leave it next to the car next to me.
(audience laughing)
- That's.
You're amazing.
You know what, but for every cart you leave out there,
there's karma in a category we like to call,
Death Carts.
(cheering)
- Hold up, is that Chanel?
Hey what up, Chanel.
(groaning)
- Oh man.
- Now I have to get a boob job.
(laughing)
(audience laughing)
- Aint nobody this happy at Walmart.
(audience laughing)
You're doing an amazing job over there.
(audience laughing)
Should of never let him on this thing.
Okay, all right, we can go on to the next one.
(laughing)
What are they doing?
Are they jousting?
Are they jousting for Nutrigena?
(shouting)
(groaning)
He did a full turn.
Go back.
- Oh, look at him roll, roll, roll your boat.
Slow your roll.
(audience laughing)
- [Chanel] He looks creepy.
- [Steelo] Who's watching the street?
- [Boy] Oh car!
(shouting)
- Go back.
Catch that again.
Catch that again.
How, how are you not letting him know?
If you're this friend,
how you not saying, hey a car's coming?
He's like, keep it going.
- Wait, I love how he put his hand, like wait stop.
- And there you have it for Death Carts.
(cheering)
We'll be right back with more Ridiculousness.
