Hello everybody, I'm going to walk you through an essay that received a 100
because it was so good. What I'm going to do is I'm going to point out thesis
statements, the topic sentences, etcetera. If your papers are modeled like this or
similarly, you will do well. First of all the heading his name, my name, the topic
or excuse me the subject of the class, and then the date- notice that it's day
month year. Then he has a musical feeling. This is the title of his essay- notice
that it's all double-spaced. There are no gaps. Notice that the major words of the
title are capitalized. A is capitalized because it's the beginning of the title
take it to take a pause here and read this, and then I'm gonna come down here. I
have categorized three of my favorite songs- Firework, Anyone, and Echame la Culpa,
and he gives the names of the people. These three songs are my favorite though
they are totally different. You should realize that he's going to talk about
these three songs and he's going to contrast them because he used the words
different. So as we go through the paper, we should only see Firework, this song
and Anyone and how he's going to compare them. So this would be his thesis
statement. This is a good thesis statement because they add the topic the
three songs and the controlling idea- what are we going to learn about those
three songs? How they're totally different?
So here the topic sentence- three these three songs were created for different
purposes. So he's going to talk about the different purposes of each of the songs.
Go ahead and read this. Pause it, and then down here if you go through it he stayed
on topic. He talked about the purpose of these songs- the differences, and let's
Go to the next body paragraph. These songs have different effects on me- clear
topic sentence. He's going to talk about how each of these songs offense affects
him differently. So he starts with Firework and he goes through look at
this closing. Here you don't always need a closing in an essay paragraph because
the reader knows you're going to continue, but look at this: The songs are
amazing yet each one makes me react differently.
What a beautiful closing. It made it all come together nicely.
These songs are for different occasions. Again another topic sentence the songs
and what are we gonna learn about them- how they're different- how they're used
for different occasions. So go through here. Read the topic sentences here. Look
at the closing- each occasion becomes special with these songs- nice closing. He
ties it up nicely and his conclusion. The other things I didn't really like was
in conclusion. He writes really well so I would just get rid of that and say it is
evident or overall. And then he goes through and he reviews or summarizes all
of these the main songs. He summarizes them for the reader because it's an
essay. So as his conclusion is done really well. Then let's look at the works
cited page- Lovato Demi the title he found it on YouTube. Everything
noticed that he indented. The only thing I think he should have put here was
accessed on date, which is okay, but you should add that on there. And then
Meredith and then Prance. Notice that it's LMP it goes in alphabetical order
by their last names, and then here song facts, song facts. He had a lot. S the only
thing I would have added was accessed on and put the date you accessed them on.
Alright, let's see here.
Perfect. Okay so to recap- he had a strong thesis statement- we knew exactly what
the paper was about- every body paragraph had a topic sentence, which he stayed on
topic and only talked about that topic sentence. Again you do not need a closing
sentence for each paragraph a body paragraph and an essay but he chose to
and he did them really well. And then his conclusion was a summary conclusion. This
was a 100 paper to me. So if you follow this, you will do
really well in my class. I have had students who say I grade too hard. I
don't think so as long as you have these main points, which are necessary. You
should do well- thank you.