- ( rings ) - ( fire roars )
We're still hanging out with the Jack black here.
Super pumped about that 'cause we're huge fans.
Oh, thanks, man.
We wanna know your secrets.
- Oh, well... - And we want you to know our secrets.
Okay, I guess I can roll with this game of secrets.
Yes, here's what we're gonna do.
We have a stack of conversation starters
in front of us.
These are all conversation starters from
our favorite conversation-starting website.
Just my favorite website.
We also have a stack of secrets.
Now, we're going to have a conversation about our topic,
but we each are going to have a secret.
And you're trying to kind of give clues
as to what your secret is
as you answer these--
as we have this conversation.
You gotta hint at it.
Yeah, and then when you think you know somebody's secret,
you guess it, and if you guess it correctly,
you collect their secret card,
and then they have to get a new one.
And then the person with the most secret cards
at the end wins the game.
- Man. - We can also change the conversation
at any point that we want.
Any one of us can reach here and change that.
We'll put these-- Let's just--
Well, let's each take a secret first.
Let's each take a secret. Do you want that one?
I'm gonna take my s-- This'll be mine.
Take this one. Let's-- let's each look. Okay.
Okay, I've got mine.
This is complex.
- You got yours? - I got mine.
What is it?
( laughs )
Here we go. Conversation.
Who's your oldest friend?
How did you meet them?
My oldest friend is Kyle Gass,
in my band Tenacious D,
and I met him
on the day that his dog died.
( cackles )
It was a sad day,
but it was just a cool time
to make, like, an emotional connection with someone,
and then he told me that also
he was in troub-- trouble with the law.
( cackles )
- ( laughing ) - "Ha ha ha," huh?
Oh, I have no idea what your secret is.
- Well... - I'm gonna talk some more about it later,
when I think of more things to say.
You know, Rhett and I, we've been friends since first grade.
It's funny, with all the time we spend together,
none of it happens on the court that I frequent.
( chuckles )
Well, you know, my oldest friend
uh, is a Link.
"A" Link or the Link?
- Me. - There are times when I think about
going back and, you know,
like, when he was a kid,
but then-- then I'm like, "Nah."
- Wow. - This is a great conversation.
You know, that makes me think of a time traveler
who went back in time
to kill Hitler
but then instead
he killed a good person,
like Abraham Lincoln.
Are you a time traveler?
And do you laugh at inappropriate things?
You guessed two in a row?
You did? You're a time traveler?
That's only half.
So you-- you laugh--
I laugh at inappropriate times.
Get another secret.
Does that mean I win that you took my secret?
- Well, you know. - I think you're right.
I think you should keep the secret.
I'm changing the game.
He gave good hints. He deserves a secret.
But I feel like we should both get a point.
- Yeah, I get a point, too. - He's the only one
that should not get a point.
We both get points and you don't get a point.
But you were half right about me.
But he said "time traveler" first.
He said, "That reminds me of a time traveler that went back"--
Are you a time traveler?
Yes, but nah.
( together ) You're a reluctant time traveler.
- Yeah. - We both get two points!
Yeah, I'm a time traveler, but I choose not to.
Okay, new secret and new conversations.
We'll let you have that one.
We decided we both get points.
All right, I still have my secret
because, you know,
what was the conversation?
You're going early.
Okay, new conversation:
"What's your favorite way to waste time?"
Well, you know, I don't consider one of my main hobbies
a waste of time
because it requires a lot of skill and--
Are you a tennis player?
And not many people can do it
unless they're on a court or a beach.
Are you a volleyballer?
- Heck no. - Are you a professional volleyballer?
Are you a basketball player
that likes to play volleyball?
Don't insult me like that, guys.
A court or a beach?
You guys are a racket.
- You play badminton? - You're a tennis player.
- Are you a badmintoner? - Yes.
- Ah hah! - Oh, man.
So we both get a point. This is so complicated. I love it.
What was your name again?
My name's Rhett.
Rhett. Sorry about that.
Uh, so did you have a favorite way to waste time?
Did you say it already?
( grunting )
What was your name again?
- Rhett. - Rhett, Rhett.
Did you say you did have a way-- a favorite-- ooh.
Got an itchy butt?
I like furniture shopping.
It's one of my favorite things to do.
- I'm very fond of furniture. - What was your name again?
Rhett. Are you a guy that needs-- that keeps forgetting people's names?
- Close. - ( laughter )
- Um... - Hey, do you guys wanna--
So you were playing-- was it tennis?
- It was badminton. - Right, right, right, badminton.
- But I-- - Do you have bad short-term memory?
- Yes, yes, yes. - Two points for each of them.
Short-term memory loss.
Get yourself a new secret.
You want a new conversation starter?
You got your secret.
Yeah, let's get a new conversation starter.
What three words best describe you?
Hmm. The three words that describe me best
are "'Access Hollywood' addict."
Do you love Mario Lopez?
( laughter )
Who doesn't? Yes!
- That was good, wasn't it? - Dang.
What was the conversation starter?
Four points, three points, three points.
The conversation starter is "What three words best describe you?"
Oh, right. Three words that--
all I can think of is itchy butt.
There must be something else.
Oh, you've got an uncomfortable chair.
- Yes. - Yes.
Get a new secret.
My three-- the three words that best describe me
Like the singer?
And "Tell it to the spaceman!"
Tell it to the space man.
it's like I always say,
"If it ain't butter, don't try to spread it."
( laughter )
Are you a guy who uses bad analogies?
- Are you-- - Close-ish,
but like I always say,
"If it ain't spicy, don't try...
Are you a guy who has lots of sayings?
I-- uh, yeah--
Are you a f-- Are you a guy who
You have a lot of catchphrases.
So hard. Yeah, I'm always trying to create new catchphrases.
- Yeah! - You got a whole list of them.
- I'm gonna take that. - This is tough. What am I?
I tell you, the three words that best describe me are--
- Yeah, Matt Lauer, tell me. - Immortal, doing better,
man, you got a nice neck.
Ooh... ( pats table ) But you know what?
I'm better than that. I'm better than that.
I'm better than that.
I used to be not better than that,
but now I'm better than that.
- Man, let me... - You're really envious of necks.
Let me get in there and just...
Let me just get in there and just...
I have no clue what Katie Couric is doing over there.
- Whoa. - I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry.
Oh, you're a vampire.
You're-- you're a cannibal.
- But-- - You like to eat flesh.
I'm a vampire, but what kind?
Are you a neck-obsessed vampire?
I go to a meeting.
- You're a recovering vampire. - Yes, I'm a recovering vampire.
Okay, let's see how many secrets we have.
All right, you've got six points. You've got six points.
I've got four points. You guys tied.
We're tied, Jack, and the winner gets
- a special secret. - A big ol' secret!
We're gonna have to share this, buddy.
Oh, man, Link, if you just had two more secrets,
we would've opened a portal to Hell.
- Look at that. - ( laughter )
All right, well, perhaps some secrets are best kept hidden, Jack.
- Yes. - Thanks for letting us in
on all of the weirdest secrets.
- It was, uh... - Before we started,
and afterward, when we hang out more,
and you just tell us all type of secrets.
And I'm gonna spill another secret.
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