Practice English Speaking&Listening with: The Harry Potter Skirmishes

Difficulty: 0

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*Big Ben chiming*

Hi there.

It's me,

JK Rowling.

You know me from the series that inspired the Harry Potter erotica.

And the ghostwriter for Tyler Oakley's autobiography

*throwing noise* *thud*

But I have another tale to weave for you today.

And it's about spoilers.



My 6th book is coming out soon.

The kids are excited.

The parents are misguided.

And the hype is building.

*hype noises* And the hype is building.

But the popularity of the series

also had some unintended effects,

It gave rise to four nefarious groups.

(houses, if you will)

The first,

The Bootleggers.

Making and selling knock-off merch.

As well as knockoff books.

The second,

The Gamblers.

Thousands of individuals.

Betting hundreds of thousands of dollars.

On the outcome of the story.

Who would die next?

Oh! Fuck!

Who would Harry hook up with?

And the third group,

The Thieves.

One of them stole an early copy of the book.

And tried to sell it to 'The Sun' newspaper for


This was getting serious.

So, the publishers started ramping up security.

They put GPS trackers on all pallets,

guards were stationed 24 hours a day.

No one outside of a very small group

was allowed to get their hands on the book.

But despite the extra efforts...

There was a leak.

Which brings us to that fourth group,

The Spoi Bois.

They didn't care about money.

All they wanted,

was to ruin the fun.

You probably know these three magic words,




The spoiler started on a few small forums.

And quickly spread everywhere.

And then it went from online,

to RL. (Real Life)

Teens were taking to their moms minivans and heading out to bookstores

where queues to buy the Half-Blood Prince

was stretched around the block.

But that wasn't all.

They started printing custom shirts,


even car enthusiasts were getting in on the action.

Spoilers, get it?

But worst hit of all,

with the sacred Potter forums,

people were making accounts there and posting spoilers in every thread.

I couldn't bear to watch...

But there was an even bigger event on the horizon.

The final book in the series,

and this would contain

the greatest spoilers of all.

Fast-forward to 2007,

it's getting worse.

There's now a 5th group,


Who are rummaging through my trash

looking for scraps of paper.

We started taking it

viry siriously.

More GPS trackers,

more guards.

We made fake endings

We even got the GCHQ involved

to conduct surveillance on some of those first 3 groups.

We did everything we possibly could from my precious book.

And yet.

The retailer

sent the bloody thing out to customers a week early.

And The Spoi Bois,

were more prepared

and organized

than ever.

July 18th,

they called it,


Because they're not that creative.

Attacks on the shores of the United States.

Attacks in the streets of London.

And everywhere else, too.

World of Warcraft,


more shirts,

posters with bolder font,

more cars,

even a shitty cake.

A few people even made a massive banner

and hung it over the motorway to ruin it for morning commuters.

They were stopped by police thankfully.

But the hardest hit of all,


was the sacred Potter forums.

2:30AM Eastern Standard Time,

someone managed to get access to the site admin.

They wrote a message with every single spoiler in it.

Set recipients to all.

And hit send.

Everyone registered to the site,

thousands of the most dedicated fans,

*You got mail!*

received the email.

The only thing they could do

was temporarily close down the forum.

And that brings us to why I'm telling you all this.

Because there were always supposed to be 8 books in the series

And now you'll never get to read the final installment.

Harry Potter And The Unbelievable Plot Twists That Change Everything

Because you couldn't keep your mouth shut.

Now if you'll excuse me,

it's tea time at my private moon castle.


Toodaloo! *4*




We have ignition.

The Description of The Harry Potter Skirmishes