Do you spend a lot of time wondering how the person you’re dating really feels about
you? Sometimes you know that he’s interested, other times you worry that he doesn’t care
at all. Do you question if he’s playing mind games or maybe he’s just not into you?
In this video, I’m going to explain the five differences between a guy who’s playing
mind games or trying to test you and a guy who is just not that interested. Then you
can decide if you want to continue working on the relationship or move on. Don’t
go anywhere because we’re starting in 3 seconds.
hi everyone.. I’m dr Antonio Borrello, welcome to another video. This channel is all about
helping you build great relationships so you can grow happy with the people you love.
So, if you’re interested in making your love life the best part of your life, start
now by clicking the subscribe button and the bell notification so you aren’t missing
anything. Ok how to tell the difference between someone who is playing mind games or trying
to test you, and a person who just isn’t that into you. Oh.. and make sure you watch
until the end because I’m going to tell you exactly how to handle both situations.
Wait… wait, I know what you’re thinking…. You don’t want either person.. you don’t
want someone who’s trying to play games and you don’t want someone who isn’t that
into you.. I don’t blame you. neither situation is ideal. However there is a big
difference between the two. Let me explain.
If a man is not that interested, he may be stringing you along or using you as a place
keeper until someone better comes along. If that’s the case, you really don’t have
many options to change things and it might be best to save yourself some grief and walk
away now. On the other hand, When someone is playing mind games or testing you, they
may be doing so because they really like you and really want you, but they are trying to
play it cool or trying to play hard to get so you’ll like him more. If this is the
case, confronting them or calling their bluff might challenge them to stop the games and
work on improving the relationship. But obviously, you’ve got to be able to determine
if they are playing or if they just don’t really care.
Ok.. so what kind of mind games am I talking about? When I refer to mind games, I'm talking
about calculated behaviors that one or both partners use to manipulate, intimidate, or
undermine their partners behaviors and cause them to question their own perceptions.
In intimate relationships, mind games are also used by insecure partners who wish to
change the direction and experience of a relationship. For example, a person who doesn't feel they
are getting enough attention from their partner, might engage in some manipulative behavior
in hopes of creating doubt, fear, or jealousy in the relationship and get the attention
back on themselves. So in this case, they are hoping to get something out of it....
including gaining security or gaining self-esteem or confidence in the relationship. One might
even argue that these mind games aren’t initiated with malicious intent. Instead,
they are used by insecure partners who test your feelings, or test your reactions because
they want to feel better about the relationship. Again these are manipulative behaviors, but
the perpetrators might not even realize that they are engaging in psychological manipulation. They
are doing these things to push their partner to “prove their love,” so they can somehow
feel more secure in the relationship.
So.. I have some examples of situations where it’s difficult to tell if they are testing
you or if they just don’t really care. I’m going to share the example and tell
you what to do to recognize what’s really going on.
1 He never texts first or he doesn’t Consistently Return Your Calls or Texts.
OK, this one is probably the most common one. And notice, … I didn’t say instantly,
I said consistently…. There is a difference, right? I mean people have work, school,
and other obligations and can’t always be immediately available, right? But consistently
means that the person is excited about you and they’re eager to stay in touch and communicate
with you. I know when I like a person…. I seem to check my phone for text messages
or missed calls more frequently, just to be certain that I hadn’t missed any communication
And because I’m excited to hear from them. So when I receive a text or message, I’m
happy and excited and want to keep the communication going. You should expect nothing less
from your partner… but when someone doesn’t ever initiate conversation or consistently
return your calls or texts, you’re left wondering if they are playing games or if
they just aren’t that interested.
So, how do you find out? Well, this one is challenging… It's hard especially when
you like someone and feel a connection. However, it is vital to make sure you are
both equally pursuing the other. So, stop being available for him 24/7, and stop texting
him first! If you’ve been in the habit of texting multiple times per day, it shouldn’t
take long for him to notice that you haven’t been in touch and he will be reaching out
to you. On the other hand, if two or three days have passed and you haven’t heard a
word from him, perhaps he hasn’t noticed and probably isn’t that into you. In this
case, you might be better off saving yourself some grief and walking away from the situation.
Clearly he isn’t that into you.
Now.. if he’s playing games or testing you.. this is how you find out. let’s say that
you normally start the day with a good morning text that is usually initiated by you.. if
you haven’t messaged him and it’s 1 or 2 pm, he should certainly notice and reach
out to you with a text like.. hey… how are you? Are you ok? And, it might take longer
than that for him to break down and reach out… but one thing is for certain..
if he likes you, he will be thinking about it, start to worry and text you eventually.
He might even be upset over it.. don’t worry.. after I explain the other signs, I’ll
explain exactly how to handle these situations, so stay with me and keep watching.
2 He tells you he's not ready for a relationship but gives you mixed messages.
Here again, this is used by men and women who are either not that into someone, and
also by people who are playing games. Sometimes you’ll hear a guy saying upfront.. I don’t
want a relationship or I’m not ready for a relationship right now, but he expects that
you’re going to act like a couple and reap all the benefits of a relationship. So he
wants everything that comes with a relationship, with the freedom to do whatever he wants as
well. So… is he just not that into you, or is he a player or testing you. Well,
A guy will only do that with a woman he really likes, if he believes or knows he can get
away with it and he’s not afraid of losing you to someone else. He’s not worried
that you are going anywhere. He can do that when he knows you are invested and waiting
and hoping that the situation will change.
So, how do you find out? Again, this one is not easy to do, but you have to be willing
to deprioritize your time with him and the relationship. You can’t jump at every
opportunity to talk, hang out, and text.. You have to take the attention off of him,
and put it back onto yourself. Take care of you first… pick up some hobbies, make
and KEEP plans with your friends.. fill up your social calendar and
This can be difficult to do.. because When you like someone, you want to spend as much
time with them as possible, right? But that often backfires … think about the principle
of scarcity.. things that are scarce are more valuable…. If your time is scarce, it’s
has more value.. oh and And Keep Your Options open.
When a man clearly says he Does Not Want a Commitment… why is it that so many women
refuse to date other men.. they just don’t feel like it, right… they just aren’t
interested in anyone else. They worry that they might upset the guy they want. But the
truth is.. if he knows you are going on a date with another man, he cannot be angry
about it.. that’s what he wanted. Unless he expects you to be committed to him without
him being committed to you. So until your guy finally realizes that you’re
the girl for him, don’t stop dating other men. Keep your options open even if you’re
not particularly interested in these other guys. Don’t be obnoxious or in his face
about it… You don’t want to be accused of trying to make him jealous.. Instead,
keep your social calendar full of dates with others, and you will be less worried about
what your guy is doing, He will definitely notice that you’re not as available as you
once were, and it will add just the right amount of anxiety to get him to take action.
And when he complains about it.. that’s the perfect opportunity to remind him that
this is exactly what HE wanted. However, if he knows you’re dating other
men or that you’re open to it and doesn’t protest... then he’s clearly not that
into you. Here again, you’ll need to decide if you’re going to keep investing
in this relationship or if you’re ready to walk away.
Before we get to number 3.. I want to take a moment and share something I’ve been thinking
about… my two goals for this channel.. and they are to make videos that specifically
help you with the dating and relationship issues that are common today, and the second
goal is to reach as many people as possible with my videos. But in order for me to reach
those goals I need your help.. When you leave comments and share your situations and experiences,
it helps me to decide on what videos to make. So please continue to do that. The second
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many more lives. OK… On to number 3
3. He only makes plans that are convenient for him. In other words, He doesn’t go
out of his way to see you. A guy who likes you and wants you will make efforts to show
you how special you are to him. Actions speak louder than words here. A man can
tell you anything he wants… but if he is not willing to put in the effort… to go
out of his way to show you how special you are… well, then something is wrong. What
do I mean by going out of his way? Well.. he comes to your side of town to pick you
up... he makes effort to plan a date in advanced... rather than call you last minute
to see if you want to hang out. He remembers the details of your schedule and makes himself
available during times when you are free. And, he offers to do things for you when he
can. So yeah if he’s not making you a priority,
either he’s just not into you, or he is playing games or taking you for granted? How
do you find out? Well again here, you’ve got to set some boundaries and not be available
for him at the drop of a hat. become more scarce, and only see him if he is making an
effort to further develop the relationship by investing his time and effort into you.
You can’t allow him to call you late at night just for sex… he should be making
an effort to spend relationship time with you.
So, the next time he tries to call and come over last minute, you’ve got to be strong
enough to decline his offer and say no. He should be making an effort to take you on
a proper date.. and that doesn’t mean that he has to spend tons of money if he doesn’t
have it.. the most meaningful things a couple can do together are free.. things such as
taking a romantic walk on the beach.. sitting together and talking under the moonlight,
even going for a drive.. but of course, if money isn’t an issue, he should absolutely
take you out on proper dates. So, next time he calls last minute and asks.. you’ve got
to be willing to politely decline and offer him an alternative that requires him to make
an investment into the relationship. So, when he calls late at night and says.. I miss you,
can I come over? You need to redirect him and say, I miss you too… maybe you can take
me on a proper date this weekend. Or say.. I miss you too. Let’s plan an afternoon
where we do… A, B, C. When you do that, you are setting your standards
and it’s up to him to meet them. If he’s really into you.. he will step up and meet
your standards. Oh, and I’m sure he will attempt to call you last minute more than
one time.. so be ready to make him put up or shut up. Stuck to your standards. If he
disappears.. he probably did you a favor.
As I mentioned earlier, there are many people who engage in these type of mind games and
are doing so because they want to somehow manipulate you to get their own needs met..
they might be doing it so they can have someone who adores them and is obsessed with them.
Or It makes them feel better about themselves. Obviously, this All comes from a low self-esteem and
an unawareness of how they hurt others. So when they prove to you that they are playing
mind games, you’ve got to be willing to call their bluff. It’s very important for
the person who’s playing mind games with you to know that you know the game is being
played. You may want to confront them directly, and ask what exactly their motives are in
your relationship. Are they playing with your mind in an attempt to find out how you feel
about them or because they worry that you will leave them if they allow you to see how
they really feel? In this case, having a heart to heart with
your partner may help him to fully understand the behavior and why it’s happening.
But regardless of situation, you have to avoid making excuses and fooling yourself into believing
that you can do nothing and wait it out. The more thought and energy you invest while waiting,
the stronger your feelings will become. So, don’t waste another moment thinking about
their situation or wondering when it might change. If they are just not that into
you, Move forward and find someone who is on the same page as you are.
In the end, you will be happy that you did.
As always, I love reading and responding to your comments… so if you’ve been in any
of these situations, please share your experience in the comments below. And please hit that
thumbs up and subscribe if you haven’t already. Let’s grow this channelo together. I’ll
see you in the next video.