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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Jesus, The Countess and Joseph

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- Previously on "The Real Housewives of New York City."

- You left the ----ing rehab that I got you for free.

- It was cabaret! You left--you're a sicko!

- Yes, and I needed to go and do that.

I'm sorry if I've been wrapped up in myself.

I've been dealing with a lot.

- You have to make a change.

- I am making changes all the time.

- But that dress makes your breasts look flat.

- That's true.

- And I spent, like, $3,000 on this ----ing outfit.

- Jeez. - What?

- Then you overpaid. - Okay.

- When you date a rich guy, there's an upgrade

in your lifestyle.

And when you stop dating the guy,

there's sometimes a slight downgrade.

We haven't seen the slight downgrade,

and it's not adding up to me.

- Speaking of Scott, he was actually really sweet.

I got these shoes.

I mean, it's just, like, a-- it's, like, a cutesy shoe,

but it was sweet. Like, it's called Bambi.

I, like, started sobbing.

- It's a little weird.

- I texted you guys.

I wanna do a s'mores and whores.

- What do we wear for that?

- You can dress naughty or nice.

Most of us, it's not a reach to be whores,

so we have a fit.

- I don't know who's coming but I told Evan about,

you know, you girls coming to my Christmas show.

- We love you but we really don't wanna go to a show.

We wanna hang out and have fun. - Okay.

- We're throwing a surprise party for Sonja and Dorinda.

- You know what? If you don't come,

that's one thing. But to actually throw a party--

- No, I understand. - That's ----ing mean.

- Why don't we all go to--go and make a toast to you

at your cabaret, everyone give--you know,

give you a hug, wish you well?

- We'll do both.

[upbeat music]

- I plead guilty to being fabulous.

- The only thing I'll settle for is more.

- People call me over the top,

but lately, I prefer being a bottom.

- Game, set. Now, I need a match.

- When life gives me limes, I make margaritas.

- If you got a problem with me, it's your problem.

♪ ♪

[festive music]

♪ ♪

- Hi, how are you?

both: Hi!

- Love that you're here! - Hi, oh, my God!

[both laughing]

- How are you doing? - Hey.

I'm good. How are you?

- I'm good. [kisses]

- Oh, my God. The stage looks great.

- Happy birthday. Do you love it?

- Hey, Billy. - We're getting there.

- Hey, Chris. Hi, everybody.

- It's a work in progress. - Hi, Evan.

Wow, this looks great.

Finally the Christmas show is here and we've been prepping

for, like, six months. I've got the sleigh.

I've got the nutcracker. It sold out.

And this is gonna be a blast.

Oh, my God. Look at the flowers.

Wow, nice. Beautiful.

I've got all the girls coming here at, like, 7:15.

I have my mother coming here.

Um, Ramona just texted me.

- Is she coming? - No.

She's not coming at all. - Why?

Why is she not coming?

- Because she has to go to her venue to make sure

her party is in order.

- But she's known about this for weeks.

- I mean, really? - [laughs]

- Ramona on purpose plotted the party

and she knew I couldn't be there.

- I'm throwing a surprise party for Sonja and Dorinda.

I'm so excited.

- Yeah, I know, except that I can't be there.

- I know.

- And why do you have to do it on the same night as my show?

- 'Cause there's no other night to do it.

- That's kind of a slap in the face,

to be excluded.

I mean, talk about a sh---y friend.

- That's really rude. - Mm-hmm.

[upbeat music]

- Hi.

We're here for our cool sculpt to get bikini-ready

for after Christmas holiday.

- I'm excited. - Great, welcome.

- She's never done it. I've done it.

- Well, I've never done it.

She's done it and it looks great on her,

so I'm gonna do it.

I'm a big fan of any kind of treatment, let's say,

that is non-invasive.

The most invasive thing I've ever done is that

vaginal, uh, resurfacing.

- This is just the probe being inserted, so...

- Ow. - All right.

- Is it on? - No, no.

- No, it's not on yet. - I'm just inserting it.

- That was pretty invasive.

- Come on in. - I'm ready.

Measure me out. - Hi.

Um, I'm Dr. Belkin.

Dorinda, you've had your flanks done before?

- Yes. - And you had a good response?

- I had a great response. I want this done right here.

- Right, okay.

And that's what I saw you're in consultation for.

- Yeah.

- And then, Sonja, you wanted to do your flanks today?

- Why is the doctor calling my hips flanks?

I mean, so not sexy.

Sounds more like a cut of beef.

- So we're--we're cooling down the--the skin and the fat

to a temperature where the nerves,

the muscles are not damaged, but the fat cells are damaged.

And they undergo a process where they sort of

involute and die.

- I just don't wanna be on a date and I start sweating

my ass out from under my arms or something.

- No, no, no, you pee it out.

- It's just metabolized like anything else.

- You get to a certain age where you have these bits

and bobs you just can't get rid of

no matter how much you exercise,

so cool sculpting's sort of a quick and easy way

to get rid of, like, a little love handle

or that little funny thing that goes on with your stomach

when you're in your 50s.

- Ready? - All right, ready?

[drum roll]

Oh, this is nothing. I've had guys do that to me.

- Dorinda and I will be 80 years old coming in

on our canes saying, "I need the flaps taken off

"my arms now.

The flanks are doing great, though."

- We talked a little bit about the Tinsley thing.

What's going on?

- I don't know but she's not being truthful with us.

I know I'm not an idiot, okay?

There was no cash flow till Scott showed up.

There was no, like, "Let me pay for the housekeeper."

"Let me take you to dinner." - So what do you think it is?

Do you think it's they're back together or--

- I just think he's always been taking care of it.

- I just don't like to be played.

Just be honest. - That's what it's about.

- Tell me whatever it is. I don't care.

I really don't pass judgment.

If that's what you wanna do, go for it.

I feel like our group, we're honest with each other.

But, you know, I don't know anything more about Tinsley

than I knew about her when I first met her.

"How you doing?" "Great."

"How's Scott?" "Not dating him."

"Marriage?" "Want a baby."

I mean, I-- [mimics crying]

That's all I got.

I--are we gonna say something or just let it be?

- Coming from a place of compassion,

I want what's best for Tinsley. - Yes.

- It's just we have to have trust.

Just tell us the truth. - Yeah.

- You only get away with bullsh-- in this city

for about two years.

Ding, ding. Two years are up.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[phone trilling]

- Hello?

- Hey, how are you?

- Oh, God. Are you all right?

What's going on?

- I'm home. It was brutal.

I got back from being in Boston with my boyfriend yesterday.

And the two prior days I spent in ICU in Boston

because I had an anaphylactic shock incident.

I just drank a cup of hot soup.

And it's happened before where I feel, like,

a little itchy or bumpy, and then I felt my hands, like,

get really swollen.

Like, they just got super tight.

And Paul was like,

"Well, do you want me to get you a Benadryl?"

Paul brought me a hot miso soup,

and miso itself doesn't have fish in it.

This particular miso soup had bonito in it,

which is this type of fish flakes.

I have had a severe fish allergy my entire life.

Is something fish? There's fish in that sou--

Is there fish in that soup? - There is fish in this soup.

- Don't eat the soup. - Okay, I'm itching.

I thought it was chicken. (BLEEP).

[crying]

Paul left to get the Benadryl.

He came back three minutes later and I was unconscious.

And Paul was, like, seeing if I was breathing

and I was drooling. - Oh!

- [crying]

And he managed to get Benadryl and water down my throat

and call 911.

I was in the ambulance and they jammed this, like,

rocket pen in my leg, and I got to the--

- Oh!

- I got to the ER, and then I heard the guy say

if it had been five more minutes

that I would have passed away.

And then they were like-- it just was, like, not real.

They were like, "You're going into ICU."

And if no one was with me I would have been dead.

That's what's freaking me out, if I was alone.

And I don't wanna be alone now.

Paul saved my life.

He was trying to act like everything was okay

but his face--his eyes--like, he looked so worried.

Like, but he was keeping it together

and he was totally calm.

- I'm just--I was so worried.

- Thank you. I appreciate it.

- My stomach was so upset. I was just so--oh!

- I'm supposed to throw this party tomorrow

and I have surprises for you guys and everything,

and I hope I'm gonna be up for it.

But if I'm not, just have fun.

- Don't worry, don't worry. See how you feel.

Rest today with Bryn.

Just, you know, snuggle with her and, you know,

Biggy and Smallz.

- Okay, all right. I love you.

- Oh, I love you. Bye.

- Bye.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[crying]

- Coming up...

- ♪ My dress was white and long

And all the kids were cheering loud

Jovani, Jovani, Jovani! ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[knocking]

- Hello? - Hi.

- Hi. - Hi, honey.

- This where the magic happens?

- This is where the magic happens.

- This is it. - It's pretty good.

- Like you said.

- Joan Rivers' entrance through the bathroom, yeah.

- Got changed in the tiny kitchen at 54 below, so--

- Yeah, well, then you go out there and you get inflated.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ - Oh, hello!

There you are again. You're everywhere.

You're like--you're like a superhero.

- No, I'm a--I'm a--I'm the guy--an elf.

Happy birthday.

- I have these. - Oh, really?

- They're, like, everywhere.

[laughs]

I see you coming.

It's Tinsley!

- Hi! I'm like, where do I go?

Hi. - How you doing?

- Oh, my God. Look at all the necklaces.

Hi, hi, hey. - Necklaces, everything.

- You look gorgeous. - Thank you.

How you doing? - Good to see you.

Good, hi. - How's your family?

Good? - All right, okay.

Just, yeah.

- Oh, okay, no, I--okay.

You're human, aren't you?

Or is it just-- [clicking noises]

[mimics robotic whirring]

Another beautiful dress.

- Dorinda! - What?

- Hi, darling. - Oh, look at you.

- Tinsley! - Here are flowers.

- Didn't we do a great job?

I'm wearing a Sonja Morgan, like, 1940s style--

I forgot to wear a fancy coat. - It's gorgeous.

- I had this at my hairdresser's.

- I like it.

- I should have worn my necklace by Luann.

- Sonja, do you need a necklace?

- I do. Oh, yeah, just this one.

That's the one she gave me.

We've been saying a lot of sh-- about Luann lately,

At least I could wear a necklace

to let her know I love her and support her.

Oh, that looks perfect. - Yeah, that's good.

- That's gorge.

[quirky music]

- I'm not used to wearing heels.

I was in flats the past three days.

I'm not used to wearing these high heels anywhere.

- You look gorgeous, though. - All right.

They just reopened this. It used to be a boutique.

I used to always come here as a boutique.

Dorinda and I have a great relationship.

We fight like sisters and make up like sisters,

and I really wanna show Dorinda and Sonja how much

I love them jointly.

And that's why I'm throwing a party for them both together.

After you, my loveliness. - Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Good evening, ladies.

- Good evening. - How are you?

- Just watch your step, please.

And you ladies are gonna be right in here.

- Um... - So you're gonna have--

- There's too many chairs.

We gotta get rid of these chairs.

- Sure. - I'm sorry.

- I love all the votives. - Okay.

- If you have more, I would love another eight.

'Cause I--I just love candles.

Where's the cakes?

- The cakes are with our chef right now.

- No, no. - You want them on the table?

- Yes. - Okay.

- I would love to have them on the table.

I know Dorinda is not gonna find out,

and Sonja knows.

We're having a party for you, okay?

So you're coming.

You blew it so, you know, I was like--

- I didn't blow it! - Yes, you did.

- But it's okay.

I invited just a really close-knit amount of people

so I wanted to make it really special and intimate.

Where's the bar set up?

Can we have, like, maybe, like--like, uh--

what do you call it?

Like, a bucket that has, like, the wines

so people can just help themselves?

- You mean like a champagne cart or something?

- Like--yeah, my friends like to drink a lot.

- Yeah, we can set that up.

- I'm really into the aesthetics,

so it was make the room look more festive,

and where are the balloons? I mean, come on.

Let's get this place going.

Let's make it look like a party.

I like it. Look, you have a cart.

- That's exactly what I was thinking.

- You got a cart! I...

- You wanna just put it right in front of the door, then?

- Sure. - Perfect.

- I like rolling this thing. - Do you want a job here?

- More often than not I have to step in and get it done.

Yeah, but that's just who I am. I'm sorry.

How are you? - I'm good, baby.

How you doing? - Good.

- How do we do the surprise with all this?

- Nothing. They just walk in and we say,

"It's a birthday party for you."

- How--how will we all hide and then they come

and then we jump out? - Oh, that's a good idea.

- Boom. - Yes.

- There's the food here.

Where's Ramon--where's-- - Taking this off again.

- We waiting for Ramona?

I mean, what are we doing?

Congregating here so we can wear her jewelry

and do Instagram for her?

Is she doing that fan thing to us again?

Make us wait? - Yes!

- Oh, my God, are we really?

- They're like, go stand by this--

- Show her jewelry and stand there?

- Go stand by her stateless-- statement necklaces.

- There's nothing worse than waiting for a cabaret star.

- Hi, girls. - I'm gonna be right back.

I'm going to check on Luann. I'll be right back.

Can we just get the show on the road

before we skip the show and hit the road?

- What about the front? Sonja-rita!

- Hello! Oh, my gosh.

- Hi, honey. How are you?

Look what my mother's got on. - Happy birthday, Mom!

- Hi, Noel. - Hi, how are you?

- Oh, my gosh. - Well, I'm getting--

I'm getting ready, my love. - Look, it's you!

- I have to go on stage, my sweet.

- How are you?

Yeah, but should I bring the girls in here?

- Well, who's out there? - Okay, Dorinda, Tinsley,

and Barbara.

Ramona of course isn't here yet.

- Okay, well, I don't think she's coming.

She texted me. She's not coming.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

- Not at all? - She said--no.

- Okay, so, good. - She said she had to go.

And where's Bethenny? Bethenny's not here?

- Oh, no. She really was very, very ill.

She was five minutes from death,

no bullsh--.

- Okay, so she's not going out tonight.

- This is typical Luann.

We're all here for her cabaret and her first question is,

"Is Bethenny here?"

The woman nearly died yesterday.

We all texted you. You were on the chain.

[sighs]

You are too much.

- Well, just tell them to come in here, then.

- Okay. - I'm sorry about Bambi.

- Oh, I know. - I'm so sorry.

- Thank you. I--no, no, no.

I know. It's just--a lot happened.

- I'm sorry I couldn't get my head around the freezing

and thawing thing.

I didn't even know you could do that.

Did you know you could freeze your dog

and then thaw it out and then do a viewing?

- No, no. I didn't know that.

- I mean, it so weird to even talk about this now,

just because also because it's, like--it's too fresh.

- I'm trying to, like, envision it.

I just, it's not--

- Is it a different texture when you thaw it out?

- I'm just sensing this really weird energy

from Dorinda right now.

Why are you making jokes about my dog?

- Let's go because Luann said she can't--has to be

in her dressing room.

Tinsley, come with the flowers, you and me.

Barbara, you're invited, too, to the dressing room.

- Oh, well gee, thanks, Sonja.

- Oh, my gosh. - Oh, my God.

- There she is. - Hi, girls.

- Whoo! - Hi!

- We made you flowers! - Oh, my God, here you are.

- Wow, thank you.

Wow, look at that.

- Noel, can you put these behind you?

- How are you?

- Anyway, Mary, um, I'm just gonna sit here

while you girls--we just have to finish my hair really qu--

I have to go on stage in ten minutes.

- Oh, my God! - Yeah.

- Well, you look good.

You could go on stage right now.

- These people don't realize. They have no idea.

- What's that? - They have no idea.

- I know, I know.

- I'm not dressed, my makeup's not done,

and I have to be mentally prepared.

Even at an elementary school play,

the parents are not backstage ten minutes before it's time

to go on.

So they need to get the (BLEEP) out.

Just do what you have to do 'cause we have to get dressed.

Well, they're gonna have to go. I lo--

I love you guys but I have to get on stage.

You know what I mean? I--

- And she has to do her work.

- I have to get on stage. I'm going--okay.

- I don't know why I spend the 30 minutes coming

all the way here to see Luann.

I mean, what--I don't even think she really

wanted us there, did she?

- Sorry we're missing it. - All right, you guys.

- I know.

- I'm going to my seat.

- Bye, girls.

[all speaking at once]

All right, I gotta get dressed, guys.

- Coming up...

- Tinsley, I feel you're hiding something.

- I am not hiding anything.

- No, you're still involved with Scott.

- Are you joking me right now?

- No, so Luann was like, "Girls, I can't."

She's still doing that thing.

"Nope, I gotta go on stage." Did you see?

- Yeah.

- And then she's like, "Okay, get out."

- You walk with me? - Yeah.

- Jesus. That was a craziness.

- She'd be mad if we didn't come.

- Right. - Right.

- Then we come and she doesn't want to see us.

"I'm getting ready.

Tell them to wait, all my fans."

We're like, "Well, no, we're not your fans.

You told us to stop by."

- She wants us just in the audience.

- She wants us to be part of the audience,

in cabaret and in her life.

- So, this is just her on stage?

- No, she has different acts come on.

- I don't think she can really ever hold the show by herself.

I mean, she, she can't really sing.

- Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Countess speaking.

Christmas has arrived.

[cheering]

Jingle bells, jingle bells

Jingle all the way

Oh what fun it is to ride

In a one horse open sleigh right

When I get out on stage and everybody's calling my name

and they're cheering, it just melts my heart.

I mean, my mother having seven children,

I didn't get much attention.

My dress was white and long

And designed just for me

And all the kids were cheering loud

Jovani, Jovani, Jovani! ♪

Well, I kept my promise.

I didn't use Dorinda's name, but she never mentioned Jovani.

Oh what fun it is to ride

In a one horse open sleigh

[cheering]

[upbeat music]

- Here we are, guys.

They--they're not here yet, are they?

'Cause I want the cakes to be out here.

This is not one of my huge bashes where I'm gonna invite

60 to 100 people.

Basically I invited six or seven of Dorinda's

and Sonja's good friends.

- Okay, I'm getting out.

- Okay, babe. Oh.

♪ ♪

- John, John, I need the cakes right away.

- I don't have the cakes.

- All right, go--go to the other room.

- What do I look like? The cake guy?

- Everyone go--okay, go here.

They're here. Go, go, go.

- They're here? - They're coming, yes.

Go, go, go, go. Go, go.

- How do you know they're here? - 'Cause I got the message.

Go, go. - Okay, everyone.

Everyone, everyone. Everyone in the room.

Come on, come on.

- Oh, look. Ramona.

- It's different.

- It's--oh, that's why she likes it.

Now it's called Ramona. - Fresh from the plaza.

Ramona's new place.

- Barbara really did ruin my surprise.

But I think I'm doing a very good job keeping the secret,

because it's also for Dorinda, this party.

Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick!

Gorgeous! Look how pretty!

All right. Okay, this is so good!

- That means everyone needs to be right here.

- Wow. - Hi.

- Hey, guys. - Oh, we got party--

[all speaking at once]

all: Surprise!

[cheering]

- It's your birthday! It's your birthday!

- Hello, cakes!

- Best day ever!

- [kisses] Happy--

Oh, my God.

God, Ramona, did something nice for me.

I think I finally got that it was a party for me

when I saw Hannah.

It's very sweet that she arranged this.

- Happy birthday. - Thank you!

It's so nice when Ramona actually invites my friends.

Whatever the motive Singer had for putting this party together

she pulled it off. And my friends are here.

So I give it to Ramona.

She threw a fabulous party for us.

I love you. - I love you!

- I love you.

- I gotta go say--see Ramona.

Oh! - Ramona made it nice.

- That is the sweetest thing ever!

- Oh, happy birthday. I love you.

- You know I don't really do anything for my birthday.

- I know, that's why I wanted to do something.

- And you got Hannah to come? - Yeah.

This is all worth it.

I mean, I don't care now about Barbara trying to spoil

the surprise for Sonja.

The look of shock and surprise and happiness

on Dorinda's face, it made me feel so good

both inside and out.

- Ramona, you outdid yourself. - Right?

- And you kept it a secret.

- Where can a girl get a drink around here?

- What do you want to drink?

- I actually loved Rio.

I did. I did.

I loved it so much I went back a second time.

[laughter]

- I'm pretty sure there is no one like our mom.

- Can we just quickly have a chat?

I feel like we haven't really talked since Miami.

- A nice chat. - You want me to stay or go?

- I'll stay.

You said you wanted to have a nice talk with Tinsley.

I told-- - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Is there, like--what's going on?

Why are you can I just talk-- no, can I just talk

to Dorinda on my own right now? - I will stay if you want.

- I don't think I need anybody to stay to talk to my friend.

- You don't need me, right? - No.

- Okay. - I wanted us to sit.

Something's off and I'm just sensing this weirdness

with her that I don't get.

I wasn't able to go to her aerobics thing

and maybe she's mad about that.

I don't know what's happening but I want this over with.

I just feel like--'cause I haven't seen you

since Miami, obviously, I mean besides now.

And I just--and a lot has changed.

Like, a lot happened to me and I feel like I haven't--

didn't get to go to the aerobics thing, whatever,

because I couldn't.

I mean, I was just completely and utterly distraught

about everything with Bambi 'cause to me it was

like my baby. I don't have a child.

Like, you guys are always talking about children.

Like, I don't--you know. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me just get this out straight.

I'm so sorry about what happened to Bambi.

But with that said, it's not just coming from me.

It's from the group.

There's something amiss.

I want this--it's a bigger picture thing for me.

- With what?

- Just, it--nothing tracks. It doesn't track.

You're still in the mix. - In the mix of what?

- And I--you're still in the mix with Scott.

- In the mix? - The hotel--

- Yes, and I'm taking care of that.

- You're still in communication.

I don't care--

- I'm not allowed to communicate

with my ex-boyfriend? Since when?

- You act like you're all broken up

and you're not talking. - We are broken up.

Fully.

Just because I still might be somewhat in communication

with him does not mean that we're back together.

I still talk to my ex-husband. That's just who I am.

And it's really my business. I can text who I want.

When I'm not blocked.

- Sonja, Sonja. - Oh, my God.

- You wanna come here with me? Sonja.

- Do not bring So--I mean, fine.

- Well, you have to bring Sonja.

I--I-- - This is so stupid.

I don't really know--it's fine. It's the truth.

- You are not honest.

- What is she talking about?

- Tinsley, I feel you're hiding something,

and you can do whatever you want to do,

but be forthright. - I am not hiding anything.

- No, you're still involved with Scott.

- This is ridiculous. I am not together with Scott.

- What about the Zimmerman $2,000 dresses

and the $10,000 bags? Who's buying those?

- Me! - From where?

- Are you joking me right now? - I couldn't buy those.

- Well, I'm sorry I don't have a kid.

Maybe that's where I put my money into.

My clothes are my child.

- You would have to make a hell of a lot of money

to be buying those kind of dresses.

- I'm not doing this now.

We're not talking about Scott anymore.

I am not dating Scott. I actually still do love him.

- We don't know if you're dating,

but there's an arrangement. - There's no arrangement!

- I'll go see if there's food.

- It feels like he owns you and your friends because--

- There's no arrangement.

Friends don't sit there and act like I'm lying to them

or being--have any conspiracy.

- You're being deceitful. - No, I'm not.

You guys have a gang-up mentality, okay?

- Maybe if you'd let us get to know us a little better,

we'd know more about your life.

- Yeah, that's not true, Dorinda.

- So we don't know. It seems all very mysterious.

- Okay, we're done.

This is the reason I don't talk to you guys so much,

because you just take everything and spin it

and it's not the truth.

This is crazy!

- Take it home, baby.

["Money Can't Buy You Class" playing]

[cheering]

Money can't buy you class money can't buy you class

Elegance is learned my friends

There's no way that their party was better than my party.

That's for sure.

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Happy holidays.

Thank you for spending it with me.

Love you, guys.

♪ ♪

- Coming up...

- Do you wanna hear the craziest thing ever?

When I was going to the emergency room,

I felt Dennis pulling at me.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, my God, you look like a sexy Santa wife.

- I'm Santa's little helper. - Look at you.

Oh, sh--, wait. Wait.

Oh, my God. Let me take this in.

Holy moly.

- I did, like, elegant whore, I guess.

Like a very lingerie inspired dress.

- Very good.

I actually think they kind of go together.

- I love it.

♪ ♪

- Oh. - Let's do this.

- You know what? Let's do this.

I am culminating on fumes.

Oh, Albi.

- You're better than yesterday.

- I--I seem better, right?

- Yeah, like 100 percent better.

There was total whiteness in you.

- That's good. Well, I also have makeup on.

- It's good.

- I'm excited to see everyone.

- After a tough week, huh?

- Near death experience will make you want

to see girlfriends, for real.

I'm, like, wanna--I'm dying to, like, hug everyone.

- [laughing]

- Do you wanna hear the craziest thing ever?

So, when I was going to the emergency room,

like, in the middle of all the craziness,

I felt Dennis pulling at me.

I didn't think it. I felt it.

I felt that he was pulling me.

Do you believe in things like that?

- Me? Yes.

Crazy. - But now I'm done with him.

- That's good. - I talk about him too much.

I--I bring him up. I bring up his sayings.

I bring up everything.

- You bring him up a lot. Every day.

- I'm done. It's over.

That--that is over. Let me be.

You go be where you are and I'm gonna stay here.

- Right.

- I'll always love Dennis. I talk about him.

I think about him every single day.

But he always wanted me to be happy ultimately.

He would always say to me, "You will find someone

"who will love you and treat you the way that you deserve

to be treated."

So it was some sort of closure with Dennis.

I'm not going with you.

- Very hot in here, huh?

- It's hard to be Mrs. Santa Claus.

- Right, right, right.

Now I get it. - You're very busy.

- I was thinking it's an easy job, but it's not.

Definitely. [honking]

- Santa, you just got flipped off.

- No respect. No respect.

But still, I love my people.

[holiday music]

♪ ♪

- So did you have fun last night?

- I--oh, Ramona, I swear to God,

I had zero idea.

- It made me so happy that you were so surprised.

[knocking] It made me so happy.

- Come in!

- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

What are you doing? You're crazy!

You're--you are certifiably nuts!

With Dorinda we can forget Santa's little helpers.

We have Santa's little hooker.

She's gonna be hooking tonight 'cause she looks hot in that.

What's happened to you?

When we dared you to have sexting with John,

you've gone really off the rails.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hi. - Good to see you.

- Happy holidays. - Oh, it smells good.

Hi, it smells good. - I know.

I have your candles everywhere.

- It's--oh, you have a candle here.

Oh, that's good. - Yeah, we put them--

And we have beautiful signature cocktails

with Bare Naked vodka. - Amazing.

That's the piñata?

- So we have it rigged here, and when it's time

we're just gonna pulley it down and--

- Okay, and when are the sexy Santas coming?

- Well, they're gonna come through here through this door.

We're gonna close the door once everyone's in the room.

And then we're gonna have them--

- Stop the music or something? - Stop the music,

pull the tables back discretely,

have them come and do the show.

- Here's the thing about the party that I throw.

I don't have a bunch of married old ladies here.

This is a group who comes to play.

- Oh. Hello.

Yes! My kinda gal!

[both speaking at once]

- Oh. - Be careful.

Don't hurt her. - You look great.

- Thank you. So do you.

I'm glad you're here.

- I haven't seen everybody here since what happened

to me happened.

I mean, things are so fleeting, I just wanna connect.

Cheers. - Cheers.

- Now, that I like. - Cheers.

I'm good.

I'm gonna go to Palm Beach on the 27th.

And wait. And Mario invited me to go

to Boca to a New Year's Eve party.

- Oh, my God. - [laughing]

- I don't even know why Ramona's still engaging

with Mario at this level. They're just co--

They're not even co-parenting anymore.

The girl's--what-- 24 years old.

So I just don't get it.

- But you're happy? - Yeah.

You know, Avery's in a good place.

I'm in a good place.

Thank God you're finally in a good place.

'Cause you gave us--oh, real scary.

You know, scary sh--, baby.

No, seriously. - I know.

I'm gonna cry. Don't make me cry.

- No, no, seriously. Really scary sh--.

- I know, I know, I know. - It was really scary sh--.

It's nice for Bethenny and I to be in a good place.

I mean, we get in a good place, we go to a bad place.

Right now we're in a good place so I hope it stays

this way for a while.

For almost being dead, you look really good.

- Yeah, I know.

- Yeah, you're on your death bed.

- Death becomes her. - Yes!

- Death becomes you. - Yeah, death becomes you.

[all speaking at once]

- You love that chicken--look, oh!

Chicken and oysters! My two favorite things.

- Oh! - This is for you.

- This is so good. - Oh, shuck it to me.

[all speaking at once]

- So I have cocktail sauce, champagne mignonette, Tobasco.

- Champagne mignonette. - You got it.

- Isn't it fun? - How do you do this, Bethenny?

- I'm just gonna suck it right out of there.

- Well... - Well.

- I'm sure you've had practice.

[all speaking at once]

- Mmm. - If there's anything left.

- Oh, my God, they're--they're so fresh and--I just--

I picture her, like, on someone's vagina.

- You know, an oyster, you just suck it right up.

- That's the way Ramona likes her oysters

and some other things.

- Mmm. - Oh, yes.

- These are fresh!

- Let me see how you suck it off.

- Suck it off, Sonja.

[quirky music]

You're very delicate in your sucking off.

- Just keep going. - And the same for you?

- Yes, for me, too. - I smell it first, always.

Very good. - That's kinda gross.

- If it doesn't smell good, I don't suck it.

- Oh, God. - Oh, Sonja!

- Sonja. - That's a great look.

- Just saying that's my advice when you're with Harry

next time you see him.

- Coming up...

- Happy holidays! - Shut up!

- Let's go. Let's get into it.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

- I've never seen a stripper before.

- How was your surprise party?

'Cause I was worried I was gonna say s--did you guys know?

- No. - No.

Till Barbara ruined it for me.

- Not at all.

- Barbara had the audacity after I invited her

and told her everything to go over to Sonja

and make Sonja feel guilty.

"Sonja, you can't go to Ramona's at 8:15.

You have to stay there for Luann and watch the show."

- Right, know that that-- - And then--

- I almost did.

- Oh, knowing that you were the guest of honor.

- She didn't know. - No, I would have missed it.

- So then Sonja-- - I didn't know!

- Oh! - See?

- I didn't-- - That's--

- She had to tell me. - Oh, that sucks that--

- So I knew the surprise. - That ----ing sucks.

Poor Sonja.

Can't even get a surprise party.

It's like ruining a 12-year-old's surprise party.

That makes me sad.

- I have a plan. - Okay, what's the plan?

- So last night somebody spoiled Sonja's

surprise birthday party, so the first guy that

comes in has to come in with a cake

maybe with some sparklers or something.

So let him come in and say, "Happy birthday, Sonja,"

or something. - Okay.

- Something--make it about Sonja.

- All right, we'll make it--

- Surprise, happy birthday, Sonja, okay?

All right.

- And then we go to see Luann and we go all the way down

to Gramercy. It's, like, 45 minutes.

So we come and she's like, "I really can't do this.

I have to get ready for a show."

I was like, "I thought that's what we were doing!"

- What?

- She's selling candles with her face on it.

Those holy candles.

- She has holy candles with her face on it?

- What do you mean?

Holy is holy. It's sacrilegious.

- That's what I've heard.

- So you know those two candles that I light for you guys?

- I used them to pray to God! - Yeah.

- No, you pray to Luann! - I pray to Luann!

- Because she's holding candles with her face on it.

- She's gonna be, like, not look at what the--

- She's God, ladies. - That's not good.

- We have a bona fide diva in our group.

- Come on!

So, yeah, this is ridiculous.

What is she, Joan of Arc?

- Well, she ain't the Virgin Mary.

That much I can tell ya.

- Dear God, just deliver us from Luann.

[giggling]

Luann has just arrived, so I'm coming back.

- Luann's back. - Okay.

- Let's see what she says: darling, darling.

- Luann has arrived. Can we prepare ourselves?

Ba-ba-ba-ba! Da-da-da-da-da!

- Hi. - How'd it go last night?

- It went great. It went great. - Good.

- Thank you for coming to say hi.

- Absolutely, you look great.

- Hi. - That looks so good!

- I love--it looks great.

- Don't you love it? - I love it.

It's gonna get all over you, though.

Be careful because you're wearing black.

- Does it shed? - Yes.

- It didn't stop me in it, though.

- You look so cute. You look--you look good.

- That's what they said. I feel better.

- You look good. You look healthy.

She looks pretty damn hot

for somebody that almost died.

So this is fun. - Yeah.

What happened to you, missy, last night?

- You know, I didn't prepare the surprise party.

- I know, I got your text.

I'm sending you air kisses.

- That was fun. - I heard--

I heard you kept him out of the room.

- I did. - She couldn't wait for us

to leave.

- No, because I had 500 people

and an audience to go on stage, and I had ten minutes.

It was nice that they came,

but I couldn't sit for half an hour.

I had to get my makeup and hair done.

- Well, I know, but I'm saying I'm hearing it...

- I have to gather myself and get out there.

- But I would've been pissed if I went there for, like,

15, 20 minutes.

- It was just to say hi. I mean, listen,

before a show, you come and say hello.

That's, that's, you know-- sorry, that's--

that's show business.

Don't roll your eyes at me.

Whether you like it or not,

that is showbiz, girls.

Ask anybody in this town, and they will tell you.

- So, Luann, are you like the Virgin Mary now?

This is kind of... - Oh, my God!

- That looks sacrilegious.

That looks like a religious candle.

- She's very Catholic. - It is.

You don't like it? Don't buy one.

- I don't know, Luann.

- In any case, you didn't come to the show.

So you don't have to worry about it.

Now Ramona's gonna school me on religious morality?

Give me a break, Ramona.

I mean, please.

- Hi.

- Hi. - Hi, hi. How are you?

Hi, how are you?

I need some wine.

Of course I need wine.

Hi. Hi.

After last night, God knows with these women

what's gonna happen.

- Where's Barbara? What the hell?

- I don't know. Where's Barbara?

- She's never here to bond

or to contribute to the conversation.

- You, me, Tinsley, and Dorinda,

we're a different-- different breed of girls.

- Speaking about you-me... - Oh, God, here we go.

- No, I'm just-- all I'm saying is

I mean, I left 'cause I just couldn't take anymore.

It was a big gang-up.

I mean, that was a lot.

- Our intention wasn't a gang-up.

Seriously wasn't.

- What was it?

- I just--I just don't like some things you're withholding.

That's all. - I say everything.

I've shared everything I could possibly share.

- Okay.

- I mean, I really, really, really mean that.

- Like, when you were staying

at the townhouse, you didn't say,

"I'm going to Oscar Blandi today to get my hair done."

Or, "I'm going to brunch with my mom."

- I'm sorry, do you want to know what I had

for breakfast today?

And this is maybe my second glass of wine.

- Or do you wax your-- do you wax your mustache?

Do you get Botox? - Yeah, we like that.

I don't really know what to believe at this point.

I really don't. And to tell you the truth,

I don't really care.

I just want Tinsley to be happy.

Ooh, what are those?

- I will have one of these. - Oh, my God, s'mores!

- Thank you. - You don't eat that, do you?

- Oh, yes, I do. - You eat everything, girl.

I know that about you. I know that about you.

You do eat anything. - I like s'mores.

- I dressed as a s'more. I'm gonna skip the s'mores.

- Not sch'mores, s'mores.

- Hi, ladies. - There you are!

Where the hell have you been? - What do you mean?

- Working?! - Yes.

- Ugh! - Working.

Hi, how are you? There's the star. Mwah.

- Thank you.

- Can I get a vodka soda with lime?

Oh, what--oh, that's mine. - That's your drink.

I love you.

Let's just--there's no point in talking about--

- Yeah. - Let's just make a rule.

Like, a pact. Let's not talk about Scott.

- Yeah. - I don't give a sh--.

I broke up with Scott. We're not together.

So there's no point in having--

our fights should not be about

anything to do with Scott, 'cause that's what happens.

- It should be about other things.

- Yeah. If we're gonna ----ing fight, bitch,

we're gonna throw down another way,

but we're not doing it about Scott.

I mean, I broke up with Scott. Let's not talk about Scott.

- Quite frankly, I'll speak of anything I want to.

But okay, I promise I'll never talk about Scott again.

Pinkie swear. I mean, how stupid.

- I don't want to talk about it.

- Okay, let's do it.

- I don't want to talk about it.

- Then let's not do it. Let's not talk about it.

- Friends don't do that.

A girl doesn't need to be treated...

- That's not what you should be asking me.

You should be saying,

"I want to work on our friendship.

I don't know why you said that."

I'd like it better if she just said, "You know what?

(BLEEP) you, don't talk about him anymore."

That--impressive.

But this is weak.

- Give me a shot!

Stop talking about Scott shots! - I want a hug.

- You okay, baby? - You know what's so funny?

- I was going to come over and ask you for one.

- Really? Aww.

- I just told her how much you care for her.

- You drive me ----ing crazy. - I know.

- You drive me so ----ing crazy.

- Why? - Oh, my God, because you're,

'cause you're....

'cause you're in-----ing-sufferable

sometimes!

- I care about the women.

I've heard what they have to say to me.

But you know what? Life is a cabaret.

And it's my cabaret, and I'm living it.

But I love you. - I love you. I know you do.

I have a surprise for Sonja, so hold on.

- Oh. - All right.

Now it's time.

- Coming up...

[crowd shouting]

- Careful!

- All right, ladies. Who's ready to have some fun?

Everybody? All right, ladies?

- Not the piñata again.

- This is for doing...

[crowd shouting]

To beat the sh-- out of this guy.

[overlapping shouting]

There's a couple of surprises in store.

Beat the sh-- out of him.

- Well, it has to come down lower.

But why can't I look at what I'm beating?

I want to go for, like, sh--.

He's getting all this. He's getting all this.

- Stop hitting his balls!

[overlapping shouting]

- This is very therapeutic.

- Beat him, yes!

- You're taking his head off!

I am so ready to beat the sh-- out of this piñata.

- Beat the (BLEEP) out of him!

- I mean, after last night, I'm just so happy

I don't have to do it to one of these girls.

- Where's your sword? Here you go.

- Okay, Son.

Sonja, hit the head.

- Go get him! [all shouting]

- Whoo!

- [screams]

- The sun doesn't shine until we've seen Sonja's ass.

- Rip his dick off, Sonja!

- Wait. Wait. Rip his dick...

- Sex toys! Sex toys!

- Vibrator! A vibrator!

- I mean, the desperation

in all of us wanting a sex toy is amazing.

- I want a vibrator.

- Just for a couple condoms?

Sure, throw 'em in Sonja's purse.

Why not?

One less venereal disease running around, perfect.

Sonja!

You got your surprise spoiled. - I know, I know.

- I have another surprise for you.

- I want that red drink.

- Cheers.

- Happy birthday, Sonja! Surprise!

- Oh, my God.

- What?! - Really?

all: ♪ Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear Sonja

Happy birthday to you

[all cheering]

- Glad we didn't mess up this one.

- I love you, Bethenny. Thank you.

- No one else does.

- I never in a million years would imagine

that Bethenny would have this cake for me.

- Happy birthday. - Oh, my God.

- Whoa. - You smell good.

- Where'd you come from? Little elf?

- Uh-oh. Who's he?

Who's he?

[all shouting]

- Happy holidays! - Shut up!

- Let's get into it. - Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- I've never seen a stripper before.

- Look at that.

- If there's ever such a thing

as a Christmas miracle. it's these boys.

That's the icing on the cake.

- All right, well, we can touch 'em.

- Get some pictures!

- Oh, wow. This is the one you like, Sonja.

Oh, wow.

[laughing]

- Sonja, [indistinct].

- I'm really not a stripper type of gal.

But I'm in a place right now

that I want to enjoy the moment.

When in Rome, do as in Rome.

[laughter]

[smooth music]

♪ ♪

- I mean, this guy is buff,

but he could use a little fluff.

I couldn't be happier right now.

My house is rented. My apartment is a jewel.

My creative juices are flowing.

[all screaming]

- Merry Christmas!

- Oh, my God! - Oh, wow!

- Somebody's got Bethenny's blood pressure up!

- It was a crazy year.

All this has taught me a great lesson

to really take care of myself emotionally and physically.

And I'm going to live every day as if it's my last.

♪ ♪

- Sh--. - Oh, no, careful.

And turns out today might be my last.

- Oh.

- You okay?

♪ ♪

- Hi. - Hi.

- [indistinct] - No, no, no, hi.

I'm just saying hi. No, I'm okay. These--yeah.

I do believe that 2019's gonna be my year.

Just wish everybody would just let me live

the life that I want to live.

It's my life, so back off.

Thank you.

♪ ♪

- Baby...

- Oh! - I brought--mwah.

How you doing? - Mmm, how you doing?

- Let me see you.

- The guy [indistinct]

I'm not the right person for this.

I said, "My husband's here," and I grabbed you.

- Husband?

♪ ♪

- Can I dance with you?

- Ah-ha-ha!

I've heard what the girls have had to say,

and you know, the women like to knock my cabaret show,

but I've found a purpose in life.

They just need to let me

do what makes me happy,

because it's not going anywhere.

It's just getting bigger and bigger.

And guess what, I'm gonna ride that wave

as long as I possibly can.

♪ ♪

Well, let's do a picture. - Where do we look?

- Okay, pinhead in the corner.

- [laughs]

- Aww. - That's cute.

- Next time on "The Real Housewives

Of New York City" reunion...

- I don't know if she's still with Scott.

- I'm sorry, I deserve a ----ing Emmy

if that's the case.

- You made yourself look bad.

- I didn't want a sh-- show.

- When you talk loud,

you sound like a moron.

- You're not Adele, Luann.

- Take that and shove it up your ass. How's that?

- [imitating Luann] How dare you

put me in the fish room?!

Ohhh!

- How can you tell my friends

that you're trying to break into society

as you're reaching your 70s?

[all cheering]

- Seen a lot at a reunion. I never seen that.

- You don't live in New York. Let's just not get it twisted.

- It doesn't matter. - It does matter.

- You have to talk about your comment

about Dennis being on drugs. - Oh, gosh, that's terrible.

- As you know, I slipped. - When did you slip?

- You failed yourself. - Give me a break.

- I'm not gonna give you a ----ing break.

- You'll all attack me later.

Get on your boxing gloves, it's fine.

- Where are you going? - I'm gonna pee. Two seconds.

- What? - Sit down.

- For more on the Real Housewives,

go to bravotv.com.

The Description of Jesus, The Countess and Joseph