Molly: I head you had a doozy of a delivery, Hester!
Laurel: Oh, it wasn't that bad.
Nothing like the old days!
Megan: Is it true you had a real doctor?
Laurel: Not quite.
When my time drew nigh I sent Jebediah to fetch the doctor, but he got stuck in that
blizzard for 3 days.
So I just laid on the floor of our log cabin and pushed for 42 hours, fainting many times
before young Edward arrived.
I cut the umbilical cord with a scythe, and besides a raging infection that will likely
kill me, all is well!
Megan & Molly: Awwwww!
Megan: Say, I hear your delivery was pretty spiffy, Barb!
Molly: Sure was!
I delivered in a hospital!
Laurel: Nice going!
Thank goodness we're through giving birth at home!
Molly: Holy mackerel, you don't say!
Donald even participated!
Megan: Donald your husband?
Molly: That's right!
He came to the hospital and waited in the smoking lounge while Dr. Evans strapped
me down and gave me the gas.
Then 6 hours later I woke up, and 4 days later I got to hold tiny Linda for the first time!
Laurel: Isn't that the cat's meow!
Molly: I'll say!
Molly: How was your birth, girl?
Laurel: Amazing. We did it at home.
Megan: Oh, cool. Hospitals are so nasty!
Laurel: Right? My doula, midwife, husband, and I created a 5 page birth plan:
No drugs. Water birth. We had the Hamilton soundtrack on the playlist.
And at the last second we decided to stream it on Facebook Live.
Molly: Oh, duh, of course! I watched the whole thing with my co-workers!
Megan: Me too!
My favorite part was when you rushed to the hospital for the emergency C-section.
Laurel: Right? Hashtag YOLO!
Laurel: You can do it, @M29!
Molly: Just one more push!
Megan: (grunting sounds) Ah!
Laurel & Molly: Awwwww!
Molly: Ew. Could you change the eye color to violet?
Megan: Oh yeah. Totally.
Laurel: So much better!
Megan: You guys, giving birth virtually is the best!
Can you believe women ever did this for real??
Molly: How primitive.
Megan: You guys want some virtual placenta?
It's bacon flavored.
Molly & Laurel: Oooh, yeah! Mmm-mmmm.