-Do you have any idea what it's like to be a teenage girl and to look like this?
?Crawling in my skin!!?
Sierra Burgess is a Loser is a great example of why Netflix should be more selective about the content it allows on its service
instead of approving anything that an intern spits on to a page.
It's supposed to be a coming-of-age romantic drama/comedy, but it's terrible at being any of those things.
It has one of the most ridiculous plots, unsympathetic protagonists and self contradictory messages I've seen in a long time.
I discovered this film through An Idiot That Reviews Movies.
Self-explanatory really? Yeah, thanks for bringing this to my attention. C**t.
Seriously though guys, go take a look at his channel. He makes short film reviews.
He's funny, he's rapidly improving his craft and his content is worth checking out.
Not like this piece of shit.
Speaking of which let's just take a deep breath and get on with it. And you better believe my scrotum is tingling with anticipation.
-You are a magnificent beast.
Oh you certainly are. So here is our protagonist Sierra Burgess: God's biggest mistake.
This is who we're supposed to identify with and feel sympathy for --
Except she doesn't have any problems that couldn't be solved with regular exercise, proper diet, and some god damn willpower.
In the cruel hierarchy of the American high school, she is a loser
And boys ignore her to the extent that she's often the butt of this sort of joke:
-Maybe yours can be about your trans experience. Super topical.
Some people said that this film was transphobic because of stuff like this.
Those people are idiots.
Everyone who makes those jokes is clearly made out to be a dickhead, and have you ever been to a high school?
Teenagers are dickheads, but she's not exactly doing herself any favors.
The whole point of the film is that she's got below average looks.
But what's weird is that her parents are both slim and somewhat attractive.
Is there something you're not telling us, mummy?
Her dad's a famous poet who's always quoting other people's poetry
-Dreams are the bright creatures of poem and legend
Who sport on earth in the night season and melt away in the first beam of the sun.
Dickens, too obvious.
We never hear any of his own poetry.
I'd assume the screenwriter was too lazy or lacked the talent to do so, but she wrote poems for other characters.
So why couldn't she write something for him?
Her mum's some kind of motivational speaker. So they're both pretentious wankers.
We're off to a great start. When she gets to school, Sierra puts up a poster for her tutoring job.
- New car fund
Pimping myself the only way I can.
-Why is the new car fund so unsexy?
Do you really have to ask that?
Like all these high school movies there has to be at least one teacher to form a sort of love/hate bond with the protagonist.
This is Sierra's teacher. I like her. She's sassy as fuck.
- Then we can discuss your innovative use of a birth control dispenser to hide the answers of yesterday's quiz.
- Ha, what, you thought I just assumed you were extra fertile?
Anyway, Sierra has to write a poem but feels like she's living under her father's shadow. Her teacher doesn't help.
- I just know your poetry is gonna outshine all the other poems in the class. It's in your blood.
Yeah no pressure, yeah?
She then has a run-in with popular girl and Regina George knockoff Veronica.
- Move it, Frodo
- Before your break the mirror
-Frodo is from Lord of the Rings.
-You're thinking of Quasimodo, The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
-He's ridiculed for his appearance and represents a stratified class.
-Not unlike the structure of our own high school popularity.
Yeah, you sure owned her right, good, and proper.
So you made yourself look more like a nerd in a school that you openly admit looks down on nerds?
How did you win this argument and why are they laughing?
What kind of super bitchy high school is this?
- I meant looking at you makes me wanna gouge my eyes out
There we go, normality resumes.
Sierra has a meeting about college applications with a woman who has absolutely zero f**ks to give.
- I almost got a perfect score on my SATs.
- Perfect, huh. So you've got a sense of humor, I am gonna write that down. Funny.
Even though she speaks three and a half languages and has near-perfect grades
She's told that she's boring and completely overshadowed by her famous father
And needs to do a lot more to get accepted into her choice of college.
Not that she then does a lot with that information.
Meanwhile, the plastics get approached by Jamey, our love interest, and he is one smooth cookie.
- I guess you want my number?
Wow, she sounds like a real... keeper
For shits and giggles, Veronica gives him Sierra's number that she ripped off her poster earlier.
So Sierra gets a text from lover boy.
Rather than immediately tell him that he has the wrong number
She obsesses over his picture like a stalker.
And she shows the first signs of being completely f***ing delusional.
-I met a guy
- Okay, not met met, but we texted all night
- By mistake, he may or may not think that I'm somebody else
Her friend Dan is one of the only sensible people in this film.
He basically exists in order to say the things that every sane person will be shouting at the screen.
- What an insane plan, texting somebody who doesn't even know you are. There's a word for that.
- It's called catfishing and I'm pretty sure it's illegal.
- I was kinda just relying on our generation's total disregard for basic human interaction.
- Are you serious?
No, really, what's your real plan?
- That is your plan? It's ludicrous!
So they keep texting back and forth
The world's best wingman suggests sending her a topless pic.
If my experience on tinder has taught me anything
It's that this is a really really bad idea.
So of course he does it.
Look at this, looks like he's taking a shit. But then he's all whoops didn't mean to. But she sends him a nude. So it's fine.
Later he straight up says you're the hot cheerleader, aren't you?
And because she's not the hot cheerleader
Dan is all like "You should tell him" and this is the perfect time to do so.
But she doesn't. Instead, she has this insane discussion.
- I know that he's imagining her when he was talking to me, but -
- They're my words
- He's falling for me.
Because he thinks they're coming out of this mouth. He thinks this is the perfect package.
- And, of all the billions of phone numbers in the world, he texted mine.
- You know, it doesn't that seem like some type of cosmic sign?
No, it isn't.
You know Veronica has a grudge against you.
Did it not cross your mind that she might have given out your number to random boys for the bants?
You even say that two minutes later.
- I know you've been giving my number to random guys.
Who exactly are you trying to fool here?
Veronica is sad because she got dumped by her college-age boyfriend Spence apparently for not being smart enough.
Can't say I blame him. Sierra offers to tutor Veronica so she can win back the college douche.
In exchange, Veronica has to lend her face to Sierra's conversations with Jamey.
Yep, that's her plan. While they're trying to study the personification of every your mom joke storms in.
-I had to skip cause I had some studying to do.
-That's gonna get you far with the boys.
Yeah, great advice coming from someone who looks like the teacher from Dance Moms if she swallowed the Michelin Man.
Anyway, surprise surprise, the bully girl's home life sucks.
The mother is obsessed with pretending that the father is dead, when he's not.
So more tutoring occurs.
- So, Plato, uhm..
- The butt-sex guy.
- I mean, he was from ancient Greece.
Veronica gets upset and storms off to her room.
and she decides that this would be a perfectly good time to send Jamey a nude.
Christ this girl has issues. They compromise and decide on a selfie instead. Is that supposed to be sexy?
What is that? You can tell that she's just been crying
I still would though.
The next gaping hole in Sierra's plan becomes apparent when Jamey wants to talk over the phone.
He notices her voice is different so she makes up a bunch of BS about having a cold.
In order to bulk out her college application
she decides to try out for the running team. No, wait, it gets better.
She tries out for the boys team. Why is she allowed to do that?
- Oh, that?
- That's pretty much so we don't get sued huh, isn't that great?
But she's not actually trans though. So no.
Since she's never done more running in her life than to and from the fridge the results are...
The next gaping *** hole in the plan comes when Jamie wants to FaceTime.
After a fruitless attempt to teach Veronica the basics of Nietzsche
Nietzsche? Netsy? Sierra uses her like a puppet in order to video call Jamey.
(Jamey) - Uh, are you with someone?
- Sorry, uh no, no. It's just two of us
This is quite the house of cards she's building, isn't it?
- I think the connection is just, way off.
- The audio isn't synced to the video, like, at all
- Sorry, maybe we should try again another time?
Oh what when you've perfectly rehearsed your lip-syncing?
But that's her plan to drag out this charade for as long as possible all because she likes the attention.
I mean, I sort of get it a random woman asking for directions is often enough to give me a boner.
But at least the woman knows who she's talking to. This is catfishing.
- The Lion King, that's just him.
That's what you consider profound. Is it? No wonder you got dumped. Jamey then ask Sierra on a date.
- Don't die before then, okay?
So that he can die inside the moment he sees you?
- I'm in deep shit.
She convinces his Veronica to go on the date, even though that's a terrible idea.
- So you want to put two really, really hot people together. You think that that's gonna work out for you?
- Yeah, she likes Spence, remember?
- Is that - that's your pretty boy. He looked that damn good and he's a good person?
Playing with kids does not make him a good person. She can't talk to him because he'd recognize her voice
so Dan the man tries to pass her off as being deaf.
And just in case you had any sympathy left for her, she goes along with it.
- Your name is Shit Pizza?
Except that Jamey knows sign language because his little brother is in fact deaf
This is the only time I laughed at this film. The sheer cringe factor of this scene is
amazing and I'll see you all in hell
- You call that a success?
- We had a moment
No, he was humoring you because you were acting like a lobotomized mental patient.
Dan insists again that she tell him the truth.
She promises and then of course, she doesn't, instead following Jamey and Veronica on the date.
- What happened to you owe him the truth, no matter what?
- I'm just not ready.
It's not about you, you demented bunny-boiler.
- It's funny, yeah
- Your voice sounds skinny again
- You feeling better?
- What? What do you mean?
- Like, like on the phone
You didn't fill her in on your conversations?
Then how is she supposed to pose as you or herself or whatever the fuck is happening here?
After the movie they have this awkward as hell conversation where Sierra texts Veronica what she wants her to say.
I'll be merciful for once and spare you the cringe. Jamie tries to seal the deal.
Sierra grabs Veronica's legs. So she screams
-Oh my god!
- What, are you okay?
Yes, I got really excited.
So you just jump?
How are you this dense? We've all been there mate
but at this point you need to start thinking with your other head
She makes him close his eyes and then she gets Sierra to go up and kiss him instead?
This is sexual assault, that's what it is.
He thinks he's kissing the hot girl and he wouldn't consent to this if he knew he was locking lips with this quivering mass of hormones and lies.
And look at how pleased with herself she is, the watered-down rapist.
- It was incredible
- Like the kind of kiss you read about in books
but never believe could actually happen
Why has this girl not been sectioned?
Veronica takes Sierra to a party. Because Veronica has stopped being such a bitch, her bitch friends abandoned her.
And shock horror college douche turns out to be a negging douche.
- I told Veronica she's dumb to make her insecure. I guarantee she puts out tonight
He tries to get back inside Veronica. She's learned nothing and goes off with him, abandoning Sierra.
Sierra drunk dials Jamey which goes about as well as you'd expect.
-I really, really like you
-Because you're so good
But she still doesn't tell him the truth.
- And we dance on the bar and have a sweet time
- Inspired, Clarissa, you could go write for Kesha
Why couldn't this film be about her I would watch the shit out of that.
Because Sierra's been obsessing over her Romeo
she forgot to do her poetry assignment. She's been thinking so much about the D
that she's about to get an F.
Dan's annoyed that she blew him off to go to the party.
But she blows him off again to be with Veronica because, to absolutely no one's surprise
Spence dumped her again like a sack of whiny potatoes.
At the next football game, Jamey runs into Veronica and kisses her.
Sierra sees this and gets jealous and angry because she doesn't understand how courting works.
All right, calm down there, Elliot Rodger.
Instead of committing suicide by cop, she hacks into Veronica's Instagram because she was stupid enough to set her password to Spence
She then sends the selfie that Spence took earlier to all of Veronica's followers
which then gets uploaded to the main screen.
- Veronica, are you- are you cheating on me with Spence?
There was no timestamp on that picture, it could be from weeks or months ago, and it clearly says he dumped her.
So, why would you assume she was still dating him? Anyway, the truth comes out and he is understandably confused and a bit pissed.
- Please, listen to me, you have to let me explain
- okay, please?
What possible explanation could you offer that would make this situation better?
There is no way you can come out on top here. This entire situation is your fault.
Even Dan has had enough of your shit.
She then takes it out on her parents and blames her shitty behavior on her being fat and ugly.
- Do you have any idea what it's like to be a teenage girl and to look like this?
Then stop eating Twinkies and go get a makeover
you pug-faced land whale. How is she ever going to resolve this situation, you might ask.
By writing a song, of course. It's nothing special.
Nothing you wouldn't hear down a local open mic night, but it somehow miraculously solves most of her problems.
Her teacher accepts the song as the poetry assignment and writes her a glowing recommendation for Stanford.
Veronica listens to the song and so forgives her while also finding the motivation to tell her mom to shut up and stop living in the past.
Veronica then plays Jamey the song so he shows up at Sierra's house.
- Look Sierra, what you did was was terrible and bad, like, really bad.
- I'm so sorry
- But do you ever feel sometimes like the world is just conspiring against you?
- To tell you that you're not good enough?
Because you couldn't get into your first choice of university without putting in more effort and because boys don't want to sleep with you because
You don't make yourself sexually appealing. That's why you manipulated him. That's why you sexually assaulted him.
What kind of excuse is that?
You know who I actually feel sorry for? Veronica, although she was complicit in the face rape.
So maybe I shouldn't.
Her mum's manipulative and overbearing, her sisters are brats
Her friends are c***s, and she's had so much pressure on her to fulfill the role of the bitchy popular girl
And now that's all fallen apart because of something that you brought her into.
But at least she actually has an interesting character arc and grows immensely as a person. The film should have been about her.
Not this scheming troglodyte. So I guess they're gonna decide to stay friends. Okay, they've matured and grown as people
Those are character arcs I can get behind.
No. No. No! F**k right off, movie. F**k right off! You do not get to do this.
You've just completely contradicted whatever positive impact and coming-of-age theme this film might've had.
She catfished him, but it's all okay because she wrote a song and somehow convinced him to accept her for her personality.
Her personality is garbage.
She manipulated him, screwed over her friends, and publicly humiliated someone who wouldn't have been in that position if not for her.
Oh, but they had a bit of banter on the phone so it's romantic.
There's forgiveness and then there's this. And to top it all off it ends with a ridiculous "Where are they now?"
Sierra gets into Stanford with her straight A's even though the teacher earlier said that that wasn't good enough.
Don't tell me it was because of that fucking song. Basically, everyone's happy and lovey-dovey and having a gay old time.
What kind of message is this?
The target audience for this film is teenage girls and teenage girls are impressionable and stupid.
And some of them are going to believe that it's perfectly acceptable to treat boys this way.
Because if he's truly a good person, he'll forgive them and want to put his dick inside them no matter how repulsive they are.
-Honestly, had we not met the way that we had..
-Maybe I wouldn't have noticed you.
It's unrealistic, immoral, and f**king stupid.
You know what? I'm done. F**k this movie. F**k it right in its putrid fat mouth.
Thanks for watching let me know what you thought of Sierra Burgess and my video in the comments.
If you enjoyed it, please do give it a like and share it somewhere. It all helps my channel grow
Next up is the re-review slash documentary of Agony I've delayed for a couple of months.
Bear with me because it's quite long and I want to make sure that it's worth the wait.
So yeah. Until then.