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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Rhubarb and Custard

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>> Josh: WHY CAN'T I EVER

JUST LET MYSELF PROPERLY

ENJOY THINGS?

WHY CAN'T I EVER JUST BE

IN THE MOMENT, YOU KNOW?

I KNOW TODAY IS BRILLIANT.

IT'S SUNNY.

WE'RE IN THE FIRST WORLD.

WE JUST ORDERED A $19 SUNDAE.

YOU KNOW, DELICIOUS,

BUT ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT

IS MY RUBBISH FACE.

I'M OBSESSING.

I MEAN, IT'S JUST,

I'M TURNING 21 SOON,

AND THIS IS AS GOOD AS MY FACE

IS EVER GOING TO GET.

THIS IS IT.

IT'S ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE.

I WAS HOPING PUBERTY WOULD

DO A BETTER JOB, BUT NO.

PUBERTY DID A GOOD JOB WITH YOU.

YOU USED TO BE REALLY AWKWARD

TO LOOK AT.

INCREDIBLE-- CLAP.

DON'T YOU THINK

THIS IS INCREDIBLE?

WHAT AN INCREDIBLE SUNDAE!

ISN'T IT JUST MIND-BLOWING

TO THINK WE ACTUALLY

GET TO EAT THIS?

>> Claire: JOSH, I WANNA

TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.

>> OH... NO.

NO-- NO, YOU DON'T.

>> I THINK WE SHOULD BREAK UP.

>> OH.

OH, THAT'S BAD.

>> I JUST-I KINDA FEEL LIKE

WE'VE DRIFTED, YOU KNOW?

>> THIS ISN'T GOOD AT ALL.

>> ALSO, YOU'RE GAY.

>> WHAT?

N... NO, I-NO, I'M NOT.

>> JOSH, YOU'RE PROBABLY GAY.

>> I'M NOT.

>> I MEAN, WE COULD STILL

BE FRIENDS, IF YOU LIKE.

WOULDN'T REALLY BE

THAT DIFFERENT, WOULD IT?

>> THIS $19 SUNDAE IS SUDDENLY

PRETTY FáááááG HUMILIATING.

>> ONE-TWO ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR

OOH

YEAH I'LL BE FINE YEAH

OOH

UP YEAH HERE

UP THE GOOD LORD KNOWS IT

UP THE GOOD LORD KNOWS IT

I LEFT BETTER BEHIND

TO BE FINE YEAH

TAKE MY MOMMAH

TURN ANOTHER BLIND EYE

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

I LEFT BETTER BEHIND TO BE FINE

>> TOM.

>> Tom: HEY.

>> WORKPLACE SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

HERE WE GO.

WORKPLACE SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

OH-OH, YEAH.

>> YOU DON'T WORK HERE.

THIS ISN'T WORKPLACE

SEXUAL HARASSMENT-- IT'S JUST

NORMAL SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> I'M ON MY BREAK.

>> TOM, ARE YOU GOOGLING

GIRAFFES AGAIN?

>> YEAH.

>> WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS

GOOGLING GIRAFFES?

>> I'M NOT ALWAYS

GOOGLING GIRAFFES.

JUST, LAST TIME YOU CAME IN,

I WAS GOOGLING GIRAFFES,

AND I HAPPEN TO BE

GOOGLING GIRAFFES AGAIN TODAY.

>> I JUST HATE THAT YOU THINK

YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF SPECIAL

AFFINITY WITH GIRAFFES.

>> I DON'T!

>> I IMAGINE IT'S BECAUSE

YOU THINK THAT YOU

KIND OF LOOK LIKE ONE,

BUT-BUT LESS GRACEFUL.

>> GIRAFFES AREN'T GRACEFUL.

>> I THINK THEY ARE-- I THINK

THEY'RE SURPRISINGLY GRACEFUL.

>> NO, THEY'RE NOT.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ONE

PICK SOMETHING OFF THE FLOOR?

>> I GUESS YOU WOULD KNOW,

WITH ALL YOUR SPECIAL RESEARCH.

>> CLAIRE SAID

SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU.

>> YEAH, YEAH-- YEP-YEP-YEP.

ALSO, I CUT MYSELF SHAVING,

AND, UH, YOU WON'T

SHUT UP ABOUT GIRAFFES.

SO, THAT'S THREE PIECES

OF BAD NEWS IN ONE DAY.

>> I'VE DECIDED I AM

GOING TO BREAK UP WITH NIAMH.

>> WHY DO YOU

DO THIS TO ME, TOM?

WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE NOT

GOING TO-- I DON'T KNOW

WHY YOU LIE TO ME.

YOU GET MY LITTLE HOPES UP.

>> WHENEVER I TRY,

SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY.

>> I DON'T THINK IT DOES.

I THINK YOU JUST

PUT THINGS IN THE WAY

'CAUSE YOU'RE SCARED OF HER.

YOU'RE SCARED OF

WHAT SHE'LL DO.

>> LAST TIME I WAS ABOUT TO,

AND HER TURTLE DIED.

>> OF COURSE, SHE OWNS

A FáááááG TURTLE.

>> OWNED.

>> Geoffrey: HI.

>> JOSH, THIS IS GEOFFREY.

GEOFFREY JUST STARTED.

>> THINK YOU MIGHT

BE IN MY CHAIR.

>> OH, SááT-- SORRY.

>> UH... ARE YOU OKAY?

>> YEAH, SORRY.

I DIDN'T WANNA-- NO, I DON'T

WANNA PUT THIS ON YOU, MAN.

[ CELL PHONE RINGING ]

>> IT'S NIAMH.

I HAVE TO GET IT.

SORRY.

HEY, SWEETHEART.

WHAT?

THEY KICKED YOU OUT?

WHAT DID YOU DO?

>> MY DAD GOT ARRESTED AGAIN.

>> OH.

OH, NO.

SH-SHOULD I ASK YOU WHAT FOR,

OR SHOULD WE-SHOULD WE NOT--

WE SHOULD NOT MENTION IT?

>> NOT MENTION IT.

>> OKAY.

>> IT DOES IT SOUND

PRETTY RACIST.

[ GEOFFREY CRYING ]

>> I JUST DON'T KNOW

WHO TO TALK TO.

>> TOM KEEPS LOLLIES IN HERE.

DO YOU LIKE LOLLIES?

THAT'S KIND OF, HONESTLY,

IT'S THE BEST

I'VE GOT TO OFFER.

POP ROCKS?

>> I LOVE POP ROCKS.

>> YEAH?

>> NO, YOU CAN'T.

JOSH JUST BROKE UP WITH CLAIRE.

HE'S ALL UPSET.

HE'S A MESS.

NO.

FINE.

NIAMH'S COMING OVER FOR DINNER.

>> WHAT-- NO.

TOM, YOU SAID YOU WERE

GONNA BREAK UP WITH HER.

>> THEY KICKED HER

OUT OF HER POETRY GROUP.

>> SHE GOT KICKED

OUT OF A POETRY GROUP?

>> SHE'S UPSET.

>> TOM, NO, THAT'S NO EXCUSE.

YOU HAVE TO DO THIS.

YOU CAN DO THIS-- COME ON.

>> OKAY, I'LL BREAK UP

WITH HER TONIGHT.

ARE YOU EATING MY POP ROCKS?

>> NO.

>> CAN I COME TO DINNER?

>> DO YOU KNOW WHAT

I THINK ABOUT A LOT?

>> WHAT?

>> THE TIME WHEN

YOU WERE TELLING ME,

WHEN YOU WERE KIDS,

AND YOU WERE NAKED

IN THE BACKYARD

AT YOUR FRIEND'S HOUSE,

AND YOUR-HIS MUM TOLD YOU

THAT IF YOU DO THAT,

THEN A MAGPIE MIGHT MISTAKE

YOUR PENIS FOR A WORM

AND EAT IT.

>> YOU THINK ABOUT THAT A LOT?

>> IT JUST... I JUST THINK

IT'S A FUNNY IMAGE.

A TINY VERSION OF YOU

TERRIFIED THAT A MAGPIE

MIGHT SWOOP DOWN

AND EAT YOUR PENIS.

NOBODY--

>> I HAD A PET MAGPIE

FOR A WHILE.

>> HMM?

>> IT USED TO COME TO

THE BACK DOOR EVERY MORNING.

WE'D GIVE HIM OUR LEFTOVERS.

>> DID IT EVER TRY

AND EAT YOUR PENIS?

>> NO.

[ LAUGHING ]

[ BARKING ]

>> Niamh: HEY!

HEY, GUYS.

>> HI, NIAMH.

THIS IS GEOFFREY.

>> HEY.

>> HI-- THANKS.

>> JOSH, UH,

TOM TOLD ME ABOUT HOW

CLAIRE BROKE UP WITH YOU.

>> YES.

>> WHAT HAPPENED?

>> UM, SHE SAID WE DRIFTED.

>> WELL, THAT'S DISAPPOINTING.

YOU KNOW, I REALLY

LIKED CLAIRE.

>> REALLY?

YOU NEVER--

>> HOW'D YOU LET IT DRIFT?

>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW, NIAMH.

YOU SEE, THAT'S THE NATURE

OF DRIFTING,

IS THAT IT HAPPENS SLOWLY,

OVER TIME.

AND THEN, ONE DAY,

YOU ORDER A $19 SUNDAE,

A-AND IT'S FINISHED.

>> RIGHT.

>> HOW DID YOU GET KICKED

OUT OF YOUR POETRY GROUP?

>> YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY,

DON'T YOU?

>> NO.

>> IT'S JUST, CLAIRE'S

PROBABLY AT HOME, CRYING,

AND YOU'RE HERE,

HAVING A DINNER PARTY.

>> NIAMH, I DON'T THINK

SHE'S CRYING, OKAY?

SHE BROKE UP WITH ME.

IT WAS A SURPRISE.

I DIDN'T KNOW.

IF I'D KNOWN,

MAYBE I WOULD'VE PLANNED

A MORE MOURNFUL EVENING.

I'M-I'M SORRY.

>> WELL, ISN'T THAT

JUST CHARMING?

>> NIAMH, CAN YOU JUST--

>> OH... I'M SORRY, TOM.

AM I EMBARRASSING YOU,

A-AGAIN?

>> MAYBE WE COULD SORT THIS OUT

WITH INDOOR VOICES.

>> WHAT THE FááK?

I DON'T EVEN KNOW

WHO THE FááK YOU ARE.

>> I'M-I'M GEOFFREY--

TOM'S FRIEND.

>> I'M SO NICE TO YOU GUYS,

AND YOU'RE ALL JUST SUCH

FáááááG BITCHES TO ME.

>> OH, GOD!

>> CAN WE JUST TAKE THIS

INTO ANOTHER ROOM?

>> YEAH.

[ NIAMH MOANING ]

[ MUSIC ]

>> I JUST, UH,

I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE THAT

THEY'RE HAVING THAT MUCH FUN,

YOU KNOW?

[ MOANING CONTINUES ]

>> SO, WHAT-WHAT DO YOU DO?

>> I'M-I'M STUDYING, UH,

BACHELOR OF CREATIVE INDUSTRIES.

>> REALLY?

>> YEAH.

>> THAT'S REAL INTERESTING.

>> N-NO.

>> I'M GAY.

>> OH, COOL.

>> YEAH, I, UM,

I HAVEN'T TOLD TOM.

>> OH... WHY?

WHY'S THAT?

>> I JUST-I DIDN'T WANT HIM

THINKING I WAS HITTING ON HIM.

>> I DON'T THINK ANYBODY

THINKS THAT ANYONE

IS HITTING ON TOM.

>> CAN I SLEEP OVER?

>> WE DON'T REALLY

HAVE ANYWHERE.

>> IF YOU'VE GOT

A-A PRETTY BIG BED,

I COULD JUST CRASH THERE.

[ DOOR CREAKING ]

[ DOOR CREAKING ]

>> LIGHT.

[ MUSIC ]

[ MUSIC ]

>> IS THIS OKAY?

>> YEAH, YEAH.

[ MUSIC ]

DO YOU-DO YOU TASTE BLOOD?

>> WHAT?

>> OH, THERE'S A-A LITTLE MOLE

ON YOUR LIP THAT'S BLEEDING.

>> I-I CUT MYSELF SHAVING.

WELL, WHAT-WHAT ARE WE

MEANT TO DO NOW?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> DO WE JUST WAIT FOR ME

TO STOP BLEEDING?

>> I MIGHT GO TO SLEEP.

WE'LL TRY AGAIN

IN THE MORNING?

>> OKAY.

>> DO YOU, UH, DO YOU PREFER

BIG SPOON OR LITTLE SPOON?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

DON'T REALLY GET THE BIG SPOON,

LITTLE SPOON THING.

SU-SURELY, THEY'D BE

THE SAME SIZED SPOONS.

DIFFERENT SIZED SPOONS

DON'T FIT TOGETHER LIKE THIS.

[ MUSIC ]

[ CELL PHONE MESSAGE ALERT ]

>> RECEIVED AT 11:13 A.M.

>> Dad: JOSH, IT'S YOUR DAD.

DON'T WORRY, MATE.

UH, MUM'S OKAY-- SHE'S OKAY.

SHE'S BEEN MOVED TO A WARD.

YOU AWAKE?

[ VOICEMAIL BEEPS ]

>> RECEIVED AT 10:15 A.M.

>> JOSH, UH, IT'S YOUR DAD.

UM, OH, MATE, WHERE ARE YA?

CALL ME BACK.

[ VOICEMAIL BEEPS ]

>> RECEIVED AT NINE A.M.

>> HEY, JOSH.

UH, YOUR DAD CALLED

AND HE TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED.

I JUST-I HOPE THAT YOU'RE OKAY,

AND IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,

PLEASE JUST LET ME KNOW.

[ VOICEMAIL BEEPS ]

>> RECEIVED AT 8:40 A.M.

>> FááK, JOSH-- FááK.

MUM-- FááK, FááK.

CALL ME!

>> JOSH, GEOFFREY'S

IN YOUR ROOM.

HE ISN'T WEARING A SHIRT!

>> 8:09 A.M.

>> Mum: JOSH?

LOVEY, I NEED SOME HELP.

>> TOM, I THINK I NEED YOU

TO DRIVE ME TO THE HOSPITAL.

>> WHAT?

>> I-I NEED YOU TO DRIVE ME

TO THE HOSPITAL.

>> WHICH HOSPITAL?

>> I DON'T KNOW--

JUST GET IN THE CAR!

>> WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED

LAST NIGHT?

YOU'VE NEVER LEFT

THIS MUCH TIME

BETWEEN SOMETHING HAPPENING

AND YOU TELLING ME.

>> MY MUM TOOK QUITE A BIT

OF PANADOL AND DRUNK

HALF A BOTTLE OF BAILEYS.

>> BAILEYS?

>> YEAH.

>> HOW DO YOU EVEN DRINK

HALF A BOTTLE OF BAILEYS?

>> I JUST DON'T KNOW.

GUESS WHAT ELSE?

>> YOU MADE OUT WITH GEOFFREY?

>> I CAN NEVER REALLY TRUST

WHEN SOMEONE THAT GOOD-LOOKING

IS INTO ME.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I-I JUST DON'T GET IT.

LIKE, I-IF THEY'RE

MEDIOCRE-LOOKING,

I CAN SORT OF APPRECIATE WHY

THEIR STANDARDS ARE SO LOW.

WHEN THEY'RE THAT PRETTY,

I'M JUST LIKE, "UGH!

"WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?"

YOU KNOW?

>> CLAIRE WAS QUITE

GOOD-LOOKING.

>> I REALLY DON'T THINK

SHE WAS THAT GOOD-LOOKING

WHEN WE GOT TOGETHER.

PUBERTY DID WELL WITH HER.

>> JUST SO I KNOW,

WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT

YOUR MUM BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL,

LIKE, EMOTIONALLY STUNTED.

YEAH?

>> YEAH.

>> AND WE'RE JUST IGNORING

THE FACT THAT GEOFFREY'S A MAN?

>> YES.

WHEN HE KISSED ME,

MY LIP STARTED BLEEDING

BECAUSE I CUT MYSELF SHAVING,

AND THEN I BLED ACTUAL BLOOD

INTO HIS ACTUAL MOUTH.

>> UGH.

>> IT'S THE THIRD WORST THING

THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME

DURING SEX.

>> YOU HAD ACTUAL SEX?

>> NO-- MY LIP WAS BLEEDING.

>> ARE YOU SURE

YOU DON'T HAVE FEELINGS

YOU WANNA SHARE WITH ME

IN SOME KIND OF TALK?

>> YEAH.

>> IT CAN BE GOOD

TO SHARE YOUR FEELINGS.

>> NOPE.

NO.

NAH.

[ INDISTINCT CHATTER ]

>> JOSH.

>> HI, DAD.

>> HEY, ALAN.

JUST GONNA GO HAVE A SEAT.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?

>> YEAH.

>> THAT MUM TOOK

A BOX OF PANADOL?

>> YEAH, YOU-YOU TOLD ME

ON THE PHONE.

>> AND DRANK HALF

A BOTTLE OF BAILEYS.

>> YES, DAD.

I-I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

>> DID YOU GET A PARK OKAY?

>> YES.

>> I THINK MUM

TRIED TO KILL HERSELF.

>> YOU THINK?

>> BUT, WHY WOULD

SHE WANNA DO THAT?

>> I-I DON'T KNOW.

>> IT'S PROBABLY MY FAULT.

>> LOOK, IT-IT MIGHT BE

[ INDISTINCT ].

I DOUBT IT'S YOUR FAULT.

>> DID-DID YOU TELL HER

THAT I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

>> YOU'VE BEEN DIVORCED

FOR A WHILE-- I DON'T THINK

IT REALLY MATTERS.

UH, NO, I-I-I DIDN'T.

>> OH, UM, WHEN

I COULDN'T GET ONTO YOU,

I CALLED CLAIRE.

>> OH, WHY?

>> WHAT?

>> OH, IT'S NOTHING.

IT'S JUST, UH,

WE BROKE UP YESTERDAY.

IT'S FINE.

>> OH, SORRY, MATE.

I DIDN'T KNOW.

>> NO, IT'S FINE.

>> WHY'D SHE BREAK UP WITH YOU?

>> I-I DON'T KNOW.

>> SHE JUST WASN'T

HAPPY WITH YOU?

>> I GUESS NOT.

>> OH.

MUM DOESN'T KNOW I'M HERE.

>> OKAY.

>> DO YOU THINK

SHE'D BE UNCOMFORTABLE

IF SHE KNEW I WAS HERE?

>> YEP-- YES.

YES, I DO.

>> HI.

HOW'S IT GOING?

>> HI, LOVEY.

HOW'S CLAIRE?

>> OH, YEAH.

SHE'S ALL RIGHT.

[ RETCHING ]

>> UGH.

OH, I'M SORRY, LOVEY.

>> HELLO.

ROSE, IS IT?

>> MMM-HMM.

>> I JUST HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS.

ARE YOU STILL VOMITING?

>> YEAH, A LITTLE.

>> NO HEADACHE AT ALL?

>> A HEADACHE?

SHE TOOK QUITE A BIT OF PANADOL.

>> MMM.

>> NO HEADACHE?

>> I'VE STILL GOT A LITTLE

BIT OF A HEADACHE.

>> IF YOU GET A HEADACHE

IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS,

I REALLY THINK WE SHOULD BE

CALLING THE CUSTOMER

COMPLAINT LINE.

>> SORRY-- I JUST HAVE TO GET

THROUGH THESE QUESTIONS.

THEN, I CAN MOVE ON

TO OTHER PATIENTS.

>> OKAY.

>> DO YOU THINK YOU COULD

STEP OUTSIDE FOR A MOMENT?

>> WHAT-- NO.

THIS IS MY MUM.

>> OKAY.

WELL, CAN YOU JUST SHUSH?

>> YEAH, I CAN SHUSH.

>> PERHAPS YOU COULD POP OUT

AND GET YOUR MUM

A TURKISH DELIGHT, JOSH?

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> HI.

>> CLAIRE, HI.

[ MUSIC ]

>> SORRY ABOUT YOUR MUM.

>> OH-- OH, YEAH.

>> YEAH.

>> YEAH.

>> WELL, UM, ARE YOU OKAY?

>> YEAH-- NO-- YEAH.

SURE.

YOU DUMPED ME YESTERDAY-- YEAH?

>> YEAH.

>> OKAY.

I JUST - I JUST-- I THOUGHT

THAT MEANT THAT I-I WOULDN'T

BE SEEING YOU SO MUCH.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT--

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

BUT, I-I CAN SEE YOU.

>> YEAH, BUT, UH, WE SAID THAT

WE WERE GONNA BE FRIENDS.

SO, I'M JUST HERE,

TRYING TO BE FRIENDLY.

THAT'S ALL.

>> OKAY.

I JUST-- I JUST-- I JUST

THOUGHT MAYBE THAT YOU WERE

JUST, LIKE, SAYING IT--

THAT TO SORT OF

SOFTEN THE BLOW.

>> SO, YOU'RE SAYING

YOU DON'T WANNA BE FRIENDS?

>> YEAH, I WANT-- I WANT TO.

I JUST-- THERE'S ANOTHER

THING, ALSO, UM, TO THAT.

I-I MADE OUT WITH A BOY.

>> I KNOW.

>> MALE BOY.

>> I KNOW-- YEAH.

>> OKAY.

>> I DON'T UNDERSTAND, THOUGH.

WHY WOULD YOU DO IT ON

THE SAME DAY THAT WE BREAK UP?

>> I DIDN'T MEAN TO-- I PROMISE.

I HONESTLY JUST--

HE WAS JUST THERE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

>> THERE?

>> YEAH, HE WAS--

HE WAS REALLY VERY THERE.

>> IS-IS THAT WHAT

YOU THINK OF ME?

I WAS JUST THERE.

>> NO-- COME ON.

YOU'RE BEING SILLY.

NO, OB-OBVIOUSLY YOU WERE THERE.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S GOOD,

THAT'S HELPFUL FOR YOU

TO BE THERE.

IT-IT'S COMPLETELY

NECESSARY, EVEN.

BUT, UH, YOU WEREN'T JUST--

ANYWAY, I-I DON'T KNOW.

>> I FEEL LIKE YOU DIDN'T EVEN

REALLY ENJOY HAVING SEX

WITH ME, HONESTLY.

>> OH, COME ON-- NO.

>> WELL, DID YOU?

>> I GUESS.

Y-YES.

>> YOU GUESS?

>> I MEAN, YES.

>> NO, YOU DIDN'T!

>> THE ANSWER IS YES-YES

TO THE QUESTION.

MMM-MMM, SEX WITH CLAIRE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> YOU'RE SO FRUSTRATING.

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU

WOULDN'T JUST TELL ME.

[ SIGH ]

>> MY MUM ATTEMPTED

SUICIDE TODAY, SO I HAVE

A PRETTY GOOD EXCUSE

TO GET OUT OF THIS CONVERSATION,

BY THE WAY.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT.

>> I UNDERSTAND ROSE

LIVES ALONE.

IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS,

WE CAN'T RELEASE THE PATIENT

UNLESS SHE HAS PEOPLE AROUND

TO KEEP AN EYE ON HER.

>> WELL, I-I CAN'T MOVE BACK

IN WITH HER, CAN I?

WE'RE DIVORCED.

>> I DON'T KNOW YOUR PERSONAL

SITUATION. BUT, NO,

THAT DOESN'T SOUND IDEAL.

>> DOES THIS MEAN THAT I'M GONNA

HAVE TO MOVE BACK IN WITH HER?

>> WELL, NO.

IN A CIRCUMSTANCE LIKE THIS,

WE WOULD ADVISE THAT

SHE IS TRANSFERRED TO

A PRIVATE FACILITY.

>> A MENTAL HOME?

>> WE DON'T CALL IT THAT.

>> BUT, LIKE, THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

>> WELL, WE DON'T CALL IT THAT.

>> AUNTY PEG COULD MOVE

IN WITH HER.

>> I-I DON'T THINK MUM

ACTUALLY LIKES HER.

>> OH, WHY DID SHE HAVE

TO BE SO STUPID?

>> I CAN'T BE HER CARER.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO CARING.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW

TO CARE FOR MYSELF.

I NEVER FLOSS.

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG.

>> THANKS, LOVEY.

SO, WHAT HAVE YOU GUYS

DECIDED TO DO WITH ME?

>> UM, WE HAVEN'T DECIDED,

BUT THE DOCTOR THINKS WE SHOULD

PUT YOU IN A MENTAL HOME.

>> WHAT-- YOU THINK--

AM I MENTAL?

>> I-I DON'T KNOW.

>> SO, WHAT ARE

THE OTHER OPTIONS?

>> WELL, SOMEONE NEEDS

TO LIVE WITH YOU.

SO, THAT COULD BE ME,

I-I GUESS, OR AUNTY PEG.

>> UH, NO-- NO.

DON'T MAKE ME MOVE BACK

IN WITH HER.

I COULDN'T BEAR IT.

>> OKAY.

>> AND YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO

LIVE WITH ME, EITHER, JOSH.

I-I SHOULDN'T BE YOUR PROBLEM.

>> WELL, I MEAN,

I-I-I HAVEN'T DECIDED.

UH, I'M NOT SURE

I CAN MOVE OUT ON TOM.

>> NO, BUT, YOU SEE,

YOU COULD DO ALL THE SAME

SORTS OF THINGS AT MY PLACE

AS YOU DO AT TOM'S.

IT'S OKAY.

I'M COOL WITH THAT.

>> MUM, YOU DON'T HAVE TO--

I HAVEN'T DECIDED.

I-I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

>> BUT, YOU SEE, YOU COULD BRING

CLAIRE HOME TO SLEEP OVER,

IF YOU WANT.

>> WHAT?

>> I'M COOL, OKAY?

LIKE, YOU CAN HAVE SEX

IN THE HOUSE, IF YOU WANT.

>> OH, FááK, MUM.

>> NO, PLEASE DON'T SWEAR, JOSH.

>> ALSO, UH, CLAIRE

AND I BROKE UP.

>> WHAT?

WHO BROKE UP WITH WHO?

>> SHE BROKE UP WITH ME.

>> OH, WELL, LOOK, EVEN

IF YOU WANT CASUAL GIRLS.

>> MUM, I-I'M NOT HAVING

SEX IN THE HOUSE.

>> WELL, I'M JUST SAYING

YOU CAN, IF YOU WANT.

>> WELL, I DON'T WANT TO.

I ESPECIALLY DON'T WANT

TO WITH YOUR PERMISSION.

>> NO, I AM JUST SAYING, OKAY?

>> WELL, DON'T.

>> OKAY, I WON'T.

>> WHAT DID I DO WITH

THE PARKING TICKET?

>> MAE-- HA-HA-HA.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN

IN THE CAR?

>> YOUR FATHER TOLD ME

TO WAIT HERE FOR A MOMENT.

THAT WAS SIX HOURS AGO.

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I-I LEFT YOU THE KEYS,

AND I JUST BROUGHT YOU A DRINK.

>> MMM, LIKE A DOG.

[ LAUGHTER ]

JOSH, I'M SORRY TO HEAR

ABOUT YOUR MOTHER.

>> OH, YEAH-- THANKS, MAE.

>> MAE, HAVE YOU GOT

THE PARKING TICKET?

>> NO-- YOU TOOK IT.

YOUR FATHER THINKS

IT IS HIS FAULT

BECAUSE OF THE DIVORCE.

>> WELL, CLEARLY, IT IS.

>> OH, YES, OF COURSE IT IS.

IF YOU BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE,

WHERE'S THE POINT FOR THEM

IN LIVING?

THEY MAY AS WELL END IT.

I MEAN, THEY HAVE EXPERIENCED

PERFECT LOVE,

AND THEY WILL NEVER FIND

HAPPINESS, AGAIN.

SO, THEY MAY AS WELL END IT

BECAUSE YOU ARE SO PERFECT.

>> IT'S NOT LIKE THAT.

>> ALAN, I PROMISE YOU--

NO ONE IS ATTEMPTING SUICIDE

BECAUSE A FAT MAN LIKE YOU

DUMPED THEM.

>> YES, WELL--

>> SHE HAS A MENTAL DISORDER.

>> YES, I UNDERSTAND THAT, MAE.

BUT, I DO THINK THAT--

>> DAD, I THINK SHE'S RIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE SEEN

YOUR FACE LATELY.

>> IT'S LIKE A SCROTUM.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ MUSIC ]

>> SHANIQUA, AIN'T NOBODY

GONNA MESS WITH YOU.

>> HI, TOM.

>> HI.

>> HEY, SHANIQUA.

>> HOW'S IT GOING?

>> OH, YEAH, BIG DAY.

I HAVE HAD A BIG DAY.

>> HI.

>> OH, YOU'RE BACK.

>> HE NEVER LEFT.

>> YEAH, I WANTED TO HELP OUT.

SO, I-I CLEANED THE HOUSE,

AND I MADE DINNER.

>> HE MADE SPAGHETTI.

YOU LOVE SPAGHETTI.

>> I REALLY DO LOVE SPAGHETTI!

>> ANYWAY, I'D BEST BE OFF.

>> OH, YOU'RE NOT--

YOU'RE NOT GONNA STAY

AND EAT SPAGHETTI?

>> NO, I PROMISED MY DAD

I'D VISIT HIM, SO--

>> OH, OKAY.

THANKS FOR ALL THE STUFF.

>> WHY DOESN'T

NIAMH EVER DO THAT?

>> WHAT-- MAKE YOU DINNER

AND THEN, UH, NOT-NOT

MAKE YOU TALK TO HER

WHILE YOU EAT IT?

>> YEAH.

>> YOU COULD JUST BREAK UP

WITH HER AND THEN GO

TO A RESTAURANT.

>> MMM.

HOW'S YOUR MUM?

>> OH, YEAH.

TOM, I JUST-- I JUST

REALLY THINK I HAVE TO

MOVE BACK IN WITH HER.

>> WOW!

THAT IS VERY NICE OF YOU.

>> YEAH-- I'M A MODERN DAY HERO.

>> HERO IS A STRONG WORD.

>> NO-- I'M ALMOST DEFINITELY

GONNA BE YOUNG AUSTRALIAN

OF THE YEAR FOR THIS.

>> MORE LIKE YOUNG

DááKFACE OF THE YEAR.

>> BRILLIANT-- THAT'S CLEVER.

THAT'S REALLY GOOD.

[ MUSIC ]

SHOO WOP DOO WOP

SHOO WOP DOO WOP

SHOO WOP DOO WOP

SHOO WOP DOO WOP

SHOO WOP DOO WOP

SHOO WOP DOO WOP

SHOO WOP DOO WOP

SHOO WOP DOO WOP

AH

The Description of Rhubarb and Custard