Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Watsky's Releasing An Album S2, Ep. 3 of 6 - Concave Chest

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[MUSIC - GEORGE WATSKY, "STRONG AS AN OAK"]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

GEORGE WATSKY: I hate bars in LA, man.

It's like, why would I bother putting myself out there if

I'm not what the girls here are looking for

in the first place?

DUMBFOUNDEAD: Dude, you're being way too hard on

yourself, man.

Everybody's somebody's fetish, right?

Hey, Brooks.

There's Brooks.

BROOKS: I'll be right back.

Let's go to the mall later.

What's up, faggots?

GEORGE WATSKY: Wow, taking us back to

1999, Marshall Mathers.

BROOKS: Uh, I'm taking us back to right now because I'm gay.

So I'm allowed to say that.

GEORGE WATSKY: Oh, right on.

Apologies.

And, uh, dude, much respect.

I mean, it just pisses me off so much when, like, a straight

writer will put words in gay character's mouth.

And a white writer will put words in a

black character's mouth.

And, you know, "Django," and-- and Quentin Tarantino dropping

the N-bomb, it's like, we don't need that, bro.

Like, that's not cool.

It sits with me wrong.

You know what I'm saying?

BROOKS: Yeah, yeah.

Aside from saying, "I love you" to my boyfriend last

night, that was probably the gayest thing I've ever heard.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: All right, hey, Brooks, would you hit it?

[INHALES]

BROOKS: Well, I'm gay because I'm attracted to men.

So--

GEORGE WATSKY: OK, let me go shoot myself.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: OK, man, you're overthinking this whole

situation, bro.

Why do you want to be buff anyways?

I know plenty of buff dudes that don't get laid.

GEORGE WATSKY: Because I want a girl with substance.

I want a crunchy granola girl who's spiritual, and who's

intellectual, and who's passionate about what I have

on my inside, who's also just hella horny for what I have on

my outside.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: Did you just compare a

woman to crunchy granola?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

DUMBFOUNDEAD: Dude, you're out of your mind.

GEORGE WATSKY: I will literally beat your ass down

if you keep bullshitting like that.

I will curb stomp you, bro.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: Whoa, I did not like that

imagery of the curb stomp.

GEORGE WATSKY: You're absolutely right.

I felt uncomfortable the minute it left my mouth.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: That's besides the point.

GEORGE WATSKY: J'Amy's.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: J'Annie's.

GEORGE WATSKY: J'Amy's.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: J'Annie's.

GEORGE WATSKY: J'Amy's, you piece of shit.

[PUNCHING SOUND]

[PUNCHING SOUND]

[BELL DINGING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

DUMBFOUNDEAD: One, it's shaped like a goddamn shell.

You can probably put your ear to it and hear the ocean.

Two, there's a bunny on the box.

And bitches love bunnies.

Three, when you mix in the powder, sometimes the powder

gets clumped up and you get these

delicious pockets of cheddar.

Everybody knows that white cheddar is far more superior

than yellow cheddar.

It's-- it's a paradox I can't explain.

GEORGE WATSKY: Forgetting for a moment that J'Amy's is

orange, Giants colors, and you know that I try to eat only

orange foods whenever possible, let me ask you a

very serious question.

You ever crisped the edges of your pasta?

No?

I wonder why you've never crisped the

edges of your pasta.

Oh, I know why-- because you can't crisp the edges of a

boiled pasta.

Look at that.

That's called "brown gold," bro.

That's a trump card.

You ever read the back of a J'Amy's box?

If you had read the back of a J'Amy's box, you would know

that J'Amy's was founded in 1987, the year that the

founder's daughter, J'Amy was born, which means

that she's our age.

She also went to Harvard.

She's also fine as fuck.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: How do you know that?

GEORGE WATSKY: I know it because I

added her on Facebook.

It's not a big deal.

She happens to be the Angelina Jolie of mac and "chee."

I want to know, who's J'Annie?

Who's J'Annie?

Oh, I know who J'Annie is.

J'Annie is a bitch-ass bunny.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: I think we eat way too much

macaroni and cheese.

GEORGE WATSKY: Yeah, you're right.

We probably smoke too much weed, too.

We probably watch too much "Boy Meets World."

DUMBFOUNDEAD: We actually do.

GEORGE WATSKY: We probably love too much.

We're probably too handsome.

We're probably too funny.

There's probably too much green in Ireland.

There's probably too much ice in Antarctica.

And Gene Simmons probably has too much tongue.

I mean, Ron Jeremy probably has too much dick.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: Look, it's OK for me.

But you're trying to be a rapper.

You're trying to shoot music videos, get on the cover of

"GQ" magazine, do interviews.

And your chest is concave.

You got the chest of a 14-year-old Thai boy.

I mean, don't you think that's a problem?

GEORGE WATSKY: OK, you know that I want to work out.

I really do.

But I'm whimsical and easily distracted.

The fact is J'Amy's is head and shoulders above J'Annie's,

the very taste of which, the word in my mouth

makes me want to vomit.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: How am I supposed to take you seriously

when you can't understand the superiority of conch-shaped

pasta as opposed to elbow-shaped

macaroni and cheese?

CALVIN: What about Stouffer's?

I've always been a big fan of Stouffer's.

GEORGE WATSKY: Calvin, don't you have like a craft fair in

Venice or something you need to get to?

DUMBFOUNDEAD: Yeah, you probably should leave now.

CALVIN: This has been a lot of fun, guys.

You guys are my best friends.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

[INHALES]

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

GEORGE WATSKY: Just a second.

[INHALES]

DUMBFOUNDEAD: What are you doing in there?

GEORGE WATSKY: Uh, I'm jerking off.

Don't come in.

[INHALES]

[INHALES]

DUMBFOUNDEAD: Wait, you're exercising, aren't you?

[EXHALES]

[DOOR SQUEAKS]

DUMBFOUNDEAD: Looking good, bro.

GEORGE WATSKY: Get out of here.

This is private time.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: What are you doing?

GEORGE WATSKY: Pumping iron.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: Soup cans?

GEORGE WATSKY: It has an incredibly high iron content.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: Dude, those are like half a pound each.

And one of them is open with a spoon in it.

GEORGE WATSKY: Yeah, well, you gotta put nutrients into your

body if you're gonna build muscle.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: Let me see you do a push-up.

GEORGE WATSKY: No.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: Do a push-up, man.

Come on.

GEORGE WATSKY: No.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: Just one push-up.

GEORGE WATSKY: You're leaving.

And I'm going to work out.

And I'm going to do it by myself.

DUMBFOUNDEAD: You can't even lift the soup can.

[MUSIC - GEORGE WATSKY, "STRONG AS AN OAK"]

[DOOR OPENS]

DUMBFOUNDEAD: Dude, graduation episode of "Boy Meets World."

GEORGE WATSKY: Oh, shit.

[MUSIC - GEORGE WATSKY, "STRONG AS AN OAK"]

[BEEP]

CALVIN: You guys are my best friends.

GEORGE WATSKY: Pfft.

Goddamn it.

[LAUGHTER]

-Cut.

[WHOOSH]

[HOOFBEATS AND NEIGHING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

The Description of Watsky's Releasing An Album S2, Ep. 3 of 6 - Concave Chest