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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Mind Games or He's Just Not that Into You? Know the Difference!

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Do you spend a lot of time wondering how the person youre dating really feels about

youSometimes you know that hes interested, other times you worry that he doesnt care

at allDo you question if hes playing mind games or maybe hes just not into you?

In this video, Im going to explain the five differences between a guy whos playing

mind games or trying to test you and a guy who is just not that interestedThen you

can decide if you want to continue working on the relationship or move onDont

go anywhere because were starting in 3 seconds.

hi everyone.. Im dr Antonio Borrello, welcome to another videoThis channel is all about

helping you build great relationships so you can grow happy with the people you love.

So, if youre interested in making your love life the best part of your life, start

now by clicking the subscribe button and the bell notification so you arent missing

anything. Ok how to tell the difference between someone who is playing mind games or trying

to test you, and a person who just isnt that into you.  Oh.. and make sure you watch

until the end because Im going to tell you exactly how to handle both situations.

Waitwait, I know what youre thinking….  You dont want either person..  you dont

want someone whos trying to play games and you dont want someone who isnt that

into you..  I dont blame youneither situation is idealHowever there is a big

difference between the two. Let me explain.

If a man is not that interested, he may be stringing you along or using you as a place

keeper until someone better comes alongIf thats the case, you really dont have

many options to change things and it might be best to save yourself some grief and walk

away nowOn the other hand, When someone is playing mind games or testing you, they

may be doing so because they really like you and really want you, but they are trying to

play it cool or trying to play hard to get so youll like him more.   If this is the

case, confronting them or calling their bluff might challenge them to stop the games and

work on improving the relationshipBut obviously, youve got to be able to determine

if they are playing or if they just dont really care.

Ok.. so what kind of mind games am I talking about? When I refer to mind games, I'm talking

about calculated behaviors that one or both partners use to manipulate, intimidate, or

undermine their partners behaviors and cause them to question their own perceptions.

In intimate relationships, mind games are also used by insecure partners who wish to

change the direction and experience of a relationshipFor example, a person who doesn't feel they

are getting enough attention from their partner, might engage in some manipulative behavior

in hopes of creating doubt, fear, or jealousy in the relationship and get the attention

back on themselvesSo in this case, they are hoping to get something out of it....

including gaining security or gaining self-esteem or confidence in the relationship. One might

even argue that these mind games arent initiated with malicious intentInstead,

they are used by insecure partners who test your feelings, or test your reactions because

they want to feel better about the relationshipAgain these are manipulative behaviors, but

the perpetrators might not even realize that they are engaging in psychological manipulationThey

are doing these things to push their partner toprove their love,” so they can somehow

feel more secure in the relationship.

So.. I have some examples of situations where its difficult to tell if they are testing

you or if they just dont really careIm going to share the example and tell

you what to do to recognize whats really going on.

1  He never texts first or he doesnt Consistently Return Your Calls or Texts.

OK, this one is probably the most common oneAnd notice, … I didnt say instantly,

I said consistently…. There is a difference, rightI mean people have work, school,

and other obligations and cant always be immediately available, rightBut consistently

means that the person is excited about you and theyre eager to stay in touch and communicate

with youI know when I like a person….  I seem to check my phone for text messages

or missed calls more frequently, just to be certain that I hadnt missed any communication

And because Im excited to hear from them.   So when I receive a text or message, Im

happy and excited and want to keep the communication going.   You should expect nothing less

from your partnerbut when someone doesnt ever initiate conversation or consistently

return your calls or texts, youre left wondering if they are playing games or if

they just arent that interested.

So, how do you find outWell, this one is challenging…  It's hard especially when

you like someone and feel a connectionHowever, it is vital to make sure you are

both equally pursuing the other. So, stop being available for him 24/7, and stop texting

him first! If youve been in the habit of texting multiple times per day, it shouldnt

take long for him to notice that you havent been in touch and he will be reaching out

to youOn the other hand, if two or three days have passed and you havent heard a

word from him, perhaps he hasnt noticed and probably isnt that into youIn this

case, you might be better off saving yourself some grief and walking away from the situation.

Clearly he isnt that into you.

Now.. if hes playing games or testing you..  this is how you find out.   lets say that

you normally start the day with a good morning text that is usually initiated by you.. if

you havent messaged him and its 1 or 2 pm, he should certainly notice and reach

out to you with a text like.. heyhow are youAre you okAnd, it might take longer

than that for him to break down and reach out…  but one thing is for certain..

if he likes you, he will be thinking about it, start to worry and text you eventually.

He might even be upset over it..  dont worry.. after I explain the other signs, Ill

explain exactly how to handle these situations, so stay with me and keep watching.

2  He tells you he's not ready for a relationship but gives you mixed messages.

Here again, this is used by men and women who are either not that into someone, and

also by people who are playing gamesSometimes youll hear a guy saying upfront.. I dont

want a relationship or Im not ready for a relationship right now, but he expects that

youre going to act like a couple and reap all the benefits of a relationship. So he

wants everything that comes with a relationship, with the freedom to do whatever he wants as

wellSois he just not that into you, or is he a player or testing youWell,

A guy will only do that with a woman he really likes, if he believes or knows he can get

away with it and hes not afraid of losing you to someone elseHes not worried

that you are going anywhereHe can do that when he knows you are invested and waiting

and hoping that the situation will change.

So, how do you find outAgain, this one is not easy to do, but you have to be willing

to deprioritize your time with him and the relationshipYou cant  jump at every

opportunity to talk, hang out, and text..  You have to take the attention off of him,

and put it back onto yourselfTake care of you first…  pick up some hobbies, make

and KEEP plans with your friends.. fill up your social calendar and

This can be difficult to do.. because When you like someone, you want to spend as much

time with them as possible, rightBut that often backfiresthink about the principle

of scarcity.. things that are scarce are more valuable…. If your time is scarce, its

has more value..  oh and And Keep Your Options open.

When a man clearly says he Does Not Want a Commitmentwhy is it that so many women

refuse to date other men.. they just dont feel like it, rightthey just arent

interested in anyone elseThey worry that they might upset the guy they want. But the

truth is.. if he knows you are going on a date with another man, he cannot be angry

about it.. thats what he wantedUnless he expects you to be committed to him without

him being committed to you.   So until your guy finally realizes that youre

the girl for him, dont stop dating other men. Keep your options open even if youre

not particularly interested in these other guysDont be obnoxious or in his face

about itYou dont want to be accused of trying to make him jealous..   Instead,

keep your social calendar full of dates with others, and you will be less worried about

what your guy is doingHe will definitely notice that youre not as available as you

once were, and it will add just the right amount of anxiety to get him to take action.

And when he complains about it.. thats the perfect opportunity to remind him that

this is exactly what HE wanted. However, if he knows youre dating other

men or that youre open to it and doesnt protest...  then hes clearly not that

into you.   Here again, youll need to decide if youre going to keep investing

in this relationship or if youre ready to walk away.

Before we get to number 3.. I want to take a moment and share something Ive been thinking

aboutmy two goals for this channel.. and they are to make videos that specifically

help you with the dating and relationship issues that are common today, and the second

goal is to reach as many people as possible with my videos. But in order for me to reach

those goals I need your help.. When you leave comments and share your situations and experiences,

it helps me to decide on what videos to make. So please continue to do that. The second

way you can help me accomplish these goals is when you subscribe to this channel and

when you share my videos with your friends and family who might also benefit from watching.

Subscribing helps because it sends signals to youtube and then they suggest my videos

to more people on their watch page. So, if you find value in these videos, please help

by subscribing... Together we can get this channel to a million subscribers and change

many more lives. OKOn to number 3

3.     He only makes plans that are convenient for him.   In other words, He doesnt go

out of his way to see youA guy who likes you and wants you will make efforts to show

you how special you are to him.   Actions speak louder than words hereA man can

tell you anything he wantsbut if he is not willing to put in the effortto go

out of his way to show you how special you are…  well, then something is wrong.   What

do I mean by going out of his wayWell..   he comes to your side of town to pick you

up...  he makes effort to plan a date in advanced...  rather than call you last minute

to see if you want to hang out.   He remembers the details of your schedule and makes himself

available during times when you are freeAnd, he offers to do things for you when he

can.   So yeah if hes not making you a priority,

either hes just not into you, or he is playing games or taking you for granted? How

do you find out? Well again here, youve got to set some boundaries and not be available

for him at the drop of a hat. become more scarce, and only see him if he is making an

effort to further develop the relationship by investing his time and effort into you.

You cant allow him to call you late at night just for sexhe should be making

an effort to spend relationship time with you.

So, the next time he tries to call and come over last minute, youve got to be strong

enough to decline his offer and say no. He should be making an effort to take you on

a proper date.. and that doesnt mean that he has to spend tons of money if he doesnt

have it.. the most meaningful things a couple can do together are free.. things such as

taking a romantic walk on the beach.. sitting together and talking under the moonlight,

even going for a drive.. but of course, if money isnt an issue, he should absolutely

take you out on proper dates. So, next time he calls last minute and asks.. youve got

to be willing to politely decline and offer him an alternative that requires him to make

an investment into the relationship. So, when he calls late at night and says.. I miss you,

can I come over? You need to redirect him and say, I miss you toomaybe you can take

me on a proper date this weekend. Or say.. I miss you too. Lets plan an afternoon

where we doA, B, C. When you do that, you are setting your standards

and its up to him to meet them. If hes really into you.. he will step up and meet

your standards. Oh, and Im sure he will attempt to call you last minute more than

one time.. so be ready to make him put up or shut up. Stuck to your standards. If he

disappears.. he probably did you a favor.

As I mentioned earlier, there are many people who engage in these type of mind games and

are doing so because they want to somehow manipulate you to get their own needs met..

they might be doing it so they can have someone who adores them and is obsessed with them.

Or It makes them feel better about themselvesObviously, this All comes from a low self-esteem and

an unawareness of how they hurt others. So when they prove to you that they are playing

mind games, youve got to be willing to call their bluff. Its very important for

the person whos playing mind games with you to know that you know the game is being

played. You may want to confront them directly, and ask what exactly their motives are in

your relationship. Are they playing with your mind in an attempt to find out how you feel

about them or because they worry that you will leave them if they allow you to see how

they really feel? In this case, having a heart to heart with

your partner may help him to fully understand the behavior and why its happening.

But regardless of situation, you have to avoid making excuses and fooling yourself into believing

that you can do nothing and wait it out. The more thought and energy you invest while waiting,

the stronger your feelings will become. So, dont waste another moment thinking about

their situation or wondering when it might change.   If they are just not that into

you, Move forward and find someone who is on the same page as you are.

In the end, you will be happy that you did.

As always, I love reading and responding to your commentsso if youve been in any

of these situations, please share your experience in the comments below. And please hit that

thumbs up and subscribe if you havent already. Lets grow this channelo together. Ill

see you in the next video.

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