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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: How to have a Pro Mindset in English

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we might need to do well what is the

secret what do I need to do to be more

casual to speak English more naturally

when I'm when I'm speaking or talking or

presenting that's manam that's been my

issue all the time

you know and I really almost of the time

it's kind of they're not tedious but it

kind of I have to be aware of what I'm

saying all the time yeah I need to relax

more I need to be able to be more

natural to have to be able to speak

English naturally what do I need to go

so this dips in - we have to - I guess

categories in English development and

that I'm we've we've really been very

heavy on the kind of the research space

methodology of training accents and

getting the mouth and to move in a

specific way so that we are easily

understood and kind of have that

presence about us okay what you're

talking about has more to do with

mindset and kind of the way some of the

thoughts that we're having as we're

speaking English some of the

interactions that we have with different

people the way we're connecting so that

interpersonal communication that's

happening between when others and so

that gets into another realm which I

actually were kind of working now on

diving further into and providing more

resources and more training on that

because I am realizing that our students

are struggling with that more and more

um but it really comes down to a lot

more of mindset as you're speaking with

people what are some of the thoughts

that are going through your head and are

they thoughts of you know they're these

people might be judging me or these

people might be critic

the way I speak or kind of what of our

thoughts about the way others CS that

make sense yeah but make sense yeah yeah

so tell me a little bit kind of talk me

through some of and it is a skillset to

be aware of our thoughts and be able to

bring attention to our thoughts in those

situations but when you say you're in a

conversation with someone what are some

of the things Ott's or thoughts or

feelings I guess you can kind of explain

either one of them that come up that

help make you feel a little bit more

self-conscious or feel like you add on

the point up by melody I'm afraid to be

prejudged okay that people will you know

what will they think about the way I

speak you know what that's the reason

why I'm always in this situation whether

it really is formal or informal I have

to measure what I have to say I have to

make sure that what I'm saying makes

sense before I even open my mouth you

know and that that is really an

impediment because it really prevent me

from expressing my thought my feelings

my emotions really right okay all right

so we're gonna I'm actually gonna dive

into this about now we're definitely

gonna get to you but I do want to dive

into this a little bit today because I

know that you're not the only one that

kind of has this situation I know that

this happens a lot in it with our

students and um there's a model that

I've been learning about and has been

really successful for me in being able

to break down some of the thoughts that

I'm having and the feelings and they've

been kind of the results that happen

because of those thoughts okay so I'm

going to introduce you to the model as

we call it but it's caught but the

acronyms are CTF AR okay C stands for

circumstance okay circumstance is

neutral it's just it just is so you're

speaking to other people okay you're

speaking to other people you're in a

conversation that's just a circumstance

it's neither good or bad it just is okay

the stance is fact it just is the facts

of what the situation is T stands for

thoughts okay these are our thoughts

about the circumstance so this is where

it becomes like more like I I get or I

feel like they're judging me or I feel

I'm trying to anticipate what they think

of me or even saying the circumstance is

scary I guess that's more of a feeling

but the thoughts of the thoughts that

happen in our minds that create this

circumstance feeling like it's good or

bad right so we have to remember that

thoughts come before our feelings so

feelings are a based on the thoughts

that we have about the circumstance does

that make sense yes no so the feelings

come so the feelings that you're feeling

you're nervous you're unsure you lack

confidence and you you you don't you

feel unaccepted

maybe judged things like that those are

the feelings that are coming and the

feelings aren't necessarily coming from

the circumstance you're just having a

conversation with others okay the

feelings are coming from the thoughts in

your head they might be judging me and

they don't accept me I don't fit in I

might say something dumb or off okay so

these are just some of the

some of the thoughts that tend to buzz

around in our heads we all do it

so this is not out of judgment or

anything we all do it we go in

especially social situations that

there's a it's very easy to go into

social social situations and have a lot

of these thoughts buzzing around in our

heads now because of those thoughts so

it's not the circumstance because if it

was the circumstance everyone would go

in feeling that way right but some

people go in feeling fine and so they're

not going to feel they feel confident or

they feel sure of themselves or things

like that so it's not the circumstance

that's causing that it's the thoughts

about the circumstance okay that are

really making that happen

so you have to look at okay what are the

actions what how am I going to show up

or what I'm going to do in that

conversation if these are the few

thoughts and feelings that I'm having

what are some of the actions so a stands

for action so it's what results come

from these thoughts and feelings so what

actions come from that those thoughts

and those feelings well you have to you

have to be able to actually face it and

actually accept it face it and do

something about it to change it that's

one of the reason why I joined the this

program

yeah so if you're in this if you're in

this state of mind you're going to not

speak up you're going to keep you know

keep quiet you're going to probably be

small kind of make yourself small or

kind of stumble in your speech because

you're feeling all your thoughts and

feelings are this and then results are

you have you don't you don't like the

social setting you feel you know you the

result is lack of connection with those

people things like that

okay so that is what we call kind of an

unintentional model okay something that

we don't necessarily want to happen but

just is happening so what we have to do

is say okay what do we want to happen

what what is the result that we want to

have and how can we kind of back that

back into that so the result is we want

connection we want to to feel sure of

ourselves I almost want to socialize

socialize with others yep we want it we

want that that result okay so what also

and if I may add also share your your

thoughts your feelings freely without

thinking about being judged or being you

know intimidated or yeah of that nature

yeah so this is the result that we want

from these social situations and what I

love is that it is in our control

because the circumstance doesn't change

we're still having a conversation with

others we don't have to control how

other people see our seeing us we can

control how we see other people seeing

us okay so we can be in charge of saying

I mean because we don't know if they're

judging us or not we we could just

assume that they're not okay and if we

assume that they're not and the then

we're gonna show up we're gonna feel

better and we're gonna show up in a much

more connecting way so let me give an

example of this so the feelings we want

our confidence you know we want to feel

sure of ourselves we want to feel calm

because that helps us be able to sort

through our thoughts right and things

like that so the thoughts that we have

to say is I fit

in here I these these people like me and

are interested in me okay because we

don't know we don't know whether they

are they aren't but we get to choose how

we think about a situation because

that's all right that's what we get to

do because you're choosing to think that

they don't they are judging us or they

might say something you know we might

say something dumb or that they they

don't accept me that's a choice that

you're making so why not choose another

thought that brings us more peace and

calm and confidence which allows us to

show up different and you know what the

result is going to be different because

we show up different okay that makes

sense you know what are you talking

about the mindset absolutely absolutely

so it really has to do with how are we

going into these situations and what

thought process do we have as we're

going in and and it takes a lot of

practice and control because what we've

done in a lot of situations is we have

gone this route we have practiced these

thoughts a lot okay and what we have to

say is I'm going to intentionally

practice these thoughts I'm gonna say I

fit in you know I mean I fit in here

these people are just like me and they

like me they're interested in me and I'm

interested in them and this is going to

be a really positive experience for me

okay when we go into the situation with

that we feel confidence we feel sure of

ourselves we feel calm and because of

that we speak more casually and

confident and and with confidence okay

we give we we think less of ourselves

because a lot of times when you're going

with these negative thoughts is like oh

they're judging me me me me me it's all

about me whereas if we say it's not just

about me I'm interested in them I want

them to feel good about themselves I

want them to feel calm and confident

because you know what they might be

coming in with the same negative

thoughts of they're not accepting me

have you ever thought of that that maybe

they are coming in unsure of themselves

so how can I make so that's another

thought how can I make them feel comes

comfortable I'm going to make this about

them not me okay so it's about

empowering thoughts that will change our

circumstances we don't have to change

the way they think of us we have to

change the way we think they're thinking

about this does that make sense

you know one thing that you've done that

I really appreciate is the same acronym

to show the negative and the positive

yeah I like that

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