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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: The Archies in Jugman

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Haven't you heard of the 5 Basic Food groups, Jugs?

You know, the food pyramid?

Ya mean this?

Jugster, you are one of a kind.

Hey, aren't we all supposed to have a double out there somewhere?

Not me.

I am a complete original.

Hmm.

You sure are, gorgeous.

One café Latte with sugar, chocolate and cinnamon sprinkles.

Just how you like it, Ronnie.

Not bad.

For a robot!

So what's the--

Guys!

The news conference!

It's about to start!

This is a seminal moment in Riverdale High history.

You can't miss it!

You heard him: it's a seminal moment,

whatever that means...

Your local reporter, Lana Manana here at Riverdale High-

where today, history is about to made,

Today Riverdale will step into a brand new era

of energy efficiency.

Hey!

[laughs]

As I pull this switch,

Riverdale becomes a geo-thermally-heated city!

[whoos and amazed cries]

[machine grinding]

Our new geo-thermal furnace is not only meant to

heat the high school-

Awright! Way to go, Mr. Weatherbee!

Arch, c'mon. Keep him jabbering,

the longer he talks the shorter first period is,

And the less time for Ms. Grundy's pop quiz!

[cheering] Woo hoo!!!

Archiekins, I bought this really cute little dress at

the mall yesterday.

Thought I might wear it this weekend.

Go Mr. Weatherbee, you're the man!

We want to hear more!

Keep going!

Geologists discovered so much thermal gas,

they predict we can heat our town for years to come!

[laughs] Whoo hoo!

Wouldn't you like me to wear my new dress this Saturday?

Woo!!!

ARCHIE!

Mmmm, what's up on Saturday?

Oh, like this little thing called homecoming!

Maybe the guy wants a beautiful blonde on his arm!

A smart blonde who can cook!

Want some spicy beef jerky?

Just smoked it yesterday.

Hmm, Cool, Betty! Thanks.

Better not, Archie.

Might upset your stomach!

Nothing I cook would ever upset his stomach!

Rrrr!

You asked for it Betty!

[gasp]

Hey!

[laughing]

Mr. Jughead jones!

Start explaining, young man.

About a certain yellow fruit.

[laughs nervously] I've heard a banana peel can

significantly reduce enlarged proboscis pores!

Don't patronize me, boy.

It was an accident, really Mr. W!

How many times do you have to warned about eating--

Yiah!

Get the exterminator!

Careful, that's a North Kerpudgian dung beetle.

Extremely rare and very valuable,

as is every insect on this wall.

I - don't remember these bugs being here before.

Entomology, boy, my new passion.

The legendary millipede horribilis,

the Vampirian assassin bug.

And my favorite,

not an insect per se: --A Tapeworm Gigantorama!

Found in the intestines of a 90 year old woman.

She lost 17 pounds when they extracted it!

Oop!

Ahhh!

Touch them and I guarantee you detention longer than the

lunch line from Ms. Beasley's triple bean soup.

I'd really like to hang with you,

but I'd better get to class.

Detention, 3 o'clock sharp.

Hmmm.

Let's see: what do we have so far?

"I will never ever hurl bananas or any other fruit,

"vegetable, meat or fish product at my principal."

"Nor will I show any other egregious signs of disrespect--"

"Egregious?!"

"Egregious and wantonly impertinent signs of disrespect"--

[heavy sigh]

[heavy sigh]

Ooh.

Ahhhh!

Rrrrr, ahhh!

[nervous wails]

[sigh of relief]

-- "to Principal Weatherbee,

"or any other person in Riverdale."

-- "or any other city in this large,

"wonderful, populous world"--

It was only a banana!

--"because no one likes a banana stuck on the end of his nose."

Exclamation point.

One hundred times.

Then you may go.

ONE HUNDRED TIMES!?

That smacks.

Make that one hundred and fifty.

[straining grunts]

Whew!

[panting]

Ooh.

[gasp]

Ooh ooh aahh!

[gasp]

[eating sounds]

[swallow]

[burp]

[frustrated grunts]

[panting]

[strained efforts]

Ahhh. Ohh!

AHH!

[sniffs]

[spits]

[ringing]

[scared shout, ape-like grunts]

This is Principal Weatherbee.

Please leave a message after the tone.

[baffled ooh ooh oohs]

[---BEEP---]

[woman's voice:] Waldo Weatherbee!

This is your mother!

Did you change your underwear today!?

[---click---]

Ahhh!

[curious grunt]

[licking sounds]

[strained cries]

[eating sounds]

[whistling happily]

[whistling happily]

Mr. Weatherbee?

How'd you do that so fast?

I took a speed-writing class,?

Hmmm.

I guess you can go.

Awright!

[horrified gasp] My Kerpudgian Dung Beetle!

Cockroachium Colossium!

No!

Not my tapeworm Gigantorum!

[another shocked gasp] The Vampirian Assassin bug!

This is monstrous.

Monstrous!

Who could've done such a thing?!

[angry growls]

JUGHEAD!!!

This is Principal Weatherbee.

My insect collection!

It's been cannibalized!

Why of course this is an emergency!

[chomping on chips]

[stomach groan]

[sniffs]

[weary sigh]

[burps]

[sniffs]

Thank you.

We have processed your order.

Ahhhhhh!

Haaaahhh!

Welcome to Cyber Burger.

Would you like to try our

Triple Deluxe Cyber Burger with cheese?

Haaahhh?

[frustrated grunt]

Excellent choice.

Would you like fries with that?

Aaaaahh!

Thank you.

We have processed your order.

[sniffs]

Welcome to Cyber Burger.

Haaahh?

Would you like to try our Triple Deluxe-

[angry ape-like grunts]

[---BANG!---]

I don't know who to take to the homecoming dance,

Pop!

Betty's so sweet, but Veronica's so much fun.

Looks like maybe Veronica's already made up her mind,

Huh?

Hey, gorgeous.

I got something for you.

Huh?

Thanks, a girl always likes a rose in the face.

Mr. Jensen went out of town and left me in charge of the

Cyberger Café.

Who's your little pal?

Bits?

Roses are red, violets are blue;

if you do not go to homecoming with Reggie,

he will prob'ly get the flu.

Romantic.

Really.

Ronnie baby, what's it gonna take for you to come to

homecoming with me?

Oh, maybe an ice age or two!

Hah! I'm wearing her down.

Definitely.

That's not how I perceived it, though as a robot I could have--

Can it!

[Reggie:] Man this place is hopping!

Great ambience, huh Bits?

So nice and quiet- like a tomb.

Nothing like the Cyberger.

So when you gonna throw in the towel, pop?

Robots aren't allowed in here.

[door opens]

[Jughead:] And neither are rats,

tail-less or otherwise. Dozen burgers, Pop!

Thanks guys, but Reggie's right.

What?!

What's this?

"Going out of business!?"

But you love this place!

I'm an old fashioned guy,

and this is an old fashioned restaurant.

Maybe too old fashioned.

That's right Pop.

It's smart to recognize when you've lost it.

Reggie, Pops is the best and you know it!

[gasp]

There he is, Officer!

WHAT!??

Forsythe Pendleton Jones, AKA Jughead,

you're under arrest.

Okay, okay, okay, I confess; i-it wasn't speed-writing.

Hold on here!

This must be a mistake.

No mistake.

He ate my entire insect collection,

all $20,000 worth of my bugs!

I never went near his bugs!

I want his stomach pumped ASAP.

Maybe we can save a few before he digests them.

WHAT?!

This reeks!

Last year I had ten guys ask me to homecoming!

[curious oh, oh, ohhh, ooh]

[shocked scream]

[shocked screams]

[frantic ooh ooh oohs]

Are you o--

[horrified scream]

Hey, I just got that fixed!

Jughead!?

[apelike battle cries]

What's with you?!

And what's with the furry boxers --

they are so paleolithic!

[huge victory cries]

[furious gasp]

Not funny, Jughead!

You're paying for this!

Whooaaa!

[excited ape-like grunts]

Weird.

Even for Jughead.

[panting]

[Police Officer:] We found 6 hamburgers,

3 cheeseburgers and a hotdog, but no bugs in his stomach.

We checked the handprints in your office against Jughead's.

They're close, but not identical.

You mean -- Jughead didn't do it?

That's right, sir.

Well.

I'm sorry, Jughead.

It's okay, Mr. Weatherbee.

If I were looking for the guy who ate my bug collection

I'd suspect me too.

It's a real mystery, huh Arch?

I mean, who'd want to eat those bugs- they weren't even fresh.

Jughead Jones!

How'd you clean up so fast?

Got tired of the Stone Age look?

Maybe she's the one's been eating bugs.

Whoah, Ronnie, what happened to your car!?

He did it.

Me?!

Why am I being blamed for everything?

[ape-like sounds]

Ronnie, what's with you?

You're definitely acting weird.

I'm just acting like him.

But that's normal for Jug.

So start from the beginning -- when did this happen?

Ten minutes ago.

But Jug's been in there the last two hours!

Huh?

But this guy looked just like you, Jug,

except for the furry boxers -- and the bone in his hair.

Hmmm.

Why don't you show us exactly where this happened.

[terrified ape-like cries]

[gasp]

[spits water]

[gobbles cup]

He was right there.

Hey guys!

Check it out!

An exact match!

This is getting weird

Look! Part if his furry boxer shorts!

Yuck!

Ronnie, Uh, look!

[gasp] Something's burning!

[startled gasp] It's the poolhouse!

C'mon!

Quick guys, help me!

Mmmmmmmm!

Jughead!

What are you doing?!

Someone ate all these bulbs.

Forget the bulbs!

Go and see what's burning!

Jughead!

[strained effort]

[startled gasp]

Aaaaah!

Aaaahh!

Jug?

You okay?

Huh?

Hey, you okay?

[scared shout]

[scared apelike shout]

[startled yells]

[scared cries] Huh?

[snort] Huh?

[weird chuckle] Waaahh!

Did you see that?

He-He's- me!

A terrifying thought.

[curious ape-like sounds]

No question,

this is definitely weird,

but there has to be a reasonable explanation.

[sniffs]

Such as?

Hmmmm.

Hmmmm.

I know!

They were separated at birth and--

-- and he was raised by gorillas.

Let's lose the bad wig and get a better look at him.

[angry, pained shouts]

No, no!

Cool it, guy!

She didn't mean anything?

It's not fair!

He's got more hair than Betty and me put together!

Though I wouldn't want his split ends !

[repulsed sigh]

He looks like a caveman.

No way!

You're not saying--

We're not saying anything .

While we give this guy a shower,

why don't you call Dilton?

Maybe he can figure it out.

Hmmphf!

You ever had a shower before?

They're fun.

[caveman grunt]

He knows you're lying.

Right this way,

The quicker the better, Dilton!

[gasp]

[angry apelike sounds]

Waahhh!

Just cuz he might be a caveman doesn't mean he can't see

through the old "showers are fun" routine.

Dilton!

That was fast!

Are you kidding?

You say you think you have a caveman in your poolhouse.

This I got to see!

Is that him?

See any other guys in furry boxers?

This is utterly astounding!

[annoyed grunts]

Watch!

My radiocarbonometer places him as pre-Neolithic,

possibly even Pleistocene!

So he really is a caveman!?

COOL!

No way!

This is unreal!

Are you sure about this, Dilton?

[panicky shrieks, cont'ing]

My thermal-ionizer indicates he was recently frozen.

And here's the clincher,

[wary, scared cries]

Say hello to "lice-eum bite-alotus."

Let's not and say we did.

This parasite has been extinct for 10,000 years!

Do you have any idea what this means?!

He needs a really good lice shampoo?

[ape-like grunts]

Aaahhhh!

[aggressive grunts]

Okay, okay Dilton!

Chill!

I don't need any more proof to know who he is!

He's the Jugman, my very own cavebro!

[calm panting]

[disgusted cries]

[insisting grunts]

Hmmm.

Not bad.

Gross.

Hey Jugman!

You must be my great great great great great great great

[Jughead:] great great--

So where'd he come from and what're we going to do with him?

First we notify the scientific community.

This is so amazing!

-- great, great, great, great--

[Dilton:] He's a living breathing artifact!

Hey!

He's not an artifact!

He's my bro.

You got it?

It's okay, cavebud.

[relieved grunt]

Dilton, you can't talk like that in front of Jughead.

But he has to be studied.

This is a monumental find!

No way.

He's Jughead's bud.

Got it?

No scientists.

No probes.

Live and let live.

Right.

Except for the "lice-eum bite-alotus"

that're s'posed to be extinct?

I'd like to keep them that way.

[grunt]

I-iichk!

Rank!

[hurt whimpering]

Hey if I hadn't sudsed in 10,000 years, I'd be rank too.

You really think we can make him fit in?

Leave it to me.

Almost done, my man.

[inhales deeply]

[mimics him: inhales deeply]

[muffled screaming]

[gasp]

Jugman.

Jughead.

J-Jugman.

Jug- head.

Bros forever.

Got it?

G-got- it.

Awright!

[chuckles]

Oooh-eee,

your breath is lethal, cavebro!

I wonder where has toothpaste that'll get rid of

10,000 years of halitosis!

Aaahh!

[impact grunt]

[stunned,dazed sounds]

[Jughead:] You okay, cavebud?

[curious grunts]

Door knob.

Cool invention.

[excited ape-like grunts]

That's just a doorknob, bro.

Wait til you see the rest of the world,

[excited grunts]

But first we need a toothbrush.

[excited, happy squeals]

[in cavemantalk:] Oh oh!

[grunt of impact, then startled ooh ooh oohs]

[startled scared sounds]

[impact grunt]

[pained groans]

[angry, rap-shout:] "You wanna'be in my space --

"Then get y'self outta my face!"

[terrified shriek]

"Hip to the right..."

[ape-like grunts]

"Stretch left,

"Stretch right, and lunge and lunge!

"And again- hip to the left, hip to the right!"

[long, scary roar]

[really horrified scream]

Okay cavebro, this should take care of your B.O. breath.

Where'd you go?

[screams]

[screams]

[sniffing]

[screams]

[sniffs]

[whimper]

Eee-nee!

Hi boy.

VERONICA?!

AAAAAHHH -- Jughead?!

[excited ooh ooh oohs]

Back!

Stay back!

VERONICA!!!

There you are!

Woah!

Cool doodles, cavebro!

Wait- if that's Jughead, who's this?

Uhhh, Jughead's cousin- four thousand times removed,

[Mrs. Lodge:] Hello darlings!

What a marvelous sur--

[gasps]

It's all right dear.

Veronica, Archie and her friends are cleaning up this

appalling mess right NOW!

Why ever for?

They're divine!

I just saw a cable show last night on

"releasing the primitive"!

But these are far superior!

Who is the artist!?

My main man here.

Jughead!

I never realized there was such superlative talent in

your gene pool!

A hundred to do the whole house!

Huh?

Are you daft woman?

[ape-like grunts]

He's a shrewd one.

How about two hundred, but I want an exclusive.

He can't paint any other house in Riverdale.

Very well, final offer: three hundred.

Do we have a deal?

I-I guess so.

Excellent!

Three hundred thousand dollars it is!

[gasp]

Ooh!

[gasps] Sorry' bout that.

Firm handshakes run in the family,

Relax Jugman, it's makeover time,

Haaahh, haaaahh.

[weary fainting sound]

[gasp]

Caveman, I think you're going to turn a few heads!

[whistle blowing]

2, 32, hut, hut!

[cheering wallah]

Who we'gonna beat?

CENTER CITY!

[excited cries]

Hey cavebro! Glad to see you too!

Woah, some makeover!

You still in there, cavebud?

[silly giggle]

Oompa,?!

How we gonna beat'em?

Baaaaaaaad, What is it, Cavebro?

Wish I knew what you were saying!

How we gonna feel?

Gooooooood!!

Ohhhh.

Now I gotcha...

[excited panting]

I kept a seat warm for you.

I had Bits whip us up some double mocha lattes.

Your fave.

C'mon Ronnie, sit with me!

Too late, Latte-boy, I asked her first!

Sorry, guys, but I'm with Jugman tonight.

WHAT?!

WHO!

Oooh?

Huh?

[screams]

[startled gasp]

Jughead!?!

Jug -- Man.

Oompa.

No, I'm Betty.

Bet-tee!?

Bet-tee!!

[kisses]

[whooing and cheering]

Still interested in that seat I warmed for you?

See yah met my new cavebro.

Did I ever.

Oh.

Go Raccoons!!!

[Repair Man:] 'Never seen anything like this.

Looks like someone took a giant can opener to it!

Can you fix it?

I'll try.

Hey, what's that?

Hmm, this looks old, like from a museum.

10, 3, 15, 6.

HUP!

[impact grunt] Ahh!

Ah!

My ankle!

[booing]

Poor Moose...

This is awful!

Moose,Ooh ooh ooh ohh...

[grunt]

What's he doing?

They're not as big as they look!

If you think big, you ARE big!

If you say so, Moose...

You can do it!

Jughead?!

I didn't know you played football!

Jugman!

No!

Huh?

Uh, he's my cousin, You don't know what--

[challenging grunts]

What's going on?

Fine!

Jugman ever played football before?

In the Neanderthal League?

Hmmm.

Bring it on!

[angry growl]

6, 18, 34, HUP!

Huh?

[playing grunts]

Hah!

No!

No!

Thatta way!

[oofs and grunts]

[cheers]

Jugman!

Jugman, Jugman!

Who is that guy?

Beats me!

Jugman, Jugman, Jugman!

[crowd:] Jugman, Jugman, Jugman!

Bet-tee!!

Ooh Ooh Ooh!

Bet-tee!

[blows kiss]

Jugman!

Really Ronnie, have you actually fallen for a guy who

wears bones around his neck?

[sighs]

There's something... primal about him.

You'd never understand.

[Mr. Weatherbee:] It's a piece of bone with carvings on it.

Can someone at the museum take a look at it?

What've you got there. Mr. Weatherbee?

Careful, it might be an antiquity.

I found it by the new furnace.

Wow.

'Wonder how it got there.

Primal huh?

[cheering]

Great game, bud!

Well look at that!

[happy ooh oohs]

Gotcha.

[excited ooh ooh oohs]

[slurps]

Ughhh!

[burp]

Jugman!

Oh brother!

Ready... set...

GO!

[cheering]

Huh?

What'd ya expect?

He hasn't eaten for 10,000 years!

Mr. Jensen instructed us to defrost the freezer while--

Forget Jensen!

See the goon with the bone?

We need to get him outside- alone.

But may I remind you, Mr. Jensen is coming back tomorrow.

Bits!

Do it- NOW!

[weary robotic sigh]

Enjoy them while you can, boys!

[curious ooh ooh oohs]

Hey!

Look at Jugman!

Reggie, that lowlife spore!

Thinks he can lure Pop's customers away,

Nice try,

Worm!

Plenty more where that came from!

Cybertronic circuitry and decaying food matter do not --

Worms,That's it!

[Bits:] What?!

Ludicrous.

Robots do not consume worms.

Ooh?

[excited ooh ooh oohs]

Nothing there.

[quiet ooh ooh oohs]

Worms, Jugman,

dee-licious!

You are a despicable human being.

Yeah, yeah, go clean the freezer!

[excited sniffs and grunts]

Bet- tee?

Bet-tee!

This way!

Betty's meeting us, okay?

O-kay!

Bon Appetit, Wormboy.

If Betty and Ron could only see you now.

Jugman?

Come on boy, more worms.

Huh?

Huh?

[startled cries]

Yahhhh!

[excited ooh ooh oohs]

EENIE! EENIE! EENIE!

Ooh ooh ooh ooh!

Whoooaa!

[impact grunt]

Eenie?

[confused ooh ooh ooh, then turns harsh]

Eenie!

Whooaaa!

News Division please,

Yes, hello.

What would you give me for an exclusive interview with a

living breathing caveman?

[frustrated grunts] Aaahhh!

Oh he's real all right.

Be at the Riverdale Museum tomorrow at 8 a.m. sharp!

Now let's talk about my fee...

Excellent.

I'll see you in the morning.

Sleep tight, caveboy.

We'got a big day tomorrow.

Spread out.

We'll find him.

Jugman!

Jugman?!

[Moose:] Where's my little football buddy?

Midge I'm worried.

Jugman!

Hey, Jugman?

Ronnie!

Over there!

Aaaahh!

[impact grunt] Huuh, huh?

[alarmed cries]

Bet-tee!

Jug-head!

BET-TEE!

[sad wail]

[Jughead:] Jugman!

Where are ya cavebro!

C'mon, let's get some sleep, start over in the morning.

He'll be okay, Jugster.

He's taken care of himself the last 10,000 years, right?

Right?

Yeah, Frozen.

[snoring]

[eager ooh ooh oohs and grunts]

Jugman?

It's Jugman!

Huh?

He's here?

Right there!

[excited oooh oooh ooohs]

Does he say anything besides "ooh ooh ooh?"

What's he doing on TV?

He doesn't speak yet, but he's a fast learner.

REGGIE!?

That sneaky virus-ridden fungus!

What I'd give to put his butt on ice for a few thousand years!

Does he have a name?

Well, since I found him, I've decided to name him

"Reg Man."

Reg Man!?

He's , you egomaniac and I named him!

Chill, Jugs.

This won't help.

It has been an amazing scene here today at

the Riverdale Museum.

Needless to say, the scientific community is

ecstatic at this rare opportunity to examine this

living, breathing specimen from the distant past!

Speciman!

Yah hear that, Arch?!

He's not a specimen!

[scared grunts]

Extensive genetic tests will be

performed on Reg Man, gleaning every possible bit of

information- - to place Reg Man in his proper place in

history's timeline!

[Betty:] Quick!

Put the TV on!

I don't believe this!

Poor Jugman!

Can you believe Reggie would do such a thing!?

Yes.

Hey what's he doing on TV?

Don't ask Dilton.

Guys, I was up all night building this UCT...

My "Universal Caveman Translator."

Does it work?

Only one way to find out!

Once the testing is done,

I'm planning a 100 city global tour so the whole world can

meet Reg Man!

A 100 city mall tour?! Now that would be nice.

Oh Jugman...

What's he saying?

[translator:] "This is Jughead, my bro.

"Why'd he ditch me and where are those hamburgers he

"promised?"

Jug --- head!

Jugman!

Bet-tee!

Oh, I can't take this anymore.

Hey!

That's my bro!

We're not just gonna sit here and watch him be miserable.

Right.

We're busting him out!

All right!

So what are we waiting for?!

Sorry, kid.

Just have to see the apeman on TV.

APEMAN!?

He's not an apeman, you hear me?

[Betty:] Come on, Jugs.

Hang in there.

[Jughead:] What're we doing!?

We can't just sit here!

Jugster, we need a plan.

Problem is, if we bust him out,

the whole world's gonna come looking for him.

Hmmm.

Not if the Jugman turns out to be a hoax!

A hoax?

What!

But he's not a hoax!

So, little buddy, what d'yah have in mind?

Thank you, Mr. Mantle.

I'm also planning a Regman action figure,

nightlight, salt and pepper shakers,

lunchboxes, backpacks and whole line of fur apparel and

foot- OW!

This is Lana Manana, signing off from--

[crowd:] Free the Jugman!

Free the Jugman!

There seems to be some sort of demonstration!

Sir, can you tell me what this is all about?

Uh, hi Mom!

Uh, the Jugman... he won our football game for us last night!

GO RACCOONS!

So we're gonna return the favor!

Return the favor? How?

We're busting him out!

FREE THE JUGMAN! FREE THE JUGMAN!

[protest:] Free the Jugman, free the jugman!

On my signal.

Are you saying Reg Man knows how to play football?

Not Reg Man, Jugman!

Free the Jugman, free the Jugman,

free the Jugman!

Free the Jugman!

[terrified cries and ooh oohs]

Oh Arch, look at him!

We gotta get him out of here.

Free the Jugman! Free the Jugman!

So!?

How's it feel to know someone famous,

Don't you mean infamous?

Famous, infamous- what's the dif?

Get a life.

FREE THE JUGMAN!

Ronnie!

The guy's a complete bonehead!

Come on, make my day: come to homecoming with me.

There's only one bonehead at this museum,

Reg, and his name's not Jugman.

Ahhhh!

What's that?

[frantic grunts and shouts]

What's going on?!

Get the lights back on!

Jug-head!

Jug-Head!

What's going on!?

Lights!

Where are the lights?!

Hmmm.

Let's get on with it.

[nervous whine]

[sad whimper]

He'll be fine.

Come on, let's go.

HOLY CANOLLI!

What's that?!

Excuse me?

Uh... um...

[imitating Jugman:] "HOLY-- C-CANOLLI!" Um..

Uh... "OOH OOH OOOH"...

Jug-head!

They're clearing the parking lot!

Where are they!?

Archie?

What are you doing down there?

He won't leave Jughead!

Help!!!

Hey there, Big Guy.

Bet-tee!

He's okay, Jugman.

I promise.

[Jughead: You want to stick that WHERE?!

[machine drilling]

[Archie:] A triple bacon cheese-burger!

That should do him.

[sad whimpering ooh oohs]

[TV:] This is Lana Manana with breaking news from

the Riverdale Museum, We've just gotten word:

THE REG MAN IS A HOAX!!!

During an intense physical exam,

the imposter was discovered to have 6 hamburgers,

3 cheeseburgers and a hotdog in his stomach.

Tell us: why did you do it?

To - uh - help a friend.

[excited oooh oooh oohs]

Jug -head!

Jug- head!

Gotta go.

[gasp] Haahh!

Mr. Mantle, you do realize the police are considering

pressing fraud charges against you!

The Reg Man is real and I'm going to prove it,

If you need me, call my agent!

[excited grunts and oohs]

Glad to see you too, cavebro!

That got anyone's name on it?

I wonder how Reggie plans to prove the Reg Man wasn't a hoax?

Jughead's laughing, but not for long.

Where there's one dumb caveman,

there's bound to be another, right?

[---GROWL---]

Ahhh!

Nice doggie,Good doggie.

Aaahhhh!

[---ROAR---]

Whoooaaa!

Aahhhh!

[terrified gasps]

Is that...?

...a wooly mammoth?

Let's blink.

Maybe it'll go away.

[growl]

[blood-curdling shrieks]

What're you doing?

Something they taught me in Driver's Ed!

Aahhh!

[growl]

They never taught me that in driver's ed.

[Reggie:] Help.

Someone, help!

Well, it's not exactly a caveman,

Get me Lana Manana.

[snores]

I think we lost him.

NUH-UH!

Huh?

What?

[growls]

Hey Arch.

Wussup, Moose?

Oh nothin'much.

Oh, I guess there's one thing:

this wooly mammoth is trashing downtown...?

A woolly mammoth?!

Uh, guys,

there's a wooly--

[excited grunts and ooh oohs]

Aahh!

Jugman!

Wait.

Woaahhh!

[growl]

[hollering]

[Tarzanesque call]

C'mon, cave bro,

you don't want to mess with this guy,

[whistles like calling a dog]

[growls]

[wild apelike call]

No!!!!

[apelike sounds] Aaaahhhh!

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

[horrified gasps, cries] Don't look.

He's my bro.

I gotta try to save him.

[gulps in fear] Stop it, you hear me?

Let him go!

Uh, I think we've got it all wrong here, Jug.

Listen!

"Hey boy!

"Glad to see you too!

"How's that new bicuspid coming in?

Huh?

Are you saying?

[happy shouts]

[caveman talk]

[Translator:] "Hey guys,

"meet Tiny!"

[caveman talk]

"Tiny!

"Shake feet."

[laughing nervously]

[Reggie:] There they are!

A wooly mammoth and the real Reg Man as promised.

Incredible!

And I have an exclusive, right?

As long as you pay up!

No way, Reg.

You're not getting anywhere near Jugman.

We saw how you treated him!

Wrong, guys.

I own this man.

Signed and notarized.

Any questions, talk to my lawyer.

Now if you'll excuse us!

[whimpering]

I anticipated this.

Aahh!

Amazing how the simple things can be so satisfying!

[Betty and Veronica:] Ugh! EW!

Still want to go to homecoming with him?

Way sooner than I'd go with you!

Don't you treat him like that!

I'll show you!

UGH!

Hmmm?

I'm completely,

one hundred per cent with you... in spirit, really!

You go, girl!

Too bad.

You two make the perfect couple.

Fun's over, caveboy.

[begging whimper]

What part of "no" don't you understand?

Oooh!

Tough guy.

PTOOEY!

EAT WORMS, REG!

Ooh!

They're cold.

They're icky.

Ahh, they're in my underpants!

Stop that!

BITS!

[beeps and buzzes]

NOW!

Tie him down.

We've got to do something!

The fire hydrant!

Jugman!

[grunts commands to Tiny]

Guess I didn't need

to worry 'bout my cavebro, did I?

Or Pop either.

Look!

Mantle!?

What's the meaning of this!?

My café.

This can't be happening!

[growls] That was amazing!

[issues command]

[horrified whimper]

Bet-tee.

Jugman.

Where's Mantle?!

I left him in charge... and look!

Whhoooa!

Mantle?

Yes, Mr. Jensen?

Hey that's mine!

Not anymore!

You're paying back every penny for destroying my café and my

robots if it takes the rest of your miserable lifetime!

One more thing.

Yes Mr. Jensen?

YOU'RE FIRED!

Ronnie?

You wouldn't reconsider--

Sorry Reg.

Does that mean -- ?

Reggie, would you care to dance?

I can teach you the moonwalk--

Whoooaaa!

Hunk a junk!

Close your eyes.

Mmm!

Mmm!

Yeahh!♪

Alright!♪

It's been a while since I felt this way.♪

That my eyes have open to a brand new day.♪

My heart's been sleeping, now it's wide awake.♪

Nothing's gonna keep from what I want to say.♪

Cuz' I wanna hold ya, it's about time I told ya.♪

I can't get ya out of my mind!♪

Whooa!♪

Now that I found ya, I'll spend my time around ya.♪

Tell me you will be mine!♪

Cuz it's about time!♪

Yeah!♪

Ohh, it's about time!♪

Ohh.♪

I hope you're feeling like the way I do,♪

cuz there's no doubt about it that I'm always true.♪

I won't deny it, there's no reason to,♪

Cuz I want everyone to know how I feel about you.♪

Cuz' I wanna hold ya, it's about time I told ya.♪

I can't get ya out of my mind!♪

Whooa!♪

Now that I found ya, I'll spend my time around ya.♪

Tell me you will be mine!♪

Cuz it's about time!♪

Yeah!♪

Ohh, it's about time!♪

Ohh.♪

Some might say we're worlds apart,♪

Some might say, and we'll never last too long.♪

Oh no.♪

That don't matter, That don't matter,♪

What's in my heart, I can't wait to prove them,♪

Wrong!♪

I wanna hold ya, it's about time I told ya.♪

I can't get ya out of my mind!♪

Whooa!♪

Now that I found ya, I'll spend my time around ya.♪

Tell me you will be mine!♪

Cuz it's about time!♪

Yeah!♪

Ohh, it's about time!♪

Ohh.♪

It's about time, yeah.♪

Ohh it's about time.♪

Ohh yeah.♪

It's about time.♪

Cuz, I wanna hold ya, it's about time I told ya.♪

I can't get ya out of my mind!♪

Whooa!♪

It's about time, it's about time.♪

Now that I found ya, I'll spend my time around ya.♪

Tell me you will be mine!♪

Cuz it's about time!♪♪

[female: Tarzan-like call]

Uh oh...

Oompa?!

This- Oompa.

[gulp] So I see.

[shocked shriek]

[pained grunt]

[frightened giggle]

Uuf!

You okay, girlfriend?

I guess so.

I didn't think it'd work in the long run.

You know, the age difference,?

And the worm thing- I really couldn't handle it.

Tell me.

Dilton, what is she saying?

You don't want to know!

Jugman, wait!

[pained cries]

Burger for the road?

Guess not..

[sad moan]

I'll miss yah 'bro.

No point in letting it go to waste!

[fiercesome Tarzanesque shout]

The Description of The Archies in Jugman